Avatar of El Taco Taco
  • Last Seen: 24 days ago
  • Old Guild Username: El Taco Taco
  • Joined: 12 yrs ago
  • Posts: 1221 (0.27 / day)
  • VMs: 2
  • Username history
    1. El Taco Taco 12 yrs ago
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Status

Recent Statuses

8 yrs ago
Current 'I know the Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider can't fly because if it could, it would have a different name entirely. We would call it "sir" because it would be the dominant species on the planet.'
7 likes
8 yrs ago
'There is no word in the English language for the feeling someone gets when they suddenly realize they're standing next to an unholy monster impersonating a human. Monstralization, maybe?'
2 likes
8 yrs ago
'If Zoey Ashe had known she was being stalked by a man who intended to kill her and then slowly eat her bones, she would've worried more about that and less about getting her cat off the roof.'
1 like
9 yrs ago
"And watch out for Molly. See if she does anything unusual. There’s something I don’t trust about the way she exploded and then came back from the dead like that."
7 likes
9 yrs ago
"We're talking about a tentacled flying lamp fucker, Dave. What are you prepared to call unlikely?"
2 likes

Bio


"OK, I've just about had my FILL of riddle-asking, quest-assigning, insult-throwing, pun-hurling, hostage-taking, iron-mongering, smart-arsed fools, freaks, and felons that continually test my will, mettle, strength, intelligence, and most of all, patience! If you've got a straight answer ANYWHERE in that bent little head of yours, I want to hear it pretty damn quick or I'm going to take a large blunt object roughly the size of Elminster AND his hat, and stuff it lengthwise into a crevice of your being so seldom seen that even the denizens of the nine hells themselves wouldn't touch it with a twenty-foot rusty halberd! Have I MADE myself perfectly CLEAR?!" - CHARNAME, Baldur's Gate


Most Recent Posts

Sadie was blown away by the intensity of the cheers. Brennan looked both frustrated and pleased; bolstered by the joy of their housemates, but determined, as if he wanted another go around the castle. She knew that look—Brennan had always been hyper-competitive, and it had gotten him into trouble hundreds of times over the year. But the blonde had slung her arm around his shoulder and for a moment, Sadie thought everything might be okay.

The peace didn’t last but thirty seconds. A vulgar protest shot through the crowd, quieting the raucous laughter. Everyone knows Ethans can’t fly.

Sadie felt her stomach twist, one parts surprise to two parts indignation. What did that mean? He had just tied, hadn’t he? She looked between Seine and George, confusion written on her face. Seine shrugged, but George was urging them to go. Sadie rose to her feet, but couldn’t quite tear her eyes away from the spectacle.

She’d never seen Brennan look so hateful, not even when she’d accidentally set his jumper on fire last summer. He looked at Theo like he wanted to rip his throat out, fists clenched. Sadie realised suddenly that the blonde, Pepper, had a hand on his shoulder, holding him back.

“You know, for two thousand galleons, I would have thought your broom should do the flying for you, seeing as how you can barely put the bird through her paces,” Brennan’s voice was strangled by frustration, and Sadie couldn’t look away. It was a train wreck in slow motion, and everyone surrounding the two boys seemed to recognize it.

“Come on, Brennan, let’s just go,” One of the crimson clad boys muttered. Brennan seemed to try and compose himself, and Sadie though that he’d managed the impossible and controlled his temper.

A half-pint moron with dirt for blood cut through the air like a knife. A gasp and a chorus of outrage rippled through the crowd—and Brennan had launched himself at Theo. Sadie gaped as her brother grappled the taller boy, raining down blow after blow. People were shouting—several of the students in red were screaming for blood.

“ENOUGH,” boomed throughout the courtyard. Brennan and Theo were ripped apart, and Sadie could see her brother straining against the magic, knuckles bloody, as if all that mattered was the fight. The Headmistress was sweeping across the grounds in a rush of emerald tartan robes, wand aloft. Students cleared a path for her automatically, “Control yourselves, the both of you! Never, in all my years—“

“Professor,” Pepper interrupted. The sharp look Professor McGonagall gave terrified Sadie, and she wasn’t even the one receiving it. Pepper swallowed, but continued, fists clenched. “Brat deserved it, he called Ethans a mudblood—“

“That is enough, Miss Averys. I cannot believe a Head Girl would condone this response—the both of you,” Professor McGonagall directed her wand to the two boys, still suspended and held apart. They were placed on their feet, and Brennan looked as though he might launch himself at Theo once more. Sadie chewed her nails anxiously as Professor McGonagall marched the boys—and a few of the older students with little golden badges—away.

