jakob

don’t come bitchin’ to me || b&r

I’m sure you can wait for like, twenty minutes. Frustrated (although he knew full well this was really nothing serious or anything to get worked up about), Ryan wasn't sure who was more stupid, him or Brendon. Him because he actually thought trying to reconcile with Brendon would work or maybe he could get him to forget all about what he'd been upset over; Brendon because he'd even gotten upset, because he was like this. Anyway. Ryan was fairly used to his argumentative behavior and how frustrating he could be in general if he wanted to be. That didn't mean it got any easier to deal with, and Ryan's usually substantial amount of patience was already short. He just started to give in, then, and it looked like Brendon hadn't expected that whatsoever. Decidedly, that approach was the best one to take under these circumstances.

The little smirk on Brendon's face disappeared, and Ryan, who'd entered the conversation confused and cornered, felt a weird sense of triumph. Definitely not appropriate when you had apparently taken your partner's mood down fifty percent, but. They weren't always a totally dynamic couple anyway. After alluding to his escape to Spencer's room - which, by then, was a real consideration in the back of his mind - Ryan turned away to leave and give Brendon his much-desired space, only to be stopped by his hand reaching round to keep the door shut. Ryan analyzed the situation and in a second came to the conclusion that that was totally ineffective in stopping him, but he humoured Brendon anyway, turning slightly so only his profile was visible. Maybe it wasn't too late for Brendon to give up on his whole charade, if it'd ever been a real concern of his that he wasn't being paid enough attention to in the first place; Ryan still wasn't really sure whether Brendon could really get worked up over that. Even if he was, Ryan was enamoured enough to think it was kind of sweet, anyway.

Pretending he didn't, though, was easy, so Ryan put on a show that he'd run out of patience, eyes hooded cynically. I was joking. "Some joke," he murmured, setting his jaw as Brendon moved closer. Distantly he considered how collectively vengeful they were for people so in love, 'cause now all he could think about was how they'd gotten even, and it was maybe a little funny, mostly screwed. Didn't really matter. He'd already decided he was kinda over the initial argument regardless. Stay. Brendon sounded so withholding that Ryan almost felt bad for letting it get this far, turning it around on him just to put them on equal ground. He faced the door again, tilting his head down when he registered the grip Brendon had on his shirt. After a moment they were facing each other, Brendon's back to the door like a human barrier now, and Ryan lifted his head again at the sound of the door's lock clicking into place.

C'mon, I’ll make it worth it. Ryan too obviously suppressed a smile, his gaze flicking briefly over Brendon's parted lips. Of course he was playing his angles again - Ryan always fell for it no matter what. He was totally aware of it, too, just didn't really care; he'd been ready to kiss and make up since, ironically, he'd laughed over Brendon throwing his supposed 'tantrum' over wanting to be kissed. "Oh, really?" he asked nonchalantly, clearly not very present in the conversation anymore while he traced a line along Brendon's bare shoulder. "I'm staying. Obviously. But you should still make it worth it." Ryan pressed a hand lightly against Brendon's chest, almost-barely pinning him to the door he was so assuredly guarding, and dipped his head to kiss him for several beats. In a recuperating breath, he decided he was still feeling rather antagonistic. "You probably know this, babe, but you're so extra."

Ryan was grinning, though, already looping his arms around Brendon and linking his hands at the small of his back, lifting him away from the door and closer to himself. He swayed them a little, studying Brendon for a moment. "Hey. Next time, if I'm stupid enough for there to be a next time, please don't throw yourself off stage. That's the worst. I like you without a TBI."

archetype of television || b&r

As it turns out, things are far more difficult to organise yourself in the music industry. Ryan was once able to do it, considering he'd been the one to put together his own band and publicize all their demos and organize the record deal, but that was years ago and things changed fast. And he'd had a group of people to fall back on then anyway - even if things had gone south, it wasn't like he'd been alone. Maybe in a larger sense he wasn't now, really, but he was the only creative force behind all of his new work, not even Brendon had a hand in any of it besides moral support (or if he heard Ryan practicing through the walls and shouted 'change the key' or 'you're out of tune' or something like that... maybe that did earn him creator's credit after all). Anyway. Ryan's situation was high risk.

