SystemofEleven

Worlds of Disney

Phoebus narrowed his gaze at Esmeralda. “Practice? ...Did you rent a baby to make me change its diaper, again?” He looked around pseudo-suspiciously.

Esmeralda shook her head.

“Not this time.”

She glanced back at the crowd.

"There were three children with me - two boys and a girl. They should be easy to identify; they're all wearing masks and costumes. And while I'm trying to help them find someone, it seems their main priority is getting into trouble."

The knight looked around the room more closely, now. “They’ll probably stick out, then, even with their smaller size. I doubt I could get the crowd to point them out to us, though. They’re more preoccupied than usual...”

Meanwhile, after having been dragged off a table for the third time, Pierre had given up his attempts at singing aloud and was attempting to write out a play about a man with the strength of ten bulls who struggled to find a woman who could see past his physical prowess and love his truest self. On his strumpet’s chest. With a broth-wetted finger. Actually, she may not have even been the strumpet he initially hired; he was honestly too drunk to notice or care. But drunkenness does tend to drive back one’s self-critical nature, and the poet found himself gripped by a frenzy of muses he was certain were granting him the greatest work he would ever produce -- nay, the greatest work that would ever be produced! The propitiousness of Gaston’s arrival should not be understated, and Pierre made a note to himself on the woman’s cheek to include an assertion after the denouement giving credit to the inspiration gleaned in this wondrous moment.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a small purple and green blur duck under a table, soon followed by another blur that was a paler grey and much hairier. He sighed wistfully.

“Ah, but to be a child again, guileless and incontemplative, running unfettered through pandemonium, without cares but of playing with one’s--” A glint of gold at one floppy ear regained his attention, and called forth recognition through his stupor.

Pierre let out a truly manly squeal, and threw himself out of his chair to catch Djahli at the last possible moment and drag the poor goat backward out from the table. Once he had him out, the philosopher held the animal to his chest and began babbling happily about “his pretty”. Djahli, for his part, kicked and squirmed in Pierre’s arms, desperately craning his neck to try and see in the direction the little girl had crawled off.

Suddenly, two loud and distinct voices rang out against the singing, and a tankard flew at the subject of the song from off Phoebus’s side. The volume immediately dropped. The captain looked to see who threw it, and recognized the I totally didn’t do that, I’m gonna go over here -posture the foreign soldier was displaying as he asked for a room. Phoebus wasn’t sure whether he was relieved or disappointed not to be that man’s -- woman’s? He couldn’t quite be sure with far easterners -- commanding officer. Luckily, neither of them were on duty, anyway. Maybe he -- she? -- would be up for some mischief, later. That might be fun…

The knight was simultaneously distracted from this line of thinking by an annoyed, frantic bleating breaking out amidst the silence, and the eponymous Gaston hollering in rage and storming over to a man standing on Esmeralda’s other side, just inside the door. He picked the stranger up by his clothing.

"And we were all having such a good time."

Phoebus put a hand on his sword, but Esmeralda beat him to the punch. "He didn't do anything!"

When Gaston switched to flirting at her, Phoebus relaxed slightly and cocked a slight sideways grin. He left one hand on the pommel of his sword, but did a small bow and waved a hand, welcoming her to deal with the muscle-bound buffoon herself. Seeing the formidable Madame was already on her way over, he decided his assistance would likely not be needed, and headed in the direction the goat noises had been heard from.

Worlds of Disney

[OOC: GM approval was given for me to give Kuzco a reasonable excuse to bow-out]

Phoebus cocked a sideways grin. "Depending on your definition, it has either a very bad reputation, or a very good one. Regardless, your possessions and your person are perfectly safe there. No one will touch you or your things -- without your express invitation, of course." He winked playfully, then sobered and gave a half-bow. "Myself included. I enjoy a good bit of fun, but not at the expense of those who didn't sign up for it."

He raised an eyebrow at Merida's tone and comment to Philip. "At no point did I say or indicate that you needed to stay here while I dealt with the needs of His Majesty's entourage. They required examination and assistance; you did not. That you are still near the city rather inside is the result of your own choice."

He quickly bowed to the new prince, fully desensitized to the entrance of yet more royalty, by this point. "Captain Phoebus deMartan, at your service."

While the conversation had been going, Kuzco had been quietly discussing something with a few of said entourage. The Emperor cleared his throat and thanked Phoebus for the clothes and information, but announced that he and his people would be camping outside the city overnight, anyway. They would enter Paris in the morning, when the various officials would be available to approach.

