Neve

i don’t want to hear you’ve got a boyfriend

As much as this was beginning to become mortifying, with Ryan outing him as the ‘submissive’ one (he wasn’t embarrassed because of a masculinity thing, he had just upheld a ‘fuckboy’ type personality that suggested otherwise and his ego was way too big to handle Zack of all people knowing that he- it was difficult to explain), Brendon really couldn’t be that mad. When he got close to it just for a second, he forced himself to think about times that Ryan had relayed to him where he’d been filthy when he was drunk. For example, talking about Ryan’s dick size, loudly, in a bar full of strangers, or the time he had launched into a very explicit monologue about exactly what Ryan’s hands were good for. He supposed they were now even. It was very eye-opening being in the shoes that Ryan was usually in- looking after his wasted boyfriend and trying to make sure he didn’t throw up all over himself and keep things PG while in public. God, if Ryan was like this in a car with two other people- Brendon was simultaneously terrified and excited to find out what the hell he’d do when a) he identified Brendon as his his god-given ‘bottom’ and b) they were alone.

In a desperate attempt to save himself from torture and physical harm from Zack the next day, Brendon started pleading with Ryan in a strained voice, but clearly he was having none of it, cutting right through his protests. And you saw his mouth, right? Brendon paled. He already knew where this was going but knew he was powerless to stop whatever horrendously graphic shit that was about to come out (admittedly very slurred) of Ryan’s mouth. I can’t describe it, like, he’s an experience. Brendon raised his eyebrows- even if Ryan had said he couldn’t describe it, in this loose-tongued state, he knew almost for certain that he’d try his damnedest to get his point across. Still. Mortification aside, this was all very flattering. At least now Brendon had a vivid insight into what the hell was going on inside Ryan’s head whenever he looked at Brendon while he was undressing. Evidently it was a fucking lot. Enlightening. When I kiss him, I just... I can sink into him, I get so lost in it.

Despite himself, Brendon betrayed how touching that was with a soft smile, because he knew exactly what Ryan was talking about- when they kissed, it felt like the first time every time, as cliche and corny as that sounded, be it a kiss on the forehead in the morning, an affectionate peck on the cheek, a brief ‘hello’ ‘goodbye’ ‘good morning’ or ‘goodnight’ kiss, a romantic kiss on the back of a hand; a deep, slow, passionate kiss in the dark, intimate neck kisses and lips tracing skin and bone. Every one was electrifying in its own way. I could kiss him forever. Mhm. This was dangerous, Brendon was becoming too endeared with the man who was painting an intricate picture of his sex life to two people who definitely didn’t want to know. He was finding it difficult not to lean in and attempt to steal a kiss again, drawn in by some magnetic force. It was sweet, Ryan was sweet. Maybe this wasn’t all bad. And he is, undoubtedly, the best at sucking dick, like, of anyone, ever.

Maybe he spoke too soon. ”Ryan-“ He tried to interrupt explosively, his voice increasing pitch desperately. Holy fucking shit, that did not need to be public knowledge, as cocky as Ryan instantly was about Ryan’s confession there. He’d be holding that over his head for a long time. ”Ryan, fucking hell, man.” There was no point trying to stop this anymore, he supposed, it’d be better to wait it out, let him get out every dirty thought he had stored in his stupid little brain. Brendon slumped shamefully against the window and made eye contact with Zack in the rear view mirror, pleading, while Zack looked a mixture of threatening and amused. Sometimes it’s hard to not look at him and think about how perfect his mouth is for- Zack was clearly not giving up yet, clearing his throat loudly. For blowing me. That was it. That was enough. If Ryan said any more he’d be giving an audio description of their non-existent sex tape. Brendon pushed his hair back and turned to face Ryan, trying to convince him that he was, in fact, next to his smoking hot lover.

He watched as Ryan tried to orientate himself, tried to get a good look at Brendon’s face- he even didn’t raise his eyebrows when Ryan was placing his hands on the sides of his face as if trying to hold it still when he wasn’t even moving, though he did crack the barest smile because his boyfriend was so ridiculous and cute when he was this drunk. He couldn’t wait to witness him nurse that hell of a hangover the next morning. There was a long pause and Brendon was scared Ryan had gotten sudden amnesia of him entirely- but then recognition lit up in his honey eyes and Brendon grinned just as he saw Ryan’s entire body become animated with excitement. Oh my god, Brendon, baby. Relief flooded through Brendon and he opened his mouth to speak but was stopped before he could forms words by his very affectionate boyfriend literally undoing his seatbelt and straddling his lap in a space that definitely wasn’t big enough. Though it wasn’t like he could voice that opinion when Ryan’s tongue was down his throat- plus he didn’t want to encourage anything by kissing back so he pressed back against the seat insistently.

