Blackfridayrule

The Tree of Astra (LadyAnnaLee and Blackfridayrule)

Ridahne blinked. "We had chickens and goats, and once or twice we had a pig...but once our cat before Mitaja, Rhunin, he ate half the pig before we ever got to slaughtering it." She laughed a little. Rhunin was a rascal, and Mitaja was much more even tempered. "But what is...ducks? Duck? Is it a..." she paused, making a little frustrated noise as the word in this language escaped her. In fact, she didn't know if she ever knew it. "Um, does it have fur or feathers?" She finally asked. Ducks, being chiefly wetland animals, simply didn't exist in the deserts and high peaks of Azurei, and no one had thought to bring them in via the sea.

"In Azurei, we don't always use all of the animal ourselves. Unlike humans, we do not think the liver is good to eat..." She made a face, her tattooed lines distorting and wrinkling with the expression. "But we live in a desert and everything is scarce...especially if you live in Atakhara like I did. We are not wealthy people. So nothing can go to waste. We give these parts to our hunting cats so they can eat too and get a reward for their work."

Ridahne did grow up rather poor, and they had to scrape together everything they could to get by. When she was very young and grew rapidly, she never wore any kind of shoes since she would only outgrow them, and her clothes were very simple and often tattered. Ridahne learned early on to hunt, in addition to the fish her parents brought home. And she and Hadian both were very good at scaling palm trees for coconuts. When she was young, Ridahne did not picture herself sitting in side-rooms of the palace at large tables (less grand than the ones for the court but still opulent) laden with food and drink of all kinds, but somehow she'd ended up there. It was surreal, her first meal there. She'd been so confused, and the others laughed good-naturedly at her inexperience, as they had mostly come from more prosperous regions.

Darin had a point about the Tree. Evil was such a broad, nebulous thing that was so often subject to perspective. Ridahne was living proof of that. If the Tree prevented any and all evil, Ridahne would likely not exist. Then again, she considered, if there was no evil at all to begin with, perhaps she wouldn't have become the person she was now, and done the things that had led her to exile and shame. And was there such a thing as necessary evil? Ridahne personally thought so, as she'd been rather convicted of her decision to commit the crime that led her here. She'd been asked many times if she was sorry. If she regretted what she'd done. She had been brought before the Sols and was expected to grovel, to repent of her deeds. She did not. No, her resolve on that matter was like iron, unbreaking and unmoving. So maybe there was such a thing as greater and lesser evils. But maybe the tree would not see it that way and would condemn her harshly.

She was going to find out soon.

Ridahne nodded. "There was something truly deeply wrong with Mark. I...know something of evil people," she said, though what exactly that meant wasn't abundantly clear. "And he was almost as bad as they come. Something about him made my very spirit want to breathe fire and burn him down just to rid the world of him." She shuddered. "Don't ever ignore your senses on those things. You, I'm sure, have a keener sight in these things than anyone, now." Absently, Ridahne wondered what Darin felt about her. Nothing too horrible since she'd agreed to travel with her, but she hadn't seemed overly enthused by the idea either. "But there are other things about this idea of 'evil' and what it means. It can get very muddy very fast. Lines blur, exceptions are made, seemingly arbitrary lines set. It's confusing. Something I wish I understood more of when I was younger."

They rode on and on but Ridahne didn't feel like they'd really been getting anywhere due to the similarities in the scenery around them. But a quick check of the sky assured her they had made progress. "You know," she began after a lull. "It's going to be...awkward going back home to Azurei, whenever we get there. But to be honest I am excited to show it to you. It is very different than what you know in so many ways, and you may not like it." Ridahne shrugged. "But I love it. I am excited to share it with you. Eluri is different too, but maybe more suited to your tastes. Not as...harsh. And I mean that in every sense," she laughed. "The Eluri are more soft-spoken than the Azurei, and because of their rains they have much more plant and animal life. Is that where you plan to go after the tree? Down south to Eluri, east to Azurei and Orosi, and then north again to Siren coasts?"

The Tree of Astra (LadyAnnaLee and Blackfridayrule)

Stoked!

