Ellri

ANNOUNCEMENT: New Staff and Discord changes

We feel this is just... appropriate. In some manner.

You'll probably do a decent job.

[Approved] Jedi Knight Airus Vel Aath

Problems the grammar in appearance section has.

First sentence in the second paragraph of Master Voryla Sisk’s report on Force abilities doesn’t quite make sense. Possibly a misplaced comma?

In my recent mission on Coruscant searching the lower districts for information, we could recover Airus displayed several skills that impressed me, first as a Miraluka and no doubt thanks to the tutelage of his fellow Consulars he displayed much better control of his force sight allowing us to avoid danger on our way to the lower levels.

Concerning Master Turus’ report on changes after his promotion and the sacking of Coruscant:
In this era, as a time of war, all Jedi are trained in some level of combat, though some of course train more or less than others. The way that is phrased seems like you mean virtually no consular-type Jedi focus on lightsaber use. Might be better to instead have it as his degree of saber-combat focus is unusual for those training to become lorekeepers.

In Master Turus’ report on field performance:
Jarkai ⇒ Jar’Kai

For the sith who slew his master, we can offer up Darth Theya as a candidate, though it probably should remain unknown for now. Just a thought.

We do note one tendency in the reports… you’ve got quite a lot of Jedi Masters there, yet no Jedi Knights. It is a bit unusual for a single Jedi to be primarily trained by numerous different Jedi Masters over extended periods of time. We’d recommend spicing it up with some Knights (possibly with specializations).

The reports also tend to only praise him highly. None seem to point out failures (even ones that are overcome)

The biggest issue we have is simple: If he was on Coruscant during the Sacking, he’d either be dead, captured by the Sith and turned/killed. They pretty much scoured the place during the sacking. Since he obviously hasn’t been a captive, that would generally mean he wasn’t on Coruscant during the Sacking.

Unless by abandoned you mean ran right at the start of the attack before anyone knew the scale of it, found a way out through the bowels of the temple ziggurat and hid in the deeper levels of Coruscant during the occupation? That level of cowardice would generally fall in under being a pretty major flaw.

Even if a Council doesn’t feel he is ready for taking on a padawan, he might be used to assist in training on the side, especially with skills he is talented at.

Question:
You’ve specified that he entered the order in around infancy. What age do you imagine him having been knighted?
A typical padawan training period is 6-10 years, and most are initiates until they’re 12-14 years old.

Fix up the above stuff (and perhaps look at searching for other minor grammar flaws if you so desire) and we can look at the sheet again. We see great potential in this sheet. The numerous reports from different Jedi does give it a fairly unique flavor, which is a definite bonus.

[Abandoned] Snow - Engineer Drifter

the templates are somewhat guidelines. if there are sections you feel are "missing" then you can add those.@TrapsCanRP

Coruscant

Nimm Deenia - not near the senate dome.

17:43 Taungsday, 5th week of the third month, 6 ATC

---

Coruscant. A disgusting place with far too many people. Even worse, the capital of the Galactic Republic and protectors of the Jedi Order. Without that institution, the Jedi would have been wiped out long ago, as they should have been. But they were misguided, misled. It was not something she could do anything about at this time.

She had come here covertly earlier that morning, using a second-hand Mon Calamari shuttle, bought in a pure cash dealt over in the Daalang system from a close-mouthed merchant known for not keeping any sort of records. In spite of its strange design compared to the ships she normally used, the shuttle had proven fairly reliable.

Now the shuttle was parked far away and she had put on a suit of rather uncomfortable armor bought from a different merchant of the sort that forgot about customers the minute the goods and payment had been exchanged. The armor had—obviously—not been designed for her and chafed in a few places, but it would serve its intended purpose. After all, it would not do for anyone to know she had returned here after six years. Her last visit had burned itself into the memories of many. It had been somewhat… explosive.

A fine piece of work, really. As it was, she rode a speeder bike towards the previous place she had visited. She had certain information to check up on there. There was plenty of traffic on the world that never slept, but the closer she got to her destination, the thinner the traffic was. Not like it had been before her last visit.

No, prior to her last visit, this place had been thronged with life, but now most people avoided it. She however, did not. The mountainous structure, built around and atop one of this ecumenopolises actual mountains began to rise up before her. However satisfying it would have been to look closely at the ruins atop the ziggurat her destination lay deeper down, down one of the largely unguarded accessways. Deep inside the bowels of the structure.

She parked the speeder when it would no longer be of any use, moving in deeper on foot. It didn’t take long to get to the first checkpoint, but the trooper stationed there wasn’t the most alert, easily distracted with but a small trick of the mind. While he investigated a blind path she knew led to a collapsed corridor, she silently slipped behind his back.

The process was repeated twice more before she reached her target: one of the only remaining backup mainframes, containing a wealth of knowledge there had been no time to extract during the last visit. Malgus had been far too eager in his desire to destroy the temple to allow for such an operation.

With but a gesture, the defunct power cable snapped out of its socket and she hooked up a portable power core in its place. From a toolbelt she pulled out several gadgets that were probably highly illegal to own, let alone use, plugging them into a few of the data ports. Only then did she hit the buttons to turn the system on. Her devices started their work, automatically slicing into the system, bypassing security barriers and searching for the information she desired. Now all she had to do was wait. Hopefully none were the wiser about her presence.

[Abandoned] Snow - Engineer Drifter

the initial impression of this character is that he doesn't feel like a trandoshan. He feels like he is written as if he is a human. We recommend reading a bit on trandoshans and working to incorporate a few elements more typical to them into his personality and mannerisms.

Think about how a reptile would behave differently from humans. Build on that.

How did he come to be on that planet he was trained on? were there others of his kind around? if not, why not?
If there were others of his kind there, what did they teach him?
It is also a pretty decent classic to build upon the hatred trandoshans have for wookiees.

You haven't really delved much into his actual skills in comparison to those of others. Writing a bit more there will help others relate to Snow.

You've specified that he is short for a trandoshan, yet more muscular, yet he doesn't have all that much mass for his height.

There is one thing that would help people even more with interacting with him. What sort of work does he do? What does he avoid? Are there any people he has worked for before? Any groups he refuses to work for? What does he think about the Republic and the Empire? about the wielders of the Force?

We spotted a few minor grammar errors but your meaning got across, so we won't pick at that. Contents are considerably more important than the flawlessness of the grammatical structure. While we have the points above that we think you should work on, we still think you've got a pretty good start on this sheet, @TrapsCanRP

Join the Persistent Galaxy! (Star Wars)

Ask yourself this:

Have you ever built a lightsaber? Is peace a lie? Are there any emotions? Can your chains be broken, or is there no death?

Join the Persistent Galaxy! (Star Wars)

Search your feelings... You know it to be true. You know you want to join the Persistent Galaxy.

Worried this thing looks dead just because this section is quiet? Check here!

there's room for characters that don't use the Force, both on the Imperial and republic sides, as well as those of more... questionable affiliations.

D&D 5E: Dungeon of the Mad Mage

we've been somewhat busy, and not sure if there's much of anything that requires action at this stage from Lauk. He doesn't have all that much he "needs" to do. we'd rather events move forward than to stagnate in the Yawning Portal.