Avatar of El Taco Taco
  • Last Seen: 28 days ago
  • Old Guild Username: El Taco Taco
  • Joined: 12 yrs ago
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    1. El Taco Taco 12 yrs ago
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8 yrs ago
Current 'I know the Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider can't fly because if it could, it would have a different name entirely. We would call it "sir" because it would be the dominant species on the planet.'
7 likes
8 yrs ago
'There is no word in the English language for the feeling someone gets when they suddenly realize they're standing next to an unholy monster impersonating a human. Monstralization, maybe?'
2 likes
8 yrs ago
'If Zoey Ashe had known she was being stalked by a man who intended to kill her and then slowly eat her bones, she would've worried more about that and less about getting her cat off the roof.'
1 like
9 yrs ago
"And watch out for Molly. See if she does anything unusual. There’s something I don’t trust about the way she exploded and then came back from the dead like that."
7 likes
9 yrs ago
"We're talking about a tentacled flying lamp fucker, Dave. What are you prepared to call unlikely?"
2 likes

Bio


"OK, I've just about had my FILL of riddle-asking, quest-assigning, insult-throwing, pun-hurling, hostage-taking, iron-mongering, smart-arsed fools, freaks, and felons that continually test my will, mettle, strength, intelligence, and most of all, patience! If you've got a straight answer ANYWHERE in that bent little head of yours, I want to hear it pretty damn quick or I'm going to take a large blunt object roughly the size of Elminster AND his hat, and stuff it lengthwise into a crevice of your being so seldom seen that even the denizens of the nine hells themselves wouldn't touch it with a twenty-foot rusty halberd! Have I MADE myself perfectly CLEAR?!" - CHARNAME, Baldur's Gate


Most Recent Posts

I'm unfamiliar with The League, sorry!

9:32, 21st of Haring
Nevarra City Alienage


The snow was carved from moonlight, dusting the streets of the Alienage. Lanterns flickered, shadows dancing across the unseeing faces of statues and tapestries alike. The streets were nearly empty. The stillness was complete but for the occasional scurrying of rats and the distant hum of the city. The wind whispered through the twists and turns of the streets, conducting the great branches of the Vhenadahl to play a song lovelier than even the Chant. Even in the shadows of the night, a thousand colours gleamed along the base of their great oak. Incense burned in copper dishes at its base, curls of smoke twining around prayer flags and ribbons.

Emaruil would never tire of studying the Vhenadahl. Hundreds of years of wishes and dreams and stories had been carved and painted into its bark. As a child, she had attempted to climb the tree whenever she found a spare moment. It had been nearly ten name-days since she had last scrambled up its sides. In the stillness of the night, she had the mad impulse to clamber up into its branches, to climb until she could touch the stars. Her palm flattened against a griffon painted along its sloping sides. It would be easier now, nearly a foot and a half taller than she had been as a child—but there was no time to indulge her flight of fancy. A shiver trailed down her spine as she broke away from the Vhenadahl. Drawing the black and grey robes of her station tighter about her frame, she quickened her steps towards the gates.

The guard posted tensed as she approached. Emaruil raised her hands, better displaying the sigil of the Mortalitasi woven into her robes. The guard relaxed. He began the laborious task of unlocking the gates. Emaruil watched warily, trying to shake the feeling of doing something wrong. Even after nearly two years of working long nights in the Grand Necropolis, she found leaving the Alienage after curfew troubling. It was a right denied to almost every other elf in the Alienage. Those who did linger among the humans after dark were either easy prey or thugs themselves.

As an Aide, Emaruil could walk among the humans in the moonlight without fear. The star and skull embroidered on her chest was a shield stronger than steel. Four years ago she had heard of an elven Aide being butchered by a drunken Winters mercenary—the Mortalitasi had his head on a pike within the week. Yet, even armed with this knowledge, she couldn’t quite bite back the anxiety that plagued her footsteps beyond the Alienage.

Emaruil kept her footsteps light and her senses alert as she made for the main road. The Mortalitasi would undoubtedly avenge her death, but that would be of little use to her. Better to hurry. The sooner she was underground, the sooner she could breathe again. Dusky hands adjusted her headscarf, tucking her ears deeper into black silk.

The walk took nearly half an hour. It was blissfully quiet, the road patrolled frequently by a full guard. Emaruil was hardly comforted by the presence of shem in armor. If her robes had not borne the star and skull, the guards would be more a threat than the thugs they were meant to deter. Emaruil kept her head down and her pace quick. Her nerves only eased when she caught sight of the sweeping gates of the Grand Necropolis. As a child, she had found the sight unnerving, a reminder of the other world buried beneath their feet. It had belonged more to the fade than the world of flesh, a story to keep children in line. She had never thought to know its halls. But life had taken a strange turn, and she found herself intimately familiar with the mysteries of the catacombs.

