Dream One


Forests, why was it always forests? Every dream she has ever had starts out the same way, in a forest. Maybe it was because growing up everywhere she lived had them not far from her home and she would wander them to escape the turmoil at home. She hated walking paths, stayed off them and avoided them like a plague. Streets scared her for some reason, maybe too many horror flicks when she was younger. Oddly enough most horror flicks had forests but they never bothered her, unless in her dreams.

Each forest she had wandered she knew so well, this one jumped out at her. The stream, the sound of the small waterfall echoing in the distance, the pipes that were used as make shift bridges for children to cross the small ravines. The sound of traffic off in the distance was drowned by the waterfall and the air smelt of freshly fallen rain. She had wandered this particular forest off and on for decades. It was the one in her grandmothers neighborhood.

That right there told her this wasn’t going to be a good dream, this was going to be a nightmare. All nightmares started out in this forest. She tried to wake herself, her head tilting back and screaming at her subconscious. A technique a dream therapist had taught her in her teens because her nightmares became so violent they would trigger asthma attacks and cause her to fail in her sleep only to wake up bruised by her own movements. Several trips to the ER in her teens from lack of oxygen in her blood due to gasping for air had prompted her needing to learn to wake herself and control her dreams.

“Wake up! Come on bitch! You know this won’t end well! Wake up for fucks sake!!!”

The screaming didn’t work. Taking a deep breath she stepped over to the nearest tree and drove her fist directly into the bark, the sound of knuckles popping and skin breaking rang to her ears. Her body shook as she pulled her hand back and saw the blood flow. Pain didn’t work either.

"Damn that hurt," she grumbled shaking her fist out, the cut skin burned as she flexed and fanned her fingers.

She cursed herself for having not practiced the techniques and kept them in the forefront of her mind before she had drifted off to sleep that evening but the last year the nightmares had left for the most part and when they did come they were mild. She had figured she had finally conquered that part of her psyche. How wrong she was.

A lot of peoples dreams were very thickly hidden symbolism that required some deep interpretation. Not hers, hers were fears she held, repeats of scenes she wrote, laced together with what she watched on TV and actual memories. It didn’t take Freud to tell her what they meant.

Shaking her head she glanced around the forest and took stock. Okay, it was chilly and the leaves were thick on the ground and thin in the trees. Autumn. That didn’t sit well. That meant a lot of mental pain for this nightmare. Looking at her clothing she took weak solace in the fact she was actually dressed for the season. Work boots, jeans, flannel over a t-shirt and a leather jacket.

Fuck, she was dressed like she was in High School. Okay, that meant people from her past were going to show up. Her hand grabbed her hair and she pulled it into her vision. Red, long, very long. Okay, so the present was going to really screw with her tonight. No glasses or contacts…. That was odd. She always wore glasses or contacts, in or out of dreams.

Nothing had happened yet and she already felt on edge, the hair on the back of her neck standing on end. She felt nervous and her stomach was in knots. She hated the beginning of nightmares, she knew them and they were torture.

The snap of a twig brought her back to what was around her instead of mentally trying to prepare and it sent a cold chill down her spine as everything went to an overview of her looking down at herself. It only lasted a moment before the view seemed to blur and she was looking out of her own eyes again. To her ears a growl crawled and before her, stalking out from behind a tree, was a black hound with teeth bared as it barked.

“Run…just run,” her mind told her and she did; her heart already pounding in her ears. Leaves kicked up as she spun on her heels and sprinted towards the ravine. Vines and bushes catching her hair; pulling at it and breaking off as she yanked it free.

The hound tore off after her. Everything seemed to blur as she ran, leaping onto the thin pipe and using it as a bridge to get to the other side. “Hands out girl, this is just like the balance beam, faster!” The wind cut through her clothing, it was getting colder.

She did what she told herself too but the hound was fast and was nipping at her heels as she finally crossed it and tried to tear off up the steep hill towards her grandmothers house. Teeth sunk in to her forearm and she fell to her knees.

Struggling with the dog she tried to pry its jaws loose but it had a good hold of her. Her feet kicked at it, her free hand balled up into a fist and she punched but it wasn’t letting go. And its bite burned so horrifically, she screamed. She felt it hot breath, the dampness of its mouth, the tear of flesh, sinking of teeth deeper.

Her breath was shallow and quick, her face flush, her back-end wet from the dampness of the ground; it was cold but her forearm burned. She had to get away, it was pushing her back against the ground. It felt as if it was going to crush her and she felt terrified.

The hounds eyes locked with hers and she drove her fingers right into them, causing the beast to howl out and finally let go. Kicking the beast off of her she rolled over and ran off, grabbing the top of the chain link fence that surrounded the bottom of the yard and leapt over it. Passed the rusted swing set, running under the hammock, up the hill. She ran for the door but it was locked.

