Finished The Witcher 3 after having beaten The Witcher 2 several months ago. AHHHHHHH SO GOOD. Especially having read three of the books so far, I feel like it made the game even more rewarding. Ah, what a series, what a world, what awesome characters. Favorite ever? It might just damn well be. Doing my next play through slowly, even slower than the last one. I will milk every drop of enjoyment out of this game and savor it til' Cyberpunk 2077 arrives (man I hope that game is amazing).
Also beat The Last of Us: Remastered (dope!) and Uncharted 4 (dope!). Onto Red Dead Redemption for whatever reason I have not beaten despite my enjoyment of playing the game on previous attempts and my love of the Old West.
Books: 1. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - J.K. Rowling (Sue me, I never actually read the books all the way through until almost now) 2. Gardens of the Moon - Steven Erikson (LOVED IT.) 3. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - J.K. Rowling (finished today 1/24/17 -- strange feeling, but good! Feels like i've at last closed out this part of my childhood. And, time to add some more to this list of to-be-read books before returning to Gardens of the Moon!) 4. The Blade Itself - Joe Abercrombie 5. Mistborn (#1) - Brandon Sanderson (What a damn ride! Sure, the writing is not of a stylistic flow I prefer but I found the characters to be entertaining [Sazed FTW] alongside the well-laid plot. Also, allomancy is pretty dope.) 6. Abaddon's Gate (#3 of Expanse Series) - James S.A. Corey (Gah, wonderful space fiction fun. Not the highest quality of sci-fi/fantasy literature out there in terms of style, but the characters are fun and the action is hot. Favorite of the first trilogy me thinks.) 7. The Crossing - Cormac McCarthy 8. The Storyteller and Other Tales - K.V. Johansen (Eloquently written, a tragically under-read author.) 9. Tinkers - Paul Harding (A long 190 page read pondering the connection of death and grief to the human condition. Could be a bit wordy at times especially at the beginning, but the second half of this Pulitzer winner is worth the read.) 10. The Red (The Red #1) - Linda Nagata (Fun thrilling military sci-fi ride. Felt like a plausible future with touches of our current world. Characters were up and down with me, could never get the greatest of reads on them but I still rooted for them so there was definitely something done correctly on that end. Action was fun, and once you get started you keep on moving.) 11. The Trials (The Red #2) - Linda Nagata (Improved on some character issues I had from before. These aren't your well-developed cast from Game of Thrones or Malazan Book of the Fallen. Everyone outside of the primary protagonists doesn't quite hold up on an emotional investment level. Still, an improvement from the original and fun as fuck. Almost done with the 3rd.) 12. Going Dark (The Red #3) - Linda Nagata (Quality closer to the trilogy. Stakes were high, and the story is semi-tied up. Has me wondering if this will continue as a series or not but I'd be fine if it ends where it ended. A lot of moral questions and concepts of free will when an AI is involved, and I felt these were explored in free new way. Solid trilogy.)
Ahhhh. Guys. I don't know what to choose. I've settled between '34 Seconds' and 'Ashes of Illium'. They're both high quality in two different ways. Lawd Jaysus, the decisions you have to make sometimes.
In the end, while I truly adore the emotional/thematic impact of '34 Seconds' carried in such efficient word use, my @vote goes to 'Ashes of Illium' for a well-thought and satisfying story amongst the ranks of historical fiction. No easy task, but you did it, creating a story that was clean, well-worded, and filled with character and emotion.
Seriously, great work to the two of you, the choice came down basically to a coin toss.
Having Norwegian ancestry, I definitely need to visit Norse mythology more often simply because of the vast richness and somber quality of the content. And, of course, because so many fantasy writers have used it as a basis for inspiration.
On that note, there are things I got, and things I didn't because of my lack of knowledge on the subject matter. Fenrir and Odin, Thor... admittedly had to look up the World Serpent (forgive me). Definitely going to do much reading after this. Back on topic, I'm assuming this touches upon Ragnarok by title and a few of the words written here. "All but two, then five" -- God, I love that even though whatever the reference is eludes me. A few typos here. "every" I believe should be 'ever' and 'presuers' either 'pressures' or 'pursuers'. Keep these in mind for a short piece, it's easier to edit this than a long story.
I think there is an underlying of immense, deep content here, and this poem has the potential to be a hard hitting short poem that efficiently uses its wording. With this, however, I feel like considering how little a lot of your readers may have you may need to think over the wording so it does not come off as vague. For me, I quite like this, I can hear an old priest speaking the words, ominous and foreboding. A few touch-ups could make this really striking, but as it is, it is still solid, good work. Thanks for the read!
Easy to see where the theme comes into play, a bound man/god resolute in his resolution to shatter the bonds that bind him and end the devastation that others have created in his name when in fact that was not his word at all. There's a mythological feel here...
