The Wind That Is Dark And Carries With It Some Reviews And A Title That Is Needlessly Poetic In Essence. Seriously Who Does This Guy Think He Is?
I think the single word sentence structure is overdone to an extent. That's not your fault, that's the fault of Young Adult novels for constantly doing this in a pseudo-dramatic attempt to heighten our senses of the dramatic. Unfairly to you, I've grown to hate this. For now, anyway, lol. I've used it in the past.
However, it does actually fit for this. I'm getting the sense that something horrible happened, and then, bam, we're dropped right into the world. In Medias Res is a lovely thing. No build-up, no boring world-revealing through nothing but blocks of exposition. Just, whooossshh and we're transported into this environment where all we have is questions.
Definitely got this limbo-vibe. Theo is stuck in the in-between. The bridge between the worldly and the heavenly. The characters all seemed to speak differently, with different attitudes/emotions. That's a plus. It's hard for writers to differentiate there characters so their conversations are interesting.
I think the singular problem with the story here is, what's Theo's motivation? We know he's lost and wants to find out what the hell is going on. That's cool. Thematically, however, it's difficult to figure out what's important here. He's lost. We're lost. Theo has this philosophical discussion with Jec about seeing it all but that doesn't feel like it pushes the narrative anywhere important, especially when it's close to the end!
I'm assuming the first two people were in a way, perhaps somewhat representational of people he knows outside of this limbo. The last voice hinted that Theo has been in some sort of accident on the outside. Coma, I'm guessing.
I dig the ending. Did he die? Did he not die? Who knows, but we do know this. You hit on the contest topic for sure. I love adventure, and you provided it in spades. This is a story I'd consider voting for because it kept my attention. My big beef is the direction. What did we gain, what did we lose? The stakes of the story didn't feel clearly set, so I found it difficult to find foothold within its arc.
However, it does actually fit for this. I'm getting the sense that something horrible happened, and then, bam, we're dropped right into the world. In Medias Res is a lovely thing. No build-up, no boring world-revealing through nothing but blocks of exposition. Just, whooossshh and we're transported into this environment where all we have is questions.
Definitely got this limbo-vibe. Theo is stuck in the in-between. The bridge between the worldly and the heavenly. The characters all seemed to speak differently, with different attitudes/emotions. That's a plus. It's hard for writers to differentiate there characters so their conversations are interesting.
I think the singular problem with the story here is, what's Theo's motivation? We know he's lost and wants to find out what the hell is going on. That's cool. Thematically, however, it's difficult to figure out what's important here. He's lost. We're lost. Theo has this philosophical discussion with Jec about seeing it all but that doesn't feel like it pushes the narrative anywhere important, especially when it's close to the end!
I'm assuming the first two people were in a way, perhaps somewhat representational of people he knows outside of this limbo. The last voice hinted that Theo has been in some sort of accident on the outside. Coma, I'm guessing.
I dig the ending. Did he die? Did he not die? Who knows, but we do know this. You hit on the contest topic for sure. I love adventure, and you provided it in spades. This is a story I'd consider voting for because it kept my attention. My big beef is the direction. What did we gain, what did we lose? The stakes of the story didn't feel clearly set, so I found it difficult to find foothold within its arc.
Despite there being no rhythm or beat, I love a good story attached to a free verse poem. Did I also say I love the idea of the other side? The demonic, possession, the whispers from the other side. I adored how this started off so subtly and simply. Oh, just some crazy person talking to other things from the mirror. Oh hey, there's 28 of them. There's always this subtle essence of unease within this work and it builds itself up to a crescendo.
I'm not sure if I'd quite call it Lovecraftian, but there's an unseen horror element to it. Also, subtext. Shadows of the mirror. What do we see when we look into it? What do others see? Do we care about what others see, do we care what we see? There's an element of self-destruction and self-mutilation due to the constant seeking of the mirror. That may or may not have been what you intended, but I like to think that you did. Nevertheless, it's there.
Personally I feel there could have been some more imaginative language used. However, I could be wrong with regards to that because the air of simplicity shines so strongly. The terse language of it makes the unease feel even more real. Describing the voices too much may actually hinder our horror experience.
Good, even very good exploration of the dark side of our conscience. Also, I shouldn't say there's no rhythm, there's just enough rhyming notes that it keeps a smooth pace.
I'm not sure if I'd quite call it Lovecraftian, but there's an unseen horror element to it. Also, subtext. Shadows of the mirror. What do we see when we look into it? What do others see? Do we care about what others see, do we care what we see? There's an element of self-destruction and self-mutilation due to the constant seeking of the mirror. That may or may not have been what you intended, but I like to think that you did. Nevertheless, it's there.
Personally I feel there could have been some more imaginative language used. However, I could be wrong with regards to that because the air of simplicity shines so strongly. The terse language of it makes the unease feel even more real. Describing the voices too much may actually hinder our horror experience.
Good, even very good exploration of the dark side of our conscience. Also, I shouldn't say there's no rhythm, there's just enough rhyming notes that it keeps a smooth pace.
I've probably said your stories are cute, frequently. This was goddamned cute.
Seeing as I'm a gigantic fan of fantasy, and having played and read The Witcher: anything bards is extremely fun for me. And, this is no exception. The storyline is intriguing and original. You managed to keep it within the topic theme and maintained the fantasy flair.
So what we have here is a fun story with some excellent details. I like the telling of tales and the interaction of the bard with the listeners. Sometimes the dialogue felt a bit stunted or slanted. I feel, perhaps, the Liador should have been something that they didn't know about, and Mikhal should have described them within his story. The impact would have been stronger felt because as you had it, the description lacked in details, pacing, and the element of fear. Kinda just a quick piece of exposition, you know?
