Heroic

Myriad Reality

Legend said
Alright.Kelly: *Goes in*

*After I walk down the stairs, I turn to see who followed me, nod, and proceed to walk past the bouncer at another door, who simply nods at me as I walk into the noisy club. and she stares at you until you're through the door as well*

Myriad Reality

Dynamics said
By the way, I'm supposed to go to bed.

Buuuut... You're not. Right? Heh... Right?

Myriad Reality

Dynamics said
Basically a CoD player.

Lawl eoe.

Myriad Reality

Legend said
Kelly: How long do we have to survive?

Preferably well beyond the duration of this mission.
*Stops the bike in front of a night club*
Now excuse me while I call in a favor. You may come in, or you can just wait here.

Myriad Reality

Legend said
Noprobbrah.

Hopefully that at least somewhat explained exactly how skilled Lucas is.

Myriad Reality

Dynamics said
Kelly: *Raises hand*Ooh! Ooh, ooh!

Yes?

Myriad Reality

Legend said
Kelly: Go for it!

Lucas's squad has been taken captive, and since it would take too much time to get a full force together for their own good, we're going into their territory to intercept them before they're too far gone. As far as plans go, there are none. Except to stay alive, of course. Any questions?

Myriad Reality

Legend said
Not bad.

Thnx.

Myriad Reality

whizzball1 said
That was really good for a first time, actually. The dialogue was realistic, which shows that you definitely aren't a naive new writer. The actions are well-described, too. There's one or two sentences that could be improved, for example:"Lucas picked up his blade and walked over to Graveny, and just as he was about to raise the blade and bring it down onto his opponent, a streak of red soared through the air above him, which he saw with his peripheral vision."That last part sounds a bit weird. You could say: "...opponent, a streak of red soared through the air above him through his peripheral vision."

*Relief sets in*
Okay, thnx for the protip man.
Btw that red figure is very, very important in my actual plot.

Myriad Reality

Legend said
*We both sit on the bike as well*

*The moment you two are on, I accelerate and speed into an unconquered district*
I have to make a quick errand real quick. You two want the run-down?