Dirt for blood, he’d said. Sadie watched Theo and Brennan’s backs. That was what Seine and George had meant.
THEO.

THEO YOU TOOL.

OMG HAHHAHAHAHA YESSSSSS
I kind of want to print it out and hang it on my office wall. TEMPTING.
I love building armor! It's easier for me than sewing, that's for sure.
I need to have husbandito send me the photos he took during PAX so I can show you the cosplay I made for my friend! He was an enforcer and he missed the Borderlands photoshoot group, but he was a kickass Mordecai *_* And I want to brag about my armor making skills haha
I feel like the hardest about cosplay is how long everything takes, haha! Oh well. Totes worth!


Me AF
The Ravenclaws were cheering. Sadie blinked when she recognized the boy shrugging off dark robes. She glanced to George, who had turned the colour of a ripe tomato. Seine glanced over, looking puzzled.

“His broom’s different,” She blurted—it was the first observation Sadie could think to make that would distract Seine. It worked. Seine laughed brightly, teeth flashing in a wide grin.

“Yeah. Alright, so that’s the newest Kovalski broom—“

Sadie listened intently as Seine began to expound about differing broom companies, although it sounded mostly like waffle. Seine was interrupted by a shrill whistle, and the topic was dropped.

It was almost dizzying to watch. The magical cameras did not seem to operate by the normal laws of physics, spiraling and rushing to capture every angle of the race. The race itself was insane—they were flying between pillars and over and under bridges and whipping around towers, climbing and plummeting on a dime. How many G-forces were they subjecting themselves to? Had anyone ever managed to kill themselves flying like this?

The elder Nott was beyond fast. He was back in a flash, looking windswept but not winded. He seemed to be smirking at—oh. Brennan. Judging by the cheering, the Ravenclaw had done exceptionally well, and Sadie didn’t think she’d ever seen her brother look so determined. The blonde girl, Pepper, was clapping him on the shoulder, and several of their housemates were cheering.

”AND HE’S OFF!” The amplified voice shouted. Brennan shot forth like a cannon-ball—it was evident that where Theo had been graceful, the elder Ethans favored raw power. His turns weren’t quite so tight, and his broom wasn’t so exotic, but he seemed to explode through the straight aways. Sadie bit her nails, unsure if she was hoping for her brother to win or not, he was so close, he’d be insufferable either way—

”AND IT’S A TIE BETWEEN NOTT AND ETHANS!”

…and that was, somehow, the worst possible outcome.
To say that the atmosphere was uncomfortable was putting it lightly. Not for the first time, Petra wondered what she had done to offend the Divine so. They certainly hadn’t been friends—sentiment was weakness in The Game—but they had never quarreled, and Petra had followed the once First Enchanter’s orders throughout and beyond the nightmare that had been Andoral’s Reach. Try as she might, Petra could not see what misstep had led her to this antechamber, to this awful moment. Maker, they asked too much of her.

The Viscount broke the uneasy silence without any pretense of grace. Petra looked up from the writings on the table, studying the man who would be her lord. His golden mask seemed out of place, but he seemed at ease in his fineries. Sensible, classic, but hardly keeping to the shifting whims of fashion in court—and the accent was unmistakably Marcher. And like those Marches, he spoke plainly; Kirkwall would not welcome them, and their one true connection to the city state was a fraying thread.

The Knight Commander spoke, and Petra’s first instinct was to gather her magic. The fingers tracing parchment tightened, knuckles flashing white, and she feared she might burn the report. Never had Petra been so grateful for the mask, guising the tension in her features. After a moment, her fingers loosened, and she released the breath she hadn’t known she’d been holding. The familiar burn of shame surged through her veins—it had been nearly a year since the war had ended, since the Templars were leashed and the world stopped burning, and they still put her on edge. The Divine had crushed rebellion among mages, but she had purged the Templars just as viciously. Still—Petra wasn’t sure she’d ever stop dreaming of armor with burning swords and the emptiness swirling where her magic once sparked.