So instead of relying on locals or himself, god forbid, Ryan had to travel to find collaborators. Music producers were readily available pretty much anywhere, hell, he could've asked his own husband or closest friends to produce for him given their own success, but he needed unbiased professionalism if he was to really make anything he was proud of. He didn't doubt anyone other than himself, as much as it sounded otherwise. Ryan may be nitpicky as ever but it extended to his own creation, too; he and Brendon had only recently stopped making their music collaboratively and he had been the one to separate from their big name, so of course whatever new thing he made had to be perfect or at least gripping. That said, he eventually bit the bullet, decided it was time to visit NYC to explore the wider range of people to work with.

The hard part of that wasn't what usually turned people away from travel, like the expenses or the consumed time, nothing like that. Ryan was just ridiculously reliant on a close proximity to Brendon pretty much at all times. On the occasion he wasn't playing shows with Brendon and therefore was unlikely to see him even come home at night (or, worse, if Brendon went on tour), it was basically unbearable, they were that co-dependent. Was it unhealthy? Probably. Mostly it didn't pose a problem, though, 'cause at least they weren't the opposite way, unable to stand each other or something. Ryan would blame it on the 'year not to be spoken of' - when they thought they wouldn't see each other again at all - but in truth he'd been opposed to spending time away from Brendon even before that, no matter whether they were romantically involved or not. They just clicked, and it was hard to let people go on that basis whether you were leaving temporarily or not.

Thankfully whenever they did have to go their separate ways, both of them were on the same page of being stupidly clingy. Ryan thought he was the one obsessed normally, when they did see each other daily, but was proven otherwise whenever he took a trip or Brendon did. First it was at the door, where they'd grab each other and hang on as long as they could, and this time Ryan had to explain he was going to miss his flight repeatedly until he actually was cutting the line when Brendon let him go. Then the texts, call me when you're past TSA, call me when you're boarding, call me when you land, and then when he did call it was all 'was your flight okay - how close are you to the hotel - I miss you.' Which Ryan would laugh or sigh at if only he didn't do the exact same thing with Brendon and reciprocate all of it with equal amounts of enthusiasm/lack thereof. He was just glad he hadn't used minutes on his phone since 2010, 'cause if he did, he'd run out on his first day away.

In New York he met up with about ten different producers and didn't like any of them. Eventually he had to settle with the fact that he was indeed blessed with the ability to self-produce, although it was sort of costly and didn't allow for as much outside input, but anyway that was what mixers were for and guest artists could help with. The travelling would've been unnecessary altogether, then, but Ryan didn't want it all to be for naught, so he grabbed a few ugly pieces of NYC merch to hopefully get his husband to cringe at. Three days after arriving he flew out again, sending Brendon update Snaps almost constantly and receiving heavily filtered selfies with widely varying expressions and scenarios in response. Assumedly, Brendon got easily bored in a big empty house.

It would've been nice if he could sneak up on Brendon and surprise him with his arrival, considering he hadn't given him an update since boarding the plane out of NYC, but just as Ryan very quietly opened the door he heard Bogart lose his mind and Dottie, at a less tired pace, amble towards him. Just his luck. Accepting the loss, he silently shut the door and caught Bogart jumping at him, bowing to scratch Dot's head while shushing the former's excited barking. Ryan left his suitcase standing by the doorway and carried Bogart with him while he walked to the living room, Dottie basically circling between his feet like she was trying to trip him. He finally found Brendon on the couch, looking fixated on whatever video game he was playing this time. Apparently Ryan wasn't totally given away, then. Ryan held Bogart closer to him, his head tucked against Ryan's shoulder like he was already preparing to fall asleep and give up on licking Ryan's face constantly, and approached the couch, leaning over the back. "You talk to the TV even when I'm not here? Freak." He squinted at the gameplay, then grinned at Brendon, dropping Bogart delicately in his lap. "Your dog is a mess."