“Shit,” she grumbled before tearing off around the side of the house and kicking through the wooden gate at the front. The dog was back coming up behind her as she slid through the mud and wiped out on the pavement of the driveway. Jeans ripped, knees bloodied.

“Get up!” she groaned to herself and she did. Everything blurring in her vision except the old magnolia tree. Running she could feel the dog back at her heels before she jumped up and began to climb into the old branches of the tree.

Higher and higher until she was out of reach, then she kept climbing until she couldn’t anymore. Looking down she saw the hound growling and licking its jowls as he paced around the base. She knew that dog, it was the same one that had tried to attack her when she was about eight, or was it nine?

Sitting in a branch she grasped for breath and cringed in pain. She hated her dreams, even the good ones. Everything was so real every time. Real life was a much less intense experience and easier to handle than what her own mind came up with and tonight her mind was being a real cunt.

“Okay, breathe, it’s just a dream, breathe woman,” she kept telling herself. The pain wasn't real, the blood wasn't real, none of it was real. But it felt real and she hated it, she wanted it to end.

She tried to calm down but her heart was racing in her chest and pounding against her breast bone, she was shaking from cold and adrenaline. Then another snap rung out and she froze. The trunk of the tree was burning, fire crackling and the wood was snapping.

It fell, with her in it and she hung on and closed her eyes. Falling, falling was good, she should wake up now. Then just a simple kick of legs as she woke up and she would be back in bed. The tree crashed.

Another forest? Fuck….

Looking around, this one was different. She knew this one but it was a recent addition, this forest she had never actually walked through. This one had been completely created in her mind; one of those perfect fall settings.

The air was only slightly chilled; the colors were bright and vibrant. There were no bushes or vines or debris in this forest. It was picture perfect, down to the pile of dried leaves in the center of a circle of trees. This scene had come to her mind during a typed scene of tag.

"No, no, no," she whispered as she looked around. Not now, she felt sick. She felt nervous. So nervous.

“You okay?” a deep voice asked as her hand was taken and the bark from the magnolia she had clung to was brushed away.

“Yeah.” Looking up she nodded slightly, she knew the voice. It had haunted her dreams the last week and every time she heard it her heart ached. She knew who this was even though a black hoodie covered his features; all but the severe bow of his lips. She did not need this right now…

“Come on.” He tried to lead her out but she stood still and wouldn’t move, her feet seemingly locked into the ground. He tugged on her hand but she still didn’t move. She was trying to but she couldn’t as the leaves around her got deeper and deeper and he became taller and taller as she felt herself beginning to sink.

The leaves seemed to have a life of their own as the clung to her calves, then thighs and so forth. She was being pulled under and she could feel the wet pressure of mud against her the further she was pulled down.

Panic seemed to take over as she tried to push out of the ground, clawing at the leaves, yanking and pulling them away only to have them swirl back around her and keep pulling her ever down.

He sunk to his knees, trying to pull her out. She clung to him, fingering grasping his clothing but each movement only made the decent that much faster. The hood fell back and she saw the panicked look in his eyes, hers must have matched his own. He kept speaking, she kept screaming but for once silence was all she heard in the nightmare.

The pressure on her chest felt like a snake had wrapped around her and was crushing her as she sunk to her shoulders; her muddy fingers trying to hold onto his. The last thing she saw before darkness claimed hers was his lips mouthing, “Please don’t go.” Then he was out of sight and the touch of his hand was replaced with the same cold mud that entombed the rest of her body.

There was nothing before her, she couldn't move, couldn't breath. The air pressing out of her lungs, her chest burned and she felt frozen. Cold so cold. She wanted to cough, mud filling her mouth, the pressure squeezing her. She couldn't think, there was only pain and panic. Then it stopped.

Darkness, breathe, you have to breathe. She gasped for air and coughed as she slammed to her knees and doubled over coughing up mud and leaves. The taste of dirt in her mouth and every time she moved her jaw the grinding of sand. Isn’t this wonderful?

She was covered in mud, she was wet from head to toe and her hair clung to her; plastered to the side of her head. She was cold, so cold. Her hands wrapped around herself. The jacket was gone, flannel remained.

Didn’t matter what she wore right then, it was all covered in mud and wet. She hurt, her bones and joints creaked with each small movement she made and her teeth clattered, sand grinding between them.

She shivered violently trying to see but her eyes burned an she tried to rub the dirt of them, scratching them and making it worse in the process. Tears flowed freely, trying to wash everything out, she let them flow. Constantly blinking, trying to see something, anything. She was afraid, so afraid.

Her feet moved though and they crunched with each step she took towards a dim light in the distance. She couldn’t see anything in the blackness but the light but she knew the sound. She was in snow. The air was frigid, she felt frozen but she kept pushing forward.

The more she moved, the brighter the light became and eventually she could see around her. Another forest. Of course. Winter. This was going to suck more than the rest. Winter in Vermont… Rolling her eyes she kept pushing forward.

