Illumin0sity

Journey to the East

Noah looked to Elann as she sat down beside him, slanting his body towards her while his hands continued to pull at the band binding the cards. She told him about how she would stay up through the night, recalling her memory as a herder for her tribe’s livestock. Noah hadn’t done anything like it before, only using his imagination to assume what the scene may have looked like. His mother had recited her own tales about Eyktol, telling him about the deserts and the Benshiran people she once interacted with with Lanna. The desert far to the south was a place Noah wanted to see for himself, at least to experience it once in his life. Though, he felt it would be unlikely since Elann couldn’t return to her own people without putting her life at risk. He didn’t want that for his bondmate, so he was satisfied with living vicariously through her memories.

Elann commented on the cards, asking if they were going to play them. Noah shrugged at first, glossing over her with his eyes as she asked if he could teach her the games his family played. Noah was involved in all the games, they were a frequent pastime when the house was quiet, which was almost all the time. Usually on off days when the sun was high in the sky and people were waiting for dusk to go out on the town and into the city, or just after and before dinner, when those who weren’t cooking would pass the time with a few rounds of Battle or Guess since they could involve several people at once.

“We can play Guess,” he said, moving to pull the band off the cards and set it off to the side near her journal on the bed. He shifted his body towards her, scooting back a small ways to leave a patch of rug-bed between them.

Noah set the deck down between them and went about shuffling it, his fingers expertly moving to make the deck flutter like papers in the wind as he riffle shuffled the cards a few times followed by overhandedly doing so as well. He set the deck down between them then flipped over the top card, an eleven being set down off to the side of the deck.

“It’s called Guess because you just have to guess if the next card will be higher or lower than the one out currently,” he explained. “So, right now, it’s an eleven; you have you guess if it’ll be a twelve or thirteen, or lower than eleven. If you get it right, you get a point. It’s my turn next; I have to guess if the card after yours is higher or lower too. Got it?”

He peered at her, his hand already hovering over the deck to draw the card when she made her inference. It was a simple game that went by quick and could be played in quick succession, therefore passing large chunks of time without needing a lot of concentration, also allowing for conversation to be had idly. Card games were a large part of Zeltivan culture because sailing was, on ships if there was nothing to do, card games were usually played, thus a lot of them were sailor inspired.

“Also, we’re playing with aces being low, meaning they’re the lowest card, one, not the highest.”

Journey to the East

Noah smiled at Elann buzzing with excitement beneath him, almost laughing as he looked out into the fire, observing the people encircling it. His eyes were trailing over the man who usually played the guitar for the night, leading the songs, when Elann’s fingers played at his neck under his chin. He shied away from her prodding, looking down with the smile brought on by the tickling sensation. Noah gave her his sights and attention once more, his hand stilling in its movement over her tummy. A nod came from him as she said she was going to turn the bowls in, telling him to go ahead into the tent first.

Afterwards she slid from him, letting him readjust then slip into the tent through the flaps. He preoccupied himself with reassessing the establishment of the room, walking carefully to each of the four corners as Aimee and Elann traded goodnights and well wishes. The wolf returned to the wagon where she closed the flaps then shed her remaining clothing in order to shift then meld into the blanket Elann kindly set aside for her. Aimee was fond of Elann’s playful defiance of her wishes, they reminded her of Noah’s own devious behavior when they were younger, though Noah’s own was leagues more malicious than his Benshiran partner’s.

Noah stood by the center pole, pushing on the lantern and watching it sway side to side from its fixture there on the post. He liked the warmth of the firelight so near to his face and how it momentarily scorched his fingertips whenever he pushed it. Tiny sensations built up to show him the world he inhabited, even if he had been in the setting many times before. His juvenile sense of curiosity was never ending, always questioning his surroundings in new or similar ways in order to pull something else out in discovery, regardless of how minor it was.

He settled down onto the bed, peering at Elann’s journal, deck of cards, and inkwell with an urging inquisition. Noah reached for the journal, holding it in his hands and flipping it over and over without breaking it open to read the pages. He ran his finger down the spine as the flap of the tent shifted to tell Elann was coming in. His sights snapped to her, his hands slowing in their flipping of the book to hold it loosely as it was lowered into his lap and then back onto the bed, placed back where he found it.

“Hello,” he greeted. “Are we staying up?” He spoke in reference to what they spoke on earlier in the caravan, where he pointed out she wouldn’t be able to sleep that night because she slept the day away. Noah took a lengthy nap as well, waking enough to stay awake and hold her through the rest of her own sleep.

