This poem is for/about someone that was once the most important person in my life. She was my best friend. And when she decided she didn't want to be my friend anymore, it tore open a part of me that will never be filled. Even though I am now married, I still miss my best friend. And I know I will never be the same. I hope one day things change between us. I still hope. Maybe I am stupid, maybe it's my stupid Virgo personality of wanting to cling to people I cared about. But here it is. A mashup of different songs mixed with poetry.

Maybe she will read this and know the pain I am enduring. Maybe not. Maybe it will make a D I F F E R E N C E. maybe not. Maybe she won't even care. I don't know. I just know when you are inspired to write you HAVE to get it down. And here it is. To quote a song from The walking dead: "you will find loss, and you'll fear what you found. When the weather comes, oh, tear him down." I don't wish this hell on anyone, not even my worst enemy. But sadly it happens to everyone sooner or later. And depending on the impact you had on eachothers lives, it is the worst pain you can possibly feel. I hope I did a good job personifying it. Because it is truly a hell of the mind, the worst kind of hells. I would rather burn an eternity than deal with this. But I have no choice.

If you read this, former best friend, I miss you so much...

I saw the light fade from the sky
You left me in the dark
I will say this last goodbye
And I'm left with a shattered heart
Night is now falling, so ends this day
Out of my life, just gone
Now I'm left to carry on
The road is now calling, and I must away
But tears still sting my eyes
Some nights I still cry
Many places I have been
The memories are strong, like the sadness that dwells
Many sorrows I have seen
And I tread through my personal hells
But I don't regret, nor will I forget all who took that road with me
You may have left me hurting, bleeding
But I will never regret our meeting
And though where the road then takes me, I cannot tell. We came
all this way, but Now comes the day to bid you farewell
And from my life you may have part
But you're always in my heart

Hello Darkness my old friend; I've come to talk with you again
And that, is a two edged blade
Memories are also sorrows made
Because a vision softly creeping left its seeds while I was
sleeping. And the vision that was planted in my brain. Still
remains; within the sounds of silence
Memories I hold so dear
Memories of when you were here
By my side
It was a wonderful ride
and now you're gone
I must move on
In restless dreams I walked alone; narrow streets of cobblestone.
'Neath the halo of a street lamp. I turned my collar of the cold
and damp
But moving on, I don't know if I can
When still I care, I'll always give a damn
Memories of when you were here
Thought I had nothing to fear
I didn't walk alone
Now my heart is shattered stone
And in the naked light I saw; ten thousand people maybe more.
People talking without speaking. People hearing without listening.
I know I am partly to blame
That my life will never be the same
I know this sadness I partially wrought
A very hard lesson I am tought
I listened, but not maybe not as much as you needed
I spoke, but the warnings were not heeded
People writing songs that voices never share. And no one dared
disturb the sounds of silence
And now this part of my life is taken away
just a blink, a snap, you chose not to stay
Take my arms that I might reach you.
I tried, in the end
For us to make amends
But my words, like silent raindrops fell and echoed in the wells
of silence
But once more I was left in tears
As you brought about my fears
And left me alone in the end
Darkness, to ascend

Look around, there's no one but you and me
But now this is just an old memory
You're nowhere I can see
Right here and now, the way it was meant to be
And I'm left wondering how all we had made
shattered, crumbled, and began to fade
There's a smile on my face
But there are days in my mind I still see
When I was smiling because I was happy
knowing that together everything that's in our way; we're better
than alright.
And I just knew
My friendship with you
Was eternally strong
But I was wrong
Off into the sunset, living like there's nothing left to lose
Even if I was having a bad day
you were my ray
of light, that I sought
but you seem to have forgot
Just what we once had, you and I
And this...this is why I still cry
Chasing after goldmines, crossing the fine lines we knew
Not many had a friendship like we
I still don't have anyone like you, I know you see
Like the owl you so closely love
I see you still watch from above
Hold on and take a breath, I'll be there every step walking
between the raindrops with you
But that doesn't matter, you're not here
And this emptiness I fear
It still lingers on
I can't see to carry on
How can I move past my best friend
How can I be expected to let that end
You knew me like no one else
You knew me better than I knew myself
Take me now, the world's such a crazy place; when the walls come
down, you'll know I'm here to stay
You were supposed to be
right next to me
And now I have this rip in my heart
Why did you part?
Do you not care of my pain?
THAT is insane
There was a day this would never fly
And now I ask why
we let this happen to you and I
There's nothing I would change, knowing that together everything
that's in our way...we're better than alright
There's much I would change, if only I could
and you know fucking well I would
but I suppose now it's too late
I must endure this fate