The Tree of Astra (LadyAnnaLee and Blackfridayrule)

Ridahne took another apple, crunching it with satisfaction and shook her head at all the names of plants that Darin was pointing out. The only one she knew of was lavender, which grew in the mountains that bordered Azurei. Some of the Azurei elite took bunches of it and dropped them in barrels of floral, juniper-flavored liquor to infuse, and would drink the concoction on hot afternoons. Ridahne had tried some, both the lavender infused variety and straight up. Actually she had a few times when she was quite a bit younger and had more popularity among the court of the Sols and their various servants. Off duty, they would slip off to their quarters with a jug and pass it around. But as she gained rank among the Eija and became more specialized, she found she was not often invited to these gatherings. People were intimidated by her. And for good reason.

Ridahne smiled. "Well, at least I don't have to teach you too much about woodcraft. You've got that down well, it seems. Did you ever hunt, back home? Or did you trade for meats? There are not many farmers in Azurei, not like there are here. Not much to farm, honestly. But looooots of herdsmen."

Ridahne had not thought about the tree being effectively already dead. It wasn't yet, not technically, but realistically there was no chance of bringing it back. She was right. Why else would the Gardener leave his post and go searching for someone to begin the next generation? The thought churned Ridahne's stomach. It was not new information really, and due to her vision she knew more than most just how bad the Tree really was. But there was something about the finality of it that broke her heart.

"Do you think," she began, her tone thoughtful. "That your seed will grow to be the same as the Great Tree? I don't mean same species, necessarily...but will it...do the same things? Prevent evil in the same way? Or will it change the definitions of evil? Will it be more specific or more general? I don't know if you've given any thought to that. I don't know. Just something I wonder about. I love Azurei. It's harsh edge, its wildness, its untamed sands and high peaks. And I love its people. I just...I want it to continue to be as it is. I don't want to see my people fall into ruin. I...I want to see you succeed, Darin." She shook her head as if trying to rid herself of something. "I don't know why I'm rambling on about this. Maybe it's just nerves or something. I don't know."

The Tree of Astra (LadyAnnaLee and Blackfridayrule)

Not wholly, no. Ajoran was never able to admit it out loud in clear terms, but even he implied to her that it needed to be done. The people close to her (basically Ajoran and her brother Hadian) were shocked but never outright rebuked her for it, because both knew what drove her to do it.

I'm debating whether or not Darin will find out what exactly her job was when they get to the tree. I think I have an idea for how she'll find out what Ridahne did to earn her exile, and it's not going to come from Ridahne. Bwahaha.

The Tree of Astra (LadyAnnaLee and Blackfridayrule)

Not fully certain yet but I was thinking Ridahne would have more and more guilt/anxiety as she gets closer and when she does finally see it she just breaks down as the weight of everything she's done comes crashing down on her. Toyed with giving her some kind of visions. I think I've decided visions don't come from the Tree necessarily, and according to elvish belief they come from ancestors. But maybe the Tree sort of sparks one anyway even though it doesn't come directly from it? Idk we'll see. Either way Ridahne's gonna be a mess LOL.

The Tree of Astra (LadyAnnaLee and Blackfridayrule)

That is correct. The tree might commend her intentions while still condemning her methods. One of those “for the greater good” sort of things where she felt the ends justified the means.

The Tree of Astra (LadyAnnaLee and Blackfridayrule)

Darin didn't seem inclined to press about the issue and Ridahne looked visibly relieved, releasing the deathgrip she had on her reins. "Yes," she said, "We should get moving. We could be there tomorrow if we are swift." She could practically feel the knots in her stomach untwining. Yes, she had resolved to tell Darin what exactly her job entailed, and all about how it had gone so...wrong. She had decided that the Seed-Bearer had the right to know if she wanted. If it was important to Darin, she would reveal that secret at least. But no part of her wanted to. Her own honor demanded that she present the option to her, but inside the rebellious spirit of hers kicked and screamed and tried to squirm away from the thought. But, darkly, she thought that soon it would come out anyway, no matter how she felt about it. She had never been this close to The Tree in her life and they were getting closer with every step. She had absolutely no idea what the experience would be like for her in particular, but she wasn't looking forward to it.

