Trinais

Divine Hijinks

Parry was momentarily surprised when Rikive elected not to take the seat of honor, but it was probably for the best. The Fairy Queen might've skipped out on the party but she had eyes and ears everywhere, and she was a spiteful little bitch. Parry would've caught flack for giving up the seat so publicly (which was why he did it, furthering their eternal feud) and Rikive would've caught flack by default for taking the royal cushion.

So while Rikive noshed on cupcake after cupcake (THE CARBS!!!!), Parry decided to just ride the wave with her. He grabbed a bottle of cold Riesling from one of the little bars-on-wheels he'd hired for the night, along with another bottle of Scotch and one of Tequila, sans worm, for Rikive. Demigoddess she might be, but Tequila had a terrifying effect on the Celestial.

"First rule of being... what you are," he said, popping open his own wine cork, "is never bleed around vampires. Second is never tell anyone where you really come from." Parry sniffed the open top of the bottle cautiously. A hint of pear with the white. Not bad. "I'll coach you on that soon. And third-"

A young witch with perfectly held curls of copper red hair stopped in front of Parael with her arms crossed over her chest and a scowl on her face. "Parry, just who the hell is that woman?" She asked him, pointing over in the direction of Rikive. "She threw a human twice her size across a room, in front of other humans!" She informed him in a low voice. "De Lucy is going to come knocking, wanting answers when he hears about this. It'd be in your best interest to put some distance between you and her. No reason you should get dragged down with her because she hasn't gotten with modern times."

@KuroTenshi

Parry smiled at the witch, purposely taking a long sip from his bottle while she went on and on. Lexlie. She had a habit of sticking her nose in where it didn't belong.

"Lexlie, this is my good friend Riklie. She's visiting town from Oslo, Norway. And yes, I saw that-" Parry indicated the human-shaped hole in the wall plaster not twelve feet from where he sat "-same as you. I'm fine, thank you for coming to lift me up when the human tried to kill me."

Parry thought he had it all under control now, ready to go back to talking with Rikive about the ins and outs of the city and what tomorrow would hold.

Then Lexlie the witch had to say the magic words. 'de Lacy' was enough to get Parry's blood running, and not in a 'let's break out the handcuffs!' fun way. That was a shot across the bow from Lexlie for sure: to take the news of this incident to de Lacy for a scrap of influence in his court. Unlike all 500 other immortals that showed up, she had the decency to announce her intention. Everyone else would just go and do it. Rats scrambling up a sinking ship.

Well, Parry would make an example of Lexlie at least.

"Listen, honey," Parry whispered, leaning in close. "You let me worry about de Lacy. It's my head. Not yours. I mean, you stuck your head out enough times with your familiar on my property- which carries a death sentence by de Lacy's own signature." Whether or not that was enough to dissuade Lexlie was irrelevant. The threat was delivered- shut the fuck up or I'll let Mr. Big Bad know you've been snooping on me. But dissuading her wasn't enough. Lexlie's efforts needed to be focused elsewhere, and Parry saw Lexlie was still wearing her engagement ring. A black diamond, given to Lexlie by Lord Warlock of the city, Markus Corolis.

"Oh, before you go, tell Markus I haven't seen him at Chase's in a while. I miss him."

Chase's. Parry's favorite watering hole for male companionship. Parry had never seen Markus there at all, but he couldn't resist planting the seed of doubt and/or jealousy within the nosy witch.

"Say, Riki," he said, turning back to his guest, "what do you say we catch a Lyft and hit a few clubs on the way back to my place. I've got a guest room and everything you can use for the night. I've only rented this place and the food till 1:30..."

The Hidden People

I'll get a post in today, guys!

@Exie

Yeeeeeeeesssssss!!!!

And to everyone else, Parry's angel powers are going to be seriously nerfed soon, and in a very fun way :3

Divine Hijinks

Meh, I'm sure he bought room insurance or something...

Divine Hijinks

No wings. No wings! Oh shit no wings!

Parry kicked feebly against the midnight air, trying to get purchase on something, anything, to pull himself back up. Of course his legs were too short to reach the wall of the building and brace himself. When Rikive reached over the railing to give him a hand up, Parry extended his right arm to her- and quickly lost his grip as Big and Ugly grabbed Rikive from behind. The little bit of lift she'd given Parry did mean he had to brace himself when gravity tried to pull him back to its sweet, serene embrace.

