Neve

i'm just taking in the scenery || b&r

They had started and then ended briefly in a way that was completely unconventional- Brendon had been a fan of Ryan’s band, the bearer of a recently developed crush, and Ryan had, by mere chance, thrust the mic in his direction at a show and Brendon had taken him aback by his astounding vocals, incredible to the point of being more suited to the confidence of the lyrics than Ryan’s softer voice was. From that, they became bandmates, and friends, and in the following eight months of weakly suppressed mutual pining, the two of them fell in love, a realisation that only came to light at a cabin in the middle of the mountains, beside a smallish lake, miles away from anything. It had been an evening, Brendon had been absorbed in his thoughts and his writing, which both linked constantly back to Ryan. Ryan had followed him out after a while and they had sat together by the lake for barely half an hour before Brendon was kissing him, Ryan was kissing back, Brendon had breathed out confessions of love and Ryan had almost instantly returned them.

The memory made him lightheaded with affection and they always lead on to memories from the rest of their stay at the cabin; getting caught in the rain, sneaking back inside into Ryan’s room and just getting comfortable under the blankets, spending hours just tangled together, completely unproductive and completely in love, referring to eachother both aloud and in their heads as my boyfriend, my lover, the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. It was genuine and passionate, and it never went away- but they had rushed in, and Brendon panicked at the prospect of committment so early in his life and got cold feet from ‘forever and always’. Now, it was the opposite- he wanted that, more than anything, he wanted to be able to call Ryan his fiancé and then his husband, wanted to have matching surnames, wanted everything that came with marriage, the romance and the binding legalities. Brendon was almost as in love with love as he was with Ryan- for months he had been thinking about tuxedos and venues and decor and flowers and a wedding song. He was yet to write one, but his excitement for the death of his bachelor life was dominating the forefront of his mind. He only hoped Ryan felt the same.

He couldn’t imagine life without him anymore. Those couple of months apart had been a wake up call- Ryan was somebody he wanted and needed in his life, his soulmate, however cliche it was. That was obvious from when they ran into eachother again the first time, at one of Gabe’s famous parties. Gabe, the puppet master, had probably orchestrated the whole thing- they had most likely predicted that the two of them would get tipsy and Brendon would lose his filter and Ryan would lose his common sense and general apprehension for everything. They ended up making out in the kitchen and getting back together on that very night, admitting that neither of them had ever fallen out of love with the other. And here they were, years later, nothing had changed. It seemed they were in a perpetual honeymoon phase and he wouldn’t have had it any other way. Still, it was funny to think- what if Brendon hadn’t been talented at all? Had completely fallen flat on Build God? Hey, that’s - ‘kay, you’re right.

”Wow. You’re not meant to agree with me,” He retorted, grinning. Damn, the universe was really looking out for us. Brendon nodded idly. He wasn’t sure whether he believed in fate- he believed in love, and they had fallen in love; it wasn’t the universe, but maybe it was luck. If they’d never met, would Brendon feel like this about someone else? He wasn’t sure, and he didn’t waste time thinking too much about it. They were together, their future was certain, that was all that mattered to him. Ha grinned, though, as Ryan tilted up the neck of his guitar, still preoccupied with keeping his nerves under his control and his overdrive heart from going too fast. Exhaling, he decided to make his new concentration Ryan’s guitar, and quickly moved in to achieve his goal, prying the instrument gently away from his boyfriend’s hands, distracting him with a dizzyingly gentle kiss. Sneaky. Ryan was looking at him like that again, and Brendon was almost overwhelmed. They were honestly ridiculous. He successfully resisted the strong urge to kiss him again, and sat back, instead, strumming idly in the strings for a few moments before kicking right off into a relaxed rendition of Holy Spaces.

And you carry a little piece with you. These days, Ryan singing, even half-singing, was a rare pleasure he was able to experience, so he looked sort of dreamy and faltered as Ryan reached up to run his hands through his hair, leaning in and letting his eyelids fall, leaning in to kiss him briefly again. Never heard this song before. Brendon laughed, shrugging his shoulders, and drummed his fingers against the body of the guitar. ”I just thought it up now, y’like it?” Brendon placed Ryan’s prized possession aside, to his left, with Ryan lying down on his right. He turned, lying on his side close to Ryan, tangling a leg with Ryan’s and moving to brush his fingers through his hair. ”I can’t believe it’s been so long. Fuck, I love you. So much.” His voice was soft, but serious, and he reached into his pocket for the ring with his free hand, just to remind himself of the goal here. ”Since our little mishap, I haven’t once considered sharing my life with anybody else. You’re the one I wanna be with, for as long as you’ll have me,” Brendon’s voice was amazingly gentle for someone usually so excitable. For once in his life, he was genuinely nervous. Enamoured, he stopped mid-speech and leaned in yet again, kissing him, trailing off from his lips to the side of his mouth down to his jawline, one hand tangled in Ryan’s hair, the other splayed against his chest.

city’s your playground | b&r

Gabe had first heard about the hiring of a new assistant for Brendon from Boyd- though they despised the man, knowing from stories and impressions that he was unfeeling and wholly money-orientated and barely cared about his youngest son, they were very good at faking otherwise, weasling their way into people’s trust and finding out whatever they wanted to know. It was a talent. Boyd, they knew, adored them; once, the fucker had told them that they were ‘the son he never had’ (Gabe didn’t appreciate the terminology or the sentiment there), and Gabe had just smiled stiffly and lied through their teeth about what Boyd’s approval meant to them. Inside, they were thinking about possibly putting this guy in a chokehold, forcing him to pay attention to Brendon for just one second and have him apologise for the careless treatment and the lack of parental guidance and affection that played a large role in making Brendon into what he was today- misguided, reckless, yearning for approval, emotionally guarded, unmotivated in business like his older siblings. His parents deflected any blame, and though obviously his acting out wasn’t entirely their fault and was sometimes a product of a combination of obvious adhd and constant boredom, they did pass on some of their worst traits to their son, and had seemingly used up all ‘good parent’ energy on their four older children.