Maybe that's why it was so hard for her to come clean about her past. It had not generally been something taboo--by the Tree, it was literally tattooed onto her ojih. Everyone back home knew what she was, though not all of them fully understood what she did. And when she had left Azurei, she hadn't thought much of it except that she had her own personal regrets. But the thought of looking Darin in the eye and telling her straight made Ridahne's stomach twist. Maybe it was the Seed. Maybe it was the proximity of the tree since she was closer than she'd ever been. But she felt the guilt so much stronger now. The shame. The regret.

Ridahne reached out and took Darin's things without a word, looking glad to have something to occupy her hands with, even for a moment. Darin got settled on Talbot's back and she passed the items back to her in trade for a bright red fruit that made an odd, almost hollow noise when it struck her palm. Breakfast, apparently. She gave one to Tsura who gleefully snapped it up and chomped it with obvious delight. But Ridahne continued to study it a bit before taking an almost hesitant bite. It was sweet, crisp, but also a little tart, too. And crunchy. "Is this...an apple? That's what it's called?" She had never seen one before, though she had heard of them. "I like it. I have never seen one before. They do not grow in the desert, but we have coconuts near the coast and pomegranates, lemons, limes...though those last two are usually cultivated and not wild. They must be common here?" she looked around her as if trying to spot one in the trees. Ridahne, who grew up a bit poor and also did not know about apple cores, ate the entire thing except the stem. She spit out the seeds, as they were too hard and bitter to eat. She was never one to let food go to waste if she could help it.

They rode on, falling into the dull rhythm of travel. Ridahne looked back at her. "Do you feel...well, how do you feel about seeing the tree? Are you excited? Nervous? I...I have a feeling in my chest, in my stomach whenever I think about it." Tell her what you feel, Ridahne... she thought. She did need to work on being more of an open book with Darin when it didn't involve things that she wanted buried. "I feel dread," she said after a moment's consideration. "I am very nervous. Both to see what state it is in and...I don't know...what the...experience will be like."

The Tree of Astra (LadyAnnaLee and Blackfridayrule)

Ridahne awoke a bit sore from sleeping on stones and still a little damp, which made her very displeased. She rolled over with a groan, then looked around for her human companion. She figured if she'd come back Ridahne would have heard it (she had impeccable hearing) but there was some chance she could have missed her. Nothing. Aside from Mitaja, who was very unhappy about being disturbed, Ridahne was alone in the cave. The elf let out a long, slow sigh. "Protect the seed-bearer, they said. I swear I'll see it done, I said, whatever it takes, I said. And then I go and lose her. Great job, Ridahne. Absolutely stellar." She looked miserably at Mitaja and stroked her silky belly as the cat stretched languidly. "You made a great choice, Ancestors. Truly top-notch." Perhaps it was stupid to have gotten all heated last night, and perhaps she shouldn't have been so stubborn and should have at least sent Mitaja after her to keep an eye.

Feeling a small sting of regret, Ridahne began to pack up camp but didn't yet mount up and leave. Talbot and her things were still there, and Darin wouldn't get far without them. Something about that encouraged her, made her hope she'd come back. So she waited. And waited. And waited. The sun got higher and higher and soon she was pacing. Now what? She supposed she ought to go look for her, though if she did she would have to leave some kind of sign in case Darin wound up back here after all. Or maybe she'd just bolted and Ridahne had already failed.

Talbot suddenly moved, going to scoop up Darin's pack and trotted off; Ridahne was quick to the uptake and leapt swiftly onto Tsura. She whistled once and Mitaja perked up from where she'd been lounging and smoothly trotted after her, seeming to pick up on a trail that Ridahne could not yet sense. If she was honest, there was a pang of anxiety deep within her that something had happened while Darin was off on her own, something awful, but when she began to hear the calls she knew the truth. Darin had gotten lost. She actually sighed and rolled her eyes, partially at herself and partially at the humor of the situation. Sure enough, she rode up to a little gully to find Darin at the bottom of it with Talbot with twigs and leaves in her short hair from a short tumble.