The knight nodded. "Of course, that's perfectly fine. I will inform the other guards that you are not a threat. You shouldn't be bothered again, so long as the laws of civility are followed. The rest of you can follow me to Le Pomme D'Eve, if you like. I'll get you taken care of."

He quickly mounted Achilles -- who stopped flirting at Khan and slipped into the horse equivalent of Soldier Mode -- and trotted back into the city. A few quick hand signals to the guards manning the gate communicated the basic situation, and then it was only about a quarter mile to the inn.

Le Pomme D'Eve was more bustling than usual, with loud music and periodic cheers being heard in the large building even from the street. Phoebus dismounted and handed his reins to a stable hand, flipping the boy a coin as he did. Suddenly, he noticed someone else approaching the entrance.

"Esmeralda!" he exclaimed dramatically. "My love, my darling, my moonlight on the Seine!" He rushed forward to sweep her off her feet.

Esmeralda smiled, her eyes sparkling. "Oh, my sunshine..." she replied silkily.

Phoebus expertly redirected his momentum to narrowly dodge a cuff to the ear, which was followed by a casual swipe between his legs. He managed to get behind her and hug her around the stomach. He then kissed her cheek and let her go.

"I can't wait until we're properly married," the captain laughed heartily.

Worlds of Disney

Phoebus stared at the little red creature. It looked like no dragon he'd ever read about, but demons were said to have the ability to shapeshift in order to ensnare unwitting souls, and pitiful as the burst itself had been, to conjur up hellfire at all did require a certain amount of infernal power... The knight gripped the pommel of his sword, calculating how dangerous this strange warrior and her protective spirit might be--

A flash of movement in his peripheral almost made him draw his weapon by reflex, but he quickly caught himself. No good to start a scuffle when things had finally started to calm down. Phoebus raised an eyebrow at the soldiers, who came running back with a load of clothes almost before everyone had had a chance to take another turn speaking.

One of the squad leaders shrugged. "There was a man selling his clothes at the gate. Said he felt a call to be priest and wouldn't need them."

Another smirked, thinking of how much exercise they'd just avoided by not having to run all over the city, on either errands or morning laps. And also something else... "Almost as if Our Lady set up a small miracle, just for our benefit. Sir," he added quickly.

The captain nodded and stroked his beard thoughtfully. "So it would seem. Very well, you are all dismissed. Oh, and you'll all be happy to know that Poilu DeGénie has graciously volunteered to do your laundry this evening, so aside from your standard quarters maintenance, you are duty free for the rest of the evening."

Only one soldier had the good graces to feel enough pity for DeGénie to let it be seen on his face. As the others excitedly saluted and turned to leave, Phoebus called out, "One more thing." They all stopped and turned slowly back to him. None of them wanted to point out they'd already been dismissed. "As I understand it, priests and nuns give their worldly possessions to the poor, rather than selling them. So I should think I won't be needing to reimburse you for the cost of the clothing, after all."

Several soldiers immediately looked dejected, but they all saluted him one last time before leaving.

Phoebus glanced back at the... dragon, and made the executive decision to ignore it for the moment. He was not yet drunk enough to handle that. Plus, everyone else here seemed not to have too much of a problem, and none of them really struck him as devil-worshipping heathens. Well, heathens, maybe, but that didn't necessarily mean they were evil.

He cleared his throat. "Most of the official and... more reputable, establishments have closed for the night. I can cover your cost to stay at the... inn, and help you find what you need in the morning."

He glanced at Kuzco's guard, some of whom were already attempting to wrestle their way into their hose, while others just stared at the clothing in much the same way Phoebus had been staring at... whatever it had said its name was.

"We may need to rent out all the rooms, and everything therein," he continued. "You can repay me when your coins have been exchanged. Or... You can repay me in other ways." He grinned in a way that was either meant to be endearing, or charming, or displaying jest. Possibly all three.

Worlds of Disney

Phoebus gave another bow. "Sir Phoebus deMartan, Captain of the city guard's third company. At your service."

He nodded to Kuzco, raising an eyebrow at the mention of rigging up loin cloths. "I can send some of my men to help retrieve some temporary covering. I'm sure there's somebody in Paris with broad enough shoulders and muscles like tree trunks who would be willing to part with some of their wardrobe."

One of his men scowled. "Excuse me, sir, but I didn't become a soldier to play errand boy for a bunch of barbarians too uncivilized to dress themselves."

Phoebus' face went blank and he straightened his back ever so slightly. The guard immediately realized his mistake and dropped his spear, holding up his hands in apology as he unconsciously moved to cover himself behind the girth of the captain's horse.

