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Alright, thank you very much for working with us, Bloodwolf. Your character Tendra is accepted.
Alright, just a couple more issues impeding us from starting.
Bloodwolf, two things. First off, your sheet still says your character can fly. That needs to be removed; if they aren't part-dragon then they shouldn't have wings. Secondly, your dragonfire ability is accepted, but it should start out in a weak state, akin to or slightly more powerful than a tier one Fire spell in Kingdom Hearts.
ColorMeEvil, we're still waiting on that personality re-write. Also, we'd like you to define the starting point of your abilities. You say that Ceaser King won't have access to them at full power right away, but you don't mention how powerful they do start out.
Once these changes are made we'll be ready to launch the RP.
Bloodwolf, two things. First off, your sheet still says your character can fly. That needs to be removed; if they aren't part-dragon then they shouldn't have wings. Secondly, your dragonfire ability is accepted, but it should start out in a weak state, akin to or slightly more powerful than a tier one Fire spell in Kingdom Hearts.
ColorMeEvil, we're still waiting on that personality re-write. Also, we'd like you to define the starting point of your abilities. You say that Ceaser King won't have access to them at full power right away, but you don't mention how powerful they do start out.
Once these changes are made we'll be ready to launch the RP.
In short, no, Bloodwolf. Your character is denied. Don't get me wrong, you are still free to revise the character or post a new one, but right now Samuel Hellrin is rejected.
Here are the issues I have with him (Wayward may chime in with more, at some point):
1. Being a half-demon. There aren't really any demons in the KHverse. If you had been able to validate your demonic heritage through some sort of canon (connecting it to a Final Fantasy world, perhaps) or something similar, we might be able to work with you, but for now I take issue with it.
2. No internal consistency. The history first states that Samuel's mother is a demon, granting him his half-demon heritage. Then it says that, on the brink of death, Samuel makes a pact with a demon for eternal life (see part 3 of this breakdown). Later, in the "Notes" section it says that Samuel's father made a pact with a demon which is why he's part demon. Which is it?
3. Eternal life. Just, no. I'm not sure if you mean that Samuel would not age/die of natural causes or if he cannot be killed, but either way that's just not okay.
4. Clarity. Many of the details are hazy, relating to issue 2. Perhaps a more in-depth History would be helpful, or even just a more clear version of what is already presented. One of the main issues is your Abilities section. Do you see how everyone else has their abilities listed in such a way that they are analogous to Final Fantasy/Kingdom Hearts abilities (except the Jest, but his long-winded paragraphs basically boil down to him not knowing any particular spells)? I would prefer something like that, in list format, with a bit more clarity. Your character is adept at using fire magic; in what ways might he use it? Is it similar to the Fire spell from Kingdom Hearts?
5. Samuel's personality. The idea of a cold, uncaring person who fights for the strong is totally fine, but you directly paraphrased Sin's character Isadora's personality in a number of instances:
Sin: "She would likely appear to others as a cold, distant type of person due to her icy vibe, which is quite accurate."
You: "A cold and somewhat distance man"
Sin: "She rarely speaks unless she has something important to contribute--she prefers observing others over engaging with them nine times out of ten."
You: "Samuel can be consider Unsociable as well considering he does not often speak a lot unless he has to."
Sin: " She views fellow humans as simply being in her way or just unnecessary."
You: "He become cold and cruel, showing no mercy to friend or foe as he always says 'Don't get in my way.'"
I understand that these are relatively common traits among more evil characters, but it seems like you just copied her personality, even down to some of the wording.
6. 16 years of apprenticeship. This is a personal qualm that doesn't necessarily need to be changed. On a personal level, it doesn't make sense that your character wouldn't have ascended to masterhood within this time period. I'm not even sure if you planned for him to be an apprentice, or if you just wanted to make a random dark character, but your History suggests he was taken in by Axeus.
If you wish to participate in the RP, please rectify these details and re-submit your character, or submit a new one. If you'd like some help, I'm more than willing to give it, just shoot me a PM.
Here are the issues I have with him (Wayward may chime in with more, at some point):
1. Being a half-demon. There aren't really any demons in the KHverse. If you had been able to validate your demonic heritage through some sort of canon (connecting it to a Final Fantasy world, perhaps) or something similar, we might be able to work with you, but for now I take issue with it.
2. No internal consistency. The history first states that Samuel's mother is a demon, granting him his half-demon heritage. Then it says that, on the brink of death, Samuel makes a pact with a demon for eternal life (see part 3 of this breakdown). Later, in the "Notes" section it says that Samuel's father made a pact with a demon which is why he's part demon. Which is it?
3. Eternal life. Just, no. I'm not sure if you mean that Samuel would not age/die of natural causes or if he cannot be killed, but either way that's just not okay.
4. Clarity. Many of the details are hazy, relating to issue 2. Perhaps a more in-depth History would be helpful, or even just a more clear version of what is already presented. One of the main issues is your Abilities section. Do you see how everyone else has their abilities listed in such a way that they are analogous to Final Fantasy/Kingdom Hearts abilities (except the Jest, but his long-winded paragraphs basically boil down to him not knowing any particular spells)? I would prefer something like that, in list format, with a bit more clarity. Your character is adept at using fire magic; in what ways might he use it? Is it similar to the Fire spell from Kingdom Hearts?
5. Samuel's personality. The idea of a cold, uncaring person who fights for the strong is totally fine, but you directly paraphrased Sin's character Isadora's personality in a number of instances:
Sin: "She would likely appear to others as a cold, distant type of person due to her icy vibe, which is quite accurate."
You: "A cold and somewhat distance man"
Sin: "She rarely speaks unless she has something important to contribute--she prefers observing others over engaging with them nine times out of ten."
You: "Samuel can be consider Unsociable as well considering he does not often speak a lot unless he has to."
Sin: " She views fellow humans as simply being in her way or just unnecessary."
You: "He become cold and cruel, showing no mercy to friend or foe as he always says 'Don't get in my way.'"
I understand that these are relatively common traits among more evil characters, but it seems like you just copied her personality, even down to some of the wording.
6. 16 years of apprenticeship. This is a personal qualm that doesn't necessarily need to be changed. On a personal level, it doesn't make sense that your character wouldn't have ascended to masterhood within this time period. I'm not even sure if you planned for him to be an apprentice, or if you just wanted to make a random dark character, but your History suggests he was taken in by Axeus.
If you wish to participate in the RP, please rectify these details and re-submit your character, or submit a new one. If you'd like some help, I'm more than willing to give it, just shoot me a PM.
Sin, your character Isadora is accepted.
Double, your character Kengo is also accepted. Sorry I hadn't read over that sooner, and same to you, PerniciousIntent. I'm adding your characters to the OP now.
PerniciousIntent, your character Matilda is accepted.
No no, it's fine. I just wanted to check with the other GM, Wayward, and he said it was fine. You're more than welcome to write up a CS and participate.
Sorry for the late reply, ColorMeEvil.
At the moment, it seems we have three applicants for each spot. However, I'd personally be okay with you putting up a CS and participating. As long as the balance between sides doesn't get too heavily skewed, we should be able to run with four dark apprentices.
At the moment, it seems we have three applicants for each spot. However, I'd personally be okay with you putting up a CS and participating. As long as the balance between sides doesn't get too heavily skewed, we should be able to run with four dark apprentices.
That's fine, Mike. Post it up when you're ready. Depending on how long you take the RP may start without you, but we can always work you in.
Yep, there's still a spot for a Light and a Dark apprentice, if I'm not mistaken.
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