Member
SnowdropsJAREK WILHELM
"his ego approximates to that of the psychotic in some part or other and to a greater or lesser extent." - sigmund freud
JAREK ANTHONY WILHELM
Nickname: jay, or "wreck" (ha 'cos he ruins everything)
Birth date and age: january 18, sixteen years old
Sexuality: pansexual
In Depth Appearance:
jarek has, quite literally, a baby face. his blue eyes are consistently half-lidded, giving the typical aqua tone an even deeper shade. his nose has very little definition and resembles a cat's, with a small and flat ending and little nostrils and an indistinct bridge. his nose is pierced, and jarek typically wears a ring through it. his cheekbones are high and are the only peak in his features, whereas everywhere else he has no sharp angles or shocking turns. they keep his cheeks hollow in cooperation with a heavy jawline and pixielike, pointed chin. his lips are perhaps the most distinguishing part of his face, in that they resemble a porcelain doll's mouth. his cupid's bow is like the top of a cartoon heart, gentle and curved, and he has somewhat of an overbite. the corners of his mouth are constantly turned up just slightly, like he knows something you don't, which he so lovingly calls his "kitten mouth" for the cheshire cat it is so reminiscent of. a 'marilyn monroe freckle' lies just between his nose and mouth. he has an undercut, and the longest part lies at the front of his head, curling just slightly and shading one eye unless he takes the time to move it out of the way.
standing at about five foot nine, he is not the tallest kid around, but fares well enough. jarek weighs in at an unhealthy 120 pounds. he is far too erratic to stay still and put on the weight he so desperately needs, although he recognises how bad the situation has gotten whenever he stumbles and finds a massive bruise over jutting bones the next day. most of the weight he does carry is muscle - while jarek isn't necessarily strong, he retains some of the bulk middle school athleticism has granted him in his upper arms, calves, and thighs; everywhere else, however, such as his stomach, is glazed over with a thin layer of fat. he probably needs it badly, anyway.
Personality:
• romantic • destructive • manic •
jarek is very difficult to understand while speaking. he takes abrupt stops in the middle of a train of thought and usually has to restart the subject entirely. he answers questions with excessive, unnecessary detail. he often completely derails from the conversation topic, confusing not only the other person but himself as well. he becomes unintelligible because, though his words are real words, the manner in which they are strung together results in incoherent gibberish. he typically has unrelenting, rapid speech without pauses. he is inattentive and hyperactive, constantly behaving disruptively and acting on impulse. he is easily distracted, misses details, forgets things, and frequently switches from one activity to another - anyone who interacts with jarek might become quickly exhausted. he does not seem to listen when spoken to, which makes things all the more difficult. he has difficulty processing verbal and nonverbal language which can turn people away. he also may drift off during conversations, and miss social cues.
he is warmly interested in others. jarek has spectacular sensing and judgment, which he uses to gather specific, detailed information about others, and turn this information into supportive judgments; he is extremely good at reading others, and understanding their point of view... jay often even changes his own manner to be more pleasing to whoever he's with at the moment. he wants to like people, and has a special skill at bringing out the best in others. he has a special gift of invariably making people feel good about themselves. scariest is that jarek has a strong need to be liked, and to be in control.
his romanticized pursuit of life is probably self-destructive, in the end. jarek is completely unable to realize that his dreams are not a reality and so may remain dormant for long periods awaiting these fantasies. he always sees what he is doing as noble, honorable, and purposeful. others, however, can easily perceive the futility of his tasks as he becomes a parody of his former self. jarek is, quite literally, fatally idealistic. he can't wait to distance himself from his past in terms of his family, but yet he lives his life trying to recapture happy moments from childhood.
jarek, by himself and completely unaffected by the presence of others, generally exhibits a very low mood, which pervades all aspects of his life. he has a distinct inability to experience true pleasure, and is usually ruminating over thoughts and feelings of worthlessness, guilt or regret over little things, helplessness, hopelessness, self-hatred... in truth, jarek is a rather unhappy character.
however, around others, jay tends to become overly conscious about them, to the point of delusion. many are very clearly implausible and not understandable to his peers and do not derive from his life experiences. in fact, they simply appear from nowhere. most of his beliefs contain content consistent with either a depressive or manic state, both two of his usual moods. he tends to believe that another person controls his thoughts, feelings, impulses, or behavior; that he has died; that his thoughts have been inserted in his mind by some external force; that others are in love with him; or perhaps even that he has some disease or infestation (jarek is a hypochondriac beyond belief). he could be convinced that he has special powers, talents, or abilities. occasionally he even believes he is famous.
