The smell and feel of petroleum on his skin felt wrong to Thomas as his very being seemed to recoil from what he was attempting to do to himself. The night was cold, and he was now shivering and wet as his doubts made themselves known once more, this time much more strongly, as his shaking hand fished the lurid green lighter from its spot near his bag on the ground. Moonlight shone down upon him, his pale flesh ghastly white while deprived of the sun life-giving rays and his strawberry blond hair falling in a wet curtain before his eyes as he blinked away droplets of gas from his eyelashes. His breathing was quick and shallow, and his thoughts a mess as part of him still clung to life while the rest of him had long ago lost the fight for survival in the sterile environment the young man called his life.
'I'm stalling... I need to do this, I can't do this whole shit anymore... mother, father... I'm sorry.'
Belatedly the blond realized he was crying, yet the resolve to end it all had finally resurfaced from its hiding place in his battered heart. It was now or never, and it was with a surprisingly firm flick of his index finger that Thomas ignited the plastic contraption in his hand and lit it fall and catch him aflame. Screaming in excruciating pain as soon as he did this, the young man's last coherent thought was:
'I should have taken some sedatives before doing this.'
His muscles racked with violent spasms and locking him into a standing position as he screamer his now burning throat raw, Thomas was put in a world of pain that lasted him much longer than the few seconds it lasted before he deliriously noticed that something was wrong. The flames were gone, and her could feel his body returning to to its original state as soon as it was touched by the rivulets of blood seeping from his ruined skin. Cursing softly despite his still wounded throat and tongue, Thomas could only observe helplessly as his whole body healed quickly before his very eyes.
A bitter laugh escaped him at last once he felt whole again, before the blond felt unconscious from the pain he had just experienced by his own hand. Another failure... typical.