“I have never had cause to visit your Marches,” Petra’s lilting voice was half delicate diplomacy, half dry amusement. As if she had ever had the freedom to travel beyond the confines of the Circle. Cumberland had once felt like an exotic journey, a fascinating new world, her first taste of Thedas beyond Orlais. She had loved those days, exulting to be surrounded by so many fresh faces. She had learned so much in that fortnight, discussing arcana and politics with the finest minds in the Circle. She had never felt so heartbroken as when she had returned to Montsimmard, knowing that there so many other wonderful minds so many hundreds of miles away from her. Those memories felt as though they belonged to someone else.

“I have no illusions that my presence complicates matters, your lordship,” Petra said after a moment’s consideration, looking from the Viscount to the Templar. An Orlesian, elven mage—it went without saying that she would draw considerable ire the moment they entered Kirkwall. She was not, she mused, the most diplomatic choice. Maker, her presence might doom this venture before it could even truly begin.

The Knight Commander sounded rather hopeful, as if he truly thought that reason might win the day. Petra studied him and his finery, his several seasons out of vogue mask, the lines of discomfort in his build. Hasmal, she wondered, making a mental note to send a raven to her contacts.

“Your optimism does you credit, Knight Commander,” Petra remarked evenly. It was a strange thing, hope, and she wasn’t sure she quite trusted the concept. “I will do what I can to compensate for these difficulties.”

How exactly she could make up for the nature of her being, Petra was not sure, but she had little time to dwell. The door opened and a thin, elderly man in an exquisitely tailored Chantry robe hobbled in, accompanied by the same Chantry mother. He peered blearily around the room, one of his eyes deeply clouded. The Chantry brother seemed amused as he took in the sight of them.

“Well,” he chuckled, his voice like dust. Fereldan, Petra decided. She stepped aside as he and the Chantry mother approached the table. His wrinkled hands withdrew a quill and ink from his heavy robes, which his trembling fingers placed gingerly on the oak. “Aren’t you three a sorry sight to see? Kirkwall! Mother Genevieve, some chairs if you please. This will take some time. Titles and Divine right are messy business, I’m afraid.”

Paperwork, Petra marveled, both horrified and deeply amused, The misfortune never ends.
Petra de Sauveterre
First Enchanter of the Kirkwall Circle
“A mage is a fire made flesh and a demon asleep.”

Race: Elf
Gender: Female
Age: Thirty-Six
Birthdate: 14th Kingsway, 9:07 Dragon
Birthplace: Alienage of Montsimmard, Orlais

Petra remembered little of life before the Circle. The Templars came for her when she was only six, lightning sparking from her fingertips and dreams twisting ever darker. As a child, the Templars seemed like shining knights, whisking her away from squalor into a magnificent castle. Everything in the Circle glittered, and Petra had thought her life a wonder. And for many years, she had no reason to think otherwise.

Her Harrowing was relatively smooth, and Petra settled comfortably into a life of study. She was given her first apprentice as the blight erupted and ended in Ferelden, more story than reality in the glittering walls of Montsimmard. Instead, Petra focused on her student and her own gentle manipulations of The Game. Petra never rose to great heights in court, but neither was she vilified—a rather remarkable achievement for an elven mage. She purchased a small villa and made herself useful to more powerful players. Life was comfortable.

In 9:33 Dragon, Petra was brought before Divine Beatrix III and named a Senior Enchanter. She found herself among like-minded mages in the Aequitarian fraternity, and Petra found herself politicking more than actually practicing magic as tensions began to rise in the College of Enchanters. In 9:37, Petra was briefly assigned to the University of Orlais as an arcane liaison. Then Kirkwall happened.

The world went mad. Petra found herself at Andoral’s Reach with thousands of her fellow mages, urging for reason. Petra joined the loyalists under First Enchanter Vivienne de Fer. Petra spent much of the conflict finding mage-children throughout Orlais and arranging for their transport and education in safe houses in Val Royeaux and Montsimmard. Then the Breach happened, and things somehow managed to get even worse. Petra was almost impressed.

The conflict was brutal; in the end, Petra wasn’t quite sure how she’d managed to survive it. After nearly four years of battle between Mages and Templars and the empire itself, the Inquisition finally managed to mostly put things back together. The Circle was reforged by Divine Victoria—and after six months of bitter fighting, the rebellions were crushed and reconstruction efforts began in earnest. In early 9:42 Dragon, Petra de Sauveterre was brought before the Divine and named First Enchanter of the Circle of Kirkwall.
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