Boyd, for example, was a hypocrite, and Gabe knew it from their father’s stories. Their father had been born rich, it was his father that earned their fortune, and was one of Boyd’s first friends of that calibre and lifestyle. Gabe had a plethora of stories under their belt from their father about Boyd, how he had been an unmotivated party animal once, almost a mirror image of Brendon. It was one of the many reasons Gabe despised him so much- but in the end, he was a good source of information when Brendon was too stubborn to talk, and that’s how they found out about Ryan, so it worked out in the end. They still wanted to throttle him, but Gabe was tactical, and weighing the options, keeping him unscathed worked more in their favour. Anyway, Boyd had mentioned it in passing, and Gabe’s interest was immediately
piqued. They knew that Brendon had hired one previous PA, and that he fired them because of... reasons Gabe didn’t care to disclose to Brendon’s father. That’s why they were concerned when Brendon dropped the bombshell on them that he had slept with his new PA, already, and that this PA had heavily criticised him afterwards and was about as patronising as his parents (‘you’re emotionally unavailable, you’re selfish, you’re unsafe and you reckless, et cetera), Gabe knew they had to interfere before Brendon got himself hurt again.

Usually, this wouldn’t be a problem. Brendon had meaningless flings with peopl all the time, but he had a rule- nobody more than once. And Brendon had broken this rule with nary a backwards glance for this guy (who was, in Gabe’s definitely not humble opinion, nothing special) very quickly. In the past when Brendon had done that, it ended with heartache, and the walls that Brendon kept up grew stronger to the point they were practically impenetrable. Every time he risked it and exposed some of himself for real, he was stabbed and left in the dust in broad daylight, those that took advantage of him driving a knife square into whatever vulnerability that he trusted them enough to expose. Gabe wasn’t an idiot- they cared about Brendon, they didn’t want him to get hurt again by someone who would take advantage, and they had done this before- casually threaten those that would or had hurt Brendon. It was routine by now- and Brendon was wise of it, often growing irritated by Gabe’s interference; that was why they had to technically break in to Brendon’s penthouse and leave him none the wiser. So far, the plan had proceeded as expected.

Hi. Gabe raised an eyebrow when Ryan finally walked in, and took another judgemental sip from their martini. For a moment they considered offering him a drink, because the guy looked like he wanted to call the cops or call Brendon or both, but decided against it, not wanting to irritate Brendon by further depleting his closely monitored alcohol supply. They moved on by inviting- no, instructing- Ryan into the penthouse, barely a hand gesture indicating for him to shut the door behind him. Gabe commanded that kind of authority. Right, Yeah, it’s Ryan. Gabe knew that, and they wanted to make Ryan feel uncomfortable, like they knew everything about him already. And they pretty much did. “Fantastico. Sit down?” They indicated towards a plush seat opposite, momentarily setting their martini on the glass coffee table. Um- like what? Did Brendon ask you to talk to me? Shaking their head, they threw a leg over the other, knee pointed outward and ankle resting on their other knee, leaning backwards and spreading their arms out over the back of the sofa, looking like a true sycophant.

”No, he doesn’t know I’m talking to you. Actually, he most likely wouldn’t want me to. I have a history of, like, scaring away his potential hookups.” Gabe dropped that casually, but made no elaboration that they knew about it already happening between Brendon and Ryan. And does he know you're here? I don't think... I mean, it's nice to meet you and all, I've heard a lot of great things, but I'm not sure if you should... be here. Without him. Breaking stuff. Gabe just raises their eyebrows in disdain- was Ryan not aware of the nature of their and Brendon’s relationship? As in, they kind of semi-lived at eachother’s places half the time, and showing up completely unannounced was normal? Apparently not. They just flashed him a grin in response, leaving it enigmatic. ”Breaking his instruments- a lesser evil than, maybe, his heart.” Their eyes were more piercing now, and they leaned forwards, dropping their arms from the back of the couch.

”I’ll cut to the chase, Ryan. I know you and Brendon are, whatever, sleeping together- Notice the present tense. That doesn’t usually happen with Brendon.” Gabe paused, not long enough to let Ryan feel good about himself. ”So you must be doing something right to cancel out how much of a self-righteous asshole you’ve apparently been. I want to know what that is.” No further explanation, yet. They just watched him, gauging his reaction.

city’s your playground | b&r

Gabe never asked to come over anywhere, they never asked to be invited to events, they sort of just showed up anyway and nobody complained- either because they enjoyed Gabriel Carrasco’s constantly entertaining company, or they were inimidated by their slightly threatening enigmatic energy and sheer stature. It didn’t matter- Gabe was welcome anywhere, because they started no fights (or when they did, they made sure they could finish them), held no grudges (outwardly, anyway; they preferred not to air dirty laundry) and at their back was a very powerful, close family to which they owed their fortune and their name. The power of a name couldn’t be exaggerated- Gabe knew that, from both their own family’s dynamic and the families of their closest friends- a particularly apt example being Brendon Blake, the liability of Boyd Blake, an absolute trainwreck but in the most graceful and charming way imaginable. He drew attention away from his frequent questionable escapades with his effortles smile, and Gabe knew that he tried to laugh off the criticism of his family, too. Brendon hated them all- it wasn’t hard to see- but to cut himself off from that name would spell an end to any inheritance Boyd was still willing to set aside for his troublesome son, and Brendon had his priorities straight.

In fact, Brendon was arguably the most beloved of the entire uptight family (his rebelliousness, casual hedonism and devilish charm probably reached that end), and Gabe was just as golden amongst their own relatives, probably more famous than their father- but there was no bad blood between them. Gabe owed him a lot, and he treated Gabe with love and respect; Brendon never had that with his father. Gabe wasn’t usually a very empathetic person, but they weren’t stupid, and they did care about their friend. Brendon was, on the surface, a wild card, a nihilist, over-indulgent and reckless- beneath that, there was still some of the notes of the same song, but accompanied by vulnerability, a need to belong, a vendetta against love, hate for hate’s sake. Gabe knew Brendon was a wary man, and he had every reason to be- in the past, Gabe has witnessed their closest friend suffer through the heartache of thinking he had found something worth holding onto, and then being stabbed mercilessly in the back after the person had gotten what they wanted (five minutes of fame, the bragging rights, being on the receiving end of a very rich man’s generosity and affection). For this reason, they were defensive of him, and for this reason, when Brendon told them quite casually (as was how they worked) that he had slept and was sleeping with his own damn PA, Gabe had bristled under the skin. On the surface, they remained nonchalant, knowing Brendon would shut any concern or warnings down as a self-defence.

Gabe knew Brendon wouldn’t appreciate them getting involved, but they didn’t much care. It was widely known that Gabe was usually right- or that they were never totally wrong. At the time, they had been intrusive about finding out about this unexpected love affair, and Brendon was an oversharer, so they got everything they needed and more, along with some finer details they didn’t ask for but Brendon supplied anyway. So, the guy’s name was Ryan Ready- english major, straight out of university, but nothing exceptional on his resume that would typically land him a job like he had- PA to the youngest son and loose end of one of the richest men in the world (or, as Gabe liked to call the role, an overpaid, glorified babysitter for a serial monogamist and overindulgent hedonist like Brendon. They loved him really). So, what had landed Ryan the job? They asked Brendon, but the answer was vague- something about spilling wine on applications, which was hardly surprising. Then something about a bold question that made sure Ryan was the only applicant he could actually remember the name of. Then there was the fact he was ‘cute’. Gabe should have known. Brendon was weak and easy, as much as he liked to pretend he was in control.

