chukklehed

Knights of Galvarok: The Forbidden Gate

SO MUCH INTEREST! EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY! INTEREST LEVELS REACHING CRITICAL MASS!

[High-Casual] Persona: Mirrors Mirage

Noel said
Heh, well thats one hell of a coincidence, even your last name is only one letter off from p3s. Shes never actually heard of anyone really being a fan of Ken. He's just... kinda there for the most part it feels like.

I liked Ken...

*Goes and sits in the corner with a "Ken Fanclub" Banner overhead*

Soul Munchers (A Soul Eater Knock-Off RP)

yay!

[High-Casual] Persona: Mirrors Mirage

Whatever, if you don't want advice, just say so, don't go on a rant about it. It's not like you told me not to before and I ignored you.

[High-Casual] Persona: Mirrors Mirage

I said I wasn't criticizing, I'm just giving advice.

see the difference is that my intent is to help, not to make feel bad.

[High-Casual] Persona: Mirrors Mirage

Also not to criticize, but your third person could use some work. Not much, it's actually pretty good, but just a little tweaking.

Like when you were giving feedback, instead of "She'd say it would benifit" You should have said "Noel would say". You should always indicate who is talking first, both because you might be talking about somebody else anyway and because it adds more to the effect than just replacing "I" with "She". Hope that helps.

[High-Casual] Persona: Mirrors Mirage

Noel said
Alrighty, feedback time again. So, chukklehed, the basic ideas look fine... but could use more detail. She'd say it would benifit from some lengthening and fleshing out, the background in particular. You also missed the age section.

I left the background purposefuly obscure because her past is the entirety of her Shadow's speech. I can look at the other sections and try to add more there, But I can only add a few more details to the background without giving that whole scene away. Also dammit age, you foiled me again!

[High-Casual] Persona: Mirrors Mirage

The difference is that the cards don't actually exist. They were able to appear in the TV world because reality was distorted that way, but the cards are a representation of one's soul, making it impossible to materialize in the real world (Since you would have to rip your soul out). An Evoker, on the other hand, allows one to summon their persona by simulating strong enough emotions that they're forced to summon their Persona.

This might be completely wrong, that's just how I saw it.

Knights of Galvarok: The Forbidden Gate

WE HAVE NINE! INTEREST OVERLOAD, ABORT! ABORT!

no, not really

The last city - Zombie RP

"Well, sorry to disappoint you mayor, but it wasn't ready yet." She crossed her arms and glared at him. Where does he get the right to suspect me of anything? She thought, listening to his hammering heart. Ever since I joined this godforsaken facility, I've done nothing but support him, not to mention I just saved the entire building. Arrogant sod.

"Honestly I'm just as surprised as you are," She continued, not letting on to her inner monologue, "I cut myself on a broken vial. I think if I had injected a full dose into myself it would have killed me on the spot. If there's nothing else, I have some new critical research to do at the nearest open microscope."