Oh no my soup

Diddly Do

Magnus

While approaching the planet he scans a small section of surface area. For some reason, the ship's Universal Positioning System couldn't connect to its database, leaving most of the information of the planet unknown to him.

Planet Name: Unknown
Position: Unknown
Status: Extant
Civilization: Null
No signs of Intelligent Life

"That's kinda Speciesist computer." Magnus muttered to himself. The screen then responded.

I don't care, it's the truth.

"Woah, you can hear me?"

Ya. What did you think? That I was just some calculator? Now who's the Speciesist?

"Do you have some sort of name?" Magnus said, looking for some sort of microphone.

Sentient Automatic Neurological Database Responding to the Autoist

or S.A.N.D.R.A.

"Great. Why can't I ever be alone?" Magnus said while slamming his head into the console.

Now that you asked a question it's my turn. Who are you and why are in my owner's ship? And why was I turned off?

"Your owner's ship? I am your owner!" Magnus yelled, forgetting that he had stolen the ship.

No you're not.

Sandra responded while an ID for a driver named Barclay Barrymore opened on the screen. The date of birth was August 19th 1886.
"Oh no. I think he's dead." Magnus said.

No, you're joking. I was only off for a few minutes. Right?

Sandra said in denial. Magnus had no idea that a computer could possibly go through grief.

"I'm so sorry for your loss." he said while looking through the setting on his desktop. A toolbar titled S.A.N.D.R.A. Settings opened up. For an option called Display, he clicked on the one for a realistic head. Just then a window popped open showing Sandra in tears. He toggled with the display for a while until settling for the first option. Another option was Voice. Again, he messed around with it for a while until stopping on what sounded like a text to speech of a woman's voice. Just then a loud crying noise blasted from two speakers under the console. Magnus could sense that this would happen for quite a while. He then got up from his seat and entered the kitchen. As he opened the fridge he could smell rotting milk. He held his nose and grabbed a slice of permaBread and sat at the table. Across from him was a skeleton with a handlebar mustache wearing a tuxedo and holding a cup of tea.

"Fuck." Magnus said to himself while eating the bread. How had he not noticed the skeleton before? This was probably Barclay Barrymore too. In the other room he could still hear Sandra crying.
"Jeez. Were you guys in a relationship or something?" Magnus said rhetorically to the skeleton.
"As a matter of fact, we were!" Sandra yelled. Magnus held back laughing. Just imagining this old man kissing a computer screen while ragtime music is playing was hilarious to him. But still he died, and Magnus was being a total dick about it. On his planet, death was not something to be sad about.
"Aw man. Sorry." He said.
"I'll just turn myself off and don't even think about turning me on again." She said while closing her own windows.
"Ugh Fuck." Magnus said while slapping himself in the face. "I'll just land this thing and solve this problem later." Magnus landed the ship onto a grassy open area near a river. "So what's going on here?" He said to himself while exiting the ship.

Diddly Do

@Prima Luce

Pineapple

"I didn't call it in yet because I wanted to make sure the payment was real. It's not like I'm that foolish to hand you a ship and your payment was nothing but plastic. And since my phone now disappeared I'll have to go straight to my secretary and ask for a ship." Gillian said angrily. She then got up from her seat, exit her office and talk to a woman at a desk. The secretary nodded and called someone on her phone. Gillian stepped back into her office and close the door.
"One should be here in a minute." She said while looking out of her window, waiting for the ship.
"You're very impulsive. May I ask why you're in such a rush?" As she said this a Solon 3000, carried by a small drone, hovered by a wall sized window that could be opened.

Diddly Do

Pineapple

Gillian, surprised by shock, looks at the payment on her desk.
"Weird way to buy a ship, going straight to the CEO, but at least he paid for himself." Gillian said to herself while scooping the bag into a drawer in her desk. Immediately after, two young cops entered the room. They were twins and both had a completely neutral expression, their name tags read Officer O'Brian.
"Mrs. Reed! Are you okay?" said one of the twins very monotony.
"Yes. Sorry about that, I pressed the button by accident." she lied. The O'Brian twins nodded, and walked out of the room. She sat back down and started to investigate the worth of the jewels.

Diddly Do

@Prima Luce
Oh sorry dude. I'll add a new thing.