Loved the idea that Mikhal and Trevor share the memories, but no one else does. Hard to be an unsung hero.
The other flaw here is, perhaps the moral of the story. A small price to pay, as Trevor says. I wish we would have been able to explore the moral decision of killing a sorcerer whose heart is not fully corrupt yet, who hasn't committed a crime yet. That's a serious decision we're talking about here. Is one life worth the same as millions? Is there a greater good decision to be made, or can murder truly be justified in that way? I feel like we overly simplified it and moved on.
Alas, a fun tale it was. Good work.
Seeing as I'm a gigantic fan of fantasy, and having played and read The Witcher: anything bards is extremely fun for me. And, this is no exception. The storyline is intriguing and original. You managed to keep it within the topic theme and maintained the fantasy flair.
So what we have here is a fun story with some excellent details. I like the telling of tales and the interaction of the bard with the listeners. Sometimes the dialogue felt a bit stunted or slanted. I feel, perhaps, the Liador should have been something that they didn't know about, and Mikhal should have described them within his story. The impact would have been stronger felt because as you had it, the description lacked in details, pacing, and the element of fear. Kinda just a quick piece of exposition, you know?
Loved the idea that Mikhal and Trevor share the memories, but no one else does. Hard to be an unsung hero.
The other flaw here is, perhaps the moral of the story. A small price to pay, as Trevor says. I wish we would have been able to explore the moral decision of killing a sorcerer whose heart is not fully corrupt yet, who hasn't committed a crime yet. That's a serious decision we're talking about here. Is one life worth the same as millions? Is there a greater good decision to be made, or can murder truly be justified in that way? I feel like we overly simplified it and moved on.
Alas, a fun tale it was. Good work.
Well, shit. That was some gross, disgusting, twisted stuff man. Damn.
First, the slow development from poetry to prose. Deftly handled, that's not easy to do. Two, the interaction between audience and author is intelligently written and a blast to read.
And then, we fall into the Morpheus project. All hell just broke loose. This I can certainly describe as Lovecraftian horror. Poe-like as well. Shattered Realities turns out to be an excellent title because what the hell are we supposed to wonder. Just a man writing a story at his computer? Just a figment of his mind? Is this an insane as hell dude who is still writing his story at his desk, or is he truly dead and chopped up into pieces to be sold off on the black market.
Maddening. Truly maddening. This was an excellent take, sharp and brimming with commentary on narrative and fiction. It's weird to imagine the numerous fantasy worlds, the masters of their worlds with the pen in their hands or the keyboard at their fingertips. Mitchell could just be some dude whose life is controlled by another writer.
You and me, could just be a person on a screen, coded by an Unseen One, ruling our lives.
This is dope. End my commentary.
First, the slow development from poetry to prose. Deftly handled, that's not easy to do. Two, the interaction between audience and author is intelligently written and a blast to read.
And then, we fall into the Morpheus project. All hell just broke loose. This I can certainly describe as Lovecraftian horror. Poe-like as well. Shattered Realities turns out to be an excellent title because what the hell are we supposed to wonder. Just a man writing a story at his computer? Just a figment of his mind? Is this an insane as hell dude who is still writing his story at his desk, or is he truly dead and chopped up into pieces to be sold off on the black market.
Maddening. Truly maddening. This was an excellent take, sharp and brimming with commentary on narrative and fiction. It's weird to imagine the numerous fantasy worlds, the masters of their worlds with the pen in their hands or the keyboard at their fingertips. Mitchell could just be some dude whose life is controlled by another writer.
You and me, could just be a person on a screen, coded by an Unseen One, ruling our lives.
This is dope. End my commentary.
You suck bro. Cool story, bro. Next time don't be a snooze fest and bring some tostitos and salsa to this fiesta. What's with these people shooting each other, man? Not cool, not cool. Peace and love, brother, we don't need any of this violence. Drop down a beat and let's wiggle wiggle wiggle like a twerk-down jiggle. I like turtles.
Okay, so since this is unfinished it's hard to really judge. However, this is the beginning of a really cool adventure story. Turn this into a novel one day and I might be tempted to buy it simply because the concept sounds rather enjoyable. You successfully got me interested to see where Danny goes on his journey to the other side of the in-between-box.
The bridge between scene one and two is handled well. That's what I would like to call everyone's attention to. If you're writin a novel, your goal is to get people to turn the page and turn from one chapter to the next. Chapter one ended with Danny falling into the box. Boom. We want to know more, so we have to check out chapter two. I can't repeat this or hammer this point more often -- that's how it is done.
Hard to get a read on Lachlan as a character. Obviously he's an adventurer, but we've spent a bare amount of time with him so the length is a flaw for the story at its current stage. You are onto something here, however. Continue writing. Even incomplete, I've considered this for a vote.
The bridge between scene one and two is handled well. That's what I would like to call everyone's attention to. If you're writin a novel, your goal is to get people to turn the page and turn from one chapter to the next. Chapter one ended with Danny falling into the box. Boom. We want to know more, so we have to check out chapter two. I can't repeat this or hammer this point more often -- that's how it is done.
Hard to get a read on Lachlan as a character. Obviously he's an adventurer, but we've spent a bare amount of time with him so the length is a flaw for the story at its current stage. You are onto something here, however. Continue writing. Even incomplete, I've considered this for a vote.
In the end, I think I've actually given serious pro's and con's for every one of these. All of you could have received my vote for one reason or another.
But, with the conclusion of these reviews... My @vote goes to Shattered Realities. Complete, well-written, intelligent, successfully horrifying, and a thoroughly entertaining commentary on fiction itself.