[IC] Journey to the East

[snelss0]

The brushing was done rapidly and without hardly any tangles to stop her. It was often that before bed she would do that and then in the morning give herself a much more thorough brushing. His eyes were upon her when she came to lay down beside him.

Unbeknownst to him, she had been cold all night, which wasn't uncommon for her, but she had been without the blanket that had covered him and Alena, and though the flaps of the wagon had been closed, she had froze. It was only since the fire that she had warmed up finally and now that she remained there brushing her hair, she had become cold once more. Reaching behind her, she undid her breast band and let the cloth fall to the side of the cushioned bed as she snuggled up under the blanket next to Noah.

She had to be careful of his stitches, but she lovingly ran her fingers over his back, scratching lightly around his wounds. She knew he had not been able to lay on his back much, let alone scratch himself, or even run water over his body since the incident, so she figured very gently scratching over the area would give him much needed relief.

His eyes upon her still did make her feel like she was the center of his attention, but she had learned after their wedding that he had no real desire or attraction to her. She had given up to a point in her new efforts to change herself instead of him, but part of her still hoped one day he did see her in a light of affection, but more than that, attraction.

"If you want me to stop, say so. I don't want to hurt you. Does that feel good?"

Her eyes traced down his naked body as it lay there holding the pillow and then came back to his eyes for his answer. Whether or not he enjoyed it or hated it, she would eventually come up to his hair and lovingly run her hands through it. It seemed she was laying aside her own desires of sleeping to give him a little comfort in bed before she did what she wanted, which was to pass out.

[Illumin0sity]

Noah looked onto Elann as she finished coursing the brush through her hair, her hand coming back to undo the cloth supporting her bust and watching that, too, be flung off to the side of the cushy bed. After that, she dipped below the blanket beside him and came up to his side. Since it was warm in the tent to him, and he was warm as it were, he had yet to go into the blanket himself, so her hand snaked out to lightly scratch at his back and sides. It was a welcome touch and he relaxed, visibly, all the more, letting his head rest wholly in the pillow.

He shook his head into the pillow at Elann’s concern, humming in confirmation that it did, indeed, feel nice. After that hum came another that was deeper and seeming rumbling within the confines of his chest. It could barely be heard but it was there and apparent, though he lacked the natural equipment to make it easily known. A low frequency noise, something akin to a cat’s purr, could be heard coming from his throat and was an obvious sign of contentment given his surroundings and Elann’s actions. Before, during their argument, the same reaction had went on but it was denoting his annoyance and irritation with the situation. It was almost beyond his control, brought on by situations of soft enjoyment or piquing irritancy.

Noah’s eyes had closed, fluttering open briefly when her hands moved up to his hair only to close again. Clearly reveling, the low buzzing in his being continued to resonate in the immediate area and could be felt by the soft rumble in his being by her fingertips, even as far up as in his head of hair. Elann hadn’t felt it before, having not petted him when he was an eagle, and when he was awake.

[snelss0]

It was good to see that something that she did brought her husband comfort. His face fell downward into the pillow and he hummed that she should continue, that it felt nice. Then came the nearly inaudible rumbling from inside of him.

Previously Elann had great fear over the sound and she couldn't remember if it was that that had made her cry in the past or his willingness to leave her, but it was similar. Here though he seemed to be in deep enjoyment. She relinquished her temporary fears at the sound and continued, trusting that he would tell her when he wanted her to stop.

Elann was a curious sort, and his clear enjoyment of her playing over his skin seemed to wake her up a slight bit. Her hand lowered from his hair to behind his ear, then to his neck, and eventually down his shoulder to his arm that was injured. There she scratched lightly around it just as she had done on his back. She then smoothed her hand gently over his back, lightly letting her fingers trail in a light scratch until she moved over to his sides, only coming in just enough to relieve that itching sensation in his wounds, but not enough to harm him. She knew the feeling well given that her own hand that played across him had been horribly scarred. From there at his side, she played her hands smoothly into almost a gentle rub as he was not injured there, and then brought her fingers up to run repeatedly in light little scratches as she curled them over and over against his sides as he had told her he liked. It wasn't a ticklish motion, but similar to it. Instead it was much softer and sensual.

Her hands then traveled over to the other side assuming he had enjoyed the previous, and there she danced her fingers up his side and proceeded to caress him lovingly; even going so high as to scratch under his arms on the inner edges of his armpit. Her head was propped up on her hand as she laid on her side, and if he had not passed out in his pleasure yet, she would move up again to his hair.

Elann had a heart of sacrifice for her husband, and she would do anything for him just to be one ounce happier. She couldn't believe herself and how she had treated him over the past year. As his wife, she was thankful for Yahal's mercy in not punishing her. He knew it was not intentional though. As they would continue, Elann only hoped that her patient devotion to Noah, even in such small matters as loving on him like she was, would eventually turn him to attach all the more to her.

[Illumin0sity]

Elann’s curious way of moving only brought on a deeper sound from the already rumbling Kelvic and he nearly was writhing under her caring attentions. It wasn’t quite what Elann saw in the argument where his body physically quivered. That reaction was one brought on by the overwhelming sense of confusion and frustration she was bringing him in the apartment, all over reasons that seemed beyond menial in his opinion. As a bird, it was how he showed his fright and discomfort, and the low reverberations she felt now had preceded the quivering that overtook his body as he gathered his things to literally flee the scene of such distress. Not just as a Kelvic, but as a bird Kelvic, body language and tacit attitudes played a major role in understanding the moods and thoughts within another’s mind. Humans had such tells as well, but they seemed to be more used to their own than those of other species. Often, he thought, they forgot they were animals as well.

