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Journey to the East

Another little squeak of relief came to her as his and scooped her up and fell between the darkwooded strands of her hair. It was a hug, an embrace, and while weak and unable to do what he intended it to do, it was enough to her. When he pulled back from her, giving her a peck on the lips, those eyes he adored searched him for a reason.

It was then the slow tingle of pain could be felt as the bond opened. It was then dwarfed by his intense love for her then. She had never felt such a grand emotion from him before and it made her completely ignore the pain now in her body. It was an intense emotion to be with her, a form of oneness. It was really what she was wanting to feel when she had begged him to feel the bond, and that wasn't all.

As he looked down at her and thought on his love for her, something happened. He had not felt desire for her before, or a yearning physically himself. As she lay there though, her eyes looking into his, she felt it. It might not have been sexual desire, but it was desire, a longing sensation for her and her smile grew wide in the blissful feeling of it. She let out a sound of enjoyment that much like his when she was playing on his back, almost rumbled in her. It was a higher pitch, but the same.

Elann had yet to muster up the will to speak any word, and the emotions flowing through her bond told her not to, to just enjoy the time with him. If she opened her mouth, it would all be over. His hand played across her smooth skin to the curve of her body and without voice, she matched the desire for him in her own heart, compounding on it.

Before, when Noah was sad or angry, Elann would get sad or angry, and it would compound until raging storms threatened to destroy all the world in her eyes, yet this time, she sought to nurture this new desire in him, to show him the heights of it by stacking new desire over new desire. He had thought of her beautiful features and interpreted it into desire. She thought on his might and sacrifice, interpreting it into desire for him. It was a form of communication, a telling that there was so much more to desire in her. He already loved her for her kindness, her love. Each of those too could be turned into desire, each one fanning a flame of passion until each one could not keep away from each other. If he matched her by learning what next to desire, she would focus on his sweetness, his gentle touches, and then communicate that desire to him. It all would gather into an overwhelming force if he went along, but even if he didn't, she would eventually cup his neck with a hand and pull him back to her for a kiss.

Journey to the East

His hand came up to the side of her face and her eyes slid closed as it brought her peace. The fact he was displaying affection to her spoke volumes and she let out a little squeak of relief. His hand slid down to her long, bare neck and he held her there almost romantically. Her eyes opened once more, beckoning him to her in their gaze, and it was an enjoyable thing to see him come closer to her. The shine in her eyes seemed to return.

As their lips met, she felt relieved by the action. For him to go out of his way like he did was moving to her and she lay there in pure bliss. Eventually her heavy lidded eyes opened to see him looking at her. Again, as if having checked on him, her eyes lazed closed as she fell into another emotionally driven kiss, but then opened up to meet his gaze once more after he pulled away.

They parted and his sweet caresses and sacrifice had brought back the smile to her face. It was subtle, but there, and the youthful brightness of Elann had returned to her face. Whatever had possessed her thoughts moments earlier was gone and she was focused on him. Even in the dim light, the brilliance of her unique eyes could be seen, shimmering in their blaze of blue and green. As he sealed the kiss with her and stared into her eyes, she carefully brought a hand up to wrap around his neck romantically.

Elann then pulled another kiss from him as she closed her eyes. She broke away and nuzzled into his forehead and gently along side his temple with her own. It was her submission to him of their love, but she couldn't sleep. She had tried to mend their relationship, really gave it her all, and had failed again. What she was going to do next she wasn't sure. True love to her never quit though, and she resolved that she would try again, how though, she didn't know. It was too hard for her mind to wrap around the perfection she would have to bring to the topic when breached. She couldn't make an error, and all she seemed to do when she opened her mouth was make errors.

Journey to the East

The sounds of the night outside could not be heard, their fire scaring away most of the animals already, and those asleep before they had arrived safe in their natural made nests didn't seem to care. The thick walls of the ten kept all noise from entering except for the somber sounds of those last remaining few who stayed up in thought after their loss. Elann, still lying on her back was alone in her silence, in her thoughts, and the dim light of the tent showed her watching the fabric gently move up and down as the wind outside must have increased a tiny bit.

