Illumin0sity

Journey to the East

Noah was a lightly mooded individual for the most part. With those light moods came playfulness, quite naturally as well. It wasn’t long before the dullness in his eyes lit up in unison with Elann’s own, especially because his own innate sense of mischief was sparked by the teasing he had done of Elann with the bread. The moment was a welcome relief to the constant eggshell stepping that either of them seemed to be doing in order to not offend one another. It let him see he and Elann could be foolish with one another without the need for amazingly heavy feelings, of which could be misinterpreted. Play was neutral and universal. He enjoyed it.

The dinner bell clanged loud enough to give him pause. His head turned towards the wagon’s flaps and then back to Elann as she shifted in front of him. He opened his mouth to receive the bread between his teeth, her hands coming through his curly brown strands. A ‘bunch’ of food was to come his way, something that made him glimmer with mellow happiness. He nodded at her, the bread in his mouth was snatched out of again and his lips kissed. The bread was placed in his hand as she slid away from him to go retrieve their dinner.

Noah finished the bread and waited patiently in the same spot for Elann to return. Outside, Aimee was delegating food to the children. She showed Elann a kind gaze and smile. Seeing as the Benshira was skipping around, the Kelvic figured everything inside the wagon was going well. Inside the wagon, Noah played with the fur of the blanket until Elann was coming into the wagon again, the aromatic smells cooked meat coming to him the closer she got. The bread in his stomach did little to dull his appetite once the two plates of food were in front of him. The lizard wasn’t all too foreign to him and was eaten without discrimination. Noah ate with a total disregard for making a mess of his face, his hunger being the only thing he was content with sating at the moment, and it wasn’t until the first plate was clean did he wipe his face with the back of his hand, if Elann didn’t do that for him beforehand. What Elann didn’t eat of the second plate went into his mouth and down to his belly too.

Finishing, he stuck his forefinger into his mouth and sucked the tip, looking to Elann as he came back to giving her his attention. “Did Zulrav say anything to you?” Noah asked, remembering Elann saying she had been out frolicking in the warm winds when she was away from him.

Journey to the East

Elann came to him, straddling over his lap and facing his front. He brought a hand behind her to rest on her lower back to aid in keeping her upright there and the other went for the piece of bread in his mouth, bread that was stolen from its loose hold in his teeth by her. Immediately his brows creased to denote his dislike for it. Having his food taken wasn’t something he took kindly too, especially because he was hungry enough as it were. Atop of that, growing up with a family of predators meant that even in family meals food could become a competition, despite there being enough for everyone. He was the youngest of all his siblings, even more atop that, and meant his was often the victim of getting his food taken from him.

His look softened as he realized the thoughts that went through his head. Elann wasn’t attempting to take his food entirely, just start a game with him. He plucked the bread from her mouth nonetheless with his free hand.

“Mine,” he simply said as he brought it back to his mouth.

Noah took a large bite of the bread, handing it back over to Elann’s lips to see if she wanted to bite it again. He wasn’t one to play with his food seeing as if he couldn’t take his catch to the trees, he had to eat quickly. He was purely businessminded when it came to eating and it explained why when she fed him he wouldn’t speak often, only doing so when his family was visiting because it was what they did together. In the times where Elann did eat with him, she was always done with her food before him between the seconds he would like. Though, with her he was learning to be less focused when eating and since this was supposed to be a game, when she drew forth to bite he moved the bread back so she’d miss, a humored and humming laugh coming from him as she did so.

He moved it back to her, humming for her to take it, and when she reached for it again he pulled it back like last time. Noah chuckled then, deriving his own fun from the instance. He presented it to her for the third time, not planning on pulling it back this time since he had his enjoyment and laughing.