"Achilles, sit."

"W-aaaaaugh!" The horse suddenly stopped whickering at Angus and dropped his rear end to the ground. Right on top of the soldier, who wound up face-down in a serendipitous mud puddle. The other guards squared off their stances and stared straight ahead, though a few rolled their eyes at the stupidity of trying to call out their commander, while on duty, in front of foreign nobility.

Phoebus ignored the one under Achilles and turned to the rest, motioning for the other squads to approach as he did so. Once they were all in speaking range, he said, "We need thirteen tunics and fourteen pairs of hose for a visiting ruler and his entourage. I'll pay you back from the company provision. First squad to return with clean clothing in acceptable condition will be exempt from morning exercise for the next two days."

They all saluted him and ran off. Once they were gone, Phoebus crouched down next to Achilles' rump and spoke in a silky voice. "I'm very sorry, I have quite the naughty horse. It looks like your uniform is completely filthy and needs to be washed. Since you'll need to do that, and you won't be running errands with the rest of your squad, I'm sure you won't mind doing their laundry, while you're at it," he purred.

Phoebus stood. "Achilles, up." The soldier got to his feet and trudged back toward the city.

He looked at both Kuzco and Merida thoughtfully before answering Mulan's question. "An individual merchant may accept a foreign coin that's solid silver, but it would be hard to make sure the exchange rate is fair without trading it for French currency, first. Our largest coins are valued based on their weight and silver content. A money-lender could easily test your coins for purity, weigh them, and give you the proper amount back. Deniers, the most common coin used, are mostly copper plated with silver, and are valued fractionally to the sols and livres."

Phoebus blinked. Keeping his men in line always took a certain amount of focus, and with them gone, something suddenly clicked. "You... have a talking lizard..."

Worlds of Disney

Phoebus winked at Merida with a playful smirk. "Did it look like I was treating you as a damsel in distress, given that I was warning His Majesty of the danger he put himself in by threatening you? You wouldn't be the first young lady to decide which sword better belongs where a man's nethers go."

He nodded toward Mulan in acknowledgement. "The young emperor, here, is correct, though I would highly suggest he practices his French pronunciation before speaking to any politicians. Most of them take offense rather easily, in my experience. The city is called Paris, and if need be, I can show you a map of the kingdom later."

The captain looked around at all the visitors. "Actually, if everyone's tempers have cooled, I might suggest a good drink to further relax everyone after this near-scuffle. I know a particularly good tavern, which provides a... variety of entertainment."

He motioned toward Kuzco and his royal guard. "You'll all have to put on some clothes before entering the city, I'm afraid. As much as I enjoy the view--" He shamelessly eyed one painted man who had a particularly well-chiseled jawline. "--I would hate to have to arrest you for indecency."

Worlds of Disney

Phoebus's men lowered their spears when the painted guards turned to focus on Merida. The captain held up a hand to stop them from instigating anything. As soon as Kuzco stopped talking, he stepped between the Emperor and young noblewoman.

"First of all, Your Majesty, I would warn you not to threaten to gag a lady, or have your guards do so. It's a fast way to find a blade -- or candelabra -- between your legs, and next time, I would not step in to prevent you from becoming unable to create heirs."

Then he turned to Merida. "That does not excuse your behavior, however, young lady. I support women being given a chance to have their say, but I did not address my question to you. You are not part of their group and therefore do not have the knowledge nor the right to presume the reason for their presence. Regardless of any of that, your behavior has been very rude and un-lady-like, and I am quite certain your mother would disapprove, assuming your family is as noble as your horse leads me to believe."

Phoebus checked to make sure neither his soldiers nor the foreign ones were gearing up to start fighting. Suspicion was to be expected, and caution of course part of the job, but aggression was not something conducive to a diplomatic situation. He took a deep breath and shook his head, before stepping back and returning his attention to Kuzco.

"In regards to your intentions, Your Majesty, I am afraid I do not have the authority to direct you to our monarch. I can direct you to the local magistrate, however. Given time and a lot of paperwork, he may choose to direct you to the city's steward, who may direct you to... I think a Duke of some sort?" He shrugged. "Unfortunately I was rather less interested in such politics in my schooling years, and less so since I joined the army."

Worlds of Disney

Phoebus signaled for the two flanking squads to stay where they were while his approached the group. One of his men drew his attention to another rider approaching, a far Easterner in black and green armor. He acknowledged this, before dismounting and addressing the short guy with the gilded hat and obscenely short baggy dress.