Without feeling Noah's bond, she couldn't tell whether he was awake or not, but she had assumed he still lay there alert. It was their way. Whenever they would fight, it always seemed to be in bed. To her she wondered if their bedroom would continue to be sullied by their fighting instead of their love, and it was then at that thought that she felt his movement. His hand slid under the blanket in a sign of affection, welcoming her to him. She turned her head to the side to view him in the dim light.

Her face as he wrapped about her arm was an almost curious one. Much like their last fight, he had become offended at her thinking he meant abuse, but really she didn't think of him that way. He had ended their conversation stating he didn't want to speak about it anymore. In a way, he had done the same thing, asking to sleep now, to leave her on her own in her thoughts and emotions. It wasn't unjust of him, it was what she deserved for how she had treated him, so the confusion came with feelings of surprise in her heart as she briefly looked to him. Was he really opening to her then? Had he somehow in some way forgiven in such a tiny degree as to actually want to be near her? She was almost sure of it as she looked to him.

The deep thoughts had left her eyes glassed in the dim light as she stared deeply into his eyes, but she had not been crying, nor did she look like she was going to other than the wetness on her eyes. In truth it was a combination of the deep thoughts mixed with her immense exhaustion. It was hard to deal with this again for her as well, but when he slipped under the blankets, she helped him pull them so he wasn't fighting so hard with them and then covered his back with them before laying back down. It seemed he was coming even physically closer to her now, reaching out to share the dark space with her body. She swelled with love for him and felt a sense of comfort, but she did not smile. She simply pulled his hand gently over her waist and scooted in closer to him until they were one. She faced him, looking deeply into his eyes. It was then, even in the darkness, though not in the bond, she would seem stressed, weighted down, as if all this was crushing her. It was not something felt in the heart, but seen in the dimming edge of her eyes and lack of smile.

Still, she didn't seem angry, didn't seem desolate or any such extreme. She just wasn't happy with herself and just wanted the night and her mind to be done with. She wanted to wake up and have everything be okay. That was her prayer.

Journey to the East

Elann unfortunately was putting herself in his shoes, trying her best, her hardest to work with her husband. She had given him the space he desired, put herself in the perspective of Alena in her caressing that night, merely asked for something in his shoes was a good thing - the opening of their bond. Upon finding out that he wanted to protect her adamantly from it she had forgotten to mention what she wanted to say. The lapse of memory and failure to express herself in the right moment had cost her dearly. His sigh in reply to her was disheartening as she knew she had dug a hole she could not get out of.

He waited a few moments to gather his thoughts, and at any moment she considered him saying something like he had said earlier. When she had asked him if he could ever forgive her, she remembered his words. The sting then returned fresh in her mind and it wasn't until he said okay did she too ease out a breath.

From the moment she had bumbled into the inn she had been lost. Elann had hoped that being married to him would bring a firm foundation to her life, but it had not. It had only become more stressed in an already stressed life. It was her fault, she knew that, just as her error tonight was her fault. The smile faded from her face and slowly Elann pulled the hand out from under her head as he asked if he could go to sleep. She nodded and took in a deep breath, rose, and moved to turn the lantern low.

In the dimness of the light, she could barely make out his body, but not until she returned under the blanket was she able to see his face.

"Goodnight Noah..." she voiced softly to him. She turned from him to lay on her back and snuggled into the pillows a little. Her eyes were closed at first but once comfortable, they reopened and stared at the roof of the tent. Thoughts of how the night would have ended up if she had not forgotten to say what she did ran through her head. He was enjoying her touch, enjoying her words, and responded to her in a more loving fashion than even he would do for anyone she had seen so far, but how quickly it turned to hurt and pain. If their roles were reversed, she would have forgiven him already, moved on, and the problem that rose its head tonight likely wouldn't have even happened. It was the unforgiving animal in him that she had to learn. Every movement, every word, every thought had to be perfect or it could mean something different. As a human she was not used to that intensity, but as she stared at the roof, she knew she would have to learn it for him and for her.

Journey to the East

Elann didn't have any secret feelings to go on through their bond, but knew that he really wanted to hear her speak of their past and her love for him. He wouldn't have questioned it if he didn't. She made the mistake of making that her main point and she realized immediately when he began to feel sad that she had made yet another mistake. Why was she so forgetful around him? Why did she struggle to communicate? It was like she was intentionally doing all she could to hurt him and it wasn't in her heart to do so.