Journey to the East

Noah nodded to Elann, finding a small joy that she enjoyed herself in the time away from him. He was jealous of her having felt the breezes of his deity. It was a jealousy that didn’t turn to envy, just resided in the want to be outside of the wagon as both of them had wished it. He almost wished he had told her he didn’t want to go hunting with her but he couldn’t have done that. It would’ve probably dampened their relationship all the more and he wouldn’t allow himself to let her go off into the wilds alone, especially since he didn’t know these parts as well as he knew the area directly around Syliras.

He took another bite out of his bread as she leaned on the bench. He looked to the hand her head rested in then shot his gaze to meet hers as she asked her questions. “What the cook makes is fine,” he told her, still wanting to be around her for a while longer.

The distance he wanted was bittersweet it seemed. The distance allowed him to reside in his quietness, but also made him yearn for the closeness of his bondmate physically without drawing over the now immensely fragile lines he once had. He longed for her to understand that silence and quiet living wasn’t a curse upon their relationship. His quietness wasn’t a way to say he didn’t love her, didn’t want her around. Him being around her, he thought, was enough to communicate that he was so exceptionally comfortable with her to stay in the same cramped establishments day in and out. Apparently it was not though, and she didn’t respect the quietness, perhaps thinking it was a slight to the relationship and her character.

He didn’t dare broach the subject, not wanting to come remotely close to another argument he wouldn’t be able to bear, keep up, or contend with. As it were now, he had resolved himself to her image and was simply trying to keep her satisfied as to not endanger the recovering bond anymore.

With that in mind, he set his drink off to the side and held his bread with his teeth, raising both hands to her to signify that she was allowed to come into his lap. Noah understood she enjoyed the affectionate feelings translated through their physical closeness, and so he opened himself physically to her despite his own feelings; he was comfortable with her being beside him and that was all. If he sought her physical affection, should he have not been injured, then he would’ve went to her. As it were, she had to come to him and he had to give the signal that it was alright, reading her in knowing that it was probably what she wanted.

Journey to the East

Noah was thankful she stopped her pouting. The way he saw it she was sad at his expense and because of him. It was a reminder of foolishness and soaring about like he owned the skies in this area when he didn’t. The thought of him not being in his own territory had slipped his mind entirely. Elann had wanted to hunt with him and he saw it as a way to bridge the gap their last fight had put between them. Now, he was injured and it was affecting more people than he intended to. It was enough that he felt bad but now it was trickling out to others and he didn’t like being pitied even if the other people were worried about him. Elann didn’t have to pout to show her compassion because all she laced their bond with was the feeling.

He bit another piece of the bread as she explained her absence and he nodded, understanding. The water was presented to him and he reached forth with his free hand to take the cup, sipping as she asked of his wellbeing.

“You were gone,” he pointed out again. “I thought you were going to stay today, that’s all.”

Though he didn’t say, he did want her to stay around that day, thinking their relationship was healing in some way that morning. She maintained her distance though and he wasn’t sure what to feel. He did enjoy having the distance, as it was the only way for them to seemingly live in the quiet he preferred, yet he did enjoy her being around at the same time. It seemed though, whenever she was around, a subject was always broached that caused trouble between them. Before, she had said it wasn’t that their gods, or they, were incompatible, but he was having a hard time believing that now of all times.

He swallowed. “I’m okay though,” he said. “I was just wondering where you were. Did you enjoy your walk?”

Journey to the East

Leaving Noah, Aimee dropped down from the wagon and rounded the corner. She bid a hello to the occupants of the wagon that followed behind theirs, whose driver she had been exchanging friendly glances with. She couldn’t see the driver now but figured he was tending to the horses who strew the transport. She came to the side where a majority of the tents would be put that night. The children were jetting forth from the wagons they had been cooped up in all day and their chiming calls could be heard along with their thudding feet. They zipped past Aimee, sending her into a twirl to avoid being ran over by the little bodies. Stopping, she saw Elann and met the Benshira’s gaze with her own. Aimee returned the smile politely, figuring that Elann was going to Noah after leaving the wagon for the whole of that day.

