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Thanks, that is some great feedback. I will definitely try my best to follow that advice in my future posts. It may take me a little while though, in three years of role-playing that's been pretty much my only way of writing. Hopefully this RP broadens my horizons a little. I'll take that on in my next post and see what I come up with. Please give me any advice you can, it's appreciated. :)
You're writing a Golem. You could do a post just on peoples reactions. :P
They had finally made it. The trip from Denerim to Ostagar was long indeed and Edward had found that in all his years in Denerim he hadn't really been missing all that much. After a while all the countryside started looking the same and the road did little for his enthusiasm in general. Spending the whole of his twenty years in the city had obviously made him quite the city boy; albeit an extraordinarily violent and mostly absent of manners city boy. Still, Ostagar looked to be okay with it's strange towers and strong yet very old looking walls.

Suddenly their entourage came to a stop and since Duncan was leading it that meant Duncan had come to a stop. Considering they were now at their destination Edward quickly figured this was for some kind of talk. It was, simply to tell them that they would probably have the reputations in camp of Wardens and therefore they should care for how they represent themselves and the order. With that they once again moved on.

Edward wasn't sure what to make of the bridge like thing they had to cross. It was like nothing he had ever seen before and definitely far higher off the ground. It was quite phenomenal he decided, looking down off of it. Unfortunately the bridge came to an end and a short while off was yet another entourage approaching them. At the front were both a man and a woman on horses. A middle aged hard looking man and a woman who seemed to be wearing the most expensive looking set of armour he had ever seen. It took Edward a few moments to put certain pieces together in his mind. He remembered Duncan mentioning that the Queen herself was very fond of the Wardens; even idolizing them to some extent. Then there was the extremely flashy armour, the expensive looking horses and the entourage of what looked like hardened soldiers. The Queen was approaching.

The young man wasn't sure he could mentally handle hearing all the prim greetings and mostly pointless chatter that was bound to happen between Duncan and the Queen if he stayed on his currant path. Luckily he actually had a choice. Duncan had already said they were free to go off and explore and just when he needed it there it was. At the very end of the bridge there was an opening in which you could go left or right. Edward hung back from the recruits and Duncan a little before quickly going right, walking straight off away from he believed would be a waste of time, Queen or not.

So off he went. He scanned what the distance quickly, his eyes only stopping on the things that interested him. The Templars guarding the mages whom were doing something that looked very strange did just that. The bunch of men kneeling before a Revered Mother did not. Walking straight past the praying and the Templars both Edward continued on and soon spotted what appeared to be a quartermaster off in the distance. It was something he needed at least. Approaching the man Edward nodded a greeting.

“Hello, I am Edward, one of the new Gray Wardens. You are the quartermaster?”

“Well met Edward, and that I am! What can I do for you?”

Edward gave a quick smile and yet another nod of his head. “I need a dagger, do you sell to we Wardens?”

“Yes I do, and I just so happen to have a finely made Steel Dagger here for the modest price of eighteen silver!”

“I can only offer fifteen, but I have time to spare at the moment. Give me that dagger for this here fifteen silver and I promise to grant you a favour. Of course, nothing too preposterous... Still, it isn't every man who can he got a Gray Warden to grant him such a thing. What do you say?”

“As it happens I am in need of a favour... Fine, fifteen silver and the fulfilment of what I ask and the dagger is yours to keep. Sound good?”

“Indeed, what do you ask of me?” Edward asked, listening intently and hoping the finely made dagger wouldn't cost him too much time or energy. Though it was of fine make and maybe even worth both of the former.

“I need you to find that godforsaken Elf girl and tell her to return with that armour immediately or face punishment. It has been too long for such a simple task... She has long red hair and... Well, she looks like an Elf.”

“I've got it, thanks. I'll be back soon enough. Don't sell that dagger.”
Awesome! I'm looking forward to reading more and writing myself. :D On that note should we assume our recruits are at the very least familiar with each other now? With the various places they're from they've likely been on the road together for quite a while. I read that Ferelden is about the size of England so that's a lot of time and a lot of travelling together horses or no.
It may take me a while to get used to the third person limited thing. Writing my characters thoughts, often extensively, is a long-time and rather annoying habit of mine. You guys can call me out on it if you wish though, I'll edit it and hopefully it'll get me better used to the other style.
Too Old 4 This said
I don't play characters in my own games unless I'm REALLY desperate for players. I may need to NPC some allies such as Morrigan or Alistair if no one decides to play them, but I don't like to get emotionally attached to characters as the GM. RP is most fun for me when it is player driven because then I don't really know where things will go. This makes it more exciting. If I play a character then I have a say in PC decisions and this makes things less exciting.


Huh, very interesting. I've never been in an RP where the GM hasn't had a specific character. This will be fun. :D
Oh, Too, who will you be playing?
I love the characters!
I too am nervous about the way(s) they may be altered, Alistair especially is one of, if not my favourite character in the game, so no pressure there mate. :P Still though, the altering of such things is one of this RP's main selling points so I guess we shall have to live with it. We'll probably even end up enjoying it. :D
Too Old 4 This said
Dogmeat has died.Dogmeat has died.Dogmeat has died.Dogmeat has died.gaaaaaar!!!I really like it. Very fitting for a Grey Warden and perhaps one of the reasons Duncan picked you out.


Ha, if you can live with Broken Steel kind of screwing up a (possibly) awesome ending the opposite becomes the issue. Dog can survive two dozen mini nukes. xD

Cheers! That is a good idea.
Zordon said
Fallout reference. Yay nerds!


Hell yeah!

Anywho, Too, did you see my CS update? I need an opinion or two on it.
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