Luminous Beings

Verthaven: Moved to a higher level of existence

Turbo, I think you're going to need an entirely different power. She could kill someone without any effort at all and stay totally immune to damage.

Verthaven: Moved to a higher level of existence

SepticGentleman

I'm not sure that level of facial scarring is even possible. Becoming that disfigured and not getting it fixed...you'd have to have a reason. I don't think he's fleshed out enough in terms of morality/personality/etc, as he and the other character mainly just seem to be there for the purpose of killing metahumans. His appearance is pretty barebones, as is his personality. If these guys are NPCs that's one thing but if you're planning on using these characters we're gonna have to see some more detail. Why would he sustain these injuries and not seek out a plastic surgeon? What injuries caused him to look like that? Etc, etc. Having disfigurement as serious as he has, you'd expect significant lifestyle changes...surgery, voice therapy, etc, etc.

Didos

Physical appearance is going to need to be expounded upon some more, it's too short. For suggestions you could have voice, gait, build, distinguishing features, etc, etc. Personality is at a good start but I'd enjoy seeing more here as well-Verthaven's a dangerous city, and to the economically-minded, it might be a better investment to go somewhere that's got less risk, what with all those gangs running around. Is there another reason she's in Verthaven? What drove her to become a dealer? If she's successful enough to afford yachting, etc, then she must be relatively well-known on the streets-how does she balance a criminal lifestyle with an upper-class one? So on and so forth. You touch on this on the bio, but I'd enjoy seeing a little more detail there as well. As for her powers, it seems like her drugs would fuel her abilities-if so, is she an addict? A high-functioning one, but an addict nonetheless? Teleportation can be a very destructive power if used properly so I'd like to see a few more drawbacks to it. If she's reliant upon her own supply, that could be one such weaknesses. Consider limitations in range and "cooldown" as well, i.e. using it in succession is exponentially more draining, so if she tries to flicker back and forth during a fight she'll burn herself out fairly quickly.

MrDidact

Little more on the appearance would be good, personality and history are good. Unfortunately, super-speed is an incredibly powerful ability. He can pretty much blitz anything and, with the accelerated velocity, kill pretty much anyone effortlessly. Naturally, this is kind of problematic. It's going to need to be toned down in order to be accepted. A suggestion would be removing his immunity to his own speed; in other words, he doesn't have the resistance to friction, wind shear, durability, etc, that he currently has. As such, he accelerates faster and faster at his own risk. We'd be okay with his power on that condition. He would need more concrete weaknesses, regardless, as a few of his weaknesses are mixed blessings and not outright weaknesses: not noticing injuries can be a blessing (and a curse, granted), as can the heightened brain function. Remove the faster brain function, make him vulnerable to his own speed, and he'd be okay. Additionally, it should take a pretty heavy metabolic toll-if he's going fast enough to dodge bullets, his body should run out of energy to sustain that relatively quickly. You could consider, instead of having the heightened brain function, it's something he can switch on and off. So he has normal reflexes until he decides to activate his powers. This would get rid of that problem and also help ground him out a bit more, as it'd make him vulnerable to surprise attacks and such.

Felicia

First, if you're going to have martial arts as a talent, that's okay, but just be aware that standing at 4'6 and 86 lbs, there is no amount of martial arts on earth that will save Felicia from getting her ass handed to her by someone who knows what she's doing. Not starting a character dick measuring contest here, just want to make sure we're on the same page-we see a lot of character with "martial arts" as a talent on their pages, and while martial arts are useful...well, everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face. She can be trained and have excellent technique, but she's also 4'6. Even with skill, size and strength can't be entirely ignored, and when a lot of people have 1-1.5 feet and 100+ pounds on your character, she's going to be very limited in what she can do. Her size is also something of a concern-I'm not sure if that's dwarfism exactly, but is there a reason? If you want a small character that's perfectly fine, but if it's the result of nutritional deficiencies or a genetic issue then we just want to be sure. There should also be a little more explanation of the psychological effects of seeing what happened to her friend, most people don't shrug that off.

