Era of Dud's Great Tribe Population: 251 in Village, 24 going South, 1 left of Eastern Group
Faw watches the Platta produce strange noises and point to objects. She thinks about what this could mean for a moment before it finally clicks: the creature is teaching her how to speak in their noises! She used the same technique on her youth back home. She slowly repeats the words, even learning that the creatures are called Platta. When it points to her she just stares, startled for a few moments before it dawns on her that the other creature wants to know what her kind is called.
"Snow Brute.", croaks out of her throat. Faw figures that they might want to know why she was in their territory. So, she acts out the big brown creature that chased her, mocking its growling and pointing at the brown dirt. Then she imitates her fall before her stomach growls very loudly. "F-foood" the Brute stammers out in the Platta language. @Aweirdgamer
The Southern group lowers their weapons as the weird creatures do. The group watches as one of them produces several noises out of its mouth. "What in Jek is a 'Cindoerrie'?" Fro asks aloud from behind the Brute wall. "Maybe... It is Cindoerrie", one of the tool makers suggests. After a minute of debate the group agrees that this is probably the case. So when the creature points at them, it is quickly deduced that they want to know what the group was. Hof proudly says, "Snow Brute." @Mihndar
Back at the village a new thing is created. Rog has come up with a new tool and even weapon. A straight, strong stick ending with, instead of a sharp stone like an axe, a rock that had been flattened on both sides. They could come in big or small sizes. They are found useful in creating new huts and in combat. Dud dubs them "hammers"
At the ambush site, one sniper gives a thumbs up to the other and grinned under his mask as cheers ring out from below. Suddenly several explosions pepper the landscape. Most seem to be missing the FBM troops' location but a few managed to hit the opposite building. Quickly, as the building collapses below the other sniper, the marksman slings his rifle around to find the culprit. In the distance he sees a fleeing Harasser, deducing that it's a survivor of the ambush. He decides it's not worth chasing after the vehicle and quickly exits the rooftop and descends the building's stairs and finds himself on the street. He peers across the road to find the opposite building in shambles. The sniper gives a respectful salute to his fallen comrade then goes to assess the damage.
"Casualty report," the marksman bellows to a nearby fighter that was apart of the ground group. "Sir, 2 casualties, not including Clark," the troopers eyes dart to the collapsed building for a moment before continuing, "and a few injuries, but nothing serious, sir." The sniper holds a grim look under his mask, a single hidden tear escaping his war hardened eyes. "Anything interesting in the wreckage soldier?", the sniper says, changing the subject. "In terms of supplies, no sir. However you may want to check out what we found." The fighter leads the other man over to a group of soldiers who are gathered around like they are betting on a dog fight. The sniper pushes his way through the crowd, and in the middle he finds a single TSDC security member, his bloodied gear clearly reads "Chief". He is restrained and unconscious. The sniper allows himself to smile. "Load him up. We need to get the hell out of here before reinforcements come. John is going to be happy with this."
Back at the mountain base, John has returned from his trip to La Parranda. Colt meets him in the planning room, greeting the other man with a toothy smile. "How'd yer little meetin' with El Hombres go?", Colt quizzed. "We got a deal done. Got access to this tunnel network they have and recruiting in La Parranda without any resistance from them, as long as the people agree to join, of course." John answers. Colt's grin grows wider as he says, "Well, hot damn. Some recruiters'll there by morning. Oh n' I got interestin' news n' good news."
"Good news first." Scythe says curiously.
"The convoy is down... N' our boys captured a TSDC hostage." Colt said excitedly.
"Perfect. The interesting news?", the leader questions.
"The TSDC sent outta PSA." Colt answers.
Colt plays the message and John strokes his chin, thinking.
"Well I think we'll send a message right back."
"This following video message was sent into the MAN by an unknown group. Warning: the following video contains gruesome images."
The video opens up to a bloodied, bruised, beaten man tied to a chair. He is blindfolded, gagged and shirtless. There is blood flowing from somewhere above his hair line, one of his eyes is black and swollen shut, and cuts cover his body. The words "Profit Inc" are carved into his bare chest. He is wearing a TSDC hat. A voice booms from somewhere off camera, "Tyranny is a brand. Corporations enslave Mars for nothing but profit. The greedy swine play checkers with the people of Mars. They'd throw away 15 pawns for the "honor" of one king. They'd commit mass murder before they'd risk not turning a profit. The day has come. The pawns rise up against the kings." A clear liquid with a blue tint is poured onto the man in bondage. A match is flicked from off screen onto the man, igniting him in a bright blue flame. Muffled screams try to pry their way out of the man's gagged mouth. His skin crackles and pops, like some sort of sick campfire treat. The camera zooms into the "Profit Inc" located on the man's chest and fades away to the sounds of pure agony.
This was very sloppy. There seems to be no proof reading done at all here. There is no real reason why this is happening and why this is necessary. You give us a very vague answer that doesn't make much sense. The action happens abruptly and it isn't very entertaining. The concept was okay., but the execution needs some work.
So, who exactly is the main character? Is he Static Shock? Because I have no idea what his name even is. Or how exactly he got his powers. Or what in the hell he is talking about with his brother. I feel like you wanted to have some emotion in this but the characters don't make me care about them. There is no background to give them life.
Holy shit. This was pretty awesome. The action was great the emotional hit just right. There's honestly not much I can say about this critically. Maybe tie together the intro and the story a bit more, because the intro doesn't really tie into the story too well. I understand that it's supposed to set the story up, but that could of just as easily been left out and the story would be just as good. This was really good though.
Era of Dud's Great Tribe Population: 251 in Village, 24 going South, 1 left of Eastern Group
Faw awakes to a strange creature peering over her, wearing a white cloth around its neck. Faw doesn't much care, however, because she smells food. The Brute shoots up, attacking the meat laid out sloppily. The meat quickly disappears into her stomach. She eyes the fish, fruit, and veggies and decides that she is weak enough to eat these as well. She carefully places the foreign foods into her mouth and decides that she likes them, scarfing them down too. After she satisfies her hunger she peers up to the surrounding creatures, sizing them up. She immediately realizes that they are no threat to her, so she attempts to communicate...
The Southern group is startled by the odd looking creatures, and their obvious combat formation. Hof orders the group into a combat formation of their own, with all 14 Warriors armed with swords and axes up front forming a wall, with the 8 hunters behind them, ready to heave their Spears over the wall towards the creatures, and the 2 tool makers bringing up the rear. Hof thought for a second that maybe the odd creatures could be somewhat reasoned with, like Dud had done with all the tribes. Maybe this group was just another tribe. "We not want to hurt." awkwardly rumbles out of the Leader's throat. He definitely wasn't as talented as Dud at this. @Mihndar