Inside the wagon, Noah held onto his bond with loose fingers, letting his feeling trail out in the only way he could call his bondmate. Time passed since Aimee dropped down from the wagon and there hadn’t been another shift. He could feel Elann through the bond but she had yet to appear in the wagon at all. He resolved himself to stop trying in the seconds before he heard the Benshira pulling herself up into the back. Prone, he didn’t turn to see her, waiting for her to appear out of the corner of his eye. She did, a plate of bread in her hand, of which she laid down beside him as she came down to the floor.

“Hello,” he voiced softly, almost mouthing the words. Now that she was there he pulled his bond closed again, the action doing what he intended for it to do.

“I just hurt,” he admitted quietly again.

Noah used his hands to find some sense of bearing with the blankets. Using Elann, he went to sit up, turning to face her in his cross-legged position, his hands going for the plate of bread. He eyed her searchingly, his light blue eyes scouring her face and posture for physical signs of the emotion held inside her. His right hand brought the bread up to his mouth, his teeth coming down and into the piece as he looked at her. His left hand rose to smooth over the matted side of his hair, trailing down to scratch at his cheek before settling in the blanket strewn over his lap bare lap.

“You left,” he pointed out. “I thought you were going to stay?”

Noah’s question was asked with the intent on having her explain herself. Each time he did awake for the brief moments she wasn’t around despite their seeming sense of closeness that morning. It was a cause for concern in him seeing as he was attempting to cover the most recent wound inflicted upon their relationship.

He swallowed the first bite of bread dryly. There was a clear thirst in him for both liquid and an answer.

Journey to the East

“Thanks for talking with me,” Aimee said softly in reply to Elann’s own thanks, drawing quiet to listen to the rest of her statement. Though ‘hardships’ seemed like an understatement, Aimee accepted Elann’s words as they were, looking to her as she rose, touching the Kelvic’s arm. Aimee nodded to Elann saying she would walk ahead and let the Benshira dismiss herself from the conversation and one another’s presences. There were many other thoughts in Aimee’s head but she didn’t know how to express them. She was attempting to like Elann and believed she would if it weren’t for the Benshira being in a relationship with her brother.

Aimee settled back into her book since she was now virtually alone, Elann gone and Noah sleeping. The hours ticked by and Syna rose higher into the air and warmed the coolness into something comfortable, probably even for the Benshira’s easily chilled skin. The day, from that point on, was relatively quiet in the back of the wagon. Aimee read and napped or lost herself in thoughts. Noah woke and shifted to sleep again and lie in silence with a quiet sense of longing in his heart for Elann since she didn’t seem to be there when he awoke. Considering what had happened between them that morning he expected her to be around, yet she wasn’t.

It was just after midday and all Noah could hear was the wagon’s creaking and bounding as it jostled and rumbled him. He rose his head from the floor and looked around the wagon’s interior. He could see Aimee hanging out of the back of the wagon, her hands going through her tresses of hair but her back was to him. He settled back down, turning his head to face the canvas wall of the wagon, his eyes studying the texture without touching. He stared, blinking, until his vision blurred and he was lulled on away to sleeping again, only coming to wake as the caravan pulled off to the side of the road, signaling the end to the day’s travel. He recalled waking a few more times still to either relieve himself or see if Aimee or Elann was around. While Aimee stayed, never to leave his sight, she didn’t speak to him when he woke, if she even knew he was awake at times.

Now, in the coming darkness, his stomach spoke out in hunger, having been neglected that entire day save for breakfast. The entire day had been bouts of loneliness only interrupted by the forced sessions of sleep because nothing else was happening. He felt lethargic and heavy there on the floor covered in furs and surrounded by pillows. He was comfortable physically but felt cold otherwise, though his body was warm.

His side and back were aching but, in a way, his heart was calling for treatment. He felt the figurative silver thread connecting him and his bondmate. His fingers loosened their grasp, letting his ache, hunger, and quiet loneliness trickle out down the length of the cord. Noah could not tug and call Elann like she could him, and see as he had been mute in this sense for a while, he thought the slightest foreign feeling felt by her coming from him would be enough to pull her to him. Gently, he rolled over his left side and settled onto his back, shifting ever so slightly to stay comfortable.