As for her power. This is a really cool power, but object manipulation is very open-ended and incredibly strong without more limitations. Can she talk a pistol into flipping its safety on when someone's about to shoot her? Or convince a hand grenade to pull its pin? Or talk a car into cutting its brake wires? Etc, etc. Just being able to talk to inanimate objects would be more acceptable-honestly, I think with a power like that you wouldn't even need a weakness (beyond the psychological grievances of having to talk with everything/never being alone), but being able to manipulate objects outright is very strong. Willing to be manipulated isn't a suitable weakness as, well, no offense, you'd be the one determining whether or not they were willing. Adjusting their strength is also out of the question, as she could throw a pebble at someone and make it hit with the force of a .50 cal round. I really admire the creativity, but it's an incredibly strong power and needs to get toned down quite a bit.

Toad

Ratchet seems good thus far, but I'll be totally honest, I'm not really sure what her power does. I never took physics, so yeah, this one is probably on me. If you could describe it in a different way, maybe, I'd be able to give feedback. Excellent sheet otherwise

Verthaven: Moved to a higher level of existence

Okay, I have feedback on these sheets, it's going to take me a while to get through to all of them but I'll try to in the next few minutes

Verthaven: Moved to a higher level of existence

Also I dunno if Lone mentioned it but I'm Co-GM so I'm not just being that asshole co-RP'er here. I'm going to be brutally honest to avoid any miscommunication, no one please take offense at anything, we want to ensure quality characters for the RP.

Automaton

Some stuff to fix up on your sheet.

Why is his hair white and black? Is this a part of his power or a mutation of some sort? Going prematurely grey is fine I'm just curious as to what's going on here

If he's small for his size, he should weigh less. 180 for 5'11 isn't a small frame.

Attire. You're really going to have to sell me on being able to smuggle a machete in a sock. The average machete is, what, a foot and a half long? Minimum? A knife or dagger I could buy, but not a machete.

If he's a small-built guy, I'm not entirely sold on his being able to intimidate people as a talent. There is also not a lot of overlap between hackers and hood rats. You should stick to one or the other, especially given that there's no bio to explain how he grew up in an environment where he accrued all those scars, learned how to fight, and also had time to learn how to code and hack. Sneaking around without being seen is also something that's iffy. How to stay quiet and move about? Okay, but don't get drawn out here. He can be good at things, but they shouldn't double as powers in and of themselves. If you want a low-level street thug, that's fine, but given his skillset, I just want it to be clear he's not going to be breaking into bank vaults or going up against black belts or hacking into any NEST databases. Also not sure what you mean by talking to people of a higher class. Posing as someone who's high society? Going to be tricky with all those scars. His black and white hair and tell-tale outfits will also make him a little less predisposed for sneaking around.

If he's able to only control a set amount of bees, you need to define what that amount is.

He also does not have any weaknesses. What you listed are limitations, but not weaknesses. Ex. Superman is weak to kryptonite, this is a weakness only he has. Superman cannot be in two places at once, that is a limitation, but not necessarily a weakness. It's not likely this RP will last more than 40 days, so the bee thing is kind of a moot point. Also, there's not a finite number of bees in the town, so the age limit doesn't matter. If they age at, say, 10,000 times normal speed in his presence because science, that would be different. Stealthing with bees seems contradictory. If he can't sneak because of the buzzing of all the bees around him, how has he managed to pick locks, go about unseen, etc, throughout his life? He needs definitive weaknesses, and not mere limitations. If I recall correctly, bees die when they sting something. This could be a potential drawback to his stingers-if he stabs someone with them, they fall out and he not only has an open wound to deal with, but his powers take a hit for a while. Something like that. Having armor, blades that can apparently stop a knife attack, being able to fly, and the ability to manipulate bees (which, on its own, could be overwhelmingly strong) without any real weaknesses is kind of a red flag. You will need substantial weaknesses for a character this powerful.

He also needs a more fleshed-out personality. What are his motives, his goals, his fears, his loves, why does he do what he do? Etc.

Fedested

Description and personality are good but we'd prefer a bit more detail.

As I think Lone mentioned, a bit more history continuing into the present day would be good as well.