It's been a long day without you my friend, and I'll tell you all
about it when I se eyou again
Maybe one day I WILL see you again
Maybe fate will send
the one person who truly was my best friend
And here I sit, typing and crying
Tears falling, sadness intensifying
We've come a long way from where we began
Too long, and not the right place
this emptiness I face
the sadness inside
My heart is torn open wide
Damn who knew, all the planes we flew good things we've been
through
I was supposed to be right here talking with you
Who knew
that we would be torn apart, ripped asunder
That my mind would be burried under
memories of you and I when we were friends
But now the sorror rends
heart and soul
sandess and tears
It seems OUR worst fears
Have come to pass
I pray it won't last
Everything I went through you were standing there by my side and
now you gonna be with me for the last ride
So it was supposed to be
You and me
Standing together in the end
Can we mend?
Can we stand?
Will you one day again take my hand?
Or will you let our friendship die
as I cry
as I bleed myself dry
of emotion, and turn stone cold
Grow emotionally old
lose the one friend I thought would I would die for
would die for me
and now I see
Doesn't want to be around me no more
It's been a long day, without you my friend and I'll tell you all
about it when I see you again. We've come a long way from where we
began, and I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
Maybe one day you we'll be friends anew
you'll be with me, I'll be with you
Maybe we'll stand together
Forever
As friends do
Me and you
I hope this comes to pass
That this fucking sadness doesn't last
That we find the same road
share the load
and once again
become friends
Cause despite what happened between me and you
I miss you
I wonder if you miss me
I wonder if I'll ever be
together again
With my long lost best friend

At this point, I don't care who see's this Shawn. The only people who MIGHT be reading this is YOU and your wife, Vivian.

I am through with the pity party. The fucking manipulation, and you not letting go when I have asked to you to leave me alone.

Why don't we talk about the past, since you cannot seem to let go. Why don't we discuss you wanting me to leave my husband, how you were NEVER accepting of most things in my life. You REALLY want to know what happen that ONE night last year, after I deiced to stay faithful to my husband? Let me fill you in since I didn't have the fucking heart too then.

You got drunk (like fucking normal, and that's another reason why I left our friendship), and you thought I had been drinking. I hadn't, I didn't want to drink. You called me and stated that you were glad that I had left my husband, and that my child would not be coming with me to move in with you. You said that I had fell right into your plan and that you were finally happy I was with you. You were going to do anything you needed to have me in your life, no matter who is destroyed in the process.

That is why I hung up and never returned your calls. I went home that night to my husband and fixed things. I was fucking stupid to think my BEST FRIEND would deliberately try to ruin a marriage. Take advantage of the fact that I was in a rough spot with my husband at that time. Also telling me that my mother was manipulating me, when it was ME who made my own choices. No one else made my choices for me. I FUCKED up, but I accepted it and moved on. Fixing things in my marriage. That is why I took that photo of me and my husband the day after that said conversation with you:



Even after my husband asked me to stop talking to you, I still did. However, I asked you to stop drinking. You didn't. You never listened to anything I asked of you or when you asked for my options, you never listened then either. Every time god damn time I had to go so I could spend time with my family or start dinner, you ALWAYS had a pathetic look and would tell me "good-bye" in the most depressing ways. You were never happy at the fact we were still friends, even after everything happened.

There was another night my husband went out with one of his friends, and we deiced to stay up, have a drink at the fact I was changing my life for the better with my new job (even though you didn't want to accept it. Never once did you tell me you were proud or happy that I got such a great job. It was always something negative). You got drunker quicker than I did, but I remember some of the stuff you told me. Plus, if you remember, that was also the same night I started to pull away from our friendship. You were dating Vivian, and you said that you would leave anyone in a heartbeat (even if you were married), to come back to me if I was ever available again. You were with Vivian because you were tired of being alone, and you HAD to think about marriage soon because being in your 30's and not married was depressing. You hoped that my marriage would fail and that you could be with me again. You said that you were going to continue to try as long as you could so we could be together. Shawn, I couldn't believe you said that.

I am done running. I done trying to protect my privacy, and asking you to stop speaking to me, or of me. You say that I have changed for the worse. You could be right, or you simply have no FUCKING clue what has happened since I have stop spoken to you. I have lost Sky, Lily, and Jake all in under one year. My fucking furbabies.. even Sky, she died before her first birthday. I damn near lost my mother. Someone I hold dearly to me, since god knows how much longer I could possibly have with her (one day, or 50 more years... who the hell knows anymore). I almost fucked up the best damn thing to my child and me.. my relationship with my husband. I am grateful that he accepted me back, grabbed my hand and pulled me into reality. My protection orders have been up since January from John. I miss my father, and I have to struggle with the fact that John is no longer in my life because I refuse to put up with the abuse anymore from him. I have to watch my mother suffer from PTSD from John, her health because of John. I have to deal with a ex-husband who doesn't want ANYTHING to do with my child, and yet screams in court I do not let him see him or how much of a bad parent I am. I am struggling to keep my job because of my health. I lost my child in October... and there was no reason for me to miscarry. I lost my FUCKING CHILD!

So thank you for telling me I changed for the worse. It makes me feel like everything that has been going on is my fucking fault, and that I have been deserving this shit storm in my life. I do not want someone in my life who thinks like you have been. Who wanted me to leave my husband. People come and go, and some are meant to stay. We were not meant to stay in each others life.

So now that I opened more wounds, and more scars to heal from. Leave me the fuck alone. I will not longer be attending this site. Stalk my damn Facebook. I will never download Skype or create another username in hopes you won't find me. I don't go on my Steam account anymore because I don't use my computer anymore. Plus my Facebook.. stalk it. I don't give a shit. However, I will be leaving that too. Everything else has changed, and you know that.

I am sick of drama, past shit always popping up. I have become a person who wants nothing to do with the world anymore. I don't care if it crashes and burns. All I care about is my child grows up happy, and healthy. I want him to have a happy childhood and hope he is more successful than me. I want to live a quite life with my husband, and my mother. How hard is it for you to understand this? To just leave me alone. Is that simply to much to ask for? @LoneSilverWolf