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Journey to the East

As expected, Noah was caught off guard, and if his look hadn't softened, Elann would have felt somewhat distraught. As it was, his looks did soften as he realized it was a game. He snatched it from her mouth and took a big bite of it. She glared at him playfully, almost predator-like, and he would see that where her cute little teeth were, there was no piece missing. She had bit it initially very lightly and then held it mostly with her lips, so when he had snagged it from her it was quite easy to get away. It too was a sign she didn't intent to take his food from him.

Eventually, he began to hand over the bread back to her and she opened her mouth to take a bite, but he fooled her. It sent her into giggles for a moment before he tried again. She nipped at it more intently to take it back, but he snatched it from her again. With her playful toothy grin, he could see that twinkle in her eye he had seen on the days of their bonding, the day of her wedding, and any other such happy moment. He presented it a third time and she went after it so good she almost got his finger in the process. With it in her lips again, she mouthed, "Mine", back at him and giggled with his laughter.

It was then that the triangle bell rang for food and she moved closer to him so he could put the small amount of bread back in his mouth. Once he took it from her, she would let it go and would run a hand through his hair with a little nibble on her upper lip.

"I'm going to go get you a bunch of food okay? Then I'll be right back."

She would reach up with a hand and snatch the bread from his mouth and would plant a kiss on his lips before setting it back in his hand and sliding off of him carefully. If he didn't protest, she would skip off to the line forming for food to get two full plates for him. She would share off the second one, but wasn't very hungry so it would be a small amount. For dinner that night there was rabbit, dried bear steak, dried fish, squirrel, and some sort of lizard. There was also soup and some dried kale with spices, but she skipped all of those things and just gathered a bunch of lizard, squirrel, and rabbit- the freshest of the meats and then would head back.

Journey to the East

While Noah was beating himself up inside, Elann was none the wiser. His bond was closed once again and she was innocently loving on him. She had her issues with what had happened, but she was trying to do what needed to be done to make the relationship right and yet still not be so distant as to make him feel unloved. Elann had come from a family that loved at a distance, and she had always wanted more. Even her own mother had confessed her anger at her husband for not being closer to her. That drove Elann to fight hard to be close to Noah, but in the end, she was trapped in the same relationship. She didn't want to grow to hate him and still held hope for their future.

"Okay," she responded softly to him. Elann was actually quite joyful given not only that she had prayed all day, but because she was finally getting to see him awake. She hated seeing him laid out there unconscious and drugged. She couldn't stand his sleepy eyes and drugged looks from when he would stir awake and fall back asleep. It tore her heart open for him as she loved him dearly. It was nice to see him finally sat up, and as he finished taking a drink, she watched him set it off to the side. With bread in his mouth he beckoned for her and it caused her to giggle a little. Waves of joy would flood him as she rose up first to her knees, and then gently crawled to straddle his lap. Normally she would lay in his arms, but given his weak strength, his stitches in back and muscles that would normally support her, she figured it best to come to him directly. As it was, she rest facing him in his lap with her hands on her thighs to give her upperbody support.

Playfully, she bit the bread and yanked it from his mouth with eyes that showed her mirth and deviousness. Her eyebrows wriggled to him as she now held it in her own mouth. Elann was trying to start a game with him as she had noticed how he liked playing with her earlier but wasn't sure if he would. She knew that certain terrestrial animals fought over food, but she was a human and clearly playing. She just hoped that would translate to him.

Journey to the East

Elann thought it curious that he reasserted that he thought she was going to stay. Instead of bickering about it, smothing him with love, or making up more excuses, she brushed her hair back and just looked to him and nodded. He stated he was okay and just wondered where she was. A small smile passed over her features and she nodded again.

"It was really pretty, and it was actually warm today. Even Zulrav's breezes were heated by the sun. It felt really nice too to just open up and sing. I haven't been able to very loudly since I left the tents of my father. Though he doesn't require it, Yahal loves it when I sing to him, so I really felt his presence today with me."

She leaned back onto the edge of the bench behind her and raised an arm to prop up her head.

"Did you want me to make you something more for dinner? Or if you want, I can grab whatever the cook is making? Or is that enough?"

She nodded to the bread in his hand, wondering what he wanted to do. She didn't want to leave him yet though and she uncrossed her legs, turned on her hip a little and placed her feet up close to his thigh to rub him lovingly with her shin as she looked to him. The way she lay against the other side of the wagon seemed to communicate her want and willingness to be with him and not to leave. Above all else, if he wanted to draw closer to her and wanted her to draw closer to him, he knew what he had to do. Elann was always open to him in whatever aspect he wanted to come to her. She was a needy woman and she needed his loving affection, but she wasn't going to make him. She had done that in the past- made him into a man he wasn't, and if he really wanted her, he would have to show her. Even in their volatile state, him simply extending a hand to her would communicate he wanted her in his lap and close to him.

