TShara

The Rebel Vampire

Joseph managed to negotiate Orion down by about 10% of his original asking cost, offering him a trade deal involving a similar discount on some of Alexi's more expensive products. In the end, he calculated that the money saved on this slave would outweigh the pittance lost on the control devices. Furthermore, Williams' use of some of Alexi's newer models would serve as advertising. For a few minutes, he was almost completely removed from his role as a slave, acting skillfully as Alexi's agent and negotiator, and earning him a much better price than he would have gotten had the M'Tinak had ever been put up for open auction. But it still made him sick to his stomach to discuss buying a beautiful sentient creature while standing a mere few meters from his cage. Still, as usual, he concealed his feelings on the matter and closed the deal with a shake of Orion's hand.

“Please send the contract to Master Alexi. I have no doubt that he will sign it with no complaint. As far as the creature, please deliver him to Master Vandros' usual pick up area. And I will, of course, relay your request for a meeting. Is there anything else?” he asked politely, resisting the urge to sprint away and shower off the slimy feel from what he was doing. He wondered just how Master Alexi managed to deal with these kinds of people on a regular basis.

~*~*~

Erik turned away slightly, not wanting to intrude on Alexi's privacy. He had no idea how to begin, but he did feel partially responsible for the human's pain. A better man than him would probably tell the lord of the house that he had proven himself, and that he did not need to make himself suffer anymore with another dose. But in his heart, the vampire rebel knew full well that he could not be that trusting of anyone, much less a human slave owner who still held him captive.

Nevertheless, he pulled up a rolling desk chair and sat down next to the bed.

“Joseph asked me to help you with this. But I don't really know how to,” he announced gruffly, meeting Alexi's pained eyes. “I know the things that work for me, but that's about it. Do you think this will be a little more tolerable in the second dose? I'm not as angry at you now. Not since... not since I started to actually believe you. I don't know what this is doing to me, but I know it's not a breaking,” he explained, looking slightly away from the human. For all his detached airs, he hated watching anyone suffer, even a man whom he had despised only 48 hours ago.

The Rebel Vampire

Okay, added you. Until I get internet set up for my apartment, and can actually use my windows PC again, temporarily kidnapping my grandmother's laptop will have to do.

The Rebel Vampire

Problem: Skype on Linux is fail... :-C I suppose I'll use another computer. I really should do more with VMs, but that's a problem for another day.

The Rebel Vampire

Ahh, when I think of skype I think of video or at least audio chat.

I can deal with Skype. I have it, the problem is that I don't use it enough to remember my password. Let me recover it for the thousandth time and then I'll continue our conversation there.

What's your Skype name? You can PM it to me if you like and don't want it public.

The Rebel Vampire

No, it was sweet. And I'm not serious. I like living too much to die. I just feel like my family is too wrapped up in their own problems to care about me right now.

ADHD makes it very difficult to keep up with everything. Bureaucratic stuff, meetings, keeping up with the daily issues, that's the kind of thing that's the most difficult for me.

Yeah, exactly. I didn't mean to use the word "cure." It was accidental. As I've stated, I know that there isn't a solution where you can say, "I'm cured." I just mistyped.

I'd rather talk over PM for now. It's often easier for me to organize my thoughts when typing than when speaking. And I'd rather keep this more private and separate from our OOC from here on out. So I'll start a PM.

The Rebel Vampire

In my mind, the value of the temporary relief is the ability to keep living your life without killing yourself now. Or, more likely, than losing your job because the crazy in your head makes it too difficult. What I'm saying is that many people who do this stuff are basically doing it so that they CAN go to work next day.

Also, while I know alcohol is a depressant, I've found that I've gone from being tired to having more energy when I drank some. I thought it was incredibly weird at the time. Granted, my anecdote has nothing to do with statistical evidence, just thought I'd point it out. As you know, no drug works the same for everyone. That being said, I can't guess what the longterm effects would be for me

I'm glad your friend was cured. It's always good to hear that someone had a successful story. And I'm glad that you've found stuff that works for you as well.

But I've had my issues going on at least a decade. I've been in and out of the mental health system since I was 13, and I'm 22 now. And never has anything really worked for me. My life is still a mess and I'm barely managing it with a minimal workload.

I guess in my mind, if I did it, I'd be getting the cheapest vodka and orange juice and therefore, in the beginning, not spending that much. I'd do just about anything to be able to actually deal with my life without nearly shutting down. But again, I can't afford it anyway, so it's kind of a moot point.

And I do see what you're saying about the added tolerance and the fact that its totally unhealthy. I never said I thought it was a GOOD idea. I just said that I understood why people did it. The ability to live and be a functional member of society in the short term is often worth a few years off of the end of your life, in their minds. I'm not saying it actually is worth that. I'm saying that that's how it seems.

I don't hate you for telling me how dangerous the whole thing is. And I appreciate your offer of help. Honestly, it has been feeling like I would have to attempt suicide before anyone actually gave a damn. Not that I would.

The Rebel Vampire

I am very glad that you have learned to control your anger. But I still maintain there are some things that are offensive and should not be said by someone who wants to maintain polite friendships. I dont say the worst of those things, but I do blurt out a lot.

As far as the alcohol thing, what you're not seeing is that for some people, its not about logic, and it's not about what will kill them later. It's about what makes their lives seem livable now. People dont smoke, or drink, or do drugs because they think “Oh, this is going to be so healthy...” They do it because it's the only thing that makes life seem tolerable. Granted, I don't do those things. My vices are more eating too much and avoiding my problems via video games and the Internet. But I know full well that the only thing stopping me from getting drunk once a week out of frustration and stress is that I can't afford vodka, and cheap beer makes me sick.