Ridahne folded her arms and leaned back in the saddle, looking so casual on the back of Tsura that it seemed like they were one and had always been one. "Well well well..." she said, a teasing tone to her voice and a little glimmer in her eyes. "A little lost, are we? It's a good thing you've got Talbot, he's the one who found you. I merely followed." From her tone and demeanor, it was as if nothing had ever happened the night before. That was the way with Ridahne and with most Azurei in general; Shouting matches and small spats were common enough that they didn't weight to heavy on them, so once all parties were cooled off, they brushed it off. Ridahne liked it that way. Things were dealt with up front and people got things out that they needed to, then moved on. It was a good way of going about it, she thought. But she didn't think all humans operated by the same rules, in fact she remembered loosely that they tended to have more subterfuge.

"No hard feelings about last night?" She offered. "I know I am...reactive. It doesn't take much to get my blood up and in Azurei it's more common for us to shout about things than I think it is here. And I never meant to disrespect your friends. I didn't know." She bowed slightly in the saddle, a gesture of humility. As she did it, Tsura dipped his head and lifted a foreleg in unison, making the gesture a little more grand. She had taught him to do this at her signal so she could give proper respect to someone while mounted. "And..." she looked away, obviously uncomfortable as she fiddled with her reins. "If you ask it of me I will tell you more of what it means to be an Eija. More of what it meant for me. It's not a good truth," she warned. "You won't think highly of me after I tell you, whether you did before or not. But..." She couldn't even look at her. This was very difficult for her and that was obvious, but she soldiered on anyway. "You should know what kind of person you have at your side. In part I thought that if I told you, you would not want me anymore and would send me away. It's probably what I deserve but I hoped I could show you that I am more than my past before I told you everything. Anyway. The choice is yours. If you want to know, I will tell you now."

Ridahne still couldn't look at her, couldn't meet her eyes. She had so much shame and that was beginning to show in the way she studied the stitching of her saddle, the way she wrung her hands tight in the worn leather reins until her dark skin went nearly white, the way she couldn't sit still. She'd made up her mind sometime in the night but now that it came to it, it was so much harder to even tell her just that than she imagined.

The Tree of Astra (LadyAnnaLee and Blackfridayrule)

It was probably childish of her to be so frustrated and angry. But truth be told, she was frustrated and had been so for much longer than their conversation. And a great deal of that irritation was not Darin's fault either. She really wasn't sure who's fault it was, or if it could be blamed on any one person. She had been frustrated with her work as an Eija. With the Sol she belonged to. She had been frustrated by the vision and how maddeningly vague it had been, and with the months spent on the road, alone, discouraged, and bitter. And now she was frustrated with the way things were working out. Some reasonable part of her assured her that it would blow over and they'd sort things out in time. But she didn't feel very reasonable at the moment.

It occurred to her that the one thing in the recent years of her life that she'd been at peace with was her own death. Execution by her own blade in the hands of another. Somehow that had been so much easier to swallow than any of this. That frightened her. What did that mean? Anything? It wasn't like she wanted to be dead, but when events fell into place and the sentence passed, she'd been so...ready for it. Not eager, just...prepared. She supposed that she'd had half her life to think things through and to know deep down where her choices would lead her. When she had done her crime she knew the price to be paid.

But things had changed so fast. It was like the moment she accepted her path, fate blew up a storm and in hiding that road uncovered another. And she wasn't sure where it would lead. Maybe that was what had her so on edge.

Ridahne rolled over, unable to find rest just yet. She stared up at the gray rock above her and spoke in Azurian, "You got a lot of nerve, Ancestors, choosing me. Was it your intention to find the worst possible person and turn them into some kind of hero or did you just do this to me out of spite? Maybe it's The Tree orchestrating this, not all of you. Doesn't matter. You should have picked someone else. Someone better. I am what they made me and what they made is not good. I should not be the one to do this task."