Noah leaned forward and swept up the deck of cards, playing over the band binding them together with his fingers, plucking at it as he looked to her.

Journey to the East

Noah’s opinion of Yahal was minor because the god, in his world, was minor. He didn’t feel any particular which way about Yahal, not filled with like or dislike, only appreciation because Elann found the god to be all-important. Unlike Yahal, Zulrav didn’t need the praise that Yahal seemed to get from Benshira and other followers like the Syliran Knights. Though Noah was Zulrav’s blessed, the Kelvic was blessed because their personalities matched up. If one didn’t know Noah they’d think he wasn’t devout at all, but he was, just not to the activeness of Elann or other worshippers of more socially prevalent gods. If Elann wasn’t as upheld by Yahal as she was, Noah wouldn’t have paid the god any mind at all, not out of disrespect but because the god’s domain didn’t line up with Noah ideals or personality.

Noah looked to the mangala sutra as she displayed, voicing her like of their wedding. Noah was unsure if she was referring to his Kelvic bond or not, saying it was a display of their devotion to one another, even if they hadn’t married. It struck him because he still couldn’t make out with perfect clarity which of the two, the bond or the marriage, Elann favored more. To him, he believed she favored the marriage whereas he favored the bond. The marriage wasn’t meaningless to him anymore, but was eclipsed by the spiritual tie between their souls. He didn’t need a Cheva mark to say he was hers.

The thoughts in mind, he nodded along with her words in agreement. She was only allowed access to his Kelvic bond because of the trust he had for her at the time and the love he felt for the way she treated him then. It was safe to say Elann was lucky enough to catch his attention to the point of keeping it on her there long enough to give grant her access to the otherwise deepest and personable parts of his being.

“The trees have flowers, yes,” he answered. “They bloom towards the end of spring when it’s warmer at night. They’re white, blue, pink, and orange. They last for around two weeks and the festival lasts for a few days, on and on throughout the city so everyone can celebrate their love. Me and my brothers and sisters used to go together every year, then it was just Aimee and me when the others started to get busy.”

Noah’s gaze went back towards the cook and the fire as people were returning their bowls and prepared to sleep the night away. Any sleeping schedule Noah possessed before the trip had been lost entirely with the accruement of his injury, now he slept whenever he was tired, the herbal tea making him sleep whenever the initial pain became unbearable. He was wide awake for the most part, being steeping out in nature and talking to Elann only serving to maintain his wakefulness.

“Do you want to go inside?” he asked, nodding his head back towards the tent behind him. “You’re shivering.” He was too from time to time when the wind blew too hard against his bare skin.

Journey to the East

The hand in Noah’s hair came down and rested over Elann’s tummy, remaining there as she started on her explanation on her people’s wedding traditions. Bits and pieces were explained to him in the past before when they were friends, little lessons given by her to him. This was the lengthiest explanation he got since they were arranging their own marriage. It was a lot to take in but Noah’s attention didn’t waver, partially due to Elann’s hand moving about over his torso, but mostly because she was answering a question he wanted to know the full answer to.

The traditions were odd and silly to him, that didn’t show on his face though. He could see the importance of the practices to Elann and kept his own opinion to himself. Though, what struck him as most odd was the groom was sent away into the desert to find Yahal. Noah had a hard time wrapping his head around the importance of a single deity to one race of people. Being in the desert, he assumed their patron deities would be the goddess of rain and life, any deity that made their lives in the deserts better.

Noah recalled exchanging the mangala sutra with Elann for his gift of the eagle headed dagger in place of rings, feeling as if it didn’t quite live up to the explanation Elann was giving him. There was dancing and singing and praise of the husband and Yahal seemingly more so than the bride, and Noah didn’t quite like or understand it. The explanation also explained why she drew so much joy and pleasure from serving him, whereas his own need as a Kelvic was to do the same for her. She was worthy of worship in his opinion, so long as their relationship stayed unmarred through mutual respect for one another’s personalities, practices, and cultures, though his own was much less developed than Elann’s, it was just as strong and prevalent because it was forged by magic, not years of tradition.

“I was asking because of that, yes,” he answered. “Some of the weddings I’ve watched are kind of like yours, but they only last a day. There’s the wedding and then the feast that usually lasts well into the night, people and guests leave in the morning or late that night. There’s music and dancing, and sometimes there are singers as well.” He paused. “I’m sorry that we can’t do all of that.”