And that's where I immediately jump to the idea that this is God, tormented where he sits imprisoned and powerless, watching his children spill blood for his sake. Even Jesus could work in this concept as well. I feel that this is an interesting meditation on spiritual constructs.
My single desire was for this to be longer. I could not fully reach out to know our protagonist with a lack of specifics. I did want to know how he ended up there, why, and then how he'd plan to end this madness. Many questions without answers, just a resolution made without an end. Could be a epic story here.
Brevity is the soul of wit as they say. Well done, whomever you are. I've got a deep respect for writers who can efficiently structure short pieces with precise, quality wording that delivers the maximum punch. On top of all that, the title is fitting, and in those seconds you've written an excellent short that has a lot to say in such a short time. Hemingway-esque, one could say in terms of the short, terse writing.
We may not know the names of these characters, but we know they're soldiers. A long, hard war wearing thin on all of them. Yet, they are still people making resolutions on New Year's and the dialogue feels true and relatable. Ah, authentic as well, you can distinguish their voices without even knowing their pasts. Quite a feat. And then, interweaving the inevitable impact of an incoming shell or shells (or perhaps a bomb) with the countdown. Simple, yet effective, extremely effective. The fragility of humanness is all here, and the costs of war shown without the typical cliches.
Might be getting my vote here, this was superb.
Cute. I can't say there's a real sense of conflict here that I typically like seeing in my stories, an arc, perhaps. Not that short stories always need one in the typical sense, 34 Seconds proves that a thematic arc is as engaging as a character arc when done right. Love the specific details like the shirt, that's how you go about describing a characters clothes rather than getting too deep into it which is a mistake many writers make.
Characterization was good, for the most part. The dialogue line about the one guy being 'too serious' may have been a bit too on the nose, but at the same time I feel like that can be a realistic conversation two people may have behind someone else's back. So, consider me torn on that, because we as readers can tell the guy can't take a joke. It's either not a problem or a problem, dependent on the reader. For me, it's both. TAKE THAT AS YOU WILL, lmao.
Oh! It's a good practice to change completely boring and normal conversations. A lot of people are in the habit when they're writing the first time to do the 'good mornings' etc., but the resolution you've built up made a great twist on that whole entry line of a dialogue session. Nice work!
As a story, this was just a little flat in terms of conflict and stakes. They don't even have to be big stakes, and perhaps it's just because the ending is just 'there' rather than feeling like an ending, ya' know? I feel like you're missing out on a cheeky joke or a wink at the reader that would work with the style of this piece. So, verdict: cute, and I enjoyed that, and I had a bit of a laugh which in the end, is not a failure whatsoever. Solid writing, Dragon Girl!
I've read the Aeneid but once. Regardless of the single-read, I enjoyed it more than The Odyssey (when it comes to these classic epics). Really, it's a hell of a story full of life and tragedy, and certainly it lives up to the ideas of an epic. Also, I can definitely use more accurate historical and general historical fiction in my life. Always enjoyable to see how people weave their own stories and tales associated to the content.
You're in the running for my vote, so it goes without saying that I enjoyed the hell out of this. Your descriptive wording was crisp and clear, nothing overly distracting from the scene. So often we get into describing the picture with a conglomeration of parts that ends up confusing the reader rather than immersing them. Easily, you avoided that problem. Seeing Troy fall from the viewpoint of Agenor and having Aeneas sidelined was absolutely an excellent story choice. God, I almost feel as though you could create your own fully-fleshed out story for this. It's condensed, thus I feel we have some trouble getting on with all the characters, however the dialogue did have its strong enough moments where we got the picture of them. And, perhaps, it's true in form really to the tale of Troy in itself. We can only know so much about these grand figures.
Perhaps you didn't want to take too many creative liberties with their characteristics? Regardless, we got the important things like the foreboding of the horse and the concern about it contrasted with those who were too relieved by the idea of victory and peace to properly inspect that horse.
I think my favorite bit is the ending, and that's huge for me. Ending's have a habit of not feeling right often times, but Agenor meeting Pyrrhus sword for sword is simply... poetic, and epic, and resonates so well with the spirit of the whole story. Hmm, coming back to the dialogue, I do enjoy the tender word choice between husband and wife. That felt pretty real to me, and their archaic form of speaking also felt just right. Maybe I'm just greedy and I wanted more, but you probably had the proper balance on this end, or perhaps it's the difficulty of writing historical characters.
Alas, in the end, this was a worthy tribute to the tragedy of Troy. Smooth read, well done, and the call back of the dream towards the ending was nice. THOUGH, also a bit conflicted there, meeting Pyrrhus on the field of battle, or streets in this case, felt like the proper ending against that epilogue of sorts. Both are good endings, either way. Just my preference.
Well done.