He drooped down and spoke words that seemingly died off, as if she had killed part of his soul. Then the pain came. He had submitted to her and she knew then that he had done so simply because he thought she was demanding it. She made a point not to physically show the pain when he looked back up to her, enduring it as best she could.

"Noah...maybe I just fail at speaking, maybe I just got forgot to say what is in my heart, but Love, I don't didn't say those things to convince you or force you into letting me feel our bond. By you denying me, and telling me no, that you don't want me to feel the pain...I thought that was sweet of you."

"In my heart, and what I failed to tell you was that I was actually really happy that you were protecting me from the pain. Sure I asked that you release the bond as I do want to feel it, but I completely understand."

"I just got so wrapped up in telling you how much I appreciated your love that I forgot the whole point we were making...that you don't want to open the bond to me. Upon hearing your words, I didn't want you to as well. If it pleases you, I want you to protect me from the pain. Please don't be sad. Please don't be disappointed. I didn't mean it like that."

She was pleading with him in a way so as not to be whiny, but sincere, and clearly not because she wanted everything to be nice between them. Her tone of voice conveyed that, as well as how disappointingly she felt in not being able to communicate what she felt; especially in the trying times they were in. Before he potentially would close the bond, she would revel in his love, holding onto it more than anything else there. It was like a breath of fresh air and despite the pain and soreness, it made her happy.

Journey to the East

To Elann, even though she desperately wanted to feel his love for her, his rejection was just as sweet. At least he would know now how desperate she was to be part of the bond with him.

He didn't reject her hold and instead tightened showing his desperation for her to not beg him any further. She was burdened in her heart for him, not as if a weight of pain was there, but one of love. He was showing sacrifice for her and though he had shown it before when he closed off the bond, now he was more acute in his plea. She listened further as he questioned her love in ways and seemed extremely curious.

Lovingly she continued to brush up and down his arm, but stopped when she answered.

"I grew in my love for your mentality very close after our first meeting, when I saw you playing with the children and how they dressed you up. It was small, but the more time we spent together, the more it grew into a fondness and eventually a deep rooted love. I loved you in part then. When you were injured and I helped take care of you, I grew to be fond of you emotionally as if we had connected by sharing our troubles with each other, and since then, I grew to love you physically. I became more and more attracted to who you were, without the bond, and I still see it now...of course I do."

She didn't get mad at him for questioning her perception of his love, but she wanted to be clear to him she did perceive it.

"Everything you've done tonight has been in love for me...wanting to protect me and Aimee...how you are holding my arm right now...all of it. I just wanted to feel it through our bond because I love it, okay?"

It seemed like every time she opened her mouth, there was some sort of wrong thing she said, so she hoped that the truth of how she felt would not strike him as offensive.

Journey to the East

It made her smile a little as Noah recoiled. It filled her with curiosity, but now wasn't the time to be curious. She pushed the feeling away and watched as her husband's arm snaked through the pillows to grasp hers. She kept it there propped up as he said he loved her. Dancing her fingers down his arm, she returned the sentiment as through their bond, she flooded with love for him.

"I love you too."

The words were soft spoken and sincere. She had his actions and emotions close to her heart, and especially when he seemed to physically show her affection as he did now, she flared in that love for him.

"I miss feeling your love through our bond. I don't care if you hurt, I am longing for it..."

She lowered her head to nuzzle into his arm that had reached out for her and she gently kissed it. He had kept her from feeling the pain in him but she didn't care. Perhaps it was that she had become like him, close in the bond, and really she began to understand how he had felt blind when she closed off the bond to him.

"Please don't hold it from me. I've been through far worse pain before. I miss that part of you."

He had already endured with her when she had her monthly pains, which at this point were near on par with what he was going through, at least in how much she felt on her end of the bond.

Journey to the East

It was good to see that something that she did brought her husband comfort. His face fell downward into the pillow and he hummed that she should continue, that it felt nice. Then came the nearly inaudible rumbling from inside of him.

Previously Elann had great fear over the sound and she couldn't remember if it was that that had made her cry in the past or his willingness to leave her, but it was similar. Here though he seemed to be in deep enjoyment. She relinquished her temporary fears at the sound and continued, trusting that he would tell her when he wanted her to stop.