Noah showed her an apologetic glance, one that lingered as his hand rubbed over her tummy. “There should be a festival after we get there,” he went on. “It celebrates the flower trees blossoming and love too, it’s when a lot of weddings take place. It’s supposed to be a good omen if the trees blossom on your wedding day, but it celebrates all relationships, people don’t have to be lovers. So, we’ll have the party and then we can attend the festival too. How’s that sound?”

Journey to the East

Noah listened to Elann as she explained her change of mind and thought process surrounding it; how she admitted to being more comfortable inside like most humans, how it started to change after they went hunting for the first time, and how she was starting to dislike the things she once feared. She pointed out the stars and he looked up, noting the relative clearness of the skies and how the bright balls of light twinkled down from the midnight blue sky. It was odd to have all he just considered normal be pointed out in appreciation by her, who once showed her dislike and failure to understand all that was around them now.

He looked back down at her with a soft expression of understanding, sights flicking upwards at the fire as some of the people shifted and moved. Noah looked off into the woods then, the other hand rising to pull at one of the larger curls in his hair. He appreciated her newfound sense of acknowledgement for the wild around them but he noticed her lack of welcoming all of it, even the facets and animals who often wished what humans believed was harm. It was just a pattern of survival in Noah’s mind, it was why he bore no ill feelings for the now dead falcon that attacked him, it was just defending its territory much in the same way Noah would defend his own once upon a time.

The night was waning on and it was getting cooler out still, the frigidness of the latest winter was still lingering in the night out here. A breeze came through, moodless and only carrying cold air up from Syliras. The breeze hit him and caused goosebumps to rise up on his side and send a tiny tremor of freezing through his body. Noah brought her hand up to his face again, pressing his cheek into her palm. His attention went up to the fire, the firelight flickering in the middle of his eyes, as he observed Aimee and the cook serve the last of the few campers who were sluggish in getting their meals.

“Can you tell me about your people’s wedding parties again?” They were getting closer to Zeltiva every day and the supposed party had been broached by his sister, reminding him of it because he had nearly forgotten amidst all the conflict between him and his bondmate.

Journey to the East

Elann’s admiration of him served to further cement his own positive image of himself. There was an ego there in him though it wasn’t loud and boasting. It was self-appreciation spurred on by the appreciation of his partner. Her compliments made his smile remain, softening in a shy way as if he didn’t want his own handsomeness to be pointed out. It wasn’t known to him until she said as much that she appreciated his qualities as a man and not just as a person, she was attracted to him in the way man and woman were attracted to one another, what made the brothels in Zeltiva as successful as they were, what made it so that the women of said brothels sought to encourage him up the stairs to their private rooms.

In his shyness he looked away from her towards the fire a little bit before she did. Noah looked back at her as she was pulling away to come back and crawl towards him to lie over his lap. He watched her fingers go over the skin of his chest and shoulder, eyes trailing down her arms to eventually land on her face. His head canted to one side as she spoke on nature, his gaze showing his devout attention on her as she spoke.

“Really?” he questioned. “You certainly seemed like you did; you rarely left often.”

To Noah, it was clear she was more a homebody kind of person, someone who liked to be within their own space while rarely leaving. Noah liked having his own space as well, even away from her at times, but his curiosity begged to be satisfied, often causing him to leave the comfort of his home – before he met her – and venture out into Syliras. It was partly why he chose the job in Syliras he did, as a courier. He was a flyer and had to divulge his Kelvic nature in order to secure the job after quitting the one he had as a dockworker. Being a courier meant he was able to constantly see the world, even if it was the same thing every day, he was always on the move. A dockworker didn’t have the luxury in loading and unloading ships day in and out.

“Was it the city?” he inquired. “Did you stay inside because of the city… the guards and the walls? I didn’t like them but I didn’t like staying inside all the time either.”

Noah took up the hand near his face and held it over his heart, gazing down at her still.

Journey to the East

Noah set his bowl down into the space between is thighs as she hurried him along, shimming closer to him with the bowl. He gladly hurried, drawing into a state of quiet concentration as he went on to continuously scoop from the bowl until it was empty. Afterwards, he took it from her hands and brought it to his lips, draining the last of the broth from it. He set it down into the other bowl on the ground then brought them both up for Elann to take ahold of. He watched her put them off to the side then look back at him with her grin.

Noah wasn’t entirely ignorant to the plight Elann had with herself and her own image, the gravity of which, however, he remained oblivious to. At one point in their past she seemed to be set on getting him to desire and yearn for body as it was. It wasn’t beyond Noah’s capabilities to believe she was seeking some form of recognition or gratification. What was bizarre about it was that he and his family were quite proud of their image, taking care of it and only becoming self-conscious when they weren’t appearing as if they were perfectly healthy. Elann’s asking of him was odd because it went against the preconceived image on the body he already possessed.