I've discussed this personally with you already, so you know how I feel. This is some of the best writing I've seen you display publicly, and from an improvement standpoint you have made great strides forward, truly impressive strides. You've got some serious talent that's dormant and needs continuous nurturing so I'ma nurture it as much as I can. I implore your ass to keep writing, keep working and editing this story. I know it's meant to be a fully fleshed novel, because the world-building implies that there should be a far greater number of pages.
And that is, of course, the serious flaw in the piece. The brevity does not allow it to breathe. I feel like we all could relate to Calantha and her desire to end the war. She's endured considerable loss, and while she can smile and be pleasant company you've written her in a way that the reader understands an aura of loneliness about here, a sense of solemn duty. That's quality writing.
It is definitely a bit expository in certain areas, and perhaps there were moments where the prose became somewhat purple. Not often, I'll add, but I'll point out the beginning pieces. These are things I'm often guilty of and it's difficult learning writer's discipline (mostly you erase these through editing, anyway, so don't overthink as you write a first draft -- ALWAYS GET IT ALL OUT ON THE PAGE so you can see the sculpture inside of your block of ice before you begin cutting the chunks you didn't need). Anyway, the example would be when you said 'it was a beautiful sight'. On the nose, and it's telling rather than showing. Write a gorgeous scenery, and the reader shall know what they're witnessing is beautiful. The look in her eye as sadness -- GUILTY AF over here on my end, but this isn't as serious because well, fantasy novel writing has a different form of style and etiquette than something Cormac McCarthy, William Faulkner, Hemingway, Joyce, etc. would write. Still, I try to find slight ways to show that better, it's a hard task. Mostly, the good thing is, it can be done through dialogue, and you have good dialogue.
In the end, I don't know enough about Calantha other than some personality traits and the loss of her family. You did a good job with the amount you had here, but greater length would establish this world and the sense of adventure and difficulty she must go through before facing off against the false god. LOVE THAT IT'S A SNAKE DRAGON, ah, snake dragons, how I love you so. I'm imaging the moment of the novel where Calantha realizes her life must be cast aside to end this, and she embraces her duty, but we the audience, and her allies (perhaps a lover), do not.
Things to mull over, really. Anyway, because I'm rambling you should know I liked this. Solid job, friend, really solid job.
I hereby second the question brought up by our distinguished reviewer, Silver. How do you pronounce 'Dubhloach'?
Speaking of names, Estella, Gordana, Lartius... I loved them, all unique choices fitting for a fantasy read.
Perhaps this was a little too, melodramatic? Hm, maybe. Sometimes reactions felt a little exaggerated, but at the same time not so much. I love all things Braveheart, Titanic, and Gone With The Wind and melodrama are those films' MIDDLE NAMES. So, don't pay too much attention to this as a critique as much is it is an observation wondering how to portray things in a way that connects the readers better so that they're thinking the reactions are more in the line of how people react.
Like, when Gordana gets stabbed. That was brilliant. Everything about that scene felt right and horrifying and confusing and spilled out numerous questions that satisfied me as a reader going forward.
A note on action writing and tone: "The ground itself shook as the heavy boulders planted themselves into the gravel of the plaza."
This is meant to be intense, fast, bam-bam, shaking us as witnesses.
As a potentially better way to write it (I've added brackets for potential additions if you want Estella's first person view incorporated).
"The ground shook [beneath my feet], and heavy boulders smashed into the dirt. Upon impact, the gravel heaved into the air and like a volley of arrows, rained across the plaza."
Anyway, just a suggestion. Onward I go. I would like to know more of the lore surrounding Dubhloach and the nature of these dark powers. As it is, for the short story, you retain the air of mystery and foreboding around them which is an excellent decision. Always keep the reader in the dark and then sprinkle a few answers moving forward, and also add questions. I feel you successfully accomplished that with your ending's revelation.
In the end, I feel this suffers the same problems as 'A Reason To Go On'. Not long enough because there's a lot of tale to tell here. I could never quite become on the side of the protagonist or anyone else because we didn't spend enough time with them or learning their suffering. We are told that Estella suffers after the murder incident, but we never get to see it, and that's a place where more detail should be focused upon so we can sympathize with her. She's a simple server, not the highest person in the social order, so it must be even worse considering her upbringing that people treat her poorly.
But you've got my interest, and your writing always improves. There's a fascinating tale here about a girl who suddenly receives dark powers, and I wonder what she will do or not do with them, or even if she will be able to truly be incapable of using them.
So many questions have arisen! Good work, Platinum, I had fun with this.
I was well aware that the Game of Thrones connection was going to be made. I decided it was unavoidable so I simply owned it. I'm just rather fond of all things snow and wolves! Lol.
And, wow, thank you for the high praise. That's a real great way to start my evening!