The gates stood open wide, a stream of people passing underneath arches of beautifully posed skeletons. Common laborers departed for the night, covered in dust and weary. Judging by the sheer quantity of workers, Emaruil supposed the latest Pentaghast tomb annex had finally been approved. She raised a hand in greeting to those she recognized, wishing them well. She made for the stairs extending deep into the bowels of the earth. Silver mage fire danced in lanterns along the walls. Emaruil cast a final glance at the surface, the rare dusting of snow and the infinite blackness of the night, and began the long walk into the catacombs.

Tonight they were to begin the mummification of a Senior Enchanter of the Circle. Emaruil had heard of the man’s death earlier in the week—he’d fallen ill earlier in the winter, and never managed to recover. His family had wealth and the clout to preserve his flesh, and had embarked upon negotiations for his entry into the Necropolis. Emaruil prepared for a long night; it was imperative to remove all the organs tonight to properly prepare his body for entombment. She stifled a yawn.

The hallways dwarfed her. Emaruil could never have fathomed the sheer enormity of the tombs before working here. There were whispers that the catacombs had first been carved by enslaved dwarves, but Emaruil was uncertain if there were any truths in the legends. Regardless of who had carved out these tunnels, she could not help but be at peace here. Statues and tapestries and skeletons lined every surface, glittering gold and marble and gems the size of oranges placed into eye sockets. At first, she had thought the pervasive decoration of bones to be strange, but over the years she had grown almost fond of them.

The chamber was still. A large dais awaited the arrival of the body and the Mortalitasi. Emaruil strode towards the marble platform and the several baskets beside it, rolling her grey sleeves. There were only a few hours before the body was brought to clean the chamber, and she was already running late.


Emaruil yn Khartain
22
Aide to the Mortalitasi
Hip bump!


Victoire Weasley
22

Victoire was a remarkably well-behaved child. Her room was always tidy, her grades respectable, and she was always minding her numerous younger siblings and cousins. Agreeable, withdrawn, and never one to make waves, she was often overlooked in the commotion of exploding toilets and fireworks common to the Weasley clan.
After Hogwarts, Victoire accepted a spot in St. Mungo’s training program, at her mother’s behest. Well behaved girls, after all, did not run off to become Curse Breakers. Well behaved girls made for excellent Healers, safe and sound in London. Victoire did well in her studies, recently qualifying as a fully-fledged Healer. On parchment, her life is perfect.
Victoire has embraced the hospital and its demands completely, taking on extra shifts and losing herself in the rigor of her work. She lives in a flat in the Isle of Dogs with a roommate and their puppy Henry, allowing work to schedule her shifts over holidays and birthdays alike. It’s been nearly two years since she has been home with her family.
In Unintended 12 yrs ago Forum: 1x1 Roleplay
Sounds good to me! Maybe we can start by announcing the lineups for the first matches?
“Why’s it the mums job?” Sadie asked, a little annoyed at the idea. It hardly seemed right to her. She knew several of her friends mum’s stayed at home, but Sadie had never liked the idea. As much as working on the farm didn’t appeal to her, she’d been raised to work hard. She detested the idea of being stuck at home all day. She ‘hmph’ed a little, before moving onwards. It was hardly George’s fault that the wizarding system was so seemingly unfair.

“School is brilliant,” she enthused brightly, folding her legs up onto her seat. “There weren’t a lot of other kids in the village, but I got to make lots of friends in class.”

He looked confused—oh, right, Brennan had mentioned that wizards didn’t really have video games or television. How strange. She lit up, clapping her hands.

“Oh! They’re brilliant! People make stories and you get to play them. Um! I don’t know how else to describe them? I’m bad at this,” she laughed there, scratching her nose. “You get to be someone else and fight bad guys or solve puzzles or save the galaxy. It’s magical!”

He asked about Diagon Alley and Sadie lit up like it was Christmas. She couldn’t help but gush.

“Oh my goodness! The hats! And the owls! And and the broomsticks were great and it’s just, wow. I saw someone transform someone else into a teapot! Then blokes in funny robes came by and dragged them off and wow, it was just crazy! Ollivander’s was brilliant, too. I guess it just, I don’t know, made everything seem real. It’s amazing. I never would have imagined something so wonderful, you know? I’m just Sadie,” she softened there, shrugging her shoulders awkwardly. “One minute I’m gathering chicken eggs and cleaning up after cows, the next I’m buying a wand and going to learn magic. It’s just… I guess I thought it was going to be a joke for a long time, like ‘fooled you, Sadie, we got you good’ but I’m on the train and it’s happening. I keep thinking I’m going to wake up and I'll be back on the farm.”
In Unintended 12 yrs ago Forum: 1x1 Roleplay
Back! I think we should start at least a little bit before the cup-- either way back at the first practice for the English team (say, 6 months in advance?) and have Elsie spend loads of time in Bulgaria or closer to the World Cup itself, maybe the last weekend before Opening Ceremonies. Thoughts?
Bump! Craving a Borderlands 2 roleplay.
BASICALLY I made you wait months for an awful, tiny post, and I'm super sorry. ): I had a few pages, and then I just had to delete it all because it was crap and jkasjbdaskas. I realised I should probably not ramble on for a million years and just let it be short for interactions sake. I will eventually not suck, I swear ;_;
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