Noah heard a shuffling at the back of the wagon that disappeared into the ground. He figured Aimee had gone away from the edge and went to interact with the rest of the people of the caravan. There he waited then, alone to see if Elann heard his cooing down at the other end of the bond.

Journey to the East

Aimee gave Elann her full attention at the call of her name. What they were discussing was all too important to the she-wolf, and so she listened to what the Benshira had to say on the matter all the more. What Elann did say Aimee nodded to, having made her own observations and inferences enough to find them accurate. There was a great amount of patience and caution in Aimee, hence why she was handling the conversation so well. The same couldn’t be said about Noah in such situations.

“Forgiveness is a hard thing to get,” Aimee told Elann. “Noah doesn’t get upset easily; he doesn’t yell, he doesn’t really get angry, or didn’t until recently - I’m not sure anymore. I suggest you just leave it alone for now; you can’t start over, but I don’t know when you’ll be able to make it right.”

Aimee didn’t even know if Elann could make it right at all, but she kept that to herself in order to give Elann some kind of hope. “I’m sorry I can’t help more; I’m just not him and I can’t tell what he’s thinking. He won’t talk to me about it in order to defend you, regardless of what he’s feeling,” she informed.

Aimee leaned back as well, resting her book in her lap, her thumb still there. Sighing, she said, “I’m surprised he’s stuck around this long. The bond must mean too much to him because he’s usually done and over these things by now.” Looking to Noah, her eyes fluttered over his curly hair and how his head was slightly tucked underneath the blanket. “I think his last bond destroyed him to the point where he won’t be able to take another breaking. There’s that, and I’m sure he loves you beyond anyone’s understanding.”

She let out another labored sigh and opened her book, flipping through pages with no aim other than to hear the sound of paper on her skin.

Journey to the East

It seemed as Aimee spoke the Benshira fell apart slowly with each word. Aimee kept up her questions though and kept up the expectant gaze she was putting on the Benshira to answer. There was a small guilt in the Kelvic for putting the Benshira in this position but her love for her brother was much more immense than the love she felt for Elann. That said, she wanted to learn how to like Elann more, and she had found a way how to in Syliras. Now though, with Elann and Noah’s fighting, her brother was giving her unspoken reason to be cautious, and so she was cautious here, listening as Elann spoke on her side of the story.

The Kelvic knew this was the only way to really get Elann’s side of things. Noah wouldn’t speak on it much because he didn’t like to talk as it were and he would always play of Elann’s unintentional slights against him because of their bond and love. Aimee knew because she was the same way, and it wasn’t until Jocelyn had literally shaken her to see her most recent bond and relationship were toxic did she see the error in her ways. The last straw for that relationship was when Aimee and her love got into an argument. The last words he had said to her, yelling, were why she couldn’t be normal and act like a human. Crying and afraid, Aimee severed their bond, inflicting a tremendous pain on herself in that moment in order to spare herself prolonged ache later.

As Elann explained, Aimee felt herself recalling her former relationship and how the same underlying theme seemed to be at play here. It was off-putting but the Kelvic persevered, understanding that Elann’s approach to change were much more delicate than Aimee’s old bondmate. It did hurt her though when Elann said she made Noah cry. Unintentionally or not, it was a hard thing to here her brother in emotional distraughtness without being there to comfort him.

The tear Elann shed was a cementer of the guilt within Aimee’s belly. It spurred her to reach forth with her free hand to wipe Elann’s cheek, ridding the tear before withdrawing into herself again.

“I’m sorry if I distressed you,” she said softly. “I really care for my brother, that’s all. To see him like this is disheartening. I don’t know what to do though.” She sighed. “I hope you trying helps. I really do, because I don’t see him anymore, just something else there.”

“Sorry that you had to say all of that.”