seated and sweating || b&r

Ryan's main issue here was staying more than a couple of inches away from Brendon's skin, always intent on pressing another kiss to whatever skin was available with no consideration for the fact that both of them had to talk eventually. In fact the only thing keeping him from leaving another very obvious lovebite to accompany the last was Brendon reaching up to explore it, and Ryan was left grinning at him somewhat sheepishly. Good thinking. But if you think I’m gonna need any prompting to think about you, you’re very wrong. His guilty smile turned to a fond one, endeared to that sentiment, and it once again felt so strange to be in the middle of a gradually drunker crowd of partygoers when they were talking like this, so vulnerably. And he understood exactly what Brendon meant, 'cause he was pretty much always on Ryan's mind anyway, even if not in the forefront. After this it would definitely be worse, and far more tangible, so basically he was screwed until they got used to each other again. Ryan didn't see that happening any time soon.

Ryan always felt a little cheesy after saying things he intended to be sweet but came out more like a bad rom-com line, but Brendon just validated his words with a good-humoured laugh and a chaste kiss. No space for judgment when they were both kind of useless in these situations anyway. Like what, baby? That was just an invitation for more corny drabble - like when I first saw you again here, or whenever you genuinely smile, or whenever I hear your voice even in recordings, so on - but Ryan managed to keep it in his head until their lips met again to help shut him up. Sure, it wouldn't be a bad thing to get ridiculously over-emotional given their circumstances, but the openness would still be just a little embarrassing. And whenever he shared what exactly Brendon did to make him weak it always came back to haunt him, 'cause then later Brendon knew what exactly to do to make him turn red and stumble over his words. Totally unfair.

Speaking of. Aw, you’re all flushed. Is it hot in here, or is it just me? Ryan rolled his eyes, because he was very correct in his observation and Ryan had absolutely no comeback for it. "Definitely you," he said, and felt even more warmth. Again - embarrassing. He looked away to hide how dumb his smile must look at this point for a moment before turning back, missing the comfort of seeing Brendon again. "It's not fair. You came wearing this. I had no chance." He pinched the lapel of Brendon's jacket, running his fingers down until his hands could once again settle at the small of his back. "Did you plan all of this with Gabe? You very conveniently showed up looking better than anyone else here." Then again, although Ryan's question was in jest, Gabe would not appreciate that kind of opinion, 'cause they were probably going for 'best dressed.' Anyway, Ryan was sort of biased.

Ironically, in response to what could only be described as Brendon's kiss against his pulse, Ryan felt his heart hum harder, so easily influenced by him. You’re definitely alive now. Sound like you’ve sprinted somewhere, though. That my doing? Before Brendon was here, it was probably the fault of such a large amount of people in one space, or his tendency to worry what people thought of him even when it was more likely no one was paying him any attention. Now, though, he was definitely very much affected by not only Brendon's presence and everything he was doing, but also any of the incoherent and overheated thoughts running rampant through his head. 'Disappointed' was an insufficient word to describe how he felt about not being able to go him with Brendon or vice versa. "I'd tell you not to be so cocky, but really..." He laughed sort of helplessly, his breath short.

Ryan's thoughts went back, involuntarily, to minutes ago when he was so uncertain about all of this, apprehensive to accept any of Brendon's tipsy-confident advances. When Brendon so much as touched his suit jacket he'd wanted, partially, to pull his hands away, save himself from potential hurt; when all Brendon had for him was compliments the only responses he could initially conjure were awkward smiles and stunted 'thank you's. Now they were undoubtedly on the same page again, and although obviously his lovestruck heart rate disagreed, Ryan was at ease for the first time in a long time. He'd slowed down, his haste to cover Brendon in kisses and never let him go not dissipated but definitely feeling less life-or-death, and now his reflecting forced him to turn his gaze to the floor, staring at the tile.