That was exactly why Gabe wanted to know what Ryan’s intentions were with their friend- Brendon had been hurt too many times by gold diggers or fame seekers of those who only thought about Brendon in a lustful light. Gabe was something of a pessimist and imagined that Ryan was all three, and had spun a story in their head of him snatching up the highly paid PA job, finding his way quickly into Brendon’s bed and then ditching him when he made enough money and got bored of running out for Dr. Pepper at 3am. They wanted to meet this guy, interrogate him, and send him packing if they deemed him to be bad news for Brendon. They had a way of making things work for them, so Gabe quickly put a plan into action- Brendon had said that 80% of Ryan’s time was spent coming in and out of Brendon’s apartment, so they got into Brendon’s apartment while he was away with the key they stole, and made themselves at home, knowing from sneaking a copy of a calendar from where it had been abandoned on a coffee table that Ryan was due to deliver some suits that Brendon had splashed on, again. Brendon was also due back soon, but whatever. Gabe casually broke in to his apartment all the time.

They went over to Brendon’s little cocktail bar randomly installed at one end of the ridiculously large kitchen, and made themself a martini while they waited, wandering around and breaking the strings of a view of Brendon’s guitars as they passed the time. Their prediction was correct, it turned out- not fifteen minutes later, they heard the door open, and when Ryan Ready appeared in the doorway, looking somewhat stunned, Gabe had moved so they were casually leaning back against one of the velvet sofas, martini in hand. Gabe had done their research, they knew what this guy looked like, but not how gangly he was. Gabe noted that he was tall. That was probably why Brendon liked him so much. “Hola,” They began, deciding they had to stay true to their brand and speak way more Spanish in a few minutes than they had in the past week in normal conversation. ”I’m Gabriel, amigo. Ryan, right? Come, shut the door. We have a lot to talk about.”

only for tonight | b&r

Brendon was fully aware of most things about him on the internet. He didn’t read all the articles, but he got the gist from the headlines; he knew about his weird amount of fans considering he didn’t really have a career besides going live on Instagram and singing, going to rich people’s parties, the occasional modelling job when he could be bothered and endorsing different fashion designers when his mother bothered him about actually doing something ‘productive’ with his time. He was a celebrity by birth, he had been in the spotlight since he was young and didn’t remember anything else but cameras and news stories and speculation about his private life that wasn’t really private anymore. Still, it wasn’t like he minded- in fact, he loved the attention that came with having his own vast group of admirers, those who had a hopeless, common crush on the handsome playboy son of a billionaire. He had once actually slept with the chairperson of his official ‘fan club’ (nobody would ever believe them anyway). Brendon was aware of his online presence and he’d stopped caring what people thought about him a while ago- as long as it was about him, what was the problem?

To be that offhand was easier said than done, though, and there were some things on his Wikipedia page of all places that he didn’t even know were up there. His middle name, for example- he had never told anyone that, but somehow it was up there anyway. So he had no idea that Ryan was on all three lists he’d just mentioned. Embarrassing, considering he’d only known Ryan for a few months- but then Ryan was also now one of his closest friends. So he wouldn’t really mind that much. I’m so lucky. Brendon nodded in agreement, even though when it came down to it, it really wasn’t that difficult to get in his bed. Still. Quality and quantity could, contrary to believe, exist side by side. ”Very, darlin’.” He said softly, after a moment, returning Ryan’s slight smirk. ”Oh, by the way, uh. You’ve got hickeys. You’re welcome.” He mused, eyeing Ryan’s neck where purple and grey bruises had started to flower under his pale skin. Brendon felt a strange rush, and a tiny part of him wished he had something to show, too.

That longing quickly evaporated, because not moments later Brendon was livid, and couldn’t believe the words coming out of Ryan’s mouth because they were hat hypocritical and shortsighted. His jaw slackened momentarily as he swallowed and then he tensed it again, keeping himself calm only long enough for Ryan to get out his last couple of words. Then, he retaliated, quickly and venomously- he was angry, but he was also upset; he now knew that Ryan thought him heartless and though he always insisted he didn’t care, that bothered him. A lot. Which is why in his argument he didn’t hold back, and watched almost triumphantly as Ryan started to wither under the forcefulness and spite in his tone. That’s not how it is. Brendon scoffed. “How is it not? If you actually cared so much about my safety or integrity or whatever, you wouldn’t have, y’know, fucked me last night,” He pointed out, his voice scathing, his knuckles white by his sides. ”The only reason you’re saying that is you’re disappointed I didn’t intend for us to cook breakfast in our underwear or whatever bullshit fantasy you’re playing out in your mind.”

Brendon was stressed and high-strung and he turned, letting his breath catch in his throat. It’s always been relevant. He wasn’t really listening anymore- he just shook his head. He felt like he was being scolded by his dad about his reckless behaviour, or being patronised by his mom about his lack of meaningful emotional connections. Ryan was supposed to be his friend, and in his experience, a friend was someone who backed him no matter what and did whatever he wanted them to do. It explained a lot about him. I - Brendon, you called me at three in the morning because you were alone. Presumptious. Brendon rolled his eyes and dragged his hands down his face, clenching his jaw again briefly. ”Ryan,” He responded, exasperated, ”I called you at 3 in the morning because I intended on sleeping with you. It’s not a difficult leap. It could have been practically anyone else- you were at the top of my recent contact list.” It’s okay if you can’t make the connection easily so long as you make one at all. Ryan sounded like Brendon’s mom, and he felt a little sick.

He’d calmed down slightly- as in, he wasn’t yelling anymore- and he turned around, heading over to a convenient half-full bottle of red wine he’d left on a table and not even bothering to use a nearby glass. He just chugged, very gracefully, then swallowed, setting it down with a grimace. Honestly, he just wanted to be left alone so he could cope with this perceived personal attack by himself. I - I don't know. Just, it'd be nice to see you... opening up, and being happy and comfortable enough with someone to do that. Fulfilled. I don't know. Brendon paused, and for a moment he desperately wished that he understood what the hell Ryan meant. ”I keep myself fulfilled, Ryan,” He murmured testily, indicating towards the wine and then raising an eyebrow. ”Material pleasure is fulfilling for me. Last night was a handy refill.” Brendon turned around again, finally, leaving the bottle on the table and facing his assistant warily. He just wanted him to go home.