Diddly Do

"WAKE UP" shouted a long pitch black string straight into Magnus' ear. Woken up in a daze, Magnus turned around to find the stringy appendage wriggle its way out through a crack in the door. He didn't remember asking for a wake up call, but he thought it would be best to leave as quickly as possible. He stepped to the door and after a few minutes the elevator arrived at his door. As he was going down Magnus noticed a slight twinge in his index finger. It felt almost like a string of fiberglass but less painful. Energized, he stepped out of the lobby and back inside the store. This morning it was less crowded then usual. If he were to make a getaway the security should be more occupied then they would be. While thinking through his plan again he noticed people staring at him, and he realized that he looked ridiculous standing around a not doing anything so instead he decided to get some food. It's been days since he last had food and a sandwich really sounds good right about now.

Magnus ate a sandwich from a shop with a sign he couldn't read mostly because it was in a different language, stole a phone off of a counter, and finally found the aisle with the Spessusibus containers. The easiest way in order to steal this would just be to put it on an antigravity dolly, used for carrying heavy things, moving the container to the register and just book it to the ship. Hopefully little attention should be brought to it. But how could he divert attention away from him? Then he got it, a bomb! Not real of course, just a weird looking device that beeps and might have a timer on it. The guards would definitely be distracted at that point. But where would he get something like that? Maybe if he taped the phone, that was playing a beeping noise and had the timer open, to a package. After some searching and swiping, Magnus made the device. He placed the container on a dolly, rolled it over to an aisle close to the entrance but not so close that you could see him, and took a deep breath.

He chucked the device over by the front doors. As expected, mass hysteria ensued. Most of the officers, including the infamous Officer O'Brian, huddled around the device. Now was the perfect time. He rolled the dolly over to the counter. By this time the cashiers had been walking towards it out of curiousity. When no one was looking, he sprinted as fast as he could out the door with the container. The syrens went off, but he was already in full swing.

While running he looked back to see if anyone had noticed him. Of course a team of guards were after him. Among them were Officer O'Brian and Officer O'Brain, both expressions still unchanged from the day before. They were gaining on him. Magnus needed a way to trip them up. Ahead of him he saw a man wheeling ten oil barrels. Once he caught to him Magnus knocked the barrels in the direction of the guards. When the barrels fell on them, everyone had been stopped except for the O'Brians. What he assumed was Mrs. O'Brian started to smile even wider, which he thought was practically impossible, and more menacingly. And Mr. O'Brian was almost fuming, veins were popping out of his head and he was grinding his teeth. And they were running faster then Magnus had ever seen before. It almost seemed inhuman. Magnus was sweating. Within each foot closer to the ship they drew an inch closer to him. And then they stopped.

In his confusion, Magnus slowed down to what they would do. The O'Brians both closed their eyes and it seemed as though they entered his psyche.

"Magnus? Hmm. I knew you were trying to hide yourself from us. Seriously? Sungam? You weren't even creative enough to come up with an original name? All you did was reverse your real name." whispered Mrs. O'Brian.
"We'll find you. Somehow. If not today then some other time. But we'll find you. No one EVER gets away from us." whispered Mr. O'Brian.

As they were telepathically stealing all of his personal information as possible, Magnus was able to hold it off for just long enough to switch the tanks and get in the ship. He started the car and pulled out, and pulled out of the parking lot as fast as possible. Magnus set the destination to the nearest habitable planet. The farther away he got from the store, the less he could hear the O'Brians in his brain. Magnus sighed in relief. He had no idea were he was going, but that didn't matter. At least he got what he needed.

Diddly Do

Magnus
As The Ulysses was being pulled into what seemed as like a giant indoor parking lot, he sifted through his belongings in order to find something useful. Hiding the fuel would be crucial to this operation. Each Pineapple ship runs on a solution known as Spessusibus, an extremely compact and slow burning fuel source. On a full tank of Spessusibus, about 500 gallons, one could travel about 5 lightyears. A container of 500 gallons of Spessusibus was about 20 feet in height and around 7 feet in diameter at the base. The cost of that much fuel was always in flux due to supplies and demands constantly changing because of the discoveries of fuel sources and innovations in technology and whatnot. But whatever the price was, Magnus couldn't afford it.

While he was looking through his things, the ship stopped and he could here the disgruntled yells behind him. He got back into the captain's seat and saw a tired and pimply faced teen motioning for him to move the ship in this direction. Magnus nervously parked, stopped the engine, and went over the plan again in his head. The plan itself would most likely be that he would go in under an assumed name, put a container on a dolly, and dash out of the way without being caught by security. He looked through his things again and found a pair of sunglasses he had stolen. Many different species had trouble distinguishing individuals in the same species, so sunglasses might be able to throw off some authorities.