"Thank you," he said gently, knowing full well that was the strangest thing to say given their situation, but. It felt necessary. "I thought, maybe... I was afraid you didn't feel the same, after all this time." And he was dumb as hell for it. His original, insecure suspicion that maybe Brendon had approached him out of any place other than an affection that'd lived beyond their breakup was ridiculous; not a totally unfounded fear but still not something that should've weighed on him so heavily, considering Brendon's character. He placed another forbearing hand against the side of Brendon's face, still committing his features to memory as he'd tried moments previous. "Now it's like nothing ever changed." Basically it didn't - they were both still in love, after all.

don’t come bitchin’ to me || b&r

Ryan just barely caught sight of a smile flashing across Brendon's face before he appeared to- what, convince himself he was supposed to be irritated with Ryan again? Funny. They were on the same page, then. For the umpteenth time Ryan mentally shook his head in exasperation at the two of them. Was it healthy or not to be unable to keep up an angry facade at whoever you were with? On one hand their fights never lasted very long, as they either forgot what they were upset about in the first place, or were fed up with not being able to talk to each other and therefore were forced to reconcile. On the other, a lot of things didn't really get solved all the way through or in the most mature manner. Either way they could definitely have much worse problems than this. Yeah, I know. Ryan figured that was the honest response but hadn't expected Brendon to jump to it first and foremost (as opposed to dragging out his indignance as long as he could get away with). Suppose it was his lucky day, then; Brendon being cooperative was a rarity in itself.

Despite the relatively obvious apprehension in Brendon's voice in admitting that, he continued to reassure Ryan. I know you wouldn’t and I know you are. Thank god, but he still didn't seem totally responsive or welcoming to any of Ryan's approaches - not like that was a really strange occurrence, though. Even normally, Ryan was always the most easily charmed (or maybe it was just that Brendon was far more charming, but still); if Brendon so much as looked his way he was usually very quickly trying to decide whether the setting was appropriate to spontaneously kiss him, or something. Brendon, while by no means 'controlled' or anything vaguely related to that word, seemed to follow his own whims rather than being affected by Ryan in the moment. It usually depended on the day, though. Whatever the case, he appreciated the change in pace, smiling in validation at Brendon's answer.

He hadn't fixed the situation, though, because clearly Brendon was still hung up on him being over three yards away all day, so Ryan continued to lay on his own efforts at charm. Not impressive, and it sounded like their version of how he might've sucked up to teachers in school, but apparently it half-worked. He already knew flattery worked fairly well with Brendon anyway, if done semi-believably (and Ryan didn't even half to lie to him, luckily). I’d say stop kissing my ass, but actually, keep talking. He laughed a little, humouring Brendon mostly. "I don't think just speaking my mind counts as kissing your ass, but sure," he mused, lifting one shoulder nonchalantly to qualify his words. It was true. He definitely did prefer 'wasting his time' if it meant he'd see more of Brendon. Besides, his issues with focusing and anxiety was all personal; it was stuff he could deal with outside of touring, outside of actual working hours. He'd tried before - in the early days he took those lessons to make up for being barely out of high school in competition with professional artists, for one thing - he could just do it again if the results would be both him getting more time with his favorite person and Brendon not feeling the same neglect again.

And I’m definitely not getting ignored, but you know what would make me absolutely positive? Ryan didn't really expect much, just maintained his little smirk and half-confident expression as he dipped down to hear Brendon. The more that he heard, though, the less composed he was, his previously comfortable hold on Brendon's waistband turning strained and his expression dropping. So maybe he was sort of caught off guard and Brendon was an evil little shit. In any case, Ryan was now stuck with a variety of images floating through his head and had lost about ten shades of color by the time Brendon pulled away. Ryan dropped his hands and took them back to himself as Brendon moved, the sound of his zipper interrupting the thick quiet - and he was calm as hell. Ryan decided, ultimately, that he was never going to have the upper hand ever in his life. Clearly he'd married someone who was out for blood, didn't care how weak Ryan was.