I'm sorry, it just - it didn't come out right. I didn't mean to sound like I was... judging, or whatever. I just worry, I guess. Brendon moved around him and sat back in his bed, pushing the velvet throw off the side onto the floor and settling down into the silk. ”You don’t have to worry, Ryan. I’m not your boyfriend and I never will be. You just have to do what I tell you to do- and I’m asking you, no, telling you, to get the fuck out. I’m not going to fire you, but I might kill you.”

i'm just taking in the scenery || b&r

Needless to say, Brendon’s life had changed in the last four years more than he could ever imagine, in sense of both his career (he had experienced the kind of growth in popularity in a few short years that most musicians tended to earn in a decade or so) and his love life (though they hadn’t been together for five years, even when they broke up he had never fallen out of love). Looking back on it, it was almost disorientating; he’d come so far, done so much, and now he was already thinking about the future, having only just achieved the present. He knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Ryan, and not make the same mistake of spooking in the face of commitment. Once, ‘forever and always’ had been daunting- now it sounded like a dream, the one thing he wanted to do was spend his time, as much time as possible, with the only man he has ever and will ever love. He wanted to wake up next to the same face every morning, he wanted to play on stage with the same guitarist to his right, he wanted to fall asleep beside the same man every night. No doubt was in his mind that Ryan felt the same, but Brendon had been thinking recently, he wanted their relationship to be ‘strengthened’ made ‘permanent’ in a sense- he wanted to get married.

It was definitely a huge next step, and Brendon had spent many a night lying and wondering whether it was too soon, was four years not enough, were they too young to ‘tie the knot’- and after that, he came to the easy conclusion that yes, he was ready, he wanted to call his soulmate his husband, he wanted to have a wedding, and he wanted to share the same surname (and, by the way, there was no way he was being ‘Brendon Ready’). The only problem was that he had to propose- and even for Brendon, typically confident and charming, hardly anything phasing him, that was daunting. First of all, he would be making himself vulnerable, and however sure he was that Ryan would say yes, there was always a chance he would say no, he wasn’t ready, and then the rest of their stay at the cabin would be awkward. Speaking of the cabin, the venue of choice was no mistake. This was where they’d fallen in love, or at least realised that they had, and by the like was where they’d first kissed, and walking into rooms, he remembered many nights sneaking eachother in and out- the nostalgia ached, but in a good way. He was reminded of a time where they were younger (not by much, but still) and when the band was still together, and when that had been the happiest time of his life.

It was still an unbelievably strong and fond memory, but he had made more. Getting shared dogs, writing new songs, making new friends, moving in together, everything that came with it. And he was hoping to make a stronger one now. He thought the memories that the lake and the shore and the grass and the stars invoked in him would offer some confidence, some reassurance, but instead it made him more nervous, almost immobilised by the love that swelled up his heart. Five years ago, he’d never have thought he’d be here- because five years ago Ryan didn’t even know he existed and Brendon was just an overenthusiastic fan of a young, relatively successful band with a genius lyricist (not self-described). Then the lead singer had picked him out of a moderately sized crowd and he’d impressed him with his vocals, and now five years later, like some bad romance movie, they were back to the place where they really began, and Brendon had plans to propose. It was surreal. He had to stop and think about it, and once he started, his thoughts kind of drifted away from the present.

Four years. Brendon turned his head, as if surprised Ryan was still there, but then he smiled, and thought excellent observation, baby. But he said nothing in response right away, just observed, eyeing Ryan’s beloved mint Stratocaster and watching his hands play lazily over the strings. Guitarist’s hands- obviously. Brendon blinked, and propped himself up on his elbows, still looking over in his boyfriend’s direction. ”Yeah. Crazy, right?” God, He was so nervous, that was all he could get out. His hand subconsciously went to his pocket as he sat up, while the other moved to card through his hair. You know, it’s just you. I would never have done this, not with anyone but you. Brendon felt a little faint, because Brendon knew what he meant and the surge of affection he felt was dizzying. ”I know how you feel,” He said softly, crossing his legs to sit and turning his body to face Ryan’s. ”Imagine if I’d been a terrible singer- Then you wouldn’t have wanted to see me that night. This would never have happened.”

The thought was amusing- both of Brendon being a bad singer and the ridiculous concept where they hadn’t fallen in love. He smiled, just as Ryan played over the strings again. Happy anniversary, baby. ”Yeah, happy anniversary. Here’s to another- I don’t know, forever?” Till death do us part- Brendon felt jittery with nerves again, and he needed some kind of output to calm down. His eyes rested on Ryan’s guitar. He had left his own inside. And happy anniversary to Holy Spaces, I guess. That gave Brendon an idea. He shifted closer, leaned over Ryan and moved a hand to tangle gently in his hair, before moving in to kiss him, feeling himself relax and his heart show. But he was still desperately nervous- as well as excited. Tentatively, he moved back, and wrapped a hand around the neck of Ryan’s guitar, smiling sheepishly because Ryan never let anybody use his guitar and Brendon had never asked before.

”Baby,” He said, in an almost sing-song voice, ”Can I play your guitar?” Immediately he could sense the protectiveness that Ryan had for his favourite instrument, and grinned, leaning over again skilfully to kiss any protest away, pulling the guitar gently but firmly from his grasp while he was distracted and then shifting away, triumphant. ”Don’t worry, I’ll be careful,” He reassured him, biting his lip to concentrate for a second before slinging the strap over his shoulder and getting comfortable. He played a few strings to test the tune and then decided it was already tuned enough (he couldn’t be bothered to be more specific), before starting to play the Holy Spaces intro, only singing the first part. ”You remind me of a former love that I once knew...” He fell off after that, slowing on the strings, and he grinned, feeling his heartbeat steady a little more. Brendon exhaled. It was going to be fine.

mildly inspiring end | b&r

If Brendon read too deep into their little sun-moon analogy, he’d probably gain some kind of distaste for it- since Ryan had penned it in the first place, in lyrics, and he had a habit of being self-depreciating, the closer he looked, the more concerned he became. It was romantic, and sweet, and was now mutually accepted, but Brendon was worried that Ryan thought his own worth was just a reflection of Brendon, that whatever love he had for him, however strong and genuine, was his only defining factor. Brendon disagreed fervently. The moon, he thought, was beautiful in its own right; the sun was too bright, too intense, almost gaudy. The moon would prefer to stay at the sidelines, but the sun’s exuberance brought out some qualities the world deserved to see. And that’s sort of how Brendon and Ryan worked- equals, willing to give the other the limelight in a heartbeat. Ryan just didn’t really thrive in the limelight- unless the attention was coming from Brendon. Either way, even though it was typical of Ryan to be all morose about himself, the analogy was special and had recurred consistently throughout their entire lives. He wasn’t about to abandon it.