The vibrating hum within him reached a new peak as she went over his sides, the zones he had pointed out as being beyond feel-good to the touch. At the touch, his lids parted to slits to view her through and he saw her on her side, her head propped up by an elbow. He opened his eyes all the more, shying away from her fingers as they threateningly treaded towards the pits of his arms, an obvious ticklish spot for him. The pupils of his eyes homed in on her face and features, studying her as he often did.

It was in these moments did the facts that she was the closest thing to his heart that ever would be were cemented. Such reactions of his were reserved for those extremely close to him, and only Caesarion and his family members had drawn the noise of utter contentment from him before. Elann had a shining personality, most times, to him. Almost selfishly, the kindness and welcoming behavior Elann showed everyone, he wanted to be shown to only him, in much the same way he was not utterly attached to everyone he met. It took a great deal to grow close to Noah and him being curious about someone enough to pursue them - as he did Elann when they first met - was different from him letting people into him. The opening of his spiritual being enough for Elann to grasp ahold of the bond tied tightly around his heart was the ultimate expression of vulnerability for not only himself, but his race of people as a whole.

Noah brought one of his arms from under the pillow and reached for her in the blanket, grasping ahold of the arm her head was propped up on. “I love you,” he said, his body quieting as his voice chimed into the warmly lit interior. They were three words he didn’t say often but felt constantly despite whatever Elann did to him. He showed them more in his actions, when he executed them, and found that the words only served to dishonor the depth of the feeling he felt for Elann.

Love was the reason he showed his affections, the reason he sought to please her and keep her favor through various gifts, and was the reason he performed the actions that meant so little to him before meeting her: holding her hand in the streets, kissing her for the first time, and caring for her in her sickness. He was, without a doubt, deeply in love with Elann, but their misunderstandings happened because she was blind to his displayal, despite how vibrant and obvious is was to him and his family members.

[snelss0]

It made her smile a little as Noah recoiled. It filled her with curiosity, but now wasn't the time to be curious. She pushed the feeling away and watched as her husband's arm snaked through the pillows to grasp hers. She kept it there propped up as he said he loved her. Dancing her fingers down his arm, she returned the sentiment as through their bond, she flooded with love for him.

"I love you too."

The words were soft spoken and sincere. She had his actions and emotions close to her heart, and especially when he seemed to physically show her affection as he did now, she flared in that love for him.

"I miss feeling your love through our bond. I don't care if you hurt, I am longing for it..."

She lowered her head to nuzzle into his arm that had reached out for her and she gently kissed it. He had kept her from feeling the pain in him but she didn't care. Perhaps it was that she had become like him, close in the bond, and really she began to understand how he had felt blind when she closed off the bond to him.

"Please don't hold it from me. I've been through far worse pain before. I miss that part of you."

He had already endured with her when she had her monthly pains, which at this point were near on par with what he was going through, at least in how much she felt on her end of the bond.

[Illumin0sity]

Noah’s declaration was returned and he felt the emotion blaze over their bond in the way Elann often did when she was touched by something he said. Next came words that were hard to hear. It was his displayal of love for her to not let her feel the constant pain that he was in because it gave her discomfort, a visible discomfort he couldn’t bear to see half the time. He watched her kiss his hand then beg of him to release his hold of his bond with reasoning that touched him inwardly. Still, his face showed his torn thoughts and confliction.

“No,” he nearly whined because it pained him to deny her anything. “I won’t.”

Despite his rejection of her, his hand didn’t shy away from her hold. It tightened to show his dedication and his own eyes were pleading for her not to ask of it anymore. “I don’t want you to feel it,” he explained. “I don’t want you to feel hurt. I don’t like seeing you wince when nothing is there because it is me who is causing it. It’s my fault that I’m hurt; I forgot where I was and I was attacked because I forgot. I couldn’t defend myself, and then I couldn’t defend you there either.”

Looking at Elann, the situations in which he dulled his bond to her and the time in which she dulled his were different. This was a sensation she knew, pain, whereas the one she was wanting him to feel wasn’t one he knew enough to produce himself to the point she would be satisfied. Atop that, it was enough to feel the pain himself, and to him it was a reminder of a lapse of thought and mismaneuver. His wounds ached emotionally and physically within him; he’d rather be over it himself than to see his bondmate in a pain that came from him, for one, and, for two, he couldn’t stop.

“I loved you before we bonded, didn’t you know it then?” he questioned. “Can you not see it now?”

Noah was truly curious in his inquiries. He had grown to love her to the point of bonding, it was the act of bonding which cemented his feelings eternally. Was she blind then, too, to how he felt for her?

[snelss0]

To Elann, even though she desperately wanted to feel his love for her, his rejection was just as sweet. At least he would know now how desperate she was to be part of the bond with him.

He didn't reject her hold and instead tightened showing his desperation for her to not beg him any further. She was burdened in her heart for him, not as if a weight of pain was there, but one of love. He was showing sacrifice for her and though he had shown it before when he closed off the bond, now he was more acute in his plea. She listened further as he questioned her love in ways and seemed extremely curious.

Lovingly she continued to brush up and down his arm, but stopped when she answered.

"I grew in my love for your mentality very close after our first meeting, when I saw you playing with the children and how they dressed you up. It was small, but the more time we spent together, the more it grew into a fondness and eventually a deep rooted love. I loved you in part then. When you were injured and I helped take care of you, I grew to be fond of you emotionally as if we had connected by sharing our troubles with each other, and since then, I grew to love you physically. I became more and more attracted to who you were, without the bond, and I still see it now...of course I do."