I missed you so much, I was just talking about you. Brendon tried to catch his breath once Ryan had finally pulled away from his mouth, started pressing kisses elsewhere that skin was exposed. ”Were you really, that’s fuckin’ wild,”” He said dryly, ”Nothin’ too personal, yeah, babe?” Honestly, Brendon wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to have sex with Ryan again without thinking about how Zack and some driver know way too much about what happens during. Bren, hey, you should totally blow me. See, usually, it was extremely rare that Brendon turned down this request, but a number of things made it seem very unappealing to him right then. First of all, Zack didn’t seem enthusiastic- If you even touch it, I’m quitting. ”It’s not like you haven’t seen it before, dude.” He mumbled just for the sake of arguing. But anyway. Apart from that, there wasn’t much room. And Brendon was tired. And Ryan would probably fall asleep in the middle of it. And they were in a fucking car with two other people. Ryan chose the worst times. ”As much as I’d love to, darlin’. Zack wouldn’t be happy.”

you and i will always be my dream

F

calendar business

BUMPING THIS FOR MYSELF

sorry to get sentimental tonight

F !

old fashioned

F

a song of pure romance

F

i could be better but baby

F

i don’t want to hear you’ve got a boyfriend

F

your way

If Brendon had thought about it a little more, he would’ve have realised that he didn’t just like Ryan- he loved him. It just- wasn’t anything he’d experienced before, so he couldn’t connect a word that sounded so foreign and unrealistic to a man who had been something in his life that stuck to his shoe in the best way, always clinging on to his heart even if he was out of his mind. Which he rarely was. Even back when they absolutely despised eachother- Brendon and Ryan spent a lot of their free time concentrating on the person they supposedly hated the most. It also wasn’t obvious because of the way it had crept up to him, imperceptibly, too imperceptibly, perhaps, to seem like perfidy, but earlier in their lives if he’d figured out his feelings he would have indeed felt betrayed by his own heart. He’d spent a long time finding someone who could fill Ryan’s shoes when they mutually (but not really) decided that the two of them just couldn’t work. Physically, many could- that was just the honest truth- but. Their connection, the connection that made their physical relationship so intense. He couldn’t find that anywhere.

Of course, though, he was in deep-set denial that he needed Ryan beyond in a raw, materialistic way, to fill the void like some kind of novelty to be greedily consumed. To try and prove that to himself, he resisted Ryan for so long that he convinced himself that what was driving him crazy was the lack of sex, which was ridiculous, but he tried to make that the reason he felt so empty up til the end, when he was moving into Ryan’s lap, into his arms, when Ryan’s hands fit so naturally around his waist. They fit like puzzle pieces. He couldn’t deny that any longer. So when Ryan openly confessed his feelings, Brendon just stared at him for a beat, didn’t even think. It turned out he didn’t need to. He just told Ryan the truth and, when seeing he was lost for words, leaned in to catch him in a passionate, amorous kiss, feeling every nerve in his body tighten and close before his muscles relaxed and he melted into where he belonged- right there, in Ryan’s lap, kissing him senseless. As he did, ridiculous images flashed through his head, waking up with the sun streaming through the curtains and his head buried in Ryan’s chest. Sitting against his chest between his legs watching some movie, Ryan quietly playing with his hair. Both of them lying on polar ends of the couch, legs intertwined as they did completely separate tasks. Sitting opposite eachother in a coffee shop, laughing about nothing, Brendon thinking about how Ryan’s eyes were kind of like a caramel macchiato or something ridiculous like that. It was embarrassing. It was beautiful.

He pulled back and stifled a smile when Ryan’s thumb moved to brush along his lower lip. His eyebrow twitched as he, usually smartassed and obnoxious, struggled to think of something to say. Ryan, of course, was still panicking, because that’s what he did. Though Brendon supposed he’d given him plenty reason to be wary. He thought about getting into a serious, in-depth conversation about this, which was entirely out of character, but then he realised that he hadn’t been dicked down in goddamn weeks and Ryan was right there, beneath him, they were both starving. As much as Ryan tried to hide it. So he offered a proposal, and Ryan didn’t say anything for a second- but in a moment he easily manoeuvred the two of them so they could be even closer, then caught Brendon off guard for once in a slower, punctuating, equally breathtaking kiss. He swore this shit only happened in cringey fucking romance novels. He swore this only happened in awful movies.

But then they were out of breath and Ryan was at his neck and shoulder instead. Brendon didn’t even get his breath back, forgetting he’d been holding it. You’re serious. Of course, dumbass. Of course. I’ve never meant something more in my life, I’m sorry it took so long, I’m sorry I spent so long falling into the tempting arms of the wrong people. You were right here this whole time, the only one for me.