She burned inside. Frustration, anger, bitterness, and even a small amount of despair bubbled up inside her and threatened to find a way out if she didn't release all that energy somehow. Ridahne stood and, ignoring the rainfall, went outside with her sword drawn and began to go through her stances and forms with all the precision and elegance of a dancer. But there was power there, too as she swung, the steel ringing faintly as it sliced through the air. It was something she did when she was stressed, needed to clear her head, or was upset about something that could not be so easily fixed. It was something to focus on, something that gave her purpose. The intensity and speed of her 'dance' grew, building and building until it came to a peak as she swung her sword hard into the nearby trunk of a tree, feeling the shock of it rattle her arm and shoulder. She released a scream, a feral battle-cry that seemed to sum up everything she felt all at once.

Ridahne stepped back, panting. Well, she did feel better. It felt good to get some of that out of her system. But as the adrenaline wore away she became increasingly aware of how cold she was, not to mention wet, and that did little to improve her mood. Feeling cooled down but not very cheerful, Ridahne heaved the blade out of the tree trunk, went back inside the cave, wiped it down with care and sheathed it, then curled up again close to the fire. Part of her thought maybe she should send Mitaja out to find Darin and keep an eye on her, but with the way Talbot leered at her when she'd just gone out of the cave, Ridahne guessed the horse wouldn't have it. Besides, she had an inexplicable feeling that if something truly awful happened, Ridahne would just...know. She had a good sense for those things anyway but she suspected perhaps there was more at play there. So she settled in and, feeling foolish for getting all wet, eventually found uneasy sleep.

The Tree of Astra (LadyAnnaLee and Blackfridayrule)

As Darin began to burst, Ridahne's frustration began to grow. How was she supposed to know these people had been supportive of her? Hadn't she expressed that people generally didn't like her very much back home? Or at least treated her like an outsider. And if Ridahne was going to be sent unprepared on perhaps the most important mission in history, she would want anyone who knew anything to tell her what they knew. Didn't that just make sense? Besides, yelling at Ridahne was a sure way to spark a fire, as she generally didn't like being yelled at. She herself was prone to outbursts, and that combination made her rise to her feet. She was tall even among Azurei people and towered over Darin, the firelight turning her already honey eyes a dangerous orange-gold.

"And how was I supposed to know that?" She shouted. "From what you've told me the people of your village mocked you and disrespected you at every turn! And you expect me to know the difference?" Her eyes narrowed. She had gotten the distinct feeling Darin was not satisfied with the information Ridahne had given her and that irritated her even further. She understood that they were strangers and Darin wanted to know who she was traveling with, but the questions she had asked, Ridahne at least tried to answer. She had explained some basic things about the Ojih and she had accurately described the Eija. They were not one thing and she had tried to explain this nuance. Yes, she had left something out, but she wasn't ready for that yet. Darin would find out soon enough...just...not yet.

"You might think you want answers about me, Darin. But have you ever considered that maybe you don't want to know? I swore an oath I would not deceive you and I meant it. I swore to serve you, Ri'atal. And if you commanded it of me I would tell you every black stain on my pathetic life but you did not, we were casually talking and so I tried to answer you without revealing things I wasn't ready for. I TRIED, alright? What more do you want from me??"

Ridahne growled and kicked her own pack, letting Darin go. She wasn't about to go after her. For one thing, it wouldn't actually do any good. Space was good for both of them. What was more, Ridahne got mean when she stormed out and someone tried to follow her and continue the conversation. She broke a woman's finger like that once. So, frustrated, she paced around the cave for a while before slumping down and taking something to eat. She wasn't going to cook tonight and a cold supper would do just fine. Darin could leave her and never come back for all she cared. There was nothing forcing the human to keep her on as company and she was free to leave her if she wanted. Though she'd left her pack and Talbot, Ridahne still thought darkly about Darin leaving her. Then she could say with finality that she'd failed and could go home one last time, report to the Sota Sol of her failure and have done with it.

Grouchy, Ridahne draped her cloak over her, hood up, and lay on her side with her saddlebags as a pillow, and Mitaja stretched beside her to add warmth.