She didn't get mad at him for questioning her perception of his love, but she wanted to be clear to him she did perceive it.

"Everything you've done tonight has been in love for me...wanting to protect me and Aimee...how you are holding my arm right now...all of it. I just wanted to feel it through our bond because I love it, okay?"

It seemed like every time she opened her mouth, there was some sort of wrong thing she said, so she hoped that the truth of how she felt would not strike him as offensive.

[Illumin0sity]

Noah clung onto the hope she wouldn’t ask him of it again, but as she went into her explanations of their past, recalling their time in the orphanage and drawing upon memories of their past together, his hope started to waver. She attempted to assure him she could see he still loved her and kept her cool throughout, for which he was thankful for. He was immensely vulnerable to her in that moment and had lost any will to engage in a debate with her. If Elann pressed with a heightened emotion bordering on growing frustration, he knew he would concede to her immediately in that instant.

Again came more reassurance on how the events that went on that night had been expressions of his love and it was followed up by what he took as another request for him to loosen his hold on their bond. It was, in the end, because it was what she wanted. It was anguishing to hear her ask again and only made him think back on their last argument where he made the point of her requests resembling a self-centered nature. He expressed his unwant to have her in pain with him, and expressed how he couldn’t bear to see her in pain, even if his quiet love was attached to it. Love didn’t shield from ache, and no amount of love she swelled their bond with made his side and back hurt any less.

Saddened, the Kelvic’s form physically drooped before her. “I don’t want you to feel it though,” he reiterated quietly. “I,” he stressed in a whisper, “don’t want to see you in a pain that is mine...”

He stopped then, faltering as the next sentence was rearing to come out of his mouth. His lips closed though, and he conceded anyway. History told him she would only continue to press him to open his bond and his rejection could turn into something else and perhaps be seen as unwillingness to her, or resistance. She took the explanation of him not wanting to share his bond as another declaration of his love when it was also a wish of his as well. The feelings he felt for her didn’t go anywhere, they were still felt by him, but for the moment they were hidden away until he was healed, then they would course through again. Granted they would be overthrown by Elann’s own impassioned feelings, they would’ve coursed anyway.

Looking down from her, and into himself in a way, he released the hold on his bond. The trickle turned into a slow flow as his sensations came. His discomfort and physical ache were the most prevalent. Residing underneath those were his disappointment, love, and mentally and bodily fatigue accumulated over the evening and that moment.

With his head in the pillow, Noah looked back up to her and gauged her reaction from a sudden ache and then the rest of his lightly buzzing feelings.

[snelss0]

Elann didn't have any secret feelings to go on through their bond, but knew that he really wanted to hear her speak of their past and her love for him. He wouldn't have questioned it if he didn't. She made the mistake of making that her main point and she realized immediately when he began to feel sad that she had made yet another mistake. Why was she so forgetful around him? Why did she struggle to communicate? It was like she was intentionally doing all she could to hurt him and it wasn't in her heart to do so.

He drooped down and spoke words that seemingly died off, as if she had killed part of his soul. Then the pain came. He had submitted to her and she knew then that he had done so simply because he thought she was demanding it. She made a point not to physically show the pain when he looked back up to her, enduring it as best she could.

"Noah...maybe I just fail at speaking, maybe I just got forgot to say what is in my heart, but Love, I don't didn't say those things to convince you or force you into letting me feel our bond. By you denying me, and telling me no, that you don't want me to feel the pain...I thought that was sweet of you."

"In my heart, and what I failed to tell you was that I was actually really happy that you were protecting me from the pain. Sure I asked that you release the bond as I do want to feel it, but I completely understand."

"I just got so wrapped up in telling you how much I appreciated your love that I forgot the whole point we were making...that you don't want to open the bond to me. Upon hearing your words, I didn't want you to as well. If it pleases you, I want you to protect me from the pain. Please don't be sad. Please don't be disappointed. I didn't mean it like that."

She was pleading with him in a way so as not to be whiny, but sincere, and clearly not because she wanted everything to be nice between them. Her tone of voice conveyed that, as well as how disappointingly she felt in not being able to communicate what she felt; especially in the trying times they were in. Before he potentially would close the bond, she would revel in his love, holding onto it more than anything else there. It was like a breath of fresh air and despite the pain and soreness, it made her happy.

[Illumin0sity]

In truth, it wasn’t so much as Noah wanting to hear of their past as much as he wanted Elann to silently consider it. He didn’t mind her speaking, he even loved to hear her voice, but not everything had to be said aloud - in his opinion - to hold meaning behind it. Their past was what it was and it made them into who they were as separate people and as a couple together. He didn’t need to be reminded of what happened between them to appreciate it, he thought on it everyday, especially recently. What he wanted was for her to put herself in his shoes and look at her from his eyes, finding what he loved about her and how it went deeper than her brilliant eyes, creamy skin, dark hair, and shining smile. Once she stripped those parts of herself away, as he did, she would be able to see the core and meat of who she was, the heart inside whom he fell in love with.

It did hurt his soul to hear her seemingly ask for him to open his bond to her again. It was agonizing to him because it only continued to make him believe she wasn’t actually listening to all the meaningful words coming out of his mouth. Elann admitted to hearing only the love in his words for her, disregarding his own wants in the words until his reaction forced her to chew on them a second time. In that second time she came back with a confession of wrongness, partially blaming unknown reasons for her failure to communicate and understand his words. Perhaps his words were too loaded, or perhaps Elann was too used to them being spoken all the time to glean and properly digest what he said. When Noah spoke in words of meaning everything had to be considered, from his posture to the environment, even to the way his brows flecked in their expressive ways. He spoke with his entire being when he wanted someone to really hear something.