So Parry was left dangling again his life flashing before his eyes (So many men and women, so little time) while 600 people watched him kick and scream futilely and stood transfixed by the fight.

Rikive did manage to put Parry's attacker into a duplex hold, then launch him through the open door (kudos- throwing through the glass would've been more flashy but a hundred times more expensive) over the partygoers heads, and into the far wall by the penthouse elevator.

Game. Set. Match.

Dear sweet baby Odin, he was soon happy to see Rikive over the railing's edge. Smug? A little. But as she hoisted him over the railing Parry had to fall on his knees and give her leather-booted feet a kiss and hug her around both ankles.

"Thank you! Thank you thank you thank you thank you!" He shrieked. Then the DJ scratched a record, snapping Parry out of his gratefulness, and bringing his mind back to business.

"ALRIGHT!" HE yelled at the assembled mob of supernaturals and humans. Seeming to collect himself and without bothering to dust the dirt and granite off his expensive silk shirt, Parry strode into the packed ballroom and flipped the light switch, turning off the special party decor and putting the regular house lights on- to the dismay of groaning supernatural partygoers. "When someone tries to murder me at my own party, I call it a night. Everybody GO HOME!"

He extended a finger, pointing at Rikive. "Except you. You get to stay and eat cheese." And Parry promptly pointed to the empty mahogany throne. "Up there."

The downside of ordering all the partygoers to leave at once was the fact that the three humans who escorted Rikive up to the party soon scooped up their companion, and were among the first to leave...

Divine Hijinks

An of course Parry be all "I BELIEVE I CAN FLYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

Divine Hijinks

"Knows they father'? I played 'I Spy' with him and I won!"

I spy with my little eye, something Black and White and Red All over!

Be it a spider?

No, Heimdall...

Parry chuckled. Ah, those were good times. But the dragon shield- that story had his face turning a rough shade of crimson and promptly shut him the hells up. That one was... hopefully Heimdall gave Rikive the child friendly version of the story, because the full details involved Loki, Tyr, and three valkyries plus a frost giant. Parry's chronicling of that one had been taken down by FanFiction multiple times for being too dirty for the site's standards.

Parael Magnus could be a selfish and hedonistic SoB, but he also knew he was on the run from his boss and partner Cymriel. close to a millennia on Earth without getting caught was a good run. But the only being in creation who could potentially see more than the Celestials was Heimdall. And now his beautiful bouncing baby girl was on Parry's doorstep. So Parry was in a corner. If anything happened to this woman, he was going to be turned in by Heimdall to the Powers-that-Be, no doubt about that.

"Right, a couple weeks? Hon, first rule with mortals," Parry smiled as he started to scoop the gold coins up, shoveling them back in to Rikives bag, "this gold is more valuable than anything the mortals on the street possess. They just see it and can't believe what they're seeing, so they think it's fake. Remember that lesson, 'cause it's gonna be important in about-"

"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Big dumb and ugly didn't break through the glass window doors when he tackled Parry and threw him toward the stone railing. Apparently he'd just opened the door while Parry chattered away with Rikive and launched himself into a linebacker's tackle, hurtling Parry toward the overhanging balcony and a drop to the street.

And as Parry's mind snapped from surprise to situational assessment, his instincts told him to flex his wings and prepare to fly out of danger. Using the same wings he'd left behind in the Nether. That he couldn't use here.

Thankfully, as Big and Ugly threw Parry screaming over the edge of the balcony, the Celestial had enough sense and reflexes to grip the guardrail to keep from plunging 20 stories to his doom.

Divine Hijinks

Parry recoiled a bit as the woman shoved the pacifier back into his mouth.

"If yew can' unnershtan me, why yew put i' back in?" He chuckled a little at his own smug mindset. Whoever this lady was, she was dumb as a brick and stuck in the middle ages! "An' how yew fink I feel if kidsh ah my werk, huh? Dey all gaw one in dere mouves!"

Come to think of it, Parry was starting to get sick of the rubbery taste of silicone on his tongue. And the fact that big, dumb and high had gotten into his drugs meant Parry wouldn't be needing this thing any more. So when Rikive got to the part in her tirade about being the daughter of Heimdall, he stopped breathing. And when she spilled the bag of Yggdrasil gold coins on the table, he damn near swallowed and choked on the pacifier.

