FrozenEcstasy

Genesis Game Chapter One: The Beginning of the End

The screaming of the tires perforated the last few moments Dallas' ears were still active. The wreck was a head-on collision, the other car not paying attention to the traffic lights (and honestly neither was Dallas). Dallas was knocked out on impact, the other driver was killed. Everyone at the scene rushed to the accident, some man ripped Dallas out of his truck before it burst into flames. He was taken to the hospital where his mother rushed to as soon as she heard the news. There he stayed for a month until today.

Today, he dreamed. A few hours were left till the light returned to his eyes and he woke, but right now he dreamed, of light, of a new kind of light. The darkness of the coma was shattered as some unearthly being took the hand of what he assumed was his subconsciousness made visual by his dreaming state. It spoke words into his ears of a beauty he could never quite comprehend. There was a promise of future, yet a warning of death, then it was gone and he was floating in darkness again. "Heaven is waiting, but first you must die..."

You have two posting rotations to get to the hospital room for his glorious awakening! There will be seven chairs lining the walls of a blank room, his mother, a short blonde woman with an appearance to turn heads for her age, sits in once of the chairs. On the TV plays a music station with heavy music playing on low volume. Have fun and prepare to die! *ahem* Have fun I mean.

Genesis Game Chapter One: The Beginning of the End

Kiddo said
Ediit: not secure in his sexuality ^

F-fuck you QQ

Genesis Game Chapter One: The Beginning of the End

MysT3CH said
Indeed you are. *gives you a great big hug*

*cant deal with brolove*

Genesis Game Chapter One: The Beginning of the End

MysT3CH said
This lol :$

I'm empathetic <_>

Genesis Game Chapter One: The Beginning of the End

Kiddo said
Hmm, let me see if I can describe this to you in the way that Chubster failed to do so:I think that what he means by your character “needs to feel a bit more like a person” is that you need a hook, or a, as I like to call them, fantasy that the character fulfils.Think of your character like a song. Right now the song that you’ve created is okay: there’s nothing technically wrong with it, it just doesn’t make people want to dance. It needs that extra synth line to really put it up there where people care about it.Or maybe it’s a recipe that needs more ginger. Or a book that needs a twist. Or a movie about two lovebirds which is just like all the other movies, and really could use a gimmick.We want to have characters who aren’t super-abnormal, but we also want them to be unique. We want to be able to look at them and quickly distill them into their unique parts, what I call fantasies.Right now your character is a little too average, it’s hard to pick out a fantasy.For instance, if we look at Theo, his fantasy seems to be “war-torn lady boy.” Or possibly “lady boy with gasmask.” The fantasy for Dallas is “brooding-looking prick with a heart of gold.” They just have these things that make them into a “real” person instead of just a generic person.Now, a fantasy doesn’t mean that a character is necessarily good. For instance, I’ve run into characters whose fantasy was “dude/tte who blows up everything.” I’m sure you can see the intrinsic balancing issues in a character like that.Once you’ve found a fantasy, it’s then time to shrink your character down so that the fantasy is apparent. Theo, for instance, is a bad example of this: he has extraneous stuff that takes away from the main story that his character should tell. (I am assuming that Theo’s fantasy is “war-torn lady boy”, since “lady boy with gasmask” is problematic for reasons that I’ll explain to Mono if that is, in fact, what we’re looking at.) What you want to create is a consistent character where, no matter where you look, you see the fantasy.As an exercise, let’s figure out the fantasy for Avis (since I haven’t looked at that CS in a while and already have some pre-conceived ideas of what the fantasy is from when I first read it).Hmmm, so, looking at Avis, I’m actually having a hard time, which throws some red flags for me. The feeling I walked away with last time was “Hulk SMASH”, because I saw ways that that can be abused by the GM to create some interesting interaction, but I don’t get the feeling that Mysty was going for that as the primary fantasy. But then, I have a hard time picking out the fantasy because there’s so much in there. This is probably a better case of extraneous stuff than Theo is, so you can see that we don’t require a well-defined fantasy to accept a character (Theo has other problems). What I see here is that Avis is:1) HULK SMASH2) Kid who picks himself up by his shoelaces3) Grumpy-till-you-know-him4) An atheist who blames the God that he doesn’t believe in for bad things? (not sure how that works)If Avis were my character, I would prune some of that off until there was a solid single fantasy (probably Guy-who-is-super-loyal-and-if-you-mess-with-his-friends-look-out).But even with 4 disconnected fantasies, you see how that’s a character that is easier to remember than yours?Your character does have the inkling of a fantasy in his biography: his relationship with his father and the past related to that is an interesting point. You just need to find some way to spread that out and better-define it, and I think your character would have that thing that it presently lacks.(Disclaimer: this is in no way meant to bash anyone’s characters, I’m trying to be helpful TT^TT)

You. Write a generic form of this so I can link to it in all my RPs. XD

But yes, this is almost straight from the roleplay bible (if there was such a thing), I agree with almost everything in it.

In concerns of Avis, I can see Mysty has trouble conveying what he is thinking in a character sheet, something I have a ton of problems with myself, but I can also tell he has a concrete idea of who Avis is going to be, and dare say, so do I. Thus he is accepted xD

The problem with both MadAss's character and Theo is I don't get anything quite concrete in my mind, they're both ALMOST THERE, but they need work.

The Spirits Within

Interested

Genesis Game Chapter One: The Beginning of the End

I'd like to see a bit more of Geoff's appearance and personality fleshed out, like his general style and some strange quirks or what not. I like his background but he needs to feel a bit more like a person if ya wanna snag that spot. Otherwise I like him. If Theo's rework meets ideals I'll give it to him because he was here first, but if not I'll give it to you provided you flesh him out a bit.

Decisions decisions <_> In the case you both need a little more work by tomorrow night I'll give the spot to whoever gives an acceptable persona first.

Genesis Game Chapter One: The Beginning of the End

Now draw Dallas

Genesis Game Chapter One: The Beginning of the End

MonoSpectator said
Ok, it's finished. Sorry for taking so long. XP

I love you bro, but your character doesn't seem to fit the idea of this roleplay. The entire point is the characters are supposed to be exceedingly AVERAGE and NOT-THAT-SPECIAL. I mean there is a difference between being abnormal and being out-of-place. Theo seems like he belongs in a futuristic war roleplay... which just isn't Genesis. I enjoy your character's backstory and you write very well, but I just can't see that backstory fitting in with Genesis. I'll give you a chance to redo him to keep the same character with a different background. Also, I don't see how you've worked Charity into your character... in fact he seems opposite of what a charitable person would be.

In the meantime, I'm going to allow TheMadAssHatter to make a character. I don't like making the last spot a competition, but I want the person who fits this idea the best.

Genesis Game Chapter One: The Beginning of the End

TheMadAsshatter said
Is it too late to join up? If not, I'll try to fish out a character.

I'm sorry, we're full at the moment. I'll contact you when there's an opening.