Noah was staunchly set in enjoying how he looked because, as much as he could ask for another body or be like someone else, he ultimately couldn’t. It was a wish made up of wasted breath and he had been reared to be proud of himself, most importantly because he was a predator and at the top of the food chain. He was the one to be adored and feared, not the one to fear and adore. All that in mind, he was melded to recognize his own handsomeness in a way. That added to the reason why he hardly ever cared what others thought of him, his self-image was concrete, only shaky if he doubted it himself, or, by extension now, if Elann doubted it. Noah wanted Elann to share that strength in self-image but was unable to translate the convoluted thought into easily understood words.

Noah met her gaze and grin with a tilt of his head. His smile wasn’t prevalent any longer but the curiosity in his eyes was loud. Inside he was still whispering in his happiness and enjoyment of the situation and it could be felt if Elann sought out the feelings in their bond, the ones mixing with his overshadowed discomfort from the stitches and wounds.

“What are you looking at?” he asked, face cracking into a smile as he rose his hand to poke at her nose gently.

Journey to the East

Noah swallowed as she giggled. She had made him a happy Kelvic over the last day with her words and promises, along with the way she was behaving in conjunction with what she had been saying. The trust Noah still harbored for her had been drawn upon in order to get him to believe she would adapt to him in this new mindset just as he would continue to adapt to her. Considering, because she was his bondmate, there wouldn’t be a point in which he wouldn’t trust her at all. Even if his own personal trust of her faded, the passive amount of faith instilled in the bond would remain as a silver glimmer of hope regardless of how dark it was.

The happiness she brought to him over the past hours was enough to provoke him into affectionate displays. Noah liked to be affection to Elann after initially practicing what he saw of other couples with her: the hand holding, kisses on the cheeks, and lingering hugs. The reactions he brought out of her because of his actions were enough to make him want to do it more, her reactions brought him joy similar to the way she liked to provide for him and drew joy from that. Her reaction to his kisses, the giggle, was what he was looking to bring out of her and what was he got, so he smiled after swallowing, chuckling with a closed mouth.

Noah raised his bowl in reply to her playful tone, tilting it to allow her to gaze into the empty bottom. Even the thick broth had been drained by the Kelvic. “I ate my food,” he said in his own devious way. “Now,” he went on, bringing his spoon to dip into her bowl, “I’m eating yours.”

He flashed her a mischievous smile that parted for the spoon holding another chunk of the meat in her bowl. He bit down on it, letting out another dramatic hum of deliciousness. His eyes were the opposite of hers, large and opened with the brows raised in clear playfulness. He licked his lips as he chewed, gazing over to her with his lit up face.

Journey to the East

Noah stood as Elann excused herself to fetch their dinner. The few people around the fire gave him brief looks and he gave them placid looks in return. He yawned tiredly before moving closer to the opening of him and Elann’s tent, slowly easing down to sit there with his legs stretched out in front of him. Elann and Aimee didn’t set the tent up too far from the main fire everyone was lingering around, leaving him much to be desired in terms of isolation. He had seen Emery the doctor and his family, little Alena too, but the adults were clinging to their daughter in a way that didn’t give them any time to socialize. It had graced Noah’s mind to approach them but he decided against it, unsure how he would have been received.

With Elann away the curiosity to poke at his wound came again and he did so, letting his hands fall back onto his lap idly. He played with the grass between his spread legs, plucking and feeling at the strands, dark green in the moonlight. After a moment he pretended the grass was the warm beaches of Zeltiva, the sand being coarse and grainy between his fingers and under the nails. He felt the imaginary warmth of the beaming sun on his bare body and the radiating warmth from the hot sand underneath where he sat.

His daydreaming was dismissed as Elann came, finding him at the tent as opposed to around the fire with everyone else. He took his bowl in hand and brought the brim to his lips, tipping it back to drink the thick broth before dipping his spoon in to scoop up the chunks of meat and potatoes. He ate quietly with Elann as well, humming in agreement to her assumption on Aimee’s cooking. Noah was unknowledgeable as to if Aimee actually cooked this meal or if she was just acting as an assistant to the cook. As he scooped and chewed with a slow rhythm he was looking around the camp and into the thicket off to the flanks. The tree cover wasn’t as thick as their previous encampments, probably see the guards could see any approaching persons with clarity. Noah also noticed the guards were more alert than he had previously observed them to be.