He then exited the ship and continued on the path towards the entrance. On his floor, the entrance was very crowded. He noticed a long line of agitated people just dying to get inside. The wait to get inside was very slow and it seemed to last for hours until he was up. Before he could enter each person had to pass through a security guard to interrogate them, then go through door like scanning machine. He walked up to the guard. The guard was a very grizzled middle aged man with a name tag stating "Officer O'Brian".

"State your name." O'Brian said, not even batting an eye and instead focusing on the multiple piles of paperwork on his station.
"Sungam Enegue Muiretsigam." Magnus answered.
"Do you have any identification?" O'Brian asked, glancing over at Magnus. Even with only a quick glimpse of his face, Magnus felt a cold and unfeeling presence before him.
"No." Magnus answered, trying to sound as serious as possible.
"No? Any interspacial passports or licensing?" O'Brian now was looking straight into Magnus' soul, with an expression somewhere between confusion and suspicion.
"None." Magnus stated, still trying to act somewhat confident in his voice.
"Any type of birth certificate or work registration?" O'Brain continued, now at full height, and now with an expression of hostile suspicion.
"Sir, I'm going to ask you to step out of the line." O'Brain motioned to another guard behind Magnus. Was he found out already when he wasn't even in the store yet? As he was thinking that the other guard grabbed Magnus by the shoulders and lifted him into a shorter line consisting of oddball suspicious characters. That line was even slower than the regular one. But when Magnus was finally up to be checked, again, he noticed not an even more interrogative officer, but a weirdly calming presence in front of him. The guard was a woman, about middle aged with a smile you can't miss. It was about twice as large as a usual smile and even more unnerving, but strangely homely. She had a name tag on that read "Officer O'Brian".
"Hi there!" O'Brian half yelled half sang. "Please state your name."
"Ma-" he almost blurted out. The comfortable presence almost made him lose his cover. "Sungam Enegue Muiretsigam." he said.
"Are you SURE about that?" she asked, still smiling, but he could tell that inside she was just as suspicious as the other officer O'Brian.
"Yes. That's what my mother named me." he said confidently.
"Okay." O'Brian scribbled onto her paper. "Date of Birth?"
"Schweb 104, 7 18,207, 348, Venuleceson Calendar." he stated. Crap! He said his actual birthdate! What is it with having a tendency to fess up to her?
"Let me check for ya." O'Brian smiled and looked onto her terminal, still with that unwavering smile.
"Looks good to me!" She said. "There are a few other things I need you to check. Alright?" O'Brian handed him a questionnaire. "Please sit down and answer it all for me. Thank you!" She sang. Magnus looked around and saw a small lounge area consisting of a few chairs and other aliens sitting on them. He sat down and looked at the sheet.

Questionnaire

The first question: What gender are you? Instead of the usual three answers, in their place were another three. Pollinator, Egg-layer, and Amorphous Blob of Nothingness. He supposed he was a Pollinator, or at least that was the closest to what he was.
Next question: Occupation? Instead of an open spot where you can fill something in, there were again three answers. Goods, Services, and Caretaking. He checked Caretaking, just to differentiate himself with his rouse.
Last question: Species? This time there was an open spot. He wrote Vir Capite Magno/Vir Capite Parvuum. On his planet, he couldn't fake anyone into believing that he was one or the other, so this disguise is also a hybrid.

Once he finished he handed the paper back to O'Brian.
"Uh huh, Uh huh, Uh huh, looks all good to me!" She smiled. She then typed something into the terminal and a small plastic card spat out of a printer like machine. O'Brian grabbed it and handed it to Magnus.
"Now don't cause any trouble ya hear?" She said light-heartedly, and Magnus couldn't help but get the feeling that she was being as serious as possible. Finally he could enter the store! The process to get in was so hard and so time-consuming he was extremely exausted. The store was like any other department store, except for the fact that the store was larger than any kind of store Magnus had ever been to. The aisles were so tall that if he looked up, he couldn't even see the top, only a dot. In order to find with aisle might have Spessusibus, Magnus slowly walked to his right. The width of the store seemed as endless as the top and after about 18 hours of waiting in line and about two days without eating food of any kind, he sat on the floor. He looked around and saw an in-house inn. Strange for a department store, but how could he complain. He wobbled over to the counter of the inn and talked to the innkeeper. The innkeeper itself seemed something out of Lovecraft. It was a long, pitch black, gooey string that ran from the celing to the floor with one humongous eye peering from the ooze. It screeched in a high pitch before being interrupted by Magnus saying,
"I'd like one room please." The innkeeper raised an appendage to grab a key and placed it on the counter, with some residue still on it.
"Uh, how would I pay for it?" he asked, trying to wipe it off the key.
"You pay on your way out dude." The innkeeper said, suddenly switching from a screech to a Californian like accent.
"Thanks." Magnus replied, then walked to the elevator without looking back. Once on, the elevator took him straight towards his room, without even touching a button. Once he entered the room, the door behind him shut. The room was nothing to look at. Just a bed with a cotton blanket and pillow and nothing else. At this point Magnus didn't care. He slumped down on the bed and fell into a deep sleep.