He was thinking about it because last night it had been a waxing moon, a couple of days away from when it was full. Unfortunate, and ironic, that what was the symbol for the love of his life was also what caused him to have a very stressful night once a month. Anyway, Brendon had been alone- he’d already coaxed a drunk Ryan into bed and his boyfriend was fast asleep by the time he followed suit. It had been a busy, strange night, but he found solace with the moon, and then when he went to bed, he found solace with Ryan. Then, there was this morning, and the sun was glaring in, endlessly irritating, similarly to how Brendon seemed to be making it his personal mission to annoy his suffering boyfriend to death. For a while, he seemed to be succeeding, but Brendon then gave up- he hadn’t had a proper conversation with his boyfriend face-to-face for three days and he wanted to catch up at a time where Brendon wasn’t trying to kiss him every other word.

All the time, baby. Though Ryan’s voice sounded husky and sort of dry, Brendon wasn’t too concerned, because his normal speaking voice wasn’t too far off from that description to begin with (though he stood by his belief that his singing voice was a lot softer and had much more character and likability than Ryan restricted himself from believing). He considered arguing- of course Brendon was self-aware about a lot of things; that was how he so easily read Ryan like a book and so easily tended to wrap his boyfriend around his finger. He wasn’t the kind of person who needed compliments or validation to be confident- but that wasn’t to say he didn’t want it, and didn’t demand it without words when appreciation wasn’t shown to him. That’s where body language came in- that’s when he was hyperaware of himself, because if he was, Ryan definitely would be. ”...Yeah, I think you’re calling me a little short, darlin’.”

Ryan always delivered, despite his occasional obliviousness- for example, he catered to Brendon’s specific needs at any birthday parties that fell onto his shoulders to plan and organise (the rest of their close circle told him ‘duh, you’re a Virgo, plus you’re doing the guest of honour’. That had been an exact sentence out of Gabe’s mouth). It was a unique situation- the birthday boy loved to drink, liked alcohol, and loved to be the life of the party. He was also a recovering alcoholic and nobody would let him within ten feet of a bottle. Especially since the upcoming celebration would be for his 21st, it would be sort of awkward and Brendon could already sense the elephant in the room- it was a 21st, at least let the guests drink. But Ryan would never allow that. So, yeah, it was hard, but Ryan was resourceful and he knew Brendon very well- the way to his heart was by replacing any potential alcohol with twice as much weed. I’m not worried. That was new. God, Brendon was in love with him, the lightweight, hungover sucker. Shifting, he traced his fingers down his boyfriend’s arm lovingly, holding his breath so it seemed like he was casual about it all. It was sweet, but it was Brendon they were talking about; it couldn’t stay that way for very long.

Quiet, you. Brendon shrugged a shoulder innocently, pretending to zip his mouth closed and then leaning forwards to bite affectionately at his bottom lip, seemingly hoping to gain some favour before he launched into a tangent about the crazy stuff he used to get up to back when he didn’t really care about his health and he didn’t have a Ryan making sure he stayed on track when he did try to quit. No. I guess not. Well, that said a lot. Brendon was surprised he hadn’t heard the story from Holden, who actively demanded that Brendon tell him everything vaguely interesting that happened to him while he was drunk. And Holden wasn’t too good at keeping his mouth shut. ”Well, he did. I was pissed at myself- my crown had fallen.” Tilting his head, he considered the remainder of the story. I'm going to ignore everything I don't like about what you just said. Where'd you even get high heels? Who let your dumb ass borrow their shoes? Brendon laughed, resting both his hands on Ryan’s shoulders and then sliding them down to his sides. ”The guy who proposed the bet, duh. Josh. Well, Josh’s friend. Did him, too.” He said it in a way that was indistinguishable, but knowing Brendon...

He considered dropping it when Ryan started playing along his waistline, and let his eyes fall closed. Maybe he could just lie back down on Ryan’s chest and they could go back to sleep. Also, it seems like it's safe to assume you just go home with everyone from these stories, based on what you say. At least he had the courtesy to look sheepish. Brendon bit his lip to stop a smirk, considering that rather broad, sweeping statement. Then he nodded, hesitant. ”You’re pretty much right. Listen, I was a young dumbass going through heartbreak, I adopted some pretty shit coping mechanisms. But I had some damn good times. You missed out, being single is fun.” Poor choice of words. He was surprised he hadn’t been kicked off Ryan’s lap yet, and suddenly bored, he pressed down again, impatient. ”But it’s much nicer to have someone who knows me as well as you do, baby. I love you.”

I find it all so amusing || r&a

When River first encountered Dr. Cola in pediatrics, similarly to other staff members, he was caught off guard by how young and pretty this new doctor was and almost instantly that awe developed into a crush that refused to go away. River wasn’t exactly shy in the traditional sense, he just tended to stumble over his words just as much as his feet, so having a conversation with him was a lot of waiting for him to formulate coherent sentences and a lot of listening to whatever he had to say. That considered, he expected Dr. Cola to hate him- he was always so cynical and kind of brusque when talking to people, so he doubted this young doctor would have the patience to wait ten minutes per sentence River wanted to say. River was wrong- in fact, in the beginning, Ari didn’t have a clue who he was. Sure, he’d seen him around the wards and he had to come in and out of Ari’s office every once in a while to drop off documents and information, but he never mentioned River by name, they had never even had a full conversation and yet River remained with that stupid crush on a ridiculously pretty doctor.

He wasn’t the only, not by a long shot. River didn’t engage in small talk or spreading rumours, but he heard people when they gossiped and he committed what he thought was important to memory; for example, the fact that about a dozen other staff members so far had made comments about ‘how cute the new doctor is in pediatrics’ and how ‘they were going to ask him out when they got the chance’. Jealousy was beyond River- he didn’t experience it- but this didn’t mean that he didn’t want to beat them all to it. But that would never happen. Dr. Cola didn’t even know his name- until one fateful morning River didn’t oversleep and he had time to actual tame his warm golden hair from looking like the mane of an adolescent lion. You could see more of his face- he had gotten it chopped a little shorter recently, too- and River wasn’t entirely oblivious; he noticed the double take that Dr. A Cola sent his way when he quickly went in and out of his office. He’d be lying if he said it didn’t make his crush not only more prevalent, but more hopeful.