Elann pleaded for him to not be sad or disappointed, saying she didn’t mean her words as they were said. He sighed in reply and withdrew his bond once again. Elann managed to patch over the initial damage of her mistaken request but there were still doubts residing in his mind. To him, it was evident that words, at least hers, were often being laid out without being mulled over. Then, looking inwards, he thought perhaps it was a fault of his own for being too thoughtful in his words. It was because they weren’t needed to communicate in his household, and were only used weightlessly when out in the public. To trade his family spoke Fratava, and it got them what they sought. In trade, each word held meaning because you couldn’t run the risk of the vendor misunderstanding you. Socially, things were different and misunderstandings ran rampant, as seen in this conversation now.

Only a few seconds passed between him withholding his feelings and his moment of introspection. Taking a breath, he breathed out, saying, “Okay.”

Noah didn’t know how to teach her anymore than by example. Asking her to consider the wild they were in didn’t seem to be working, at least not yet, and there were so many other humans around the lessons were possibly being diluted. Getting around a racial block was difficult for the both of them, but one had been pressing the other’s world into the relationship while the one being pressed was being flattened beneath an overwhelming amount of information.

“Can I go to sleep?” he asked, looking to the lantern on the center post.

The Kelvic was exhausted and this, in addition to the events that evening, were more than enough for one day for him. Immobile, his ache didn’t bother him as much, yet he didn’t want to sit up to drink a dose of tea. He believed he could sleep until the noon hour if allowed and undisturbed, and mentally, he was beyond fatigued from the use of the stormgems.

[snelss0]

Elann unfortunately was putting herself in his shoes, trying her best, her hardest to work with her husband. She had given him the space he desired, put herself in the perspective of Alena in her caressing that night, merely asked for something in his shoes was a good thing - the opening of their bond. Upon finding out that he wanted to protect her adamantly from it she had forgotten to mention what she wanted to say. The lapse of memory and failure to express herself in the right moment had cost her dearly. His sigh in reply to her was disheartening as she knew she had dug a hole she could not get out of.

He waited a few moments to gather his thoughts, and at any moment she considered him saying something like he had said earlier. When she had asked him if he could ever forgive her, she remembered his words. The sting then returned fresh in her mind and it wasn't until he said okay did she too ease out a breath.

From the moment she had bumbled into the inn she had been lost. Elann had hoped that being married to him would bring a firm foundation to her life, but it had not. It had only become more stressed in an already stressed life. It was her fault, she knew that, just as her error tonight was her fault. The smile faded from her face and slowly Elann pulled the hand out from under her head as he asked if he could go to sleep. She nodded and took in a deep breath, rose, and moved to turn the lantern low.

In the dimness of the light, she could barely make out his body, but not until she returned under the blanket was she able to see his face.

"Goodnight Noah..." she voiced softly to him. She turned from him to lay on her back and snuggled into the pillows a little. Her eyes were closed at first but once comfortable, they reopened and stared at the roof of the tent. Thoughts of how the night would have ended up if she had not forgotten to say what she did ran through her head. He was enjoying her touch, enjoying her words, and responded to her in a more loving fashion than even he would do for anyone she had seen so far, but how quickly it turned to hurt and pain. If their roles were reversed, she would have forgiven him already, moved on, and the problem that rose its head tonight likely wouldn't have even happened. It was the unforgiving animal in him that she had to learn. Every movement, every word, every thought had to be perfect or it could mean something different. As a human she was not used to that intensity, but as she stared at the roof, she knew she would have to learn it for him and for her.

[Illumin0sity]

Noah was thankful he was allowed to sleep but that thankfulness gave way to unease as Elann breathed out deeply, rising to lessen the lantern’s light. Though the light was dim, he was able to see in the low light and could make out her frame easily as it approached him to lie beneath the blankets. Elann’s voice was softly tuned as she bid him goodnight, saying his name with a trailing voice, then went to turn away from him. Her actions spoke volumes louder than her voice and he could see how heavily weighted the situation had made her. He understood she was trying, and it was more apparent now because she had aimed to patch up what damage she had just done, and now she was coming to know his own trials in the relationship.

Withall in mind, he wasn’t entirely empty to her. There was more than compassion in his heart for her and to see her weighed down by the situation hurt his heart. He didn’t take his eyes off of her because of it, even as she turned away from him. Should he had been able to, he would’ve readily came to her and pressed his front against her back, holding her in his caring way.

Like Elann, he was not used to the intensity she brought into his life. Everything she felt was notched up to levels he hadn’t experienced before. Keeping in mind this was his second bond, his first didn’t reach this level of depth and Caesarion was not as powerfully emotional as Elann was. Noah and Caesarion loved one another quietly and showed it in their actions, though their time together was short compared to Elann and his. Caesarion had left his mark on Noah and had further cemented him into ways of softly showing emotion. In addition to that, his hollow bones couldn’t take being emotionally flooded all the time. It was enough to stand in the tide Elann threw down their bond, but it would’ve been another thing if he was naturally like that as well.

Thinking about it, their relationship might’ve been better if he was as emotional and expressive as she was, at least vocally. His actions held a depth of emotion Elann probably couldn’t understand, and he showed it now with his hand sliding under the blankets to touch and then grasp at her, reminding her he was still there for her physically and emotionally, if only quietly so.