Journey to the East

It was good to finally feel the hunger that was in her stomach, as well as the pain in her back, come to an end. After a quick breath and a closing of her eyes to mentally recover, she pouted a tiny bit at his evident pain.

"I know you do. I wish I could just heal you so you could be free. It kills me to see you in pain like this," she admitted, and he would surely feel that within her there was a deep compassion for him. "I wish you were free to soar again and be on the wind where you are happy."

Her pout was brief and only showed a tiny bit of outward empathy as he had stated he didn't like her pouting, crying, or seeming sad really in any way. She settled him to where he could eat and she sat across from him cross legged a small space away from him on the other side of the wagon's floor. There had been a small jug of water kept beside the trunk for Noah incase he got thirsty and seeing his bites, she wondered at his desires.

"I stayed for a while after you slept, but then I wanted to pray and spend some time in worship where I could sing aloud. I didn't want to wake you or bother Aimee, who was reading. Aimee kept an eye on you and I wasn't too far away."

She then poured a glass of water for him and held it in her hands for him until he was ready to take it. She loved serving him and spending time with him, so holding the glass for him, even briefly was a symbol of her love for him in that service.

"Are you doing okay, Noah? I felt you were lonely."

Her tone was one of concern for him, but she didn't mollycoddle him, instead only placing a hand lightly on his shin. Before she would want to smother him in love so he felt better, but she was trying to remain distant from him, yet showing her love. He couldn't doubt that at least. It was the most prevalent through their bond, and almost never seemed to cease for him in its extreme.

Journey to the East

Elann was none the wiser on her husband's status. She hadn't meant to leave him alone all day, but knew him to be sleeping. Because of that, she just wanted to clear her mind and heart from her disheartening conversation with Aimee before Noah woke up. Most of the day was in prayer and praise. Not too far before the lead wagon, she sang worship to Yahal and Zulrav just out of earshot.
Each prayer and worship was different. To Yahal it was her showing her love and purity of heart to him, her undying faithfulness in devotion to him and her promises. To Zulrav, she worshiped his warm winds and how strong and mighty he was. Even going so far to be bold and ask for rain and wind from him. He would know she was trying to be faithful, not just because of Noah, but because her own willingness to be faithful to him.

With Zulrav, it wasn't about love for him when she worshiped, but more about a relationship, like the relationship of the wind and the storm. She had seen how he saved her because of Noah and his relationship and she wanted that too. She wanted to share that with her husband and repair even what may have come to tension between her and Noah's God. The only problem was that she didn't know enough about Zulrav to really start and wasn't sure he even had eyes on her, let alone cared. It didn't stop her though, and as she sang and danced in Shiber, she kept hope in her heart that he one day would respond.

As the night began to draw close, Elann didn't take the chance being out so far from the wagons as she knew that they would stop soon, but also because she knew animals hunted in the evening hours. Noah's bond had been dull to her, but as she had said before, if he ever needed her, he could just loosen his hold on their bond and she would come once she felt him.

They had begun to encircle the camp on the side of the road and Elann spoke with the wagon master on the lead wagon about how to drive a wagon. He continued to explain for the next hour the various dangers of driving and how to keep your wheels safe. It was then a rushing pain came over Elann she did not expect. It had been a long time since she had felt Noah let loose on their bond. Elann was not prepared for it and gasped mid sentence. The man asked her if she was alright and she nodded, swallowing the feeling of pain, ache, hunger, and loneliness as it flooded into her. Her husband was calling.

"I'm okay...I just had a random pain. I'm okay now," she stated as she straightened up. "I think I should go," she said kindly and he excused her. Elann began walking and then the pain shifted from one side to the the other and then to her back. He was clearly laying on his back, a new change. She passed Aimee on the way back to the wagon, and saw that she had come nearby to speak to one of the other families in the next wagon down. She gave her a smile and showed that she was heading to the wagon to keep and eye on Noah, then headed that way. It wasn't long after he had let loose of the bond that Elann came up to the wagon's back, but before that Elann pestered the cook for some bread for Noah.

Inside the wagon lay her husband on the bedding she had made with rugs, pillows, blankets, and furs for him, and true to form, he was on his back. The back of the wagon was down still and she climbed up into it with a plate in hand to lie next to him.