It didn’t take long after that for them to grow more comfortable around eachother, in the kind of way where they both felt the same way about eachother in that they had some kind of mutual attraction, and River found it easier to talk to him, more quickly. He was invited to his office more and more until one day he leaned over the desk to hand him some requested patient information files and Ari had pulled him in with a grip on his arm and kissed him. Funny- he’d always thought it would be him making a first move, but since apparently he wasn’t as aware as he thought he was, Ari had been dropping hints for weeks. It didn’t matter, though- River went home ecstatic, elated from having made out with the hot doctor he’d crushed on since he first started. He replayed it in his head- what he thought would start and end a chaste, brief peck became more slow and intense and River even moved round to get closer, tilting his head into it and relishing the moment just in case the doctor actually saw sense and realised what he was risking.

From that moment, Ari had just mysteriously needed to see much more of River, and frequently on the intercom was Nurse Kendrick in pediatrics to Dr. Cola’s office, followed by murmuring from the staff who suspected something, and then as River set off towards the office in question, people asking him why it was so secretive. River was good at keeping secrets, and he just shrugged and offered a reassuring, trustworthy smile that layed them off his back until maybe the next time it happened, which was usually the next day. Ari was getting more careless and also more affectionate. River wasn’t sure if he even really minded the risk anymore. He knew for a fact he couldn’t say the same for Ari, but he pretended anyway to indulge himself. This time, the excuse was so lame that River almost considered just ignoring the announcement- it was a request for files he’d asked for the day previous. He’d ignored the intercom, but five minutes later, it came again. He swore he’d ignore it yet again- but what could he say, it was nice to feel appreciated.

So he made his way as quickly as possible and shut the door gently when he finally made it to his office. He brought the sheets over with purpose, and immediately noted that Ari clearly didn’t care very much about them at all. Feeling playfully confrontational, he decided to take a few digs at him before he inevitably ended over there putting way too much weight than was reccomended on Ari’s office chair, even if Ari was pretty slight. You’re funny. And a broken record. ”Look who’s talking. You asked for me on the intercom twice in five minutes. Must really need this documents- you know, the ones I sent you yesterday?” He tilted his head and pushed a hand back through his hair, standing with his arms loosely crossed over his chest. I'd say c'mere and kiss me, the usual, but you pushed it coming in here and being rude right away. River smiled, and shrugged one shoulder. He had a pretty innocent face.

River wandered around his desk as Ari rolled backwards and held out his hand. He took it, swiping a thumb over his wrist. Also, real bold of you to laugh at my name when you're River. Plenty of rivers could sue you if they wanted."River shrugged, used to this by now. ”Let them come at me.” As much as he enjoyed this banter of theirs, he was bored of talking. Anyway, come here. I haven’t seen you all day. River smiled again, just slightly, then shifted as usual onto Ari’s lap, steadying himself with a hand curled into his shoulder. He held their loosely intertwined hands to his chest and then leaned in, other hand at his shoulder moving up to sift through Ari’s hair. Not wasting another moment, he kissed him, letting his eyes fall shut as he relaxed due to the familiarity and simultaneously his heart began to skip slightly.

only for tonight | b&r

Easier? Well, yeah. Brendon went through about fifteen different moods a day at lightning speed- so if at one moment, like right then, the morning after sleeping with his employee, he was feeling a certain way, it was hardly likely he’d be in the same mood at his date in the evening. And that was the only reason Brendon went on dates; he always asked the questions, dodged questions that were too personal that were aimed at him, and always took them back to his apartment and never agreed to go back to theirs (he felt more comfortable on familiar ground). There was that, and keeping his parents relatively happy about his non-existent ‘love’ life. He knew his mother thought he just needed someone- more specifically, a woman- to level him out, mellow him a little. Brendon neither wanted anything serious, nor did he really want anything of that nature with a woman. Still, he was only just beginning to come to that conscious realisation, so in the meantime he took out anyone who was pretty and thought he was pretty.

”Easier,” He confirmed, raising an eyebrow as if daring him to question it. Anyway, it wasn’t like that hadn’t been paired with a compliment. Guess you’re right. I was here, like, twenty minutes at most, before. Brendon was amused by his admittance and didn’t even smirk. ”It took me less than twenty minutes to seduce you. It took five minutes or less of flirting to get you quite easily into my bed,” He argued anyway, stepping closer to the mirror after he turned away and examining the lilac shadows under his eyes. Frowning, he carded a hand through his hair and rolled his shoulders back in a shrug, straightening his spine, before turning on his heels to absently watch Ryan redress. Disappointing, he silently mused, he had plenty of time this morning. Shy? I’ll remind you I was the top. Instantly, that coaxed a slightly indignant laugh, and he almost stepped backwards, surprised by his brazenness. Of course, he wasn’t wrong, but would Brendon ever admit it outside the situation itself? No. ”Yeah, Whatever. You did that time.” That sounded like a promise, but it was empty, and Ryan probably knew it. He smiled like there was some kind of in-joke.

Apparently Ryan was having a streak of boldness, as moments later the taller man had cleared the space between them and what reached out to attempt to fix the problem that was ruining Brendon’s morning. His hair, that refused to cooperate. The contact stunned him and he had to root himself in the ground to stop himself from moving smartly backwards- instead, he just remained still, and issued a half-warning, half-flirt. To his surprise, Ryan did tug firmly on a few loose strands, and Brendon had to stop himself leaning in closer. Happy? I’ll do better later. He hoped that wasn’t an empty promise. Besides, I fixed it. You look cute. Brendon scoffed, turning back towards the mirror and examining his hair. Huh. Not bad. Maybe he’d have to employ Ryan also as his hairstylist. Still, he didn’t appreciate the ‘cute’- so he made no response save a steely silence that hopefully spoke volumes.

Funny how, after Ryan asked about it, Brendon started talking and he acted all disinterested. Brendon saw through him and rolled his eyes, but kept talking anyway. Privilege. ”Yes. It’s an even more exclusive list than ‘people who have seen me naked’, or ‘people who know my middle name’. Saying that, the first one is actually not that exclusive.” Offhand self-depreciation was his speciality, apparently, and he laughed, at his own expense. ”You’ll be on two out of three of those lists. No, I’m not telling you my middle name.” When he turned back, Ryan was still standing close, and Brendon was annoyed by the height difference between them and how he had to look up when Ryan spoke to him- but saying that, when Ryan tilted his chin up, he had to quell the urge to kiss him. Stupid and senseless, he told himself- unjustified. Don’t be an idiot, Brendon. ‘Don’t get jealous’, my- What? What was Ryan saying? That he wasn’t jealous, or that he was? Brendon honestly wasn’t sure which he’d prefer.