The light came from and old house on the shore. Wait, this wasn’t Vermont, this was Miller County Indiana. Looking back at the forest, no the forest was Vermont, the house and shore though was where her mother grew up on Lake Michigan. The fuck was going on?

Then she was inside, how she got there she didn’t know but she was inside. Yellow counter tops, tiled floors, shag carpeting in the living room. People walking around her, they didn’t notice her as she sat in a steel chair. Oh well at least it was warm.

Then the screaming began, pain wracked her body as she felt blow after blow land to her back, her chest, her face. Sending her toppling out of the chair and onto the unforgiving floor.

She curled up into a ball, her hands coming over her head to try to protect herself. She was crying, begging for it to stop but it didn’t. The voices were mixed. Male and female. She knew each and every last one of them.

“You’re nothing, you’ll never beat me.”

“You better be glad I love you because no one else ever will.”

“You did this to yourself.”

“How dare you stand up to me.”

“You’re mine you hear me.”

“Just die, you’d be doing us a favor.”

“No one will mourn you.”

The words kept coming and hurt as much as each blow. She was weeping uncontrollably, just taking it. She had no strength left to fight. She just wanted it over. Every hit to her body, to her mind, to her heart. She screamed out, everything stopped and it went silent.

Slowly her hands came away from her head and she looked around. Another forest, this time dead and burned. Washington after the fires. The smell of smoke was heavy and she coughed, blood covered her hand which covered her mouth as she tried to breathe the ashy air. She could barely move at this point and each movement was slow.

Finally making it to her feet she leaned against a half burnt tree and tried to steady herself. She was soo tired. She wanted to sleep. Wait, she was asleep. Wasn’t she?

“You okay?” That same voice. Not again. She didn’t look up and just shook her head. He reached out, she pulled away. Again he reached for her, again she pulled away. He tried again, finally she fell against him.

It was too much. She cried, he held her. The first warmth she had felt since this endless nightmare began. It hurt and brought comfort at the same time. She breathed and buried her face against his chest. He pulled her closer.

Then he grabbed her hand suddenly and told her to run. Pulling her with him as the fires reignited in the trees and seemed to chase them. Smoke rising up from the trees, the air thick with ash, almost blinding like a snow storm but it burned.

They ran. He stumbled, pulling his arm around her shoulder she helped him up. They kept running. The heat from the flames nipping at their heels just as the hound had done to her earlier. This way and that they ran. One would fall, the other would help them up. The other would fall, the first would help them up.

Each fall the flames grew closer, heat heat becoming more intense; the air rippling from the heat. Her joints popping as they warmed and then felt boiling. From one extreme to another and the sudden shift caused her to scream in pain.

The forest seemed never ending and she was having trouble keeping up with him. Pain searing through her body, she didn’t think she could keep going. He looked back at her, edging her to keep going. He didn’t see the cliffs edge, she did.

She pulled back on his hand, sending back towards the flames. She toppled backwards over the edge of the cliff as he scrambled to reach for her. She slammed against the rock face and landed hard against a jutted out part of the cliff face.

She scrambled back and pressed against the rock face, there wasn't much room and she slowly stood up. Looking down at nothingness and then up above her. He was there, his hand outstretched, trying frantically to get to her.

Reaching up she tried to grab his hand but she wasn't tall enough. He looked panicked, as panicked as she felt. A hop to try to get up higher but it wasn't enough and the rock started to give out from under her feet.

Another jump, what little she had left in it, her hand caught his, her other clinging to his forearm. Her hands were muddy, wet, bloodied, still so cold. She couldn't hold on. Her feet trying to climb as he tried to pull her up.

It was too late, her hands slowly slipping from his grip. She felt the strain in her face as she tried to hold on, she saw the desperation in his. Then it was over, grip gave away. Her hand outstretched to his as she fell into the darkness and screamed.


“No!!!!”

Her hand was out before her as she sat up straight in bed and she screamed. Looking around frantically she saw the door to her bedroom closed, herself reflected in the mirror on the armoire. She looked frantic, tears streaming down her cheeks, and gasped for breath as she pulled the covers up tightly against her chest and fell back against the pile of pillows.

“Breathe woman,” she muttered as she shook and curled up into a ball on her side. Her heart was racing, she felt sore. Reaching over she picked up her phone from the night stand and checked the time, the light off of the screen nearly blinding.

1:42 A.M.

Last time she had checked the clock it was after 12:30 A.M. At least the house was silent, thank god that everyone else was a heavy sleeper and no one heard.

“Fuck this,” she grumbled as she rolled out of bed and stumbled for her robe. She wasn’t going back to sleep, not tonight. “Coffee,” she whispered as she pushed her way into the kitchen. She’d wash her pillow case later. It stained with tears and blood. The inside of her mouth bitten and chewed up. Today was going to suck….