"Hi there," she said with concern in her voice. She could feel his loneliness, which out of all he felt, triggered her compassion the most. She was his helper, and whether he wanted her or not she didn't know, but she would be there for him in any aspect he wanted. "Are you doing okay? I brought you a little bread to tie you over until supper is ready."

If he wanted to eat the bread, she would help him sit up from where he lay so he could eat.

Journey to the East

Elann nodded to her sister as she said that forgiveness was a hard thing to get. She took in a deep breath and let it out. She said that Noah didn't get upset easily, that he didn't yell or get angry, all of which she had led him into. Elann had taken all the blame upon herself and played over the hem of her clothes in quiet sadness from it. It almost sounded like from Aimee's point of view the relationship was over, but had a tiny bit of hope. Elann wasn't sure at that point.

With Yahal, a promise could be broken if both parties were in agreement, but divorce was a bit more serious. Elann didn't want to divorce him, and it seemed like Aimee thought Noah was just sticking around because he didn't want to break another breaking. That hurt most of all, even if she said that he loved her. She loved Noah completely and wanted to make everything right. She just felt helpless though. Only time would tell if her husband would ultimately tear their bond or if the space she gave them would heal their relationship. She felt trapped in a box with nowhere to go. If she went closer to him, he only seemed more annoyed. If she opened up to how she was feeling, he only got mad. If she shared her culture or any real aspect of herself with him, it would end in pain. She couldn't be sure anymore if that was how he was or if that was how she made him. Feeling extremely depressed, Elann gave a small smile to her sister and patted her on the arm as she opened her book. It was a sign to Elann that she was done talking.

"Well...thanks for listening, and I know you love your brother, that you are looking out for him. We do love each other. We are just having some hardships right now. I want to do what it takes to make it right though. I'm sorry you've had to experience this. I'm sure it has been more than awkward for you."

Elann then rose and moved to the back of the wagon.

"I hope he sleeps better on the rugs," she said lovingly as she looked to him. It pained her in her heart to see him injured again, but after a small sigh, she looked back up to Aimee.

"I'm going to walk ahead today I think."

With that, she made her way out the back of the wagon and moved out ahead of the wagon train. They were just getting lined up to head out, and Elann started down the road after giving Aimee a little wave. Once out of sight, of the caravan, Elann shed tears of the pain in her heart for what she had done and the lacking hope that lingered around their relationship like a stormy cloud.

Journey to the East

Elann had opened herself emotionally to Aimee, really trying to explain and open her heart to her and she wasn't disappointed. Unlike Noah, she had a civil way of expressing herself, even if inside she may have felt like he did. It made Elann feel comforted, not yelled at because she was crying.

Feeling comforted, and with tear carefully wiped away, Elann listened to her sister. It was excusable she guessed, but never having a sibling, she wondered at their relationship.

It was sad to Elann to hear that what she had done to Noah had left him to be something else; that stabbed her in the heart.

"It's okay. It kind of felt good to get it off my chest, really." She then sniffed and regained some composure, then leaned against the canvas of the wagon.

"Aimee, I don't know what to do at this point. I've tried to draw closer to him and that didn't work, and now I'm trying to stay away a little without making him feel like I'm pressuring him for anything...and it's going better. I just couldn't stand it if I pushed him to the point of tearing our bond. I feel I couldn't live without him. He has become my only friend, my only family, and the only man I've ever loved. It hurts more inside than I ever knew I could that I have been destroying this bond between us. I just want his forgiveness. I want to start over, but I feel I've pushed him too far and I can't talk about it anymore with him without him getting mad. I can't make it right. Now we are in this lull where neither of us want to offend each other, but I want more than that because I love him."

A hand came down to help lift her other leg up onto the bench so she was curled up on it. It felt so good to finally talk to her sister again, and once more, she didn't feel as rejected as she did.

Journey to the East

It was a comfort to hear that Aimee, someone natural to the wilds, was anxious to return to Zeltiva. It made her feel like she wasn't so alone out there, that there was something else to look forward to ahead.

Elann listened intently as her sister cautiously laid out her question and her clarification of it. Aimee had read her memoirs and knew of her desires and love for Noah, as well as how they met, but upon her giving her clarification, she realized the hidden inquiry as to what she wanted to know.

Shifting more and more slumped as she went on, Elann almost seemed to crumple as she went on. As she finished it was clear that the toughened outside of Elann had been punctured and deflated and she was showing her inner sadness.

"I know...I know he's stressed. I think it's all my fault. I mean...ever since the beginning I've been pressuring him to be something he wasn't. I had never met a kelvic before, so I just thought he was a...well...a strange man." She smiled at that slightly, "But in him, I saw a sweetness, an innocence, and he wasn't strange in a so bad of a way, so I decided to get to know him more. I had no-one when I came to Syliras, but he seemed to want to spend time with me, and to be honest, just having someone there to listen to me made me feel better after the horrible stuff that had happened to me."