Noah’s eyes, pale grey with large pupils to see through the night, watched her for another reaction and his mind wondered if one would come at all. As it for provoke it all the more, he eased himself under the blanket with her, sharing the dark space with her body, his hand reaching and grasping again.

[snelss0]

The sounds of the night outside could not be heard, their fire scaring away most of the animals already, and those asleep before they had arrived safe in their natural made nests didn't seem to care. The thick walls of the ten kept all noise from entering except for the somber sounds of those last remaining few who stayed up in thought after their loss. Elann, still lying on her back was alone in her silence, in her thoughts, and the dim light of the tent showed her watching the fabric gently move up and down as the wind outside must have increased a tiny bit.

Without feeling Noah's bond, she couldn't tell whether he was awake or not, but she had assumed he still lay there alert. It was their way. Whenever they would fight, it always seemed to be in bed. To her she wondered if their bedroom would continue to be sullied by their fighting instead of their love, and it was then at that thought that she felt his movement. His hand slid under the blanket in a sign of affection, welcoming her to him. She turned her head to the side to view him in the dim light.

Her face as he wrapped about her arm was an almost curious one. Much like their last fight, he had become offended at her thinking he meant abuse, but really she didn't think of him that way. He had ended their conversation stating he didn't want to speak about it anymore. In a way, he had done the same thing, asking to sleep now, to leave her on her own in her thoughts and emotions. It wasn't unjust of him, it was what she deserved for how she had treated him, so the confusion came with feelings of surprise in her heart as she briefly looked to him. Was he really opening to her then? Had he somehow in some way forgiven in such a tiny degree as to actually want to be near her? She was almost sure of it as she looked to him.

The deep thoughts had left her eyes glassed in the dim light as she stared deeply into his eyes, but she had not been crying, nor did she look like she was going to other than the wetness on her eyes. In truth it was a combination of the deep thoughts mixed with her immense exhaustion. It was hard to deal with this again for her as well, but when he slipped under the blankets, she helped him pull them so he wasn't fighting so hard with them and then covered his back with them before laying back down. It seemed he was coming even physically closer to her now, reaching out to share the dark space with her body. She swelled with love for him and felt a sense of comfort, but she did not smile. She simply pulled his hand gently over her waist and scooted in closer to him until they were one. She faced him, looking deeply into his eyes. It was then, even in the darkness, though not in the bond, she would seem stressed, weighted down, as if all this was crushing her. It was not something felt in the heart, but seen in the dimming edge of her eyes and lack of smile.

Still, she didn't seem angry, didn't seem desolate or any such extreme. She just wasn't happy with herself and just wanted the night and her mind to be done with. She wanted to wake up and have everything be okay. That was her prayer.

[Illumin0sity]

Asking for conversations to be ended was a defense mechanism of his own. After getting into arguments with Elann, Noah began to realize that it was always hard pressed for him to get his point across, as seen not a moment earlier. It was easier to concede her points and let the conversation rest, be it at the expense of his own feelings, but those he would rather spare then instead of later after more damage could be potentially done. In this instance he could see the rather self-absorbed view of her and how, many times, it had been about what she yearned for in disregard for what he wished.

Before, in her apartment, he had asked for a sense of equality in their relationship where decisions didn’t weigh solely on one person. Before they were married she had nearly slipped into the traditional role of women for her people, the submissive and malleable role where her opinion hardly mattered. In his world, both as an eagle and as a Zeltivan, the partners were equal, if not predominantly ran by women. It seem he had slipped and fallen beneath her ever demanding ways and failed to see the harm it was causing himself until it was too late and the damage had been dealt.

Noah didn’t enjoy closing her out, and in most cases it wasn’t what he intended to do. In his opinion she overreacted to his replies and took them as assaults on her character when they were just statements to defend his own. He never aimed to cut with his words, yet all they seemed to do was cut when he spoke to Elann. A part of him cursed her sensitivity and another part thought it weak of her to shrivel up in such a way. As his bondmate, he always wanted to be near her and he couldn’t think lowly of her without guilt in his mind. The sense in him was crying out for him to want her to be like the women of his family and stop being such an overly sensitive person who was thrown down by anything he said. The one time he had spoke up to defend himself in an argument vehemently, she took all of his words as daggers when they weren’t that malicious. Now, she was beating herself up over the menial spat moments ago and he couldn’t bear to look at it.

All in all, he didn’t know what to do anymore. Conversations weren’t working, silence wasn’t working, and meaningless talks were just that, meaningless. It was beyond frustrating to have every loving moment turn into something darkly tuned and it was stressful to him as well. Noah didn’t handle constant stress well, it ate away at him. He was used to flying away and being done with a situation, so much so he couldn’t sit in a rising tide and anticipate drowning. It felt like he was doing that here, standing in a red sea that constantly rose with each argument. He was submerged up to his neck in the mess and his limbs were pinned. In their last argument he had nearly drowned but his concession gave him enough room to breathe and the space between them let the tide recede. It was slowly rising again though.

Elann wasn’t the only who felt as if everything had to be perfectly said and executed. If he didn’t do something right he ran the risk of upsetting her, and being upset was never a calm thing for her. It wasn’t impossible to relax in the human world; he did it and his family did it as well. Not everything had to be dealt with with the intense desert heat. There were times when the day was mellow, more often than not, and the breezes were cool. Compatibility was becoming an ever persistent and apparent issue here but he couldn’t divorce her; it would mean everlasting pain for himself and meant he would be inflicting harm upon her as well. It was unfathomable to do such to her, not only as his bondmate, but as someone he cared about bar the bond.