It was baffling that Brendon didn’t realise he was in love.

I like you so much. I do. You’re serious? Brendon couldn’t help but grin, finally exhaled and then inhaled, catching his lost breath and using the time to figure out what to say. ”Oh, yeah. I’m serious.” A pause. ”Can I just say I’m very impressed you haven’t started undressing me yet. I’m actually kind of offended.” ...Classic Brendon, there was only so much sincerity at a time that he could handle.

i don’t want to hear you’ve got a boyfriend

Brendon had known from the start that Ryan would never be one that was able to give incredibly romantic, articulate speeches- he had an incredible grasp of language and a way with written word that Brendon melted for, could never hope to have himself, but verbally? He was, more often than not, hopeless. And Brendon adored the juxtaposition. He didn’t care that Ryan couldn’t make sweeping declarations (the closest he’d come was whenever they were entirely alone at twilight, wrapped up in eachother’s arms). Brendon knew just how much Ryan loved him and he didn’t need to be told in some extravagant way- his wonderful writing made him flustered as it was, he wouldn’t be able to handle Ryan being so plainly profound with him all the time. Rare occasions where they lay under the stars or stayed up all night talking til the sunrise- that was overwhelming enough. Similarly, but not quite, Ryan was useless at- more talking explicitly, too. Brendon coaxed him into it sometimes but Ryan, who usually couldn’t stop talking while they were trying to kind of just, for lack of a better term, get on with it, was surprisingly stuck whenever Brendon tried to provoke any kind of dirty talk. These days, he did it because it was funny.

Earlier in their relationship Brendon had foolishly thought that maybe it was because Ryan didn’t find him all that... sexually appealing. This was quickly disproved. Ryan made the opposite obvious in a very different way, and Brendon could almost translate his expressions and body language into words of their own. This was just how well they’d grown to know eachother. All of this considered, Brendon was not surprised by what he heard- but was shocked that Ryan was saying it in front of three other people, one a stranger, one a friend who definitely didn’t need to hear the details of their physical relationship. Even wasted, it was bewildering how loose Ryan’s tongue had become- and at first it was amusing, he enjoyed it, but as it became gradually more inappropriate he was less endeared and amused, more mortified by just how much of an open book Ryan had become. It was a side he’d always wanted to see but now was uncomfortable with, one because Zack wouldn’t leave him alone about this shit, two because if this carried on he’d find it hard to conceal the world’s most awkward erection.

True. Sweetest eye candy around. Brendon sighed dreamily at that, admittedly. Good to know Ryan was just as smitten as he was (though, again, he didn’t need any telling). Then, though, he decided to riskily test just how far Ryan was willing to go with all this; Brendon was reckless at best and it was just lucky that Ryan wasn’t quite at the state of freely displaying lewd pictures of his boyfriend for the world to see. Hey. For me. And me only. Get your own. Okay... that was hot. Brendon cursed himself and Ryan and alcohol and god all at once. He cleared his throat nervously and ran a hand through his hair, staring desperately at the roof of the car. Ryan was lying completely on the seat at this point, pulling against the seatbelt. Closest he’s come to being vers is when he’s in a ‘power bottom’ mood. Oh, shit. Brendon went scarlet. ”I don’t think we need to know,” His voice was high, strained. Listen, listen- No. Brendon did t want to. He was frozen by horror, unable to speak, anticipating whatever would come next. Pull his hair just right, lift him for s better angle, he’ll fall apart. He’s submissive. Zack was laughing. Brendon shifted uncomfortably in his seat, catching the eye of the horrified driver in the rear view mirror and mouthing a desperate apology.

It’s a good thing. ”Okay, Ryan, I think we-“ You wouldn’t expect it, ‘cause he’s so confident... God, he has every right to be. Aw, sweet. But no, fuck, he couldn’t be distracted. He’s stunning. There’s this little... his V-line, you can trace along there, the velvety skin, and, like, he wears his jeans so low on his hips, so low, it’s like art, it’s so fuckin’ hot. Why couldn’t he be like this when they were alone? If the situation was right, Brendon would, as nasty as it was, be on his knees by now. Oh well, Ryan’s loss. He was still bright crimson, covering his face with his hands. This was ridiculous- Brendon was never embarrassed, ever. He was so distracted by his own mortification that he tuned out of what Ryan was saying for a bit, it all kind of blurred together, but then- Hey, I haven’t even told you about his face.

Brendon sat up and turned desperately, tried to coax Ryan back into a sitting position. ”Ryan, Jesus, it’s me. It’s Brendon. Look at me, stop being thirsty, I’m here.”