Okay, but you don’t have to keep giving yourself away. What? That was a change of tune, and Brendon didn’t like it. His eyes darkened- what gave him the right? He wanted to push him backwards, move him the hell away, but he held his ground. ”Give myself away? I’m not a fucking nun, asshole! Nor have I ever been anybody’s fuckin’ property.” It’s not safe, first of all, and you’ve clearlt deprived yourself of emotional connection... That he had heard before. ”Save it. Jesus, what is it with you people? Has it ever occurred to any of you that maybe I don’t want or need an ‘emotional connection’?” Well, he did, everyone did, but Brendon was stubborn to the end and to back up his argument he’d lie about whatever he pleased. And, yeah, deprived yourself. If you let anyone in then you’d know that you’re- that you’re worth caring about, I guess. And not just enough to go around.

Brendon couldn’t believe what he was hearing. It had taken, what, five minutes to undermine this guy’s apparent ‘morals’, five minutes for this guy to readily sleep with him, and now he was lecturing him about the safety and morality of his personal, intimate life that had nothing to do with him? And lecturing him about his personal connections? Brendon was furious, and he stepped back, completely affronted and out for blood. ”Holy shit, you’re the biggest fucking hypocrite I’ve ever met,” He marvelled, looking him disdainfully up and down. ”It’s not safe? I shouldn’t give myself away? What are you, a priest? Oh, and it’s funny how you only say that after you had sex with me. It’s only relevant when I don’t want you any more. You should know me well enough that-“ He paused, dragging his hands down his face and turning his back on Ryan. ”-that I don’t- I can’t- make connections that easily. I thought you understood that. I pretty much raised myself, Ryan, I think I’m fine on my own.”

Shit, I’ll go. I’m sorry. That was the first good decision Ryan has made this morning. Brendon said nothing. He looked hurt, because that’s what he was, above all; he had trusted Ryan not to judge him and here he was, saying exactly what he thought. He was just like everyone else- thought Brendon was hedonistic and superficial and incapable of caring about other people. This is why he tried not to in the first place. Fire me, or whatever. I just wanted to say that to you, once. Brendon shook his head, at a loss, still angry and upset and simultaneously wanting Ryan to leave him the fuck alone and wanting him to grovel at his damn feet. ”Why?”

only for tonight | b&r

Brendon was suddenly certain that over the past fifteen minutes his brain had short circuited and was making decisions that were supported by, what- one spontaneous night? He was no stranger at all to these types of situations- he woke up beside a usual stranger, declothed, with only hazy memories of the night previous and no passion or attraction left in his blood from whatever he and that stranger had shared in a single evening. There were people who gave him their number- he never gave them his- and those who expected him to actually call, but though he had broken his fair share of hearts in his turbulent romantic history (if you could call it that), most people who engaged with in that way knew what they were in for, and they didn’t care. Those were the people who turned him off anything serious- those who, though he was considerably attractive, only found his fame and household name appealing, those who could tell their friends that they slept with Brendon Blake, and those that thought they could sell that story even though such similar tales cropped up so often that not even the trashiest magazine would buy them. After those, when the person tended to walk about before he even got the chance to tell them to leave, he felt vulnerable, worthless. But he had thick skin- or he was good at faking it.

He figured this was different because they’d made a little bit of an actual connection, both a working one and even the beginnings of a close friendship. His brain, unused to such experiences and relationships, had misinterpreted what should have been a meaningless night into something more because it had nothing to compare to. Last night had been meaningless. Brendon just didn’t want to go to bed alone, and yes, he still thought Ryan was gorgeous. But it wasn’t like he actually liked him. Coming to that conclusion, he exhaled, relieved, and having successfully severed the potential of emotional ties with physical intimacy, he found himself a lot more comfortable in this situation. So he flirted, but Ryan didn’t seem to get or appreciate it, so he shrugged his shoulders up and down, before immediately trying again. See, once Brendon thought he was no longer in danger of making himself even slightly vulnerable, all former misgivings and caution went out of the window- he was even considering stepping over his line of not sleeping with the same person twice, because... Well. Ryan was both available and Brendon was still watching replays whenever he blinked, half annoying and distracting him, half making him want to get back into bed beside him like Ryan had suggested just now.

Anytime. Brendon smirked, liking the sound of that. Then, in the same heartbeat, he cut immediately to professionalism, reminding Ryan of his calendar and an event on it that could be regarded as sensitive considering their current situation. He noticed Ryan’s expression change and his lips part, but couldn’t see the problem; raising an eyebrow, he waited for a moment to see if his assistant had anything to say. After a few moments, he cleared his throat and turned back to the mirror again, frustrated with his disobedient hair. You’re right. Y’know, I could cancel if you’re more interested in sticking around. Brendon folded his arms loosely across his chest and turned in Ryan’s direction, interested. ”Only if you’re still up for that round two,” He said in a low, playful tone, before turning back to the mirror. ”Nah, seriously. I’m thinking about it. Why bother go out, see another person and have to go through the whole date process to get laid, when I have better and easier options?” Indirect, but obvious. Brendon wasn’t very tactful sometimes.

An example of this came again pretty soon when Ryan suggested they go steady and Brendon misinterpreted that as asking to be a little more adventurous. It was obvious what dominated Brendon’s mind most of the time. This was why he played along so readily, even impressed by what he thought to be stepping away from the vanilla cutout that Brendon had kind of seen him to be. Yeah, you know, whatever. ”Don’t get all fuckin’ shy on me now, baby. Bit late for that, right?” Glad we’re on the same page. Nodding with evident enthusiasm, he watched, disappointed but not surprised, as Ryan began to get dressed again and stand up from the edge of the bed. Since he was apparently getting ready to leave anyway, leading Brendon to believe Ryan wasn’t going to take up his offer for round two, he decided to take that opportunity and get the errands run that he needed completing. Most important- the suit. It was black velvet, printed appliqué flower design- white shirt, no tie. He tried it on once and felt in love with it. Ryan better be careful with it.

Sure, of course. Brendon had given up on his endeavour to fix his bedhead in the bedroom mirror, and was about to head into the bathroom to style it properly, but Ryan was approaching and he tried not to tense, just watching incredulously as Ryan actually reached out and smoothed a strand of Brendon’s hair back into place. He didn’t have time to step out of the way and just raised his eyebrows immediately, as if to ask him what the hell he was doing. That was too gentle for his liking. Because he was feeling generous, he chose to not immediately yell at him, and just tilted his head. ”Please don’t do that again. You either pull it, or don’t touch it. No inbetween,” He pointed out, serious, but the corner of his mouth curving up into a smile to save the mood. He at least had the courtesy then to hear whatever he was going to say next.

