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You guys wanna see a story? Check it.
Part two or no?
In Somewhereland, born and raised, in the castle is where I spent most of my days.
When a couple of marauders who were up to no good started makin' trouble in my neighborhood
You dumb fucker. You didn't grab your sword first. You die and have to go back.
You grab the sword you keep on the mantle and proceed to where the marauders are. They's a big bunch of pillaging psychopaths. How do you want to fight them?
>big bunch of pillaging psychopaths
>bunch of pillaging psychopaths
>pillaging psychopaths
>psychopaths
Go back
Go backIf you're going to insist on using terminology like that, I'll have to insist on changing the way this story goes. You now wear a top-hat and a monocle.
You show them what for and they proceed to lay a very gentlemanly smack down on you. Fortunately, you had a Phoenix Down and you got up, ready to fight again! This time, instead of showing your Victorian-era British side, show them why you're the Fresh Prince of Somewhereland.
Happy to teach them the true meaning of death, you begin to chop into their flesh like it was mushy beef. The marauders who weren't dumb enough to attack you run away, never to be seen until I need a Chekhov's gun
You make use of your medical training that you learned back in boy scouts and heal the wounded to the best of your abilities. You are hailed as a hero, even though you were just doing your duty as the future king of Somewhereland. After healing those that needed healing, you head back to the castle and up to your room where you place the sword back on the mantle and go back to chillin'.
Who cares about hose who were to weak to deal with the marauders when you have the marauders themselves to care about. You're pretty pissed that they had the balls to walk into your kingdom and fuck with your people. but before we can deal with that, you have some preparation to do.
They don't notice you. Nobody notices you. Hell, even you forget you exist for a second. You're god damn wonderful at this. Nobody escapes. You win. End of story.
Unfortunately, when you stop sneaking people think you've been doing dark arts and want you to be burned at the stake for making deals with the Dark Gods. What do you do?
Fortunately, the villagers believe your story and let you carry on. You head back to the castle and up to your room where you find a letter waiting on your bed.
The villagers don't know what diplomacy is and when you say it they think you're casting a spell. They grab you and burn you at the stake.
Easiest way to get out of a situation? No. Best way to get out of a situation? Yes. You head back to the castle and up to your room where you place the sword back on the mantle and go back to chillin'
When you were in combat training, you decided the only way to kill things is with your bare hands. This sword? It's decorative. The only reason I had you bring it out is because in the official timeline it isn't decorative (that would be the not fun one where you use your sword)
Of course, these marauders looked much bigger than you but, unfortunately for them, clothing makes you look skinny. The marauders you didn't fist-magic into a corpse started running, but fell down when you effortlessly chucked their friends bodies at them, knocking them out. You grab them and prepare to take them before the people so they can watch you publicly humiliate them.
You want to rest. You did a good thing, after all. Once you get back, you throw the sword somewhere in your room then head to the kitchen to tell the chef to make you some lunch. The chef obliges and, in a few hours, the waiters and maids bring you a full-course lunch that consisted of turkey, mashed taters, tomato soup, and several desserts.
You can't possibly eat this all by yourself! And the servants look famished! Wouldn't want to be a dick and ignore them, so you invite them to eat with you. You even let one of them take a turkey wing. After a hardy meal you get up and retreat to your room, where you await another event
Dick. You dismiss your servants and begin eating; making sloppy noises as you do so. Your father would have your tongue just for making those noises, but he's not here now, is he? After eating as much as you could, you retreated back to your room where a letter was waiting on your bed.
Fun fact: Marauders are weak to magic. Everything is weak to magic.
Another fun fact: Fireballs kill things. Quickly. The marauders who aren't dust and blackened bones begin running away, but they don't get far before you trap them in a cage and prepare to bring them before the people so they may pay for their crimes.
They would have killed you and your people and they might try again if you just let them go. You decide to just torch them in the cage and have the dogs eat their scorched bodies. It's for the best.
Afterwards, you head back to the castle and up to your room where you place the sword back on the mantle and go back to chillin'
They have the same twisted nature as you. You force them not to attack you when you release them and they happily oblige. They quickly get out of town once they are free, but not before knocking over quite a few stands on the way.
Afterwards, you head back to the castle and up to your room where you place the sword back on the mantle and go back to chillin'
They can rot in the dungeons for all you care. Fuck 'em! They want to cause shit, they can crawl around in shit.
After sentencing them to five years dungeon, you head back to the castle and up to your room where you see a letter waiting for you on your bed. What could this be about?
My father warned me this would happen! What do you do?
Good thinkin', home slice! Now you can fight the dragon!
The dragon is perched on the dungeon's roof, blasting fire at everything, but missing the people. Odd. You climb up the dungeon wall and run at the dragon, prepared to show him what you're made of! The second he sees you, he laughs. "HAHAHA!" He booms, appearing to smile. "So you are ready after all. Well then, prince, I have a quest for you from your father. He says to find a magical flower that grants wishes. He hopes that you will become a great man on this journey! You would be wise to do the quest; it would be great! See ya kid!" And with that, the dragon was off.
You would be wise to do it!
You can't save them all, but at least you can save the women and children. However you had to leave the sick and the men behind. They'll die unless you do something...
They're your people and you have the power to save them!
You huddle all the women and children into the castle so they can wait until everything calms down. Hopefully, the rest of your people can get out alive.
You get the feeling the dragon is done killing things and has flown away. You walk out to see that not only is that the case, but everything is relatively unharmed. Sure, a couple of stones got knocked loose, but other than that the village is fine.
You see the dragon in the distance and decide your only course of action is to follow it. You grab as much supplies as you can and leave the town to start your journey.
Do it or else!
So, your plan failed and now everyone is going to die. Unless you stop being a pussy and fight the dragon.
Enough is enough. If people in this country have to pay taxes then so do dragons. But not with money, with BLOOD!
You ready the sword your father gave to you oh so many years ago and prepare to fight the hell monster that has begun plaguing the castle and village you hold so dear. The monster rips open the roof to your castle and pokes it's head in. It begins to open it's mouth to breathe fire, but you slice at it's jugular before it starts. As far as you know, it's jugular is it's only weak point. At least, that's what your combat instructor told you. The dragon begins to retreat but stops when his head is out of the castle. It begins to open it's mouth an you prepare to be scorched alive but instead it begins to speak: "Prince ____, you have passed the test and are worthy of receiving your quest.
Quest? What Quest? What the hell is happening!? You question the dragon and he replies: "Your father sent me to tell you to go on an epic journey to find a magical flower that can grant wishes. He hopes that this quest will toughen you up enough to be a good king."
Do it, nerd.
"Dragons can't speak you scaly bastard!" You hear one of the women scream in the background. You agree. the dragon begins to speak again, this time directing his voice at everyone: "SILENCE! I WILL NOT HAVE NONE OF YOUR SCIENCE HERE, MORTALS! ALL HIGHER DRAGONS CAN SPEAK! I have come for the prince. He must go on a quest to find a flower that grants wishes, per the kings request!"
Do it now!
You continue to cower in fear as the dragon rips the roof off of your castle and stares in. You see him opening his mouth to breathe fire but he is cut short by you pissing yourself. "Ah geez. You're not ready. You are definitely not ready. See ya, kid."
Go back.