P.S.

Hey guys, so this is just like a part one to the thing, I've just spent about 3 and a half hours on this and I'm pretty tired. I guess this is to make up for the two sentence answers, but who really cares. Alrighty then.

Pineapple
Gillian motioned to stop. Once let go she slumps to the ground in order to catch her breath. She contemplates for a second and goes over to her desk. She reaches for a book in her drawer and secretly pushes a button. She opens the book.
"This is a catalog of all our models. Choose which ever one you might need."

P.P.S

On my character sheet is a catalog of the models. Go ahead and choose whatever you want.

Diddly Do

Magnus
As Magnus is being pulled into Propulsion R Us, he realized he didn't have any money with him. But the tank was almost empty and the rest of the fuel couldn't take him anywhere else, so his mission would be to somehow steal fuel and escape without being apprehended.

Pineapple
"Gah!" Gillian yelled while holding her foot. She thought of yelling security, although this might as well end in her demise. She looks sternly in the face of the man while trying to mask the pain. "Who are you? I didn't have any scheduled meetings for today."

Diddly Do

Pineapple Inc.
The knock breaks Gillian's concentration. She moves slowly to the door and opens it.

Diddly Do

Magnus
Thoroughly shook, Magnus looks up and sees Fanny leaving. He is both confused, aroused, and scared at the same time, but he doesn't have any time to think about it. The planet was dark and dismal and the air was so polluted he had to but his collar up to his mouth so he could breath. He looked around quickly and spotted out of the corner of his eye a Pineapple Ulysses 500. Magnus ran over to the ship and inspected it. The door was hanging open and the window had a hairline crack on it. He climbed in and closed the door. The inside was pitch black. Magnus looked to find some sort of generator or fuse box. Right next to him was a box shaped contraption bolted to the wall. He tried to open it, but the handle was somehow broken. He needed a light source somehow in order to figure out what was going on, so he reached into his chest and pulled out a match, lit it, and held it so he could see. It was faint, but he could see a small key under the box. He picked it up, and opened the box. Inside were, as expected, a bunch of fuses. Next to each was a label saying some sort of area. He flicked the one that said terminal room. The lights inside the room next to him turned on. He turned the match upside down, walked over to the terminal, and sat down.
"If my years working as a librarian taught me anything, it was how to fly a spaceship." Magnus started taking off when he noticed a marker labeled fuel was almost empty. If he needed to go anywhere, it was some sort of gas station. He activated the GPS module and started heading towards the nearest gas station. He's never heard of the place before, but he was going to it anyways.

----

Pineapple
Gillian Reed sits in her office, trying to call her son, Grayson. Suddenly, head designer Okin Blyatt, a man of considerable age and height, and looks as though a giant egg with huge lips and eyes were resting upon a nest of beard. He storms up to her desk and reveals a set of papers.
"Mrs. Reed?" He asks in a hefty voice. "The department finished the construction on the new Solon model. Do you want to see what they done?" he says nervously.
"No, Okin. Just go down to Henrietta for Quality Control. I'm very busy right now." She replies. Okin storms of the room again and closes the door behind him. She looks at her phone, still with no response. She decided to give up and places her phone calmly on her desk. She gets out of her chair and stands by the large windows behind her desk. She folds her hands behind her back and sighs as she looks into space.

Hider

Alright, so whenever I do that that means that a new model is up for grabs. Solon 3000 is available for who wants it, I guess.

Diddly Do

Ok, I just added a 2nd thing to my ship about the Pineapple Inc. Just so you guys know. I also will add more models in time, If you guys want any of them go ahead.