Adam's cryptic answer to her question, plus the way he glanced about, had MacKensie puzzled. It almost felt conspiratorial. MacKensie had been raised a little out of her melancholy just by this alone, as Adam told her that they should discuss everything in a more private location.
Does he know something? was her first thought, as the Druid led her down the stairs.
What's this about his family? Outside into the crisp air they went and then even further into a nearby back alley. Of course, this was Adam, so she did not feel in danger, but her curiosity was certainly piqued, to put it lightly. She sat down, crossed one leg over the other and held her elbows, ready to be let in on the mystery.
“First, you are a wonderful person..." Immediately she looked down at her knees, a light blush staining her cheeks, finding it difficult to hold that red gaze with the way he was looking at her. It was nice of him to say such things, to reassure her that her contributions were not for nothing and also that, "...You mean a lot to me.”
"I..." How terrible she was at this. Even had the sentiment not come with the baggage of her guilt for having feelings for two men at once, she would likely be just as awkward, so very inexperienced in this kind of thing.
"You mean a lot to me too, Adam," she replied, managing the strength to look back up at him. She smiled when she saw that he was blushing bright red too. It seemed that they were both not the best in this department, which MacKensie saw the funny side of and also found a warm comfort of familiarity in.
“Anyway, that history.” The tone shifted as Adam went on to tell her about the awful family tragedy that this ordeal had reminded him of. MacKensie's face was full of sorrow and pity, her blue eyes glued to Adam's side-on profile as she listened. Her hope that some kind of rehabilitation for Adam's uncle was going to end the tale, only created a harsh stab of pain in her heart when the reality of PTSD and war came in it's most terrible form: Suicide.
"Oh my," she breathed.
"Adam, I am so very sorry to hear this." Her anti-war politics and tarnished personal principles - even her guilt for slitting the throat of an unaware human being - it was all nothing compared to this. And there she had been, on the mezzanine complaining to a young man who was connected to the horrors of war so much more powerfully - not by lip-service principle but actual personal familial connection - and by such tragedy. She felt terrible, but moreover she sought to redeem her self-centeredness and be there for her friend in this moment. She placed a hand on his forearm.
"It must be so hard for you - all of this."He looked at her, conviction in his voice when he asserted that this war was different. She nodded along.
"Yes," she agreed.
"Of course." She did not quite feel his conviction on the matter but she understood his point of view. For her, it was more like her choice was that of which lane to drive in on a highway - a highway that had already been constructed and a one which she had no map for, in a world she had no knowledge of. She did not feel special. She felt blind and forced to kill or be killed. But anyway, it didn't matter. With such a tender subject as a family member's suicide on Adam's mind, and the memory of his dip into depression, after the Mazy Hillocks, still fresh in her mind, she would keep her own objections to herself.
"Whatever we were brought here for, we can choose our own path.”
"And with the strength of our morals and the power of our friendship, I know we will make the right choice," she added on.
Her worries about Adam's state of mind did not cease as he continued talking. Everything he said about his decisions and conclusions and future... it all contained 'I.'
I plan...
I intend... there was not a single 'We.'
"...If the team feels differently, that's understandable. This is just what my heart is telling me to do.” Adam smiled at MacKensie and she forced a smile back. “and whatever does happen, I know you'll be okay.”
"We will be okay, Adam," she corrected.
"All of us." Perhaps it was her paranoia, but it felt like he was preparing for the possibility of splitting from the group and going his own way.
I am just being over-protective, she told herself, trying to soothe her anxiety. It was hard, especially as - speaking of Lillianna - some of them had already been peeled off the group. Lillianna had bolted, out of nowhere, at a critical moment in their last mission. Joji had disappeared completely. The losses had affected her almost as much as the deaths of Clive and Arthur - she was projecting.
Adam would not abandon us. Her trust in him was too strong to fall for this paranoia.
"I do not believe any of us will want to abandon Valhiem in it's hour of need. We are Second Chance, after all. And The Heroes from the Sky before that," she pursed her lips in a solemn smile, then squeezed his shoulder.
"You are not alone, Adam. As long as we all believe in eachother and ourselves, we will be strong enough to overcome whatever this world throws at us."She put her arm around and pulled him close, leaning her head on his. She needed the hug as much as he seemed to. The awkwardness had disappeared, overpowered by sheer desire to be there for her friend. Sure, he may have been the most powerful of all of them, in terms of magic, but he was still the youngest. It was easy to forget, considering how sensible and evenhanded he was, but it was important that they be aware and considerate of this fact.
After a while, she gave him a squeeze to end their embrace and seperated to smile at him.
"Come. Let's go back inside."Inside, everyone was just gathering and getting ready to leave so the party headed back to The Mended Drum. MacKensie made sure to ask Fenna how she was doing, giving her an encouraging smile and a little side-on hug as they walked. But for most of the journey, she stayed by Adam's side, occassionally laughing at Zell's jokes and trying to pass on some positive energy to Adam by nudging him as she laughed.
The Heroes from the Sky arrived at the inn and said their goodnights. MacKensie thought she would struggle to sleep, with so much think about - so much to worry about, for herself, for Fenna, Adam and goodness knew what the others were feeling - but the day had been so very long. An uncomfortable sleep outside the Temple of Hades, an early rise to start the morning with fighting the hardest battle of their lives. And while nothing was quite as intense as the Zigmund clash, it didn't get much easier from there. The hospital visit was miraculous, but it could not relieve her mental exhaustion. And so she fell asleep with a frown on her face that took a while to relax.
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