"Heimdall?" Parry asked after he spat the pacifier over the balcony's edge. "Heimdall, watcher on the Bifrost? Eyes and Ears of Odin All-Father? How is-"

Aaaaaand then it clicked, what he was about to say. What he was about to give away to this woman- this Rikive. Most of the Asgardian's kept to their realm, but they were distant cousins of the Celestials. They did their thing, and Parry's people did their own. Not that they didn't intermingle now and then. Last time he was in Asgard, Thor called him a 'Light Elf.'

Parry took two seconds to snap his fingers, closing the balcony doors with a slight gust, giving Rikive and Parry some privacy.

"Honey, first of all, I miss your daddy. Haven't seen him in about 800 years and I miss him terribly. Second of all, and this is very important, how long have you been on Midgard?"

Divine Hijinks

Parry gave the woman a 'honey, what?' look, ready to unleash a new tirade against her for failing to grasp his words. Before he could get the first sound out of his mouth though, the lady was on her feet and standing between him and a muscled troll of a man. And it was a shame, because normally Parry was into muscles, but this guy looked high as a kite on something or another.

'If this human found my ex stash, then I'm going to be pissed...'

Now, as far as Parry was concerned, at first glance this guy was just off his rocker and on a good or bad trip. This new lady, whom he didn't recognize from the city's high society sector that he'd invited, and shoe dressed and spoke like she'd walked right out of the Ren Faire, let him to believe they were on a collision course of misunderstandings.

"Honey," Parry said, giving up on the joke and popping the pacifier out of his mouth. "I think we have a misunderstanding here. This gentleman," Parry pointed at the troll of a man, "has smoked too much of something and is just a liiiiittle off balance. But he was just about to leave."

Parry shot a glare at Muscle guy.

"Wasn't he?"

And Mr. High as a Kite actually took the hint. HE seemed to blink a few times, consider the Viking chick, and stepped away, heading back into the ballroom.

"See? Guy took too many pills and didn't know up from down." The Celestial nodded, a smug smile on his face as he put the pacifier back into his mouth.

"Om Parree Magnush. Wishard extwowdinawe. And you'we at mah pawty. Wifout a invitashun, caush I 'membew aww my inbites. Sho... how'dyou get hewe an' why you dwinkin my skawtch 'n eatin' my cheese?"

Divine Hijinks

The dance floor parted around Rikive as best it could. Most everyone there, especially the supernaturals, were dressed for a night at a fancy club. Dress shirts, ties, little black dresses and such. The humans were easy to pick out since their clothes inevitably involved denim, short skirts and excessive jewelry. So both crowds viewed the woman in medieval armor and sporting weapons from a few centuries ago as something above and beyond an oddity.

The bartenders were water nypmhs from the main river, so they at least knew to give Rikive something on the strong side when she passed by. But the chefs piling up finger foods, sliced deli meats and cheeses were one-hundred-percent mortal. They were coming and going so quickly it didn't matter. They did stop one and all to look at the mountain of food piled up by Rikive and simultaneously marvel at her figure. Maybe walking around in a hundred pounds of ringed steel counted as a workout?

So in their Saturday Night Frat Party getup. Rikive's escorts quickly found themselves isolated from the rest of the crowd. Nobody would talk to them either, a few eyed them as food, and a few others seemed to actively take an interest in them in a not-so-discreet or pleasant way.

"Man, we should've just taken the crazy bitch to a bar," Phil, the shorter, complaining one yelled into Jeff's ear. It'd been Jeff who'd taken them here in the first place, so it was his fault they were wasting a whole Saturday.

"Whatever man," Jeff yelled. "We can always take her out someplace else. I wanna see if I can snag a bottle of something. Why don't you go dance?" Jeff took a second to look left, then right, scanning the crowd for their third wheel, Pat. Normally his best bud, Pat was built like a linebacker and about as sharp as a marble. There were some big people in this party, a lot of them weird looking, but Pat could probably go toe-to-toe with the best of them.

"Where's Pat?"

==============================================

Pat was muscling his way out toward the balcony, having gotten lost and bored and his head starting to hurt from the music. He didn't know what to do at parties like these. But even over the noise of the party, he was hearing something. A voice, whispering, with a pitch and melody just like his momma's when she'd sing to him as a kid.

'Go outside,' it said. 'You'll like it! So nice outside.'