I saw people at Tech that I KNOW were self-medicating. I knew a guy who studied constantly all week, and then on the weekend he was drunk or passed out from Friday afternoon to Sunday night. Most of the fraternity parties were just people sitting around drinking as well. He was an extreme case, but I doubt he was the only one who was doing it to deal with school stress.

But the thing is, many many people can't get help. I could write an essay on my experiences with the mental health system, going beyond even an ability to pay. Most counseling appointments are around 150 a pop, and want to talk about non-generic meds? Ahahahahaa... funny. If I hadn't had insurance at the time, I would have been paying 400 a month for one of my medications. Thankfully, the others were generics. Now that I don't have insurance, I can't even begin to afford it. Sorry, but at that point, alcohol is cheaper. Now, that's not counting the medical costs of liver disease later, but that's not going into most people's equations, because the idea is to get through the day now.

Maybe less people would have to turn to those vices if this country would get its head out of its ass on healthcare costs and the clusterfuck that is the medical system, to say nothing of the social stigma that comes with mental health issues. But since that's not going to happen, I'm just trying to point out that there is another side to it.

As a psychologist, you probably already know all of this, which is why it's hard for me to understand how you can be judgmental about it. I'm not offended or angry, just confused.

~~

Apart from that, I dont see a problem with social drinking. It helps with social anxiety, and personally, I enjoy having a social excuse for my lack of inhibitions. Every time I've been seriously intoxicated, I've had a good time and haven't done anything dangerous or stupid. I also haven't gone overboard, never had a hangover, and I do remember the experience. The only time I really actually drink enough to even get drunk is at Defcon, because the alcohol is cheap or free, and it's socially acceptable. Besides, Thomas dragged me there two years in a row even though I don't have the background to understand the panels going on, so I just spend the time partying and drinking, like half the crowd does anyway.

I appreciate the offer of help. I'll keep it in mind. But I dont want you to feel like you need to essentially do your job on your off hours.

Edit because I thought of something else later: Also, you talk about them spending less money and getting better... but, as you know, that doesn't exist for most mental illnesses. There's no "better." There's "let me play Russian roulette with my brain for a few years, spend thousands on medical costs for counseling and meds, and maybe, just maybe, my life MIGHT improve by a few centimeters."

The Rebel Vampire

I dont know, I can be pretty offensive on accident. Words and ideas pop ot of my mouth before the tact filter switches on. So im trying to watch that.

I like cooking with other people, but alone its just boring.

Still, I BOW TO NO ONE!! (Except the landlord i suppose....)

First of all, I havent done it yet, so don't judge yet. Secondly, they are 18 to 20, and he drinking age really should be 18 or 19 like in most other countries. So i dont really care if they drink. Thirdly, im curious as to what youhave against alcohol? Its basically just a legal drug. Too many people use it to self-medicate, and thats fucked up, but considering how expensive legit medical help can be, i cant fault them for doing what it takes to get through their lives, so long as they dont harm anyone else in the process. If i could afford alcohol I would probably drink mostly to deal with stress myself.

I couldnt find a napkin to squish the roach in so i threw it out the door.

Ethan might learn to enjoy it, but hes had to be very self-sufficient. It wouldnt be easy for him to accept a protector in the long term. Its too much of an unequal relationship.

The Rebel Vampire

Fortunately, they say they keep things clean, and so far that seems to be true. If they don't want to cook, that's on them really. I don't cook much, but I do poach some eggs or boil pasta, and when I have a crockpot and time to buy good vegetables, I make thick soups in the crockpot. I don't need much, but having no utensils at all is disconcerting. Hopefully things will go okay, they seem to want to really be friends and hang out, which I'm... fine with I think? I like having new friends, but i'm also afraid of embarrassing myself and/or pissing them off, and I really have nothing in common with them. So we shall see.

I don't like cooking, but it is necessary to feed myself in any kind of cheap and somewhat healthy way.

Step 4 is an awesome step. :-P Your house sounds fun.

On the other hand, I dislike having other people in charge, so I don't know. Last time I lived on my own it was just me and my boyfriend, so we had a pretty equal partnership with it. This time there are 3 others, and we all rent by the room for the same price. I'm the oldest and the only one over 21. Also, I don't mind touching/killing roaches, and I tutor math which I've taken to higher classes than they have. So if they want someone to buy booze, kill bugs, and help with their math homework, they had better be nice? :-P

Ethan's his name... and Yu will find out quickly that he doesn't like to be coddled. Take him out of the bullying situation and he's actually quite intelligent and independent. As far as the abuse, he takes it due to a combination of learned helplessness and the fact that it is actually a pretty difficult situation. It's him against usually more than one other person where they are all genetically designed to be stronger and faster. If he fights back and wins, they will get more people or he will be the one arrested. It's happened before. So he's finally given up. It's easier just to take the abuse and move on.

The Rebel Vampire

Move-in challenges are having to be handled one leap at a time.. Argh.

My roommates literally do not cook at all. I could not even find a can opener, or a pot or pan. They eatout, use tv dinners, or get pizza. So I have to get all that stuff myself. Then there's sheets, trashbags, soap, deodorants, etc... and all these little things that despite my long list I probably won't get to today or Thursday. Then I have a make up test tomorrow at 3 pm, and a big quiz Thursday.

And the internet connection is messed up, so that's just another problem to deal with.

By the time I'm moved in, it will be time to move out...

Yu is lovely. I can't wait to work with him again.