Just to be clear, these projections don't have physical matter, right? As in, if you create the illusion of Mike Tyson, Illusion-Iron-Mike can't actual beat the hell out of me, correct? Given his age, I'm okay with his having less in the way of concrete weaknesses, as it stands to reason he'd have better mastery of his powers. Not accusing you of anything, but you should stick with the fatigue angle if that's the main drawback-I've been in a fair number of RP's where people whose powers are physically exhausting are curiously able to keep at it for pages and pages on end...otherwise good. You could consider headaches, astigmatism/blurred vision, etc, from overuse as well. Is he only able to create visual projections? They can't be accompanied by other sensory details? (if so, he WOULD need a more definite weakness, as you could really subtly and effectively kill people by messing with all of their senses)

Maxx

I've looked at the Tarot cards and, unfortunately, you're predestined to have a character who gets rejected. Blame the stars buddy.

Portwood Institute for Talented Youths (PITY)

Lynn just started it off if Devin wants to tagalong.

Verthaven: Moved to a higher level of existence

I'll get my sheets in soonish.

[High-Casual] Verthaven (Realistic Superhuman City)

I call powers that nullify whatever UrbanEvolution's powers are

Portwood Institute for Talented Youths (PITY)

Lynn stopped doing push-ups, holding herself up with shaky arms somewhere around thirty-four.

Hmm.

Hmm.

The old proverb rung in her head, and she mulled over another caveat. Those Injuns probably couldn't afford to kill off ALL their hunting dogs, now could they? Low-risk. Good way to stick it to these gilded cage, PITY assholes (who were currently wearing the face of Dick Wheatment) without running the chance of fucking up her probation. Yeah, yeah that'd work. That'd work real nice, wouldn't it.

Lynn brought her knees up, standing up calm and slow. She'd been listening to Erica-eh, kinda cute, but something just seemed off about her, Lynn couldn't tell just what. Still, trusting her instincts had gotten her pretty far, and she resolved to keep an eye on the confrontational chick. Besides, she couldn't run the risk of having her "most anti-authoritarian" superlative snubbed by anybody else, now could she.

"Here's an idea," Lynn muttered to the other students. Likely loud enough for the teacher to here, but she didn't particularly care. "Given that we're the only damned ones who showed up, I'm not exactly appreciating this level of assholery this early in the morning. I vote we walk out, I don't have another class until...." Lynn paused, trying to remember. She had ignored most of the papers they'd handed her at check-in for a variety of reasons. Publically? Apathy. Privately? Lots of words she didn't know. The fuck was an itinerary? "...until i find my schedule again." she glanced at Casper, trying to size up if this little gambit would blow up in her face or not. She figured these three were pissed enough to be willing to walk out with her, and that would at least gain her some cohorts. If they brought the hammer down on them, it wouldn't be just on her-and that might be a saving grace if probationary hearings came 'round. Not only that, she'd earn a few allies. Lynn wasn't really feeling the love for anybody here, but it never hurt to earn somebody's respect. It'd be a good way to weed out the little bitches from the cool kids, anyways.

A little voice in the back of her head that had an eerie resemblance to the juvy center's therapist piped up. Maybe you'll even make some friends!

Yeah, I'll be pissing friendship by the time fall semester's done.

"Let's go," Lynn said, not waiting for a response. Looked a little cooler that way, and might galvanize them into tagging along-if she lingered, she'd jut draw Rick's ire, and that might shake some people off. She kneeled down, grabbing her sweatshirt and throwing it over a shoulder.

"Did I say you could be finished, missy?" Rick barked.

Eh. She might as well get kicked out for something worthwhile.

"Your boyfriend has to say that a lot, doesn't he?" Lynn snapped back, walking off the turf and sizing up the facilities. If her vague recollection of her schedule held true, she really didn't have a class for a few more hours. In the future, that slot would probably be occupied by detention-assuming they let her stay at the school-but hey, whatever. She wasn't about to sit there and take that kind of treatment. Hell no. Lynn walked off, ignoring Rick's rather vengeful responses. It took a lot to rattle Lynn-she'd heard and seen worse stuff than most could put together on the fly-and it showed as she sauntered off, cool and steady. If somebody else wanted to join her one-woman army of dropouts, all the better. If not, she'd find someplace quiet to smoke and count the hours til that bus came back.

"Shoulda taken Snakes up on that offer," Lynn muttered under her breath.

Fallout: Dixie Rivermen

Fair enough. I'll look back through the sheet and fix it up.

Portwood Institute for Talented Youths (PITY)

As the great philosopher Abed would say, cool cool cool. I'll get a post in the next few hours at some point