Noah met her gaze with one of his own depth. He knew what he sought in a bondmate and Elann had met dozens of prerequisites, yet as time passed he learned she was not everything he yearned for. He had loved her for so long already though, and had made changes to himself to fit the image she set before him. Noah was trying his damndest to make everything work, but there was only so much strain he could take, and with each passing day and conflict, he grew evermore terrified either of them would end it then and there or at any moment.

In his eyes was that fear but his love for her was immense yet quietly residing, unable to be said in words or communicated through the silver cord between them. He took his hand from her waist and brought it up to her cheek. With his heated palm on her skin, he let it smooth down to her neck where it rested. Rising, he moved to kiss her in reassurance; he had not given up on her or them together, and, as he said, she would know if he did. It wasn’t a threat but a somber promise of her knowing when he couldn’t take anymore, when he would lose all will to fight in a forlorn way. The hard truth was in his words and actions, but this one, this movement was filled with his care and want to survive and make it out alive on the other side.

Much like he kissed her for the first time, he wanted to show several things with one action. He wasn’t passionately driven, he was driven by his love for her and the want to be together. He wanted to understand and be understood, and by now it was all he yearned for in their relationship. He felt that, in time, with understanding, they could grow past the pitfall they had fallen into. He wanted her to take his love in the immense ways he displayed it. It didn’t need to be felt through the bond to be understood, if she looked she could see it in everything he did. Grand statements only meant so much, it was the little actions which cemented his eternal devotion to her and no one else. He wanted to be seen by her as he was, not as what she wanted him to be, not as she wanted to see.

He was hard pressed but his allegiance to her ran deeper than any valley and his love was higher than the mountain ranges which surrounded Zeltiva. No amount of gods could overtake her in his heart, and Zulrav understood it. Zulrav knew when he marked a Kelvic, a Kelvic as loyally-minded as Noah, he would be dethroned by whomever his bondmate was to be. Elann was that person he would go through unspeakable things for, only to keep her love and attention, but he needed things too.

Noah’s fealty was sealed in his kiss to her and it was like a second gift, a second layer to the bond which hopefully made the bond that much more cherished by her. Already he held it with the deepest regards, he wanted her to, too. When it was returned to her, he wanted her to hold it and view him at the other end of it, not as skin or as feathers, but as a soul that was wholly hers and no one else's. Words couldn’t explain that - he would have to speak volumes upon volumes to get all he felt out, and it would be convoluted and misunderstood.

He didn’t part from her for a long while and when he did, breathing out and breathing in, he brought his hand back to her cheek, his thumb stroking at the place under her bottom lip. With his eyes looking into her, peering into the depths of her brilliant irises, he communicated his love in two actions: eye contact and a sealing kiss.

[snelss0]

His hand came up to the side of her face and her eyes slid closed as it brought her peace. The fact he was displaying affection to her spoke volumes and she let out a little squeak of relief. His hand slid down to her long, bare neck and he held her there almost romantically. Her eyes opened once more, beckoning him to her in their gaze, and it was an enjoyable thing to see him come closer to her. The shine in her eyes seemed to return.

As their lips met, she felt relieved by the action. For him to go out of his way like he did was moving to her and she lay there in pure bliss. Eventually her heavy lidded eyes opened to see him looking at her. Again, as if having checked on him, her eyes lazed closed as she fell into another emotionally driven kiss, but then opened up to meet his gaze once more after he pulled away.

They parted and his sweet caresses and sacrifice had brought back the smile to her face. It was subtle, but there, and the youthful brightness of Elann had returned to her face. Whatever had possessed her thoughts moments earlier was gone and she was focused on him. Even in the dim light, the brilliance of her unique eyes could be seen, shimmering in their blaze of blue and green. As he sealed the kiss with her and stared into her eyes, she carefully brought a hand up to wrap around his neck romantically.

Elann then pulled another kiss from him as she closed her eyes. She broke away and nuzzled into his forehead and gently along side his temple with her own. It was her submission to him of their love, but she couldn't sleep. She had tried to mend their relationship, really gave it her all, and had failed again. What she was going to do next she wasn't sure. True love to her never quit though, and she resolved that she would try again, how though, she didn't know. It was too hard for her mind to wrap around the perfection she would have to bring to the topic when breached. She couldn't make an error, and all she seemed to do when she opened her mouth was make errors.

[Illumin0sity]

Though Noah parted, he was pulled back into Elann for another kiss, the second sparked from his first, and then they parted again. With Elann nuzzling into him, the already hot Kelvic was warmed more inwardly, the chill presiding over his heart seeming to thaw as he was filled with a new hope. He hoped it wouldn’t wane and hoped that a new approach to it all could be taken by the both of them. Just like she wanted him to behave in a certain way, he expected the same of her. It would be hard fought given he had not decided to forgive her yet, but he felt his unforgiving attitude wouldn’t turn into a grudge or something more sinister than that even. He believed it would remain, softening as time went on until he felt safe again in her presence, safe in exposing himself in full to her as he had done in the months building up to their initial bonding.

Yes, it was true, she would technically be walking on eggshells because that was how fragile his feelings were at the moment and how easily startled and jarred he could be by what she did. The next days and weeks would be delicate, and if all went well the coming months would be smoother. He still thought about their future in Zeltiva and still thought on the home they wanted to build. Given the funds he had managed to save over the course of three years, he was more than able to buy a home for the both of them, and just living off what she earned in her year’s stay in Syliras. As it were, they had combined their funds and had a trove to spend. The future remained in his mind and it was because of his hope that the picture remained untainted from what was happening in the now.