That would be ideal. But, I feel like I’m still kind of bitter. Ryan blinked, somewhat confused, not quite having registered that. Or maybe he did and it just didn't make any fucking sense. Really, he was the source of all Ryan's sexual frustration ever and now Ryan wondered who the hell raised him, 'cause it certainly wasn't any innocent middle-of-suburbia Mormon family. I’ll talk to you after my shower, Ry. "You're dead to me," he said very seriously, immediately, to Brendon's smug expression, although in the back of his mind he knew he was still sort of bantering behind all of his very real exasperation. Still not moving despite this, Ryan watched him turn and finally rid himself of his jeans to match the loss of his shirt. Well, not really. As soon as it looked like they were coming off Ryan turned his gaze to the ceiling to avoid his inevitable complete loss of character, throwing his arms out at his sides to convey his irritation. Mostly with himself, actually, for being so easily affected.

"All right," he said, truly resignedly, as if he believed Brendon was genuinely pissed at him still. Truthfully he just didn't want to deal anymore, 'cause Brendon was adorably difficult. 'Twas a very unique skill set, to say the least. "What were you saying about 'a new roommate' earlier... I might go see if Spencer's open to me hanging around." Ryan looked like he was acting out a comedy, all faked seriousness in his voice, approaching the door reluctantly while he took strains avoiding looking at Brendon - he'd just start acting lovedumb again, probably.

don’t come bitchin’ to me || b&r

Brendon was an excellent actor, but some of his habits Ryan was far too used to to overlook. For example, the way he acted whenever Ryan had some unexplainably powerful effect over him - he had to look away reluctantly, something in his face that just bordered on non-neutrality when he was trying to hide his fondness. Ryan had no idea where it came from this time, because he really hadn’t done much thus far other than accidentally hurt his feelings right after making him feel neglected all day, but he tilted his head interestedly nonetheless when he detected the most subtle signals from Brendon that something had changed. Maybe they were a little more equal than he thought on how easy they were. Ryan had always assumed he was the only one who tended to be unable to even look at Brendon when he wanted to stay upset with him or level on some serious subject - otherwise he’d veer away from the topic and just start thinking about how he looked, how he moved, how there was totally no point in being angry with someone so objectively perfect... it wasn’t necessarily healthy but he’d been working on the issue, so. In any case his Brendon favoritism, so to speak, had kind of not gone away at all, and he’d already succumbed to it moments ago; now he had to wait for the same to be returned it seemed.

Whatever he could do to emphasize his effect, Ryan would try at. He straightened a little, squared his shoulders, stood at an angle where his hips jutted before the rest of him sharply - all under the guise of him adjusting his stance. There. Maybe a confident countenance had something to do with it. Yeah, uh. Sweating like hell. It’s these damn pants. Ryan looked confused, wondering what exactly the relevance was, there, and then promptly turned to looking stupefied while Brendon began preparing to remove said pants. His pointed glance at the door was kind of funny considering he had no issue undressing fully with no prior warning onstage and now he had to give Ryan a moment’s notice - anyway. Ryan’s mouth was already dry from even the slightest suggestive notion from Brendon, which appeared to be completely unintentional and wasn’t even accompanied by very flattering words. They were probably even, then. Ryan hurried up and tried to secure his place in staying here to join Brendon, otherwise his pissed off mood would just live on a little longer and Ryan would be exponentially less likely to make up for his mistakes. He worried that the more Brendon dwelled on how dumb and often inconsiderate his husband was, he may just change his mind in staying again. And then the bad blood would be there the next morning. Probably dramatic speculation, but, Ryan had plenty reason to be careful.

