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    1. Parser 10 yrs ago

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Look, guys, I'm gonna be straight with you: I've been having some issues with work and school and shit and I just don't think I'm gonna be able to do this proper and you know honestly I'd just rather end this before it goes rapidly downhill (which it will, trust me).
I'm sorry, and I hope you all enjoyed it for a bit but honestly I don't think I'm gonna be capable of running this well so you know.
I dunno.
Sorry.
The Most Excellent Ricardo Ramirez was probably going to live (good for him he got that emergency bloodflow restrictor installed) but he was probably going to be comatose for a good while. Also, Ash had heard a bit about Eleri being arrested for something or another but otherwise no not really he didn't know who these people were.
No backsies.
Yeti awoke, stood, and got his bearings. He appeared to be standing in a completely level field filled with aircraft of all shapes and sizes - some sort of "plane field". Kind of an odd starting area, but didn't seem like a very competently-programmed game either, so it wouldn't surprise him if he had spawned in the wrong place.
"HURR URR URR.", he called out as he looked to the pillar of light, "HROO HURR HURR URR?"
Alright so right okay I got them down it's kinda crap and it's late I know anyways though:
Eleri will be primarily infiltrating a prison and you'll probably end up fighting some guards or something most likely because something always goes wrong.
Damian will be mostly negotiating with various terrible people who are vying for control of a warzone and possibly do some sabotage and assassination work.
Igor will be mostly running for your life as a homicidal maniac hunts you down in an abandoned subway system and trying not to get killed.
Feel free to choose which one you want to do first.
The safe sprung open, revealing a pile of old documents. Upon closer examination, it seemed to be information pertaining to the last group ENKI had worked with- further reading showed that each of them (three in total) was given a satellite uplink which, together, could be used to triangulate ENKI's position.
In order, they were:
Eleri T. Vaughan
Damian H. Van Laar
Igor R. Filipov
Real life character
Name: Yeti
Bio: He is a reclusive Tibetan hermit, his face known only to a select few- most people only see the long, shaggy hair that covers his body from head to toe, the result of family genetics. He is effectively mute, his oddly-stuctured vocal cords only allowing him to communicate in guttural grunts and hoots. his is a sad and lonely existence, and he seeks human contact by playing video games and shitposting on cryptozoology forums.
In game char
Name: SKUNK_APE
Class: Sasquatch
Starter Weapon: Fist
Secondary Weapon: Big Rock
Skills: He has the powers of moving really fast, hitting really hard, being really tough, and leaping tall buildings in a single bound. He is, however, severely limited in terms of equipment, and has poor ranged capabilities.
Element: Boron
Tanya shouted from the sidelines, safely out of the way of the laser. "Alright, M-23! Overdrive 108 authorized!"
"CONFIRM."
"FINISH HIM!"
"AFFIRMATIVE."
M-23's back opened and unfolded, venting steam and exposing the giant glowing red weak point built into the robot's chassis.
"CHARGING."
The machine's hands locked together and glowed a bright orange, vanes splitting into what looked, at a distance, to be a hundred narrow arms.
"SHIVA HAMMER"
M-23 brought its hands down with the force of The Destroyer himself.
"EXECUTE."
Guys you already solved the puzzle. The hint was supposed to be sixteen bits (65,535) thus programmer but then you guys bypassed the puzzle via safecracking you can just open the box and you can get to the macguffins that you have to get to do the thing so you can find the man so you can do whatever.
16b... 16b... well, there was one thing. A fuzzy memory of his, from when he had first joined the triad- he'd been the driver, job wasn't anything special, just killing a guy who was working for... the Black Turtle Triad? Pretty sure that was it, yeah. Guy's apartment number was 16-b, a computer programmer.
Well, the apartment building had been demolished two years ago, so that was out. Perhaps one of his fellow Steelheads would know?
__________
It was a simple enough task to crack the safe, the cheap tumbler giving giving a ever-so-faint *click* with each correct digit.
6...
*click*
5...
*click*
5...
*click*
3...
*click*
5...
Open. She recognized it, a number that just about any programmer worth their salt would know by heart: 2^16-1
Sixteen bits.
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