Cherishing her closeness, he brought his hand to the back of her head, where it rest in the strands, to hug her in his gimped way. It was in this way he desired to have her, not sexually as she may have wanted, but emotionally and mentally, to be one in such a way was spiritual to him as it was their spirits in which were tied by his bond. Watching her over the past few days he had been attempting to formulate the attraction she yearned for from him, but it was a hard thing to do. Whenever he looked at her, he saw what lay beneath the socially attractive features. Recalling the day he saw her the first time, she had nothing about her that particularly brought him to her but her eyes and how captivating they were.

Her eyes reminded him of the bay Zeltiva sat at the head of, and her smile reminded him of the pressing seafoam the waves made when they were forced up rocks, white and crisp and refreshing. Her hair was dark like the drenched hulls of ships, and the salty smell she brought into the lobby of the complex he was staying at reminded him of the winds that swept through Zeltiva’s streets. Her skin made him think of the sandy beaches, and he was obsessed with them. They were, however, things Elann was seemingly terrified off; the water, the seafoam, and the sand because it was on the coast. Thinking still, he supposed he was attracted to her eyes, hair, skin, and scent because they reminded him of his home.

Most of all though, he was drawn in by the way she greeted him. Though she could only speak in broken Common at the time of their meeting, the way she spoke and carried her words was what he was enthralled by and what was what made him show her her room. Time passed and he was smitten by her kindness, the kindness she showed him because she didn’t know another yet, another who treated her how he did. The foundation in which he fell in love with her with was still there, and he could see it.

Noah cursed himself for being injured because he wanted to do more, he wanted to hold her and show, in action, just how close he held her in both body and mind. Pulling back from their hold, he pressed his lips to hers again. It was a testing peck before he pulled back again to view her with his eyes. As he did, the hold on his bond loosened and let loose his physical pain but deep emotion he held in his entire being for her and only her. As he had said, there would be no one else and there couldn’t be anyone else. There would be no harem of women cajoling for his affection, and she didn’t have to worry about his attentions being sensually given to another woman.

He studied her features, the brilliant eyes, the sand-toned skin, and the dark tresses. He thought on his love for her and let the feelings sit in his gut to be communicated as desire down the silver cord. His desire to her wasn’t passionate and ever-flowing, it was a deep sense of yearning akin to the yearn he felt whenever she pulled on their bond, summoning him. His want was evident in his eyes and in his bond flowing with his emotional energy. To cement the longing he felt, the hand in her hair trailed down to smooth over the curve in her body, her waist, and rested in the slope for a reaction.

[snelss0]

Another little squeak of relief came to her as his and scooped her up and fell between the darkwooded strands of her hair. It was a hug, an embrace, and while weak and unable to do what he intended it to do, it was enough to her. When he pulled back from her, giving her a peck on the lips, those eyes he adored searched him for a reason.

It was then the slow tingle of pain could be felt as the bond opened. It was then dwarfed by his intense love for her then. She had never felt such a grand emotion from him before and it made her completely ignore the pain now in her body. It was an intense emotion to be with her, a form of oneness. It was really what she was wanting to feel when she had begged him to feel the bond, and that wasn't all.

As he looked down at her and thought on his love for her, something happened. He had not felt desire for her before, or a yearning physically himself. As she lay there though, her eyes looking into his, she felt it. It might not have been sexual desire, but it was desire, a longing sensation for her and her smile grew wide in the blissful feeling of it. She let out a sound of enjoyment that much like his when she was playing on his back, almost rumbled in her. It was a higher pitch, but the same.

Elann had yet to muster up the will to speak any word, and the emotions flowing through her bond told her not to, to just enjoy the time with him. If she opened her mouth, it would all be over. His hand played across her smooth skin to the curve of her body and without voice, she matched the desire for him in her own heart, compounding on it.

Before, when Noah was sad or angry, Elann would get sad or angry, and it would compound until raging storms threatened to destroy all the world in her eyes, yet this time, she sought to nurture this new desire in him, to show him the heights of it by stacking new desire over new desire. He had thought of her beautiful features and interpreted it into desire. She thought on his might and sacrifice, interpreting it into desire for him. It was a form of communication, a telling that there was so much more to desire in her. He already loved her for her kindness, her love. Each of those too could be turned into desire, each one fanning a flame of passion until each one could not keep away from each other. If he matched her by learning what next to desire, she would focus on his sweetness, his gentle touches, and then communicate that desire to him. It all would gather into an overwhelming force if he went along, but even if he didn't, she would eventually cup his neck with a hand and pull him back to her for a kiss.

[Illumin0sity]

The way the bond worked, they were allowed to feed off one of another exchanging emotions and bring them to new, unparalleled heights. However, there was also control in these and emotions, and because Elann often flooded him with emotions that were overwhelming, he could control his bond like a gauge, and at times he could block Elann out of him entirely, like his mother had done Lanna at times. He did this in times of concentration - when he would be working and Elann would be going about her day elsewhere. As bondmates they could be miles away from one another and still feel intimately close, and it showed heavily in Syliras when they went about their jobs before returning home. Having a surging of Elann’s giddiness when he was making a calculated flight between Mithryn and Syliras was jarring, and so he managed to shut her out. Recently he hadn’t called upon the ability because he didn’t want to shut her out if they weren’t pursuing other obligations. In the caravan all they had to see was one another in any case.