So Pat followed the voice, coming up on the balcony behind the big fancy chair. And he saw a lady, big and tough but not as big and tough as he was! She was eating three Thanksgiving plates of food at once- he could probably eat more than that. If coach would let him.

'Don't worry about her,' the voice said. 'Look at IT!'

Which was when Pat laid eyes on a weird, mish-mash of a guy (girl?) with fancy clothes, fancy hair in a ponytail, and a baby pacifier in his mouth, yelling into his phone.

'He's all wrong, isn't she?' The voice said. 'So wrong! What is he? Why can't he be one thing like he's s'posed to be?'

"He is all wrong," Pat mumbled to himself, nodding in agreement to the voice.

'What do we do with wrong things?' The voice asked.

Pat didn't answer, 'cause he knew what to do with wrong things. Like his daddy said, you get rid of them! And the wrong thing was right there by the balcony, and the voice said 'Yes. Yes, just throw him! Like you do in the wrestling ring!'

==============================================

"Nyope! Nyope, yew lishen here yew bish!" Parry Magnus snarled around the rubber bulb in his mouth at the phone he held up to his ear. "I'm nah having dish! I trew dish party for yew! Yew know "

"Well Parry, darling, I'm absolutely delighted that you care so much for me." The Fairy Queen's voice was smooth as silk and cool as water as she replied, never missing a beat. "But you must know that in my condition, such music as you favor is very very uncomfortable. I must think of the child who will be my princess."

"She'll be forty-fird prinshess in rine!"

"The line of succession, Parry. It must be preserved." Someone spoke beside the queen, words muffled and followed by a snicker. "I'm afraid I must be going now Parry. A Queen needs her rest. I'll be hosting de Lacy and his inner circle tomorrow."

"What about all deshe hoomans? Yew cwashed my pawty wif hoomans!"

"Whatever are you speaking of, little dove? Good eve and enjoy thyself!"

Click.

"FUCK YEW, YEW UNGWATEFUL BISH!" Parry snarled into his phone. With the consummate skill of centuries of practice while watching the best, buffest, yummiest track and field performers, Parry reached back his arm and pitched his iPhone over the edge of the balcony with supernatural strength. It traveled a good block before beginning its descent, landing in a garbage can outside an apartment complex with a thunderous CLANG!!!

Parry let out a frustrated scream into the night air, mussing up his hair with both hands and stomping his feet. His guest of honor couldn't outdo him, so she flat out snubbed him! This was so-

"Hello," Parry said, blinking as he noticed the newcomer sitting on the balcony. Parry caught himself momentarily, shoving the pacifier back in his mouth. He'd used it this long, he figured, fuck it, why not? "Bettew. Hewwo. Pawty's inshide, outshide ish fow management. An' coshtume pawty is neksht weekend. Yew have anyfing elsh yew can weaw?"

Parry was strangely transfixed by the sight of the ragged, hungry, and probably tired woman who'd come into his party wearing all the wrong clothes and accessories. So transfixed, he didn't see the 6.5 foot beast of a man trudging up behind him, hearing imaginary voices telling him to throw Parry over the balcony onto the streets below...

Divine Hijinks

"I swear to God, Buddha, Vishnu, and Quetzalcoatl, if you do not have baby pink streamers hanging from the ceiling in 2 minutes, I will FUCKING RIOT!"

'Bridezilla' was not a term that could be applied to Parry Magnus, Celestial/Angel in retirement. For one thing, anyone taking a look at him from across the street had a 50/50 shot of deciding whether he was the most flat-chested woman they'd ever seen or a man without cheekbones, Adam's apple, and a pair of immaculately manicured hands with designer clothes that'd put half the city's upper crust to shame. Parry preferred to manifest as male, but could technically pass off as whichever he wanted, not being a fleshy mortal like most people walking the Earth, but instead a formless creature born from a star and given purpose to hunt demonkind to extinction.

But 'Bridezilla' would capture the spirit of how Parry acted before he threw a party like this one. The Fairy Queen of the city's central park was expecting a baby girl, and since the bitch was an absolute terror when it came to high fashion and parties (she just couldn't have afternoon tea without switching a mortal with a changeling; and people called Parry impulsive) Parry decided to one-up her Summer Solstice bash the only way he knew how: beat the bitch at her own game. Throw a party that she couldn't hope to live down.