"I eventually grew irritated with his behavior, still thinking he was a human. I actually yelled at him a little the first outing we went on because he would only ever speak to me in one word answers...I made him cry." It was clear she felt bad about it, but she continued on. "That was when I found out in small part what it means to be kelvic and it was why he didn't understand some things that to me were normal. He confessed to me he wanted to be more human-like, but didn't know how...so we mentally really just settled into this relationship with him where we seemed to be human together, but to tell the truth, I think I just settled into that mentality and have been fooled by it since."

"We had bickered in the past as he tried to understand me, but nothing we had fought about was as serious as since the marriage. I think the reason this has been so bad is because in my mind, I had this image of him as this Kelvic trying to be human, an image where he was trying. When you both showed up, he seemed more like a Kelvic trying to forget the human and that he hated the ruse of it. It seemed to me like he had given up trying altogether. That was my perspective anyway. I think he feels like I think I don't appreciate or notice how much he has changed to conform to me. I do, but it wasn't that that bothered me. It was his words in our fighting. He would leave when the topic wasn't something he wanted to hear and he seemed to be just more angry, snippy; all likely my fault by me trying to change him still."

"I've been trying to understand him, but I just had this image in my mind of how he loved me and that image I've been finding out is far different than I thought. I don't doubt his love for me. I know he loves me like no other, but I love through desire and attraction, among other things. And I felt like I didn't know him anymore when I found he married me but wasn't attracted to me nor desired me. It was like he was a puppet and I had been tugging and dragging him along to be this person he wasn't, even into marriage. To me, nothing is more important than marriage, but to him, I think he never cared for it. Most of the changes I've seen were because I wanted him to change...and I think it has been so volatile lately because I've pushed him to a peak where he can't take it anymore." She sighed, feeling destroyed inside. "It's been very hard for me to come into the mindset I need to be in, but I am trying."

She shed a single tear then, but didn't cry much. She was trying with all her ability to understand him, but was just so horrible at it.

Journey to the East

Elann saw that the book was set on Aimee's lap, but wasn't sure she had settled in to read it yet. Given her closing of it, Elann figured that perhaps she had, but from where she sat, she could see her sister's thumb inside, holding her place. Elann hummed thoughtfully at her response. Fifteen more days, just over two weeks more and they would be free of the boundaries of the wagon and the dangers of the wild.

Already she had pissed off some sort of witch or God that she didn't know of, her husband had nearly died - and would have if she had not got him to the road before the wagons came - and she also had a fear looming from her dreams of trouble ahead. Elann still was cautious about her dreams. Many of them were fluid, only true in part. She couldn't tell for certain the things that would come, but every day seemed to remind her in Noah's tea leaves that something was coming.

The thought faded away as Aimee asked her if she was anxious. It was a little of the issues between Noah and herself, her dreams and thoughts, but also the distance Aimee had kept after their fight. She really enjoyed getting to know her back in Syliras, and it seemed the further Elann and Noah got from each other, the less support she had of her sister. Had she been so wrong to want Noah to change? She assumed so and had settled into the place she was at now. Tensions had seemed to be calming down as she gave her husband space, but she couldn't be sure.

"Well, not anxious. I'll be glad to be in Zeltiva though."

Elann looked down. She knew the Kelvics were at home out there in the wilds, and much like them, she too wanted to be, but she just couldn't shake the feeling that something was at work out there in the wild and set against them all.

Aimee piped up with a question and shifted to her. Elann raised her head and faced Aimee by turning on the bench all the more with one leg crossed under the other.

"Sure," she answered, a small smile playing over her face.

Journey to the East

Putting on trousers was no small matter for someone with his injuries. If he wanted, she would be there to help him put them on, but for the most part gave him independence. Calmly she herself settled down next to Aimee for a little with her needlework and looked to her sister.

"We are well into the journey now."

It was said as though she was trying to start a conversation with her. In truth, Elann felt somewhat ganged up on when it came to her and Noah's fights. What she understood and what they understood as kelvics were two different things, and somewhere in there, Elann had to make it work.

"What do you think? Do you think we are half way yet?"

Aimee having made the journey before in some degree, made Elann want to question the Maned wolf to see if they had just started or if they had actually made decent time.

Elann had long since finished her undergarment and since had been working on a new shirt for Noah to replace his old blood stained one that had been buried somewhere in the forests outside of Syliras.