Elann was a curious sort, and his clear enjoyment of her playing over his skin seemed to wake her up a slight bit. Her hand lowered from his hair to behind his ear, then to his neck, and eventually down his shoulder to his arm that was injured. There she scratched lightly around it just as she had done on his back. She then smoothed her hand gently over his back, lightly letting her fingers trail in a light scratch until she moved over to his sides, only coming in just enough to relieve that itching sensation in his wounds, but not enough to harm him. She knew the feeling well given that her own hand that played across him had been horribly scarred. From there at his side, she played her hands smoothly into almost a gentle rub as he was not injured there, and then brought her fingers up to run repeatedly in light little scratches as she curled them over and over against his sides as he had told her he liked. It wasn't a ticklish motion, but similar to it. Instead it was much softer and sensual.

Her hands then traveled over to the other side assuming he had enjoyed the previous, and there she danced her fingers up his side and proceeded to caress him lovingly; even going so high as to scratch under his arms on the inner edges of his armpit. Her head was propped up on her hand as she laid on her side, and if he had not passed out in his pleasure yet, she would move up again to his hair.

Elann had a heart of sacrifice for her husband, and she would do anything for him just to be one ounce happier. She couldn't believe herself and how she had treated him over the past year. As his wife, she was thankful for Yahal's mercy in not punishing her. He knew it was not intentional though. As they would continue, Elann only hoped that her patient devotion to Noah, even in such small matters as loving on him like she was, would eventually turn him to attach all the more to her.

Journey to the East

The brushing was done rapidly and without hardly any tangles to stop her. It was often that before bed she would do that and then in the morning give herself a much more thorough brushing. His eyes were upon her when she came to lay down beside him.

Unbeknownst to him, she had been cold all night, which wasn't uncommon for her, but she had been without the blanket that had covered him and Alena, and though the flaps of the wagon had been closed, she had froze. It was only since the fire that she had warmed up finally and now that she remained there brushing her hair, she had become cold once more. Reaching behind her, she undid her breast band and let the cloth fall to the side of the cushioned bed as she snuggled up under the blanket next to Noah.

She had to be careful of his stitches, but she lovingly ran her fingers over his back, scratching lightly around his wounds. She knew he had not been able to lay on his back much, let alone scratch himself, or even run water over his body since the incident, so she figured very gently scratching over the area would give him much needed relief.

His eyes upon her still did make her feel like she was the center of his attention, but she had learned after their wedding that he had no real desire or attraction to her. She had given up to a point in her new efforts to change herself instead of him, but part of her still hoped one day he did see her in a light of affection, but more than that, attraction.

"If you want me to stop, say so. I don't want to hurt you. Does that feel good?"

Her eyes traced down his naked body as it lay there holding the pillow and then came back to his eyes for his answer. Whether or not he enjoyed it or hated it, she would eventually come up to his hair and lovingly run her hands through it. It seemed she was laying aside her own desires of sleeping to give him a little comfort in bed before she did what she wanted, which was to pass out.

Journey to the East

Elann moved the last of their things into the tent for the bed and set them down as Noah entered. They had handed off the little girl just moments before and now they both could rest. The way her husband moved spoke of his soreness, but his sounds and looks of soothing seemed to come out once he was laid down.

Closing the tent up, his wife made sure they were going to be nice and warm inside. The tent while being set up had faced the fire and thus had absorbed as much heat as was possible, and now closed, it would keep the cold out.

Knowing her husband, she saw him there in his trousers and knelt down next to him and began to undo them while looking to him. The act was not sexual; she was just trying to make him comfortable by slipping them off.

"I'm so tired..." she voiced. "Aren't you?"

She had been awake all day since early morning, walked a great deal of it, and had been busy in the evening. On top of that there was the battle, heightened emotions earlier, and then a stretched out journey into the night. Lastly she had set up the tent and prepared it for him the best she knew how. If he hadn't resisted her, she would even fold up his clothing next to the bed for him to wear in the morning.

Her soft cotton dress, yellow in color arched across her chest, keeping her form concealed, however the back was slightly lower. There as she set his clothes and pulled a blanket over him was her pearlescent angel wings; marked on her back. Elann reknelt next to him after picking up her brush. She ran it through her hair as she quietly got ready for bed.