So he'd booked the penthouse of the city's swankiest hotel, a place reserved for the throwing of massive parties by the upper-crust, and turned it inside out. Baby Pink furniture, a DJ stand, an open bar (human alcohol had never affected Fae pregnancies, so another bonus there), finger foods galore, black lights and stage lights and Christmas lights atop others, and a small table for gifts the queen would probably never take but Parry could use for his own business. Another slight to her. Of course, at the head of the main room near the windowed balcony was a mahogany throne Parry'd rented. Where from, he'd never be able to say, because the decorators had gotten it on his request. They were that competent at least.

The offending decorators he'd hired had specifically told him they carried baby pink streamers to hang from the ceiling, and in such quantity to make a sea of vines, giving off a tunnel of love effect to everyone who stepped on the dance floor. But when Parry arrived and the decorators had finished their job, he didn't see baby baby pink streamers.

He saw Solid Pink.

And Solid Pink was not baby pink.

"Solid Pink streamers do not match the punch bowl," Parry said through grit teeth as the decorators started to raise the 'Solid Pink is good enough' argument. "They do not match the furniture. They do not match the cake or the cookies or the wine or the fucking carpet! Get it done!" And of course, the clock on Parry's AppleWatch dinged, announcing it was thirty minutes to party time. "No- better yet, get out! Now! All of you!"

"But we didn't even-"

Parry wasn't sure if his blue eyes turned to reflect the light of a blue dwarf star or if he was just that mad. Looking back, it could've been either. But the lead decorator and his coterie of helpers got one look at his face and tried to hide behind one another like a flock of chicks behind their mother hen.

"NOW!"

No further arguments from them. The whole lot swarmed into the elevator, pressed the 'Down' arrow and slammed the 'Close Door' button.

When he heard the DING! of the departing elevator, Parry had to shake himself to dispel the rage he was feeling. The streamers were vibrating from his anger, and he forced himself to take a few deep breaths in and out, drawing on the old meditation techniques Tien-Shu had taught him back in China. A clear mind was a happy mind. Parry had never been able to clear his mind, having the attention span of a puppy, but he was able to focus long enough to get shit done.

Like tapping into his Celestial powers and re-coloring the streamers hanging from the ceiling into a baby pink color.

Would it have been easier to do that from the start? Probably.

But Parry Magnus dealt with toddlers for a living, watching after the supernatural community's children from his Little Angels Day Care center. Much as the werewolves, fairies, witches and others commented how well behaved their kids were after picking them up, an outside observer might wonder if the kids weren't rubbing off their less than stellar behaviors on their watcher.

So Parry Magnus, in a silk white shirt, black pants, with his lengthy blonde hair and immaculately washed and exfoliated face ready to greet the who's who of society, tapped his watch to turn on the music and lights, sent the casual reminder text to all 300 invitees that festivities would soon begin, and snagged a decorative pacifier from the gift table.

Less to do with the reason for this party and more to do with the fact that he had the best ecstasy in the city stashed in the bedroom of the penthouse, and he'd either bite or wet himself from it if he mixed too much booze with it.

He'd roll those dice later.

=======================================================

Forty Minutes Later

=======================================================

"Wa wa wa wa wa, wa wa wa wa!" Cue laughter from Cyrus Grey, Alpha of the West side Wolf Shifters.

He probably said something insightful and funny, but the pounding bass from the DJ station, the roar of the crowd packing the dance floor, and the buzz of drunken fun coming from the throng of partygoers meant all the words were lost on Parry.

So he laughed, tossed back the champagne he was holding, and politely excused himself. Without any prompting or thought for how it looked, Parry slid the pacifier he'd snagged into his mouth. A visual gag that also prevented him from having to chat with anyone he came into contact with. Considering he'd invited 300 people and almost double that number had showed up, he was right pissed now. The place was standing room only, the food was being trucked up from the hotel kitchen as fast as it went through, and Queen Bitch herself hadn't bothered to show up for his party!

And now he was starting to notice humans. HUMANS!

Humans had crashed his supernatural party!

So Parry Magnus had to assume that these two capital offenses were inexplicably linked. The Fairy Queen must've arranged it just to get him in trouble when a drunken wizard conjured a fireball or an ice storm in the midst of the unassuming mortals.

Parael started shoving himself toward the balcony behind the empty mahogany throne, reaching into his pockets for his cell phone, and started to speed-dial the fairy queen. She'd better have a damn good answer for this one!