In time his attention shifted to Elann, watching her go through her own motions of eating, following her spoon as it dipped into the bowl then rose to her mouth. Noah’s attention shifted wholly to her after he was done eating, partly waiting for her to be done as well and partly just to satisfy his own fleeting curiosity. As she slowed in her telltale signs of finishing, Noah brought his spoon over into her bowl and scooped up a chunk of the meat, bringing it to his mouth. He hummed to denote its tastiness but also to grab Elann’s attention if it had been elsewhere.

Though he was still chewing, holding food in his mouth, his cheeks were tugged in the way to denote his smile. He brought his tongue over his lips then leaned in on her, placing a quick succession of kisses onto her cheek, each one accompanied with the sharp noise kisses made.

Chaos is Freedom [with Noah]

Noah’s question of frustration was answered with reason by the Ravokian. Noah stayed where he was, watching the man with wary eyes as his lips parted to spill truth into the quiet and whispering air. It was true, Caesarion was more than a name attached to a body. Noah would discard names for they simply acted as the calls in which to beckon another. It was how he felt about his own name, any true attachment was negligible. Caesarion was different though, and the Ravokian knew as much, pointing it out undeniably. Caesarion was linked to Noah in the specialness of the memory they shared together. He was the first man Noah lay with in that way and was the first bond forged in those fires of passion, a bond that was supposed to be stronger than anything the Kelvic could imagine.

That was what hurt the most, knowing their supposedly indestructible bond was broken and marred. What was uplifting was knowing the bond hadn’t been discarded by Caesarion just as it hadn’t been discarded by Noah. The Kelvic did bond to another, retying the twine of his heart but he couldn’t erase the past. The previous break in the bond was still apparent to him; where his silver and pure thread once shined bright, there were two dull spots to denote the breakage. The first, farther down, was Caesarion, the freshest one was Elann.

Noah’s hand went to his own heart as Caesarion’s clutched at his chest. An explanation came next, Caesarion drawing closer much to the Kelvic’s dismay. Noah took a hesitant half-step backwards, his body torn between heart and mind as reason fought with the want of love. Caesarion explained it was the fault of circumstance, not his own, for why their bond had been broken, but as he went on to reveal he was being hunted the Kelvic was further conflicted. Noah’s face showed it in the fight between soft eyes and creased brows. The care he had for Caesarion, the want he possessed for the man to be okay, still remained and was even more pronounced than in the few days they did spend with one another. It was harrowing to the Kelvic to hear his former bondmate was being hunted.

All Noah could do was nod in acceptance; it was not Caesarion’s fault their bond was broken. It was the hunters and the lovers’ untimely encounter which had terrible consequences. Noah licked his lips, his gaze faltering to look down at the patch of ground between them. His hands came to grasp emptily at one another as his mind raced through foggy emotions. His breaths were shallow until they weren’t, a large one being taken as he looked up to set his sights upon Caesarion’s face once again.

“I do love you,” he admitted. “I never stopped loving you and I believe you.” Noah took a step forward, one step followed by another until he was back feeling the man’s radiating warmth. His hands reached for the man’s body, fingers cautiously playing along the skin of the man’s abdomen. The touch confirmed the moment was real to Noah.

“You should have told me, Caesarion,” he urged, looking up at the man. It was both odd and relieving to be able to look up and into his ex-lover’s eyes. There was something extremely protective about the height difference and how Noah’s still lithe frame compared to the man’s larger one. As it were, up this close, Caesarion could plainly see the pain in Noah’s face.

“I would have done anything if you had just told me.” The Kelvic was near the point of whining, the tremble of his voice apparent as he fought to keep his own emotions in check enough to speak clearly. “I appreciate you sparing me, but I wanted to protect you too, I cherish your life too. Why… why’d you have to go and be selfish!”

There was anger in the statement but it was short lived, Noah’s hand balling into a fist and patting down on Caesarion’s chest in his pathetic want for emphasis. The Kelvic swallowed over the lump in his throat, fighting still to keep his burning eyes from spilling over. He was overwhelmed with emotions his otherwise flighty body couldn’t handle and work through at the pace in which they were coming. For a long while the Kelvic had been a monotone husk of grey existence and here that husk was suddenly being flooded with colors his fragile body couldn’t contain.

“I forgive you, I just don’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to do then either. I was scared and lost because I expected you to be mine forever and you weren’t… you were gone and I couldn’t find you because I couldn’t feel you anymore.”