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So Boerd said
Grammar could use some work. There are some awkward sentences.

Tends to be the way I write things, and its hard for me not to do it like that without it seeming weird to me.

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I put up a big of a longer post this time around, and to the more experienced writers here I like to ask for some advice.

I feel as if I got setting the scene down quite solidly but to me my characters lack much depth, or emotion. They seem very in-personnel and a bit cold, im wondering if you guys had any suggestions on writing them?

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Colony World New Alas, Beching
The city of Beching was the capital of New Alas. At 4 million residents at was the biggest city on the planet, and New Alas’s importance as a trade stop between the core worlds and the valuable mineral producing colonies near the core worlds made it one of the fasting growing colonies in the Union. It’s continued growth would soon allow it to apply for Core World Status, giving it much more political power in the councils, even if they could be dissolved at the Immortal’s whims.

Beching itself had unbelievable density, packing a lot of residents in with apartments that rose into sky, which were made out of a silvery material, and packed with large glass windows. The buildings were still well spaced out however, as helicopters flew across the city, landing on high-rises and skyscrapers The bright orange sun rising over the city, smiling down upon it. A beautiful day for the city.

On the ground it-self many people bustling across the paved roads and marble sidewalks. People from all walks of life could be seen, whether it would be hurrying to work or heading down to the local market to purchase from the vast selection of goods. Merchants could be seen coming in and opening up their stores and and stalls for the day, setting out fresh food and other products. From bread and pastries, to shining gems and jewelry, and flowers and other exotic plants, a wide selection was to be had at the market.

Faye walked across this busy market. She wore a light pure white jacket, as the morning air of New Alas was chilly, with biting winds constantly blowing as well. She had long black pants as well, contrasting against her jacket. Her hair was a light blue, and relatively short. Her eyes were a light red, she wore a slight smile across her face. Her veins flow with a blue that mirrored her hair.

She headed to her favorite breakfast stall, smelling the fresh glazed donuts wafting across the air. She quietly picked out 4 donuts and two coffees, handing her money to the happy-faced stall-owner. Taking her purchase with her in a small bag and styrofoam drink tray. Taking her items she headed down the marble sidewalks to outside the city. She checked her watch every few minutes and began hurrying towards wherever she was going.

Gradually as she began leaving the busy city-center things slowed down. Less people were found wandering the streets as she proceeded. Tall apartments buildings turn into small sleepy houses. Noises quieted down, allowing Faye to hear the small background noises, like the chirping of birds, or the buzzing of insects. She finally left the city, no more houses could be seen, leaving it behind her. In front of her was rolling grass plains, and in the distance was a large green tree on top a lonely hill. A figure could be seen standing there, a instrument in hand.

As Faye got closer and close the figure came into clear view, and a light melody from the instrument, which had been identified as cello. The figure had long brown hair, drooping far down past her shoulders.Her eyes were a light purple, and her face was not smiling, but hung low as if in concentration. She wore a short skirt, and a fancy light brown long sleeve. The melody which came out of her Cello was sweet and beautiful, each note striking a chord that made a person thing of good things and good times. She paused upon seeing Faye.

“I hope you brought breakfast as you promised Faye, I’m hungry.” said the girl, setting down the cello gently in the grass.

“I always do as I promise, even if I can be a bit distracted by my DJing Ilse.” responded Faye, as she and Ilse took sat up against the tall lonely tree, each taking a coffee and a couple of donuts. They set there for a minute, taking a few moments to enjoy the sweetness of the donuts and the smell of the coffee. The sun was getting higher in the sky, the last rays of morning sunlight dissipating as the sky’s blue became evident. It was a clear bright day.

“Beautiful day isn’t it Faye?” spoke Ilse, standing up and going back to her Cello, beginning to play a soft sweet tune once again.

“I got a gig at a club in downtown soon, its gonna be a while so I’m probably going to miss most of the day.” responded Faye, removing the earbuds she had in her ears.

“Going to be late home again then?” asked Ilse.

“Yep.” was Faye’s one worded response, as Ilse focused back on her Cello, starting up the melody again. Faye relaxed against the tree, turning on some electronic music from a small silvery device to which her earbuds ran. The beats were fast and energetic, overriding the melody from Ilse’s cello, and pumping Faye up a bit. She stood up, waving a final goodbye to Ilse as she was deep in concentration on her cello. Stepping back towards the mammoth city of Beching, she prepared herself for her upcoming gig as a DJ.

Sol, the Moon
The Iscandarian diplomats stepped off there ship and into the Moon station, awaiting to be led to the meeting location.

From Stardust, To Stardust

Kyelin, mind if I take the position as the colonizer of the world in your latest post?

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TehAlphaGamer said
Tits need to be calmed.

Indeed they do.

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My arguments were not just cause, it may seem like that, but a lot of these argument posts were written when I was tired/sick/in a bad mood, so they may seem like that but there really not, and have some reasoning behind me.

And seriously? One guy infected plus a few other worm/parasite things is a full-scale assault?

Edit: I also don't hate darkwolf, I wouldn't say we are full on friends, but we are quite acquainted and often talk to each other, even if its only via steam.

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Cale Tucker said
This duck person really seems to be abusing power. Is the OP still around? By the way, Kyelin, I am asking because I hope the first encounter with the Esurienti can be peaceful. They are built for war but war isn't their goal.

I like to ask how
Through this whole argument I have not mentioned my mod powers once or used them in anyway.

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There is emergency power but Darkwolf assumed there wasn't without asking me.

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Stations gone, you don't have coordinates.
That is all I have to say on the matter.

From Stardust, To Stardust

darkwolf687 said
Duck, you were telling me this was a civilian station and it seems to be becoming more military by the minute. I expected maybe a small group of security guards with side arms, not an entire force with an armoury to call on with the weaponry that has been suggested to be perfect for destroying meAlso, have you invalidated the need for power, because without power how do you propose to operate the systems which require power to close the blast doors?Furthermore, on the subject of shutting off the power, you speak as though there is no way to split units up to perform different tasks, and that everything must be done one at a timeLastly, if it took you under an hour to detect us (Yeah, this is easily possible in a few seconds, I get that even though the sensors in the airlocks couldn't detect me, others might), contact the BCU, get them dispatched, have them arrive, have them give orders and dispatch a team to the drone bay, have all civilians moved to habitation and set the security forces racing to the armoury, how come I can't move across a station and release parasites into habitation and send some to the generators or such in a similar period of time?Anyway, this is distracting from the main point if the discussion, since you blew up the station; why did not one infected person have even the faintest idea of the locations of any of the planets...

Ever heard of a thing called Martial Law, all police forces(and in this case the stations security force) have a stock of military grade weapons if martial law is ever needed. Quarantine in the Eternal Union is considered Martial law.

And even then if it was just small arms the guards are in suits which the parasites can't access, see how well you do charging even just 2 police officers armed with hand-guns. Guards are most likely guarding the power, and being in the maintenance section would have you on the ground quite fast during quarantine.

Combine that with the fact that the section of the station the infected guy was in had at most another 2-3 guys and maybe a single guard on patrol you would not be able to build up a large enough force to take on the guards.