Elann met his desire with one of her own but hers sparked into the passion he knew oft times had no bounds. He wasn’t looking to be sparked or overwhelmed, but to have a quiet and deep yearning for her and to have understand him in the way she wanted to be understood. He played along for a time until it became too much and over the bounds he had set for the moment. Noah was pulled in for the kiss and in it his bond was chaotic with energies. Because her own heart was throbbing in her chest, his was too, but it was discomforting. Pausing, he broke off the kiss and took a swelling breath, almost gasping literally and figuratively.

He brought his hand between them, asking for a moment, and his eyes spoke of his pleading. As she asked of him once before, he said, “Calm.” Leaning in again, he led by example and stifled the frightfulness her blazing passion instilled in him. Lovingly he kissed her again and went over the rehearsed motions of kissing.

The first time Noah had been kissed in such a way was with Caesarion, it was a slow and sensual way that rung out deafeningly with how deeply the other man felt for Noah. Noah felt immense love for Elann, but he was a gentle and quiet being; when immense emotion was felt, it was powerful like the thunder in the clouds, it was low, bass-heavy, and rumbling. Each sound, movement, showed what he felt and was enlightening like a flash of lightning. He wanted her to understand that here.

It wasn’t that Noah couldn’t keep up with her heightened passion, but as it were now, he was weak and unable to soar to the heights she wanted him to. He was bound by his wounds, all of them, and was just looking for a trueness of herself and a sense of oneness he felt comfortable enough to submerge himself in.

Parting, he looked at her again. “Like that,” he whispered. “Calm.” He waited for her reply, if it would come. Inside he yearned for her to feel his feelings too. He wasn’t seeking for her to compound her emotion atop his and douse it in flame, but to feel the deep reverberations of his love in its nethermost way he was ever displaying it. He couldn’t say when he could swell like this again, but he was bearing it all in the moment and it would fleet.

[snelss0]

Elann compounded her desire with his desires. That meant that they had to work together. If at any point he would stop, even if in the beginning, she too would have stopped. It was not her desire to overwhelm him to make him suffer. It was her desire to go to the point he felt comfortable with her, a state of oneness, and yet full of as much desire as he could handle. It seemed they perhaps reached and surpassed that state as he followed her by example.

He pulled away from her and asked her to be calm. Even though her physical actions were calm still, in the bond they were buzzing. The passion she so longed to feel coming from his side of the bond then was stiffled as he pulled away. She supposed it was fair. Elann had asked him in his physical power over her to be calm and slow once and now he was asking that through their bond and actions she remain calm.

Her longing desire to feel his passion had been met, and she wasn't going to screw it up by demanding it back. She instead listened to him and welcomed him with open arms as he came back to her. She was just going to enjoy the physicality of all he wanted to show her. The most prevalent there was his intense love for her, not only through his actions, but through his bond. For his sake she kept her passions, desires, and emotions slow and calm, hoping he appreciated it and instead was a feeling of pleasure and oneness out of what he showed her.

Parting from her lips, she pressed her own gently together as he spoke and silently nodded, letting her actions speak louder than words. She naturally would feel his whisper enticing her in passions and into love making, but for now she just let him lead her where he wanted her. It wasn't to say she was a plank of wood emotionally or physically. Her lips and hands showed a great desire and love for him, just calmly, and her emotions held great passions, desires, and pleasures in their actions, but just much more softly.

[Illumin0sity]

Elann listened to all Noah was giving off, heeded his words, and curbed her heightening sensations because it wasn’t what he sought. It wasn’t necessarily the point to make love in the instance, but to show her just how physically and emotionally he could be enthralled with her. He knew he was desired by her; she commented on his appearance, commented on his seemingly romantic gestures, and commented on how she saw the affection in all he did for her, no matter how small. He was showing patience with her here, pulling back, correcting, and then observing the changes as she made them to fit the moment he wanted. It was a great flip from the many months where he was in her shoes. This was but one instance, one moment, compared to the others. It would act as a glimpse of what he hoped would come.

Noah was experimenting as well, seeing just how far he could push his lover to lock down her driving emotions in order to keep the delicate peace at play. He reached forth and rested his hand back in the slope of her waist and played along it. In the next moment his hand was moving to direct her, placing it over his chest and then sliding it over to his ribcage, letting her feel the musculature and the air fill his chest with each breath. He hoped she would play along so he could continue on. Aside from watching where on his body he put her hand his eye contact was constant and unbreaking. His breath didn’t waver from the way it was taken, deep and slow. Inside his chest his heart was thudding with force but wasn’t pattering in the way passion often caused it to.

The Kelvic called upon the lesson of her other erogenous zones and slid his hand from her waist between her breasts and over her neck, playing briefly over the skin of her throat because he knew how sensitive and vulnerable it was. His final destination was just behind her jaw and ear, the place where her Cheva mark presided as a visual marker for them belonging to one another. The backs of his fingers grazed over the area just as he gazed into her eyes. If words or actions didn’t tell of his devotion to her, then the mark would forever be a symbol of his vow, his adherence. As he had said at the altar, he would love her so long as the earth was beneath their feet and the stars in the sky, so long as breath filled their lungs, and so long as the seasons continued to pass on and on.

Noah knew he was acting provocatively, teasing her passions as if she wasn’t going through enough to keep herself tame, but it was all a test. He wouldn’t be unforgiving here, understanding what he was doing. Already she had passed what mattered, she had showed him she could do something for him without pressing or demanding a wish for herself. Now, he was just upping the ante and fishing for another series of reactions. He was hyperaware of her and it was shown by just how big his eyes were, as if he was watching a doe squirm as he circled overhead. He didn’t kiss her again, wanting to see how she would behave with his eyes open.