"Your invitation is appreciated, but we are currently on duty, and therefore must decline. Your approach has disturbed some of the citizens. We have been sent by the city officials to investigate..." Phoebus cleared his throat, held up a slip of paper, and read in as serious a voice as he could manage, " 'Naked red giants, carrying spears and riding demon goat donkeys'."

Achilles noticed his reins weren't being held by his rider, and he hadn't been commanded to Stay, so he wandered over to greet Angus. The pale stallion pawed the ground once, nickered, and tossed his mane. This, combined with Kuzco's comment, drew the knight's attention to Merida. He gave a polite half-bow. "My lady." Then he put his hands on his hips and faced his horse. "Achilles, heel."

His mount returned to his side, prancing a little bit as he did so. Phoebus tapped his nose sternly. "Now, now. You know the rules, boy. Work first, flirt later." Achilles snorted and swished his tail.

Phoebus shook his head and turned back to Kuzco. "May I ask your reason for visiting the city?" He avoided the question about the king, for the time being.

Worlds of Disney

Phoebus rode Achilles out through the city gates, accompanied by thirty of his best soldiers, two of whom were also mounted. The rest marched silently, carrying spears over their shoulders and staring obediently ahead. There had been an explosion of murmurs when reports of potential raiders reached the barracks, but he had quickly shut that down -- and with only one soldier getting latrine duty for sass, even! It was almost as if they were learning!

As the soldiers neared the... travelers, enough to count the obvious warriors and examine the layout of their rudimentary camp, the captain signaled his two officers to each take a third of the force and circle around to the sides. Phoebus had given them all strict orders not to attack unprovoked, but if the strangers did want a scuffle, his men could have them outflanked from the start. The tree line was far enough away that it was unlikely a full contingent of enemy soldiers was waiting in ambush, but just in case, this maneuver also prevented his own force from being surrounded with no escape.

Phoebus brought his men to a halt a few dozen yards from the nearest cart.

"Hail!" he called out. "May we approach peacefully?"

As he waited for an answer, he tried to get a decent look at the people, and their animals. He'd heard of the northern barbarians who ran into battle naked and painted, screaming wild oaths to heathen gods, but these people... only half fit that description? And he rather doubted such bold invaders would leave horses behind in favor of... whatever those animals were.

Worlds of Disney

As tradesmen of various sorts trickled into the big room of Le Pomme d'Eve after their days of work finished, someone was already inside and mopping the last bits of soup from a bowl using a crust of bread. Two other empty bowls sat stacked on the table nearby, next to a tankard of cheap ale and a wooden plate with a few more pieces of bread. A short, busty woman sat with a tight lipped smile as Pierre Gringoire lay his head on her chest, chattering on about... Well, she didn't really know, nor did she particularly care.

"--couldn't convince the monks to share the secrets of their arts, you know, but it would have taken a true scholar to understand, anyway. Vinum theologium is quite a hallowed thing, needed for consecrations as well as communion, so it must of course be done properly. Few but monks would have time to learn all the details of viticultural science. Not a science I have studied in-depth, mind you, as I do prefer literature and philosophical history to all other studies, but I did quite enjoy my ventures into the subject of alchemy. The greatest of sciences, but also most confounding. Ah, but if I only advanced enough to turn lead into gold, I could have evenings like this one five times a week, and the priests would still allow me into church for the tithes and charities I could afford to give, and the city officials would see me as more than a vagabond and pay me for my work, as I deserve to be so! Alas, but it is the life of a true artist to never be appreciated in his own time!"

Pierre took a pause to take a large bite from his soggy, soup-flavored crust. It would never do for a man of mind to speak with his mouth full, and besides, he wanted to enjoy this meal to its fullest. He had slept in the gutters often enough to know his lot in life would not be changed by this short but wonderful windfall. The strumpet made no effort to hide her relief at the temporary silence. But temporary it was, as soon enough Pierre had finished the bread and washed it down with his ale.

"Yes, a poor beleaguered philosopher I may be, but as a philosopher, I must always strive to find meaning in all things and bring clarity where none can see it..."

Another patron shook his head pityingly at the strumpet and clapped her on the shoulder. "How'd yeh end up ina position, lettin' this winded sap sing like a frog in yer ear?" he asked in a thick accent, leftover from a childhood spent in the north.

She sighed. "He brought money, today..."

The patron looked at Pierre in surprise, who continued rambling, unaware that no one was listening to his speech. "Where'd he get money 'nough for you?"

She shrugged. "Not my job to ask."

He shook his head and wished her luck, before wandering to a table rather far away and ordering his own drink.