- Last Seen: 2 yrs ago
- Old Guild Username: Major Ursa
- Joined: 12 yrs ago
- Posts: 3728 (0.82 / day)
- VMs: 4
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Username history
- Major Ursa 12 yrs ago
Status
Recent Statuses
6 yrs ago
Current
Wow, it’s been so long...
10 yrs ago
Wifi was down, what'I miss?
1
like
10 yrs ago
:D *trying exponentially harder not too be dead*
10 yrs ago
Still alive, kind of. The wifi hasn't been great to where I wanted it. Either this laptop is connecting and I make my posts tomorrow, or I'm going to the library to make some RP posts.
2
likes
10 yrs ago
Again, sorry if I've been running slow...a whole other, months long RP was just shut down, nd that was kind of depressing.
Bio
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Most Recent Posts
Well, time to figure out what to post for Stilettos...
I'm not sure who I should have Otto poke in the face...
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Suggestions would be nice.
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Suggestions would be nice.
Yeah...this gif was worrying to heck...
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Rest in peace, little guy...rest in peace.
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Rest in peace, little guy...rest in peace.
Welcome back, Wormgod. I knew you'd appear if I was actively stroking my weasel around here, out in the open.
*waggles la eyebrows*
*waggles la eyebrows*
:3
Fuc%. My. World.
In
Let's B!tch. I feel it's a healthy release for our roleplay annoyances 2.0
→
12 yrs ago
Forum: Roleplaying Discussion
Dramatic Word Vomit About Me Being Needy Like A Bitch
I'm in an RP I love, which has lasted for quite a long time when most RPs have died. In fact, it nearly died once, and I was one of the few people around who joined up when the GM wanted to bring it out of its coma. Thing is, it was a sandbox based off of a fandom I'm not too interested in, though the sandbox element interested me greatly initially. As the thing progressed, I've kept having to ramp up my enthusiasm time and time again, though it started to fall closer and closer into the original fandom. Now, it's close enough to the fandom that the people involved who know of it talk about the show constantly, and plan based loosely upon that...and I feel left out. There are instances that the story and plot is planned out in secret away from me by the bigger post contributors, and I've been left out and in the dark feeling like I'm being left behind. Every time a character from the show is introduced, me with my own interest OC feel like I'm getting less and less involved since I don't even know how to steer a canon NPC as I've always been careful about even lesser character depiction.
Due to the planning of the plot without me, much of my own character plans and development keeps getting squashed or put on the back burner. It's depressing, and brings me back to a depressing part of my life. I end up getting annoying trying to get plot spoilers, or trying to get involved and making stupid mistakes that someone who knows the canon in and out wouldn't. I get so worked up about details I don't understand inside and out, or things I've forgotten or didn't have clarity about, and become absolutely miserable about it. Still, I tried harder and harder to bring up my old enthusiasm, but it feels like less and less of my efforts are working and more and more of this is falling away from me. I fought with myself about this for a long while, but I'm not sure if I can last long enough in this RP without bringing negativity and feeling god awful here and there for my selfishness...augh, I'm just so so sorry I can't be happy about the direction of the RP like the rest of the small cast, who are entirely happy and enthusiastic.
So, a few days ago, I PMed the GM asking if I was really necessary to the RP...and asked about the possibility of dropping this thing. Part of me knows I could just settle, be happy, and write this thing...and another part of me tells me I'll make a fool out of myself, heck, even taking this whole thing too seriously is foolish, if not madness. Part of me argues that if the GM had just straight up asked me to stay with them, I'd be miserable...and then other part of me argues that if the GM just accepted my leave of this, I'd feel like the GM wasn't fighting for me to stay, didn't want me. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. Feel left out if I stay, actually be left out if I leave.
I was sure I'd be able to have the strength to l just leave the other day, offload my character plans to get it out of my system them write one last bit about my character leaving. But...after offloading the plans I was sure would never come to fruition in storyline, like so many others before it...the GM expressed wholehearted approval, and now I feel that damned hope. Hope, the one evil of the world that was smart enough to stay in the box and close to humans. The GM was told me plenty of time that my stuff was interesting, but for the most part, I've never executed the best stuff or settled for things that made my character feel less than themselves...and now, doubt has strung up like it always does, and now I'm doubting whether I was serious or seriously taking this all too seriously.
I don't know anymore, and I don't know what to do. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU--
I'm in an RP I love, which has lasted for quite a long time when most RPs have died. In fact, it nearly died once, and I was one of the few people around who joined up when the GM wanted to bring it out of its coma. Thing is, it was a sandbox based off of a fandom I'm not too interested in, though the sandbox element interested me greatly initially. As the thing progressed, I've kept having to ramp up my enthusiasm time and time again, though it started to fall closer and closer into the original fandom. Now, it's close enough to the fandom that the people involved who know of it talk about the show constantly, and plan based loosely upon that...and I feel left out. There are instances that the story and plot is planned out in secret away from me by the bigger post contributors, and I've been left out and in the dark feeling like I'm being left behind. Every time a character from the show is introduced, me with my own interest OC feel like I'm getting less and less involved since I don't even know how to steer a canon NPC as I've always been careful about even lesser character depiction.