A suit on the first date. Seems like a pretty big deal. ”We’re going to some fancy restaurant,” Brendon responded quickly, not liking the height difference and adoring it at the same time as he had to look up to meet his eyes. ”And for your information, it’s a very fucking nice suit. And you get the privilege of seeing me in it first, if you so wish.” Of course he did. What are you gonna do? ”Like I just said. Restaurant- remember that one where you yelled at me for spending $25 on a sandwich from the lunch menu? Yeah.” He paused and grinned then, thoughts wondering. ”Then, hopefully, the lucky girl will get lucky, just like you did. Don’t worry, don’t get jealous. There’s enough of me to go around, has been for years.”

only for tonight | b&r

It was true, last night for Brendon it had been as if the one thing he wanted more anything was Ryan, and even the temporary truth in that situation has frightened him. Sure, he felt attraction to people all the time enough to be infamously known for an endless string of quote-unquote ‘lovers’, but that has been different. Usually the attraction and the want was only surface level- when he delved a little deeper within himself he could find nothing akin to affection or geniune care for the people he had intimate encounters with- but for Ryan he could feel his heart speed up even in instances where he wasn’t usually fazed, he felt geniune guilt buried under his offhand exterior when he realised that he had hurt Ryan, mislead him even, intentionally or not. And it had been intentional- though Brendon wasn’t naive, he had a habit of forgetting he was playing with actual people, not chess pieces. He had been raised told he was better than others; though he by no means believed that, some remained of what his father had told him, a sense of authority and control.

Brendon didn’t want to turn out like his father, but since he was born and raised rich, he didn’t even know what it was like to struggle, or face consequences for his own carelessness- but here he was, standing and smelling of roses in fresh clothes, swanning about his bedroom as Ryan awoke and orientated himself and looked as if his whole world had come crashing down. He didn’t like feeling guilty- he didn’t like feeling as if he owed Ryan something, some sort of apology. So he froze when Ryan spoke, before biting his lip hard and turning around, putting on an artificial smile so to not seem too unwelcoming. Just looking at him, sitting there in his bed, shirtless, hair tousled and beautiful fucking eyes avoiding his gaze- Brendon had distant thoughts of shit, I’m screwed followed by no, I’m not. It was just because Ryan was his friend before his lover. That, surprisingly, hadn’t happened before, because he didn’t have many real friends. That even marginally closer connection had fucked up his emotions. Brendon reminded himself firmly that last night had been about nothing but impulse and attraction and touch and heat, overindulgences he thrived on. Nothing more. ”Hey, emperor- love the outfit,” He flirted, eyeing Ryan’s chest shamelessly but then blinking and looking away, knowing this was the last thing he needed.

He wanted Ryan to leave so he wouldn’t have to think about him anymore. Morning. Brendon raised his eyebrows minutely and watched Ryan rest against the headboard, biting the inside of his cheek when his assistant gestured for him to fill the empty space beside him. You could’ve, too. Come back, it’s not like you have anything to do. Grinning, he shrugged a shoulder back, ignoring the faint temptation to take up his offer and just curl up and rest his head on his chest and go back to sleep. ”You up for round two?” He joked, turning back to the mirror to try and tame his disobedient, unruly hair. ”Anyway, I actually do have things to do. Lunch with someone at... 2? Then a, uh date.” He said it before thinking about it but forced himself not to stop and correct himself out of the hope that Ryan wasn’t actually listening. He laughed almost forcefully. ”You should know that, being practically in charge of running my life and all that shit.” If Ryan wasn’t working for him and wasn’t his friend, Brendon was 100% positive he would have firmly insisted that he be out of the house an hour and a half ago, and he’d never see or talk to him ever again. He was glad their relationship was different and he had an excuse not to cut him from his life immediately.

Ryan was right, he didn’t feel like he was at fault- the guilt was involuntary and he rolled his eyes at himself for experiencing it; Ryan knew him, Ryan knew the risk he was taking, Ryan knew he could lose his job and ruin their relationship. What did Brendon have to risk? The service of an assistant in a world full of thousands of potential applicants? This ignorance about Ryan’s dwindling dignity made itself prevalent when he tried to insure that he wouldn’t be fired, or get a paycut or whatever- he made it seem like he was being generous, letting Ryan off easy for something unprofessional and morally ambiguous. Along with that came a healthy dose of vanity, or perhaps just overwhelming self-confidence- asking Ryan casually if it had been worth the risk, even though he was positive himself that everyone would say yes and nobody would ever perhaps value their financial stability over a night with a multi-millionaire who made his lovers feel like dirt the following mornings.

Yeah, thrilling. Brendon nodded once, finally letting his hands drop to his sides after he threw Ryan’s clothes onto the bed, and wondering whether doing this again would break his rule of only seeing someone once. Technically, yes- but this was his employee. He was a Virgo, he was good at multitasking. Deciding it was fine and bending his own rules because he thought Ryan was pretty as fuck, he suggested they do it again casually enough so he could play it down as a joke in the off chance his offer was refused. Some time. Tomorrow, Brendon wanted to suggest, but he just watched quietly as Ryan arranged his clothes out before him. Just, um, if you ever want, like... more, that’s. I’m open to whatever. Open to whatever? Brendon dismissed most of that as tired incoherency, but caught the last little sentence and all but lit up. ”What, like handcuffs?” He mused, wringing his wrists and then silently mourning when Ryan pulled his shirt back on. ”Sure, darling, just let me know what you’re into.”

Sorry, I don’t know how this is- supposed to go. I’ll just... Brendon grinned, fully amused, and watched as Ryan shifted to the edge of the bed and pulled on his jeans. He didn’t know the brand. Something cheap, probably; he knew that though Ryan could now afford high-end, he always felt more comfortable in the cheapest stuff he could possibly find. Brendon didn’t understand that and made a mental note to take him shopping to buy him some new jeans, unwillingly or not. Speaking of which... ”Oh, fuck, almost forgot. New suit, wearing it on this uh, date- got it tailored, sent it to be finished- will you pick it up for me later? Thanks.” Back to business. If Brendon was good at anything, it was having a clean cut between professional and personal. Unfortunately, the lines had blurred here- even for just a second. Call me if you need me, right?” Ryan was stood, now, shirt still open at the front. ”Uh-huh.”