Firstly, I joined a few weeks ago for a similiar reason but now I'm here again. With a goal, and to put it super lamely that goal is to make friends (plz) and write. (A lot.)
Also, I'm on my phone. It's 2 am and I actually have college in a few hours, so if there's any typos i have a solid excuse prepared.
So hi, I'm a 17 year old girl from England, I used to think I was an introvert but I'm not so sure anymore. I like talking to people, I get really lonely when I can't and it's been a while now and I think I'm starting to get depressed, I really really don't want this anymore.
It's not that I'm a "loner" I have people that care about me, I'm lucky, three super close friends who are taking me somewhere in London on Sunday for a surprise for my 18th (all of this might stem from an existential crisis of turning an adult) and a boyfriend ~it feels SO weird saying that~ who really was my best friend first. I don't ever want to ignore those facts. But we started college recently, I was afraid we'd drift and it's happened oh boy I feel definitely less attached to all of them, kinda like I could drift?. Due to conflicting timetables I went from seeing my friends every day to maybe 2 times a week, I take less subjects so I'm there a lot less. No one can help that and I'm not mad about it, it just kinda sucks because I don't really speak to any of them outside of college either too much anymore, I mean, I can! I do! Just...way less. It hits hard you know? Either its cause they've lost interest/excitement in talking to me or they're busy. Neither of which once again can be helped, so I'm not gonna confront them about it. What can you say? Nothing. I tried for a while to kinda change things, make more effort. To go back to fun conversations and inside jokes and feeling secure with everyone, to get past this hours to reply every time thing going on It's tiring af though damn, gotta give up eventually. (As a note in person they're all fine in person, they are gr8, I just miss that extra thing, its not rly gone im just scared of it decreasing more) ((also I wouldn't go back. They're happy the four of them. They've all made new friends and I mean that honestly that is SO great it really makes me happy, they deserve it)) I've met people too but my classes are way smaller, I like them and the people a lot I just I just take less, also they haven't really branched out??
Okay sorry I will cut to it, I actually love talking!! I love so many things dude like wow I have a lot of interests and if I don't have yours just educate me c:
My family has a history of depression in the female members. I had it before when I was like 12, I got bullied because i was shy and I had nearly white hair(ppl now like it they say it's like mermaid hair, strange 4 me) also cut into a bowl hair cut and a nose my face was still growing into. I left school and was homeschooled for three years, id go months without seeing someone my age but I actually got better and felt less lonely because I joined a writing site like this and made a small group of really cool friends. Writing and reading seriously pulled me out of that state and saved me I owe it eveeeerything.
I'm so sorry for how long this is I just wanna, yeah, let me intentions be known. Pls don't think I'm super weird I'm actually pretty chill, I like new people and I' be okay. I'm kinda just moaning. I finish at around 12:15 and they often finish at 4:15 and get home at 5, they have less time and therefore are busier so it's cool I just gotta get over it it just leaves me with soooo many hours where I'm like a puppy waiting for someone to pay attention to me and maybe I should do something productive!! (I should get a job really.)
None of them know how I've been feeling recently (sad, hopeless and bored) I am p good at opening up but now I talk less to them it feels like going up yo a random person at your school like your new biology partner or something and getting intimate. Also it would just guilt them. That would be pointless.
I know people have a lot worse things going on, and as a sidenote I'm here for anyone if you do feel sucky, I just yeah.. I'm here to write because it's distracting and fills my time where I just feel sorry 4 myself.
Oh and the most important thing: I like the fantasy genre