Journey to the East

“Me too,” Aimee had said in reply.

The Kelvic missed her home. Though the wilds were great to be in, she had grown used to being within the family’s home and seeing the buildings and attending classes. Zeltiva, in a way, was another type of wild due to the cultures smashing together and Zeltiva just being lively and unpredictable as always. It was the reason she couldn’t live in Syliras for more than a year all those years ago; Syliras was dull and predictable. The rush hour happened at the same times every day, the Knights were grey, drab, and overly stern, and people got arrested for the oddest reasons. That wasn’t to say Zeltiva’s guard wasn’t enforcing its own laws, they just seemed a little more liberal in their delegation.

Aimee returned Elann’s smile, though it was more in politeness than geniality. She considered what she wanted to ask for a short moment; there were a few questions on her mind but she didn’t want to overwhelm or confuse the Benshira.

“I wanted to know how you and my brother met,” Aimee said knowing that Elann had told her once before, but this was for personal clarification. “Also, how were things before you married one another? It’s just, now, things between the two of you seem really… tense, for lack of a better word, and I’m trying to wrap my head around it because it confuses me.” She took a breath. “I mean, when momma and I were there in your apartment before the wedding, things between you two seemed… I don’t know… better?”

Aimee shifted uncomfortably. “I know he adores you, otherwise he wouldn’t be here now. I know there’s conflict and bickering sometimes, my parents do it all the time, but whenever things happen between you and Noah, it seems much more dire,” she pointed out. “It may be because he can conjure storms on a whim, but he’s never been this… stressed before. He’s usually so mellow and quiet, but with you he’s always talking or seems as if he’s just trying to keep together without falling apart, or something.”

She finished, blinking her large eyes towards Elann. She had been observing for the past two weeks and had nothing but questions come. Though she didn’t want to overwhelm Elann, as soon as she started talking the words just kept tumbling out as if she didn’t have a shut for her mouth. She was an eager individual and she was passionate about the topic: her brother and Elann as an extension.

Journey to the East

Aimee hummed to acknowledge Elann’s words. Though the Kelvic was enthralled by her book, she set her thumb into the page and closed it, looking to Elann at her side. “We are,” she said in reply as her head turned. Aimee sighed into a hum as she tried to consider the days traveled. Then she shrugged, not dismissively but because she didn’t know entirely.

“We should be about half-way, I think,” she managed to say. “Give or take a couple of days, we should be there in about fifteen more.” She peered at Elann then, her pale eyes going over the Benshira’s facial features in an analyzing way. While she couldn’t see as acutely as Noah could, and Noah managed to notice a lot of things Aimee couldn’t, she gave Elann the look anyway.

“Anxious?” she asked curiously, wondering if that was why Elann was inquiring.

They hadn’t talked one-on-one in a long while, and with the fights between Noah and Elann, Aimee had been given reason enough to keep her distance. However, because her brother was injured, she was nearby and always available. It wasn’t likely she would leave for such extended periods any longer since the last time she left Noah was hurt. She knew she couldn’t do anything about it, but being around as a figure of support meant a lot to her. Noah had done the same for her when they were younger and often wouldn’t leave her bedside, risking sickness and discomfort just to stay around her. With that in mind, she planned to do the same for him.

Aimee could see that Elann didn’t know much about comforting the eagle when it came to his distress. She didn’t hold it against Elann though, yet at the same time she didn’t show enough care to teach Elann how to help her husband. Aimee figured Elann would learn it in time, though she believed it should’ve been learned long ago before their bonding. Still, that was more the fault of Noah than Elann, and Aimee understood that. Noah hadn’t told her what he truly saw in Elann or the mysterious and elusive Caesarion. Given she didn’t know who Caesarion was, Aimee was forced to only draw her own assumptions by what she observed of Elann, assuming Noah saw something similar between Caesarion and Elann.

“Can I ask you a question?” Aimee said, shifting to readily face Elann all the more.