Ryan quickly made his offer as soon as Brendon’s belt clattered on the floor, hurried to avoid the temptation to drop his gaze and hold it at Brendon’s waist. Brendon appeared a little swayed by the idea, his posture loosening, and Ryan’s expression turned less dumbly lustful to more relieved and hopeful. You sure? He nodded, rushed, and welcomed Brendon moving closer with a gentle hand at his waist. ”I’m sure,” he said seriously, his other hand tentatively curling around Brendon to splay against the small of his back. It was like a goddamn surgical procedure, how careful he was being. We can just wait til after I shower, and- And what? Ryan quickly tried to close the silence, knowing some gear in his head must’ve set in motion. ”No, I’m sure. Just, you believe me, right? I was never being an asshole on purpose. I really am sorry, baby.” Still not sure whether Brendon would, like, duck away to dodge a real kiss or not, Ryan painstakingly placed a kiss on his forehead, apologetic. ”And I think I prefer my days mostly revolving around you like they usually do. Life’s kinda lackluster otherwise.” It was honesty but he wasn’t really sure how vulnerable and corny he wanted to be, so Ryan let laughter touch his voice somewhat, taking the edge off.

His grin lasted a second at most before his eyes dropped to follow Brendon’s hand, landing on his zipper and apparently waiting for something. Ryan sucked in a rough breath, trying not to overreact for once ‘cause they were married for fuck’s sake, anyone else would be unfazed by most anything their partner had to offer at this point. They were both kinda ridiculous that way. Definitely unsure of himself but adamant to hide it, Ryan let the hand at Brendon’s waist drift over, landing instead on top of the hand Brendon held by his zipper as if he was going to help the process along himself. He hooked a finger in Brendon’s waistband, using the vantage point to pull him closer. ”Like I said- I won’t, if you’re mad. Still feel like I’m ignoring you?” He definitely wasn’t laughing anymore, looking dead serious about his inquiry as if it wasn’t relatively easy to guess where they both stood now. Anyway, Ryan tried to never rely on Brendon being predictable.

don’t come bitchin’ to me || b&r

Ryan was apparently able to take Brendon down a notch, as evidenced in the most minor shift in expression, but only for a second before he turned back to vindictiveness. That’s, like, the first time you’ve touched me all day. Ryan pursed his lips and then self-consciously looked at the placement of his hand, not sure whether this was a good or bad observation. He settled on 'neutral' and kept his hand there, 'cause at least this way he'd know in some advance if Brendon was just going to push past him and ignore his efforts. But, in all fairness, Brendon was right. He really hadn't paid him much mind all day except for maybe the morning when they'd woken up by each other - though the routine of a few minutes or more of exchanged greetings and affection, their usual choice of an hour or so wasted laying around in bed lazily kissing or just tangled together otherwise made brief by the time limitation of a tour, was not sufficient for Brendon's needs at all. Hell, it wasn't even enough for Ryan. He was just better at not thinking about it when he was focused on a multitude of other things anyway, which had been the case all day.

I wish I could say the same. Fair, given his last point, and Ryan guiltily followed his gaze downward before he took his hand away, partially scared off by Brendon's glance. Anyway, no matter the situation, Ryan tended to make it very difficult to forgive him after making it very easy to get upset with him. It was uniquely frustrating even for Ryan himself; it definitely didn't feel like he'd done anything wrong until moments ago, and now suddenly he had a lot of mistakes to undo in a very small amount of time unless he was willing to let Brendon walk out. It’s not seems like, Ryan. That part he still disagreed with. Ryan set his jaw, carefully trying to keep from speaking. You were. It was hard to ignore someone when you weren't intentionally doing so or actively thinking about them in the first place, but saying he 'hadn't even thought about Brendon enough to have ignored him' sounded potentially even worse. So Ryan just nodded in complacency, unsure how to meet him in the middle here.

The more his apology went on the less confident he felt about it, like maybe Brendon would just cut him off in the middle. He honestly couldn't read the air for once. When he'd finished, though, Brendon moved a little closer, raising his chin to look at Ryan somewhat defiantly. Are you sure? If I stay, I probably won’t be able to keep my mouth shut long enough to prevent myself from continuing to talk about the grudge I’ll still be holding. Ryan's gaze flickered over him, hesitant, and wondered exactly what he wanted Ryan to even say to that - 'sure, I'll suck it up and listen'? Tell him to just go if he was going to act that way? Ryan wore a hint of apprehension in his expression when he simply nodded again, movements short and stunted with uncertainty. "Very sure. I'll hear you out," he said, one corner of his mouth lifting up not with amusement this time but with reverence.