jarek exhibits erratic and impulsive behavior, often making poor decisions due to unrealistic ideas about the future, and sleeps very little. he speaks in a rapid, uninterruptible manner, is easily distracted, has racing thoughts, is constantly agitated... it's all bad to the point where his ability to socialize or work is impaired. he perpetually feels out of control and unstoppable, as if he has been "chosen" and is on a special mission. contradictorily, some times he has persistent feelings of sadness, anxiety, guilt, anger, isolation, and hopelessness; jarek is surprisingly self-loathing, apathetic and indifferent for someone so manic
jarek thinks in extremes, has the occasional emotional outburst, and is generally very self-destructive. he is extremely sensitive to rejection, negative criticism, and is perpetually in fear of possible abandonment. a tenet of his personality made simply to interact with others is the part of him that is exceptionally enthusiastic, idealistic, joyful, and loving. when he cannot put up this front, his negative emotions are exaggerated heavily: he experiences intense grief instead of sadness, shame and humiliation instead of mild embarrassment, rage instead of annoyance, and panic instead of uneasiness.
jarek is very sensitive to the way others treat him, by feeling intense joy and gratitude at perceived expressions of kindness, and intense sadness or anger at perceived criticism or hurtfulness. his feelings about others often shift from admiration or love to anger or dislike after a disappointment, a perceived threat of losing someone, or a perceived loss of esteem in the eyes of someone he values. while he longs for intimacy, jarek tends to have insecure, ambivalent, or fearfully preoccupied attachment patterns in relationships, and often views the world as dangerous and malevolent. he has trouble seeing a clear picture of his identity. he has difficulty knowing what he values, believes, prefers, and enjoys. jarek is entirely unsure about his long-term goals for relationships and his career. that's probably why he spends his time with mostly bad influences.
Likes:
- open fields
- parties
- cold weather
- exploring/adventures
- late night sprees
Dislikes:
- his teeth/smiling
- 'opening up' emotionally
- public speaking
- thinking about/planning the future
- staying in one place
Fears:
- agoraphobia is a fear of experiencing a panic attack in a place or situation from which escape may be difficult or embarrassing or they cannot obtain help. jarek typically fears being alone, being in a large crowd, flying, and being in an elevator.
- enosiophobia is the unnatural fear of criticism; otherwise, fear of having committed the unpardonable sin. this fear is often instilled in children who wish to please parents or loved ones. if they have grown up in a hyper-critical environment, it may lead them to feel as if they can never measure up to the expectations of that loved one and that everything that they do is wrong.
- haphephobia is a rare specific phobia that involves the fear of touching or of being touched. it is an acute exaggeration of the normal tendencies to protect one's personal space, expressed as a fear of contamination or invasion, and extending even to people whom its sufferers know well.
Biography: jarek was born to aileen and isaac wilhelm: a mortician and a personal lawyer, respectively, and distant cousins. aileen worked primarily for the state and various hospital morgues, while isaac worked directly under a new york court of one of the highest legal jurisdictions. their work often kept them from spending proper time around their son, which probably led to jarek's inevitable dependency issues, but that's not to say they were terrible parents. in fact, jarek was left with plenty of material belongings - mostly, a gigantic library in their equally massive mansion.
while his father encouraged him to study law as a child (rightly so, considering his high status as a lawyer), jarek often took to botany on the side - much to the dismay of both of his very serious parents. he adores horticulture, and, fun fact: his house isn't truly a home, just a hoarder mess of needless belongings and plants growing from the sporadically dirt-trodden floors. his youth before now was not only spent spent growing plants in secret, hiding them in jars and in the corners of windowsills and behind cans in cupboards (usually they'd die, of course, or grow to be pale and yellowed); but also learning all he could about law and the entrepreneurial charisma politicians displayed. his childhood was more of a clandestine double life than much else, with a 'fun' side and a 'boring' side very easily distinguishable.
Secret: jarek frequently abuses alcohol and suffers from borderline personality disorder.
Theme Song:
TELESCOPE - cage the elephant
afraid of what the truth might bring
he locks his doors and never leaves
desperately searching for signs
too terrified to find a thing
he battens all the hatches down
and wonders why he hears no sound
frantically searching his dreams
he wonders what it's all about
Other: ayyyyy