Due to the planning of the plot without me, much of my own character plans and development keeps getting squashed or put on the back burner. It's depressing, and brings me back to a depressing part of my life. I end up getting annoying trying to get plot spoilers, or trying to get involved and making stupid mistakes that someone who knows the canon in and out wouldn't. I get so worked up about details I don't understand inside and out, or things I've forgotten or didn't have clarity about, and become absolutely miserable about it. Still, I tried harder and harder to bring up my old enthusiasm, but it feels like less and less of my efforts are working and more and more of this is falling away from me. I fought with myself about this for a long while, but I'm not sure if I can last long enough in this RP without bringing negativity and feeling god awful here and there for my selfishness...augh, I'm just so so sorry I can't be happy about the direction of the RP like the rest of the small cast, who are entirely happy and enthusiastic.
So, a few days ago, I PMed the GM asking if I was really necessary to the RP...and asked about the possibility of dropping this thing. Part of me knows I could just settle, be happy, and write this thing...and another part of me tells me I'll make a fool out of myself, heck, even taking this whole thing too seriously is foolish, if not madness. Part of me argues that if the GM had just straight up asked me to stay with them, I'd be miserable...and then other part of me argues that if the GM just accepted my leave of this, I'd feel like the GM wasn't fighting for me to stay, didn't want me. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. Feel left out if I stay, actually be left out if I leave.
I was sure I'd be able to have the strength to l just leave the other day, offload my character plans to get it out of my system them write one last bit about my character leaving. But...after offloading the plans I was sure would never come to fruition in storyline, like so many others before it...the GM expressed wholehearted approval, and now I feel that damned hope. Hope, the one evil of the world that was smart enough to stay in the box and close to humans. The GM was told me plenty of time that my stuff was interesting, but for the most part, I've never executed the best stuff or settled for things that made my character feel less than themselves...and now, doubt has strung up like it always does, and now I'm doubting whether I was serious or seriously taking this all too seriously.
I don't know anymore, and I don't know what to do. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU--
Settled.
Also, I suppose the angel thing 2 is similar to the werewolf hunter hunting other werewolves thing.
CS
Name: Pasha “Paul” Kozlov
Age: 22
Race: Lycanthrope
Appearance: A few inches short of six feet tall, a slender yet fit build. His wolf form is of a grey wolf, and his midway form is a mix of man and wolf.
Personality: Lazy, and laidback…with the ideas of race purity, he has little remorse for the turned/cursed werewolves he kills, though he doesn’t go out of his way to hunt them like a real lycanthrope hunter.
History: Being from an old family of Russian lycanthropes, and yet the youngest of 12 siblings, he was raised in a more lax manner then what was normal. With the ideology of lycan pure bloodedness drilled into his head in the early years, Paul in his preteens went to a respected turned ex-hunter for lycan hunting training. Though he had some training, he is sorely lacking in pureblood lycan fighting style and werewolf hunting style, but has a happy medium of skills that go in between. Even though he is known as a hunter of lesser breed/controlled werewolves, he is also known for not confronting other races…at all. During the famous recent vampire vs werewolf fight, he is known for stabbing the strong arm of the werewolf posse in the back before doing a pathetic back down from the vampire posse, which has brought some disgrace to his family.
Special Power/Weapon: Pure blood lycanthropy~! As well…doesn’t hunt werewolves, but instead uses wolf’s bane perfume to attract the lesser lycans to him before poisoning them with a wolf’s bane gas, wears a custom animal gas mask to protect himself while he does so…
Other: Speaks Russian, French, and English fluently.
Also, I suppose the angel thing 2 is similar to the werewolf hunter hunting other werewolves thing.
CS
Name: Pasha “Paul” Kozlov
Age: 22
Race: Lycanthrope
Appearance: A few inches short of six feet tall, a slender yet fit build. His wolf form is of a grey wolf, and his midway form is a mix of man and wolf.
Personality: Lazy, and laidback…with the ideas of race purity, he has little remorse for the turned/cursed werewolves he kills, though he doesn’t go out of his way to hunt them like a real lycanthrope hunter.
History: Being from an old family of Russian lycanthropes, and yet the youngest of 12 siblings, he was raised in a more lax manner then what was normal. With the ideology of lycan pure bloodedness drilled into his head in the early years, Paul in his preteens went to a respected turned ex-hunter for lycan hunting training. Though he had some training, he is sorely lacking in pureblood lycan fighting style and werewolf hunting style, but has a happy medium of skills that go in between. Even though he is known as a hunter of lesser breed/controlled werewolves, he is also known for not confronting other races…at all. During the famous recent vampire vs werewolf fight, he is known for stabbing the strong arm of the werewolf posse in the back before doing a pathetic back down from the vampire posse, which has brought some disgrace to his family.
Special Power/Weapon: Pure blood lycanthropy~! As well…doesn’t hunt werewolves, but instead uses wolf’s bane perfume to attract the lesser lycans to him before poisoning them with a wolf’s bane gas, wears a custom animal gas mask to protect himself while he does so…
Other: Speaks Russian, French, and English fluently.
*comes to a realization*
I am trash.
:(
I will submit a CS soon...if I can figure out what sort of character I wants...
I am trash.
:(
I will submit a CS soon...if I can figure out what sort of character I wants...
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