After a pause, he was slightly more confident in the possibility that Brendon wasn't just going to bolt. Maybe the silence was because he was overstaying his welcome in here - well, he wasn't even welcome in the first place, but he definitely stayed too long after it became apparent that Brendon was both not pleased to see him/not angry enough with him to kick him out altogether. You know, I’ll hold you to that. I’m gonna shower. Ryan stared at him, watching him move back, and it took a second to click in that the look thrown to the door was a direction. Ryan once again lived in his thoughts for a few moments, recalling all the times Brendon had tried to convince him to join him in the shower, and he'd vehemently denied it on the basis of him being entirely too insecure in both his physical person and his ability to stay standing in a tiny slippery room with another person in it. Especially Brendon. It wasn't a very... attractive situation in his eyes, but evidently Brendon thought otherwise.

"Okay," he said suddenly, his voice a little more chipper. "I'll join you, then." Ryan was lucky that he was perpetually wearing three million layers, because he promptly shrugged off the jacket he'd been working on earlier and didn't have to deal with the consequence of being without anything to cover his upper half so soon after. Brendon was really the only one out of the two of them who could work that kind of image. "If that's alright with you, I mean. I won't if you're mad." Ryan set his jacket on the counter to the side but didn't move his hand from atop the fabric, like he was waiting for a rejection before he let it go entirely.

two hearts in one home || r&a

River didn't seem to believe him in claiming that he'd have gone with him easy, and Ari's suspicions that he was ignorant to his own power were confirmed. Should he be outright about it? Maybe that'd give River a big head - or he'd use the knowledge to his own advantage in the future. Ari didn't really care, though, instead thought more about how it might give him a very slight ego boost at least. I doubt it. Ari shook his head, a tiny smirk finding its way to his lips. "No, really," he said, pulling up the shoulder on the arm unoccupied into a shrug. "It's become habit to make your life difficult, but I'm pretty sure I'd say yes to anything you ask me to do at this point." An unnecessary amount of information, but in the back of his mind Ari was maybe somewhat worried that River didn't realize the role he played in his life just because he tended to be so closed off.

He continued his efforts to make up for his cynicism - apparently the sun or the fresh air or some kind of toxic pollen had made its way into his system and temporarily gave him an exaggerated sense of empathy, or something - and kept his hands just a little tangled in River's hair even after he'd combed through it. In something like a response River explored the exposed skin from his shirt riding up on his hips and Ari raised an eyebrow at him as he spoke, curious but not opposed, until he'd finished being half as plaintive as usual. River mirrored his position and urged him closer with a tug on the front of his shirt and Ari went easy, staying at his level best he could. Or we could just stay here. Ari paused, looking like he was really considering it and laying out future plans with this new information, then shrugged amusedly. "Fine by me."

Ari leaned in to quickly kiss River's cheek, as if he really had to sneak around to show him affection, or something, and let his elbow out from under him, effectively switching the positions they'd been in. He wrapped his hands round River's waist, attempting to pull him down with him so they were actually pressed together, evidently trying to get as close as possible even though he didn't really need the extra warmth nor was he exactly starved for intimacy. Just a whim, he supposed. "You mean forever, right? 'Cause we can just live out here and eat dandelions. Might go crazy from talking only to each other, but, y'know, it's whatever." Ari grinned, squinting in the sunlight, and allowed himself to actually entertain the prospect of just him and River alone- officially. Not actually living in a meadow like some kind of fae, of course, but realistically.

It was his own fault summoning the picture to his own brain, but he quickly became likened to just the idea of it. Ari was only a teen and yet let himself fall victim to these kinds of dumb passing fantasies (and not even real typical fantasies, either; what kind of high schooler thought about getting all domestic like that at the most minor provocation), and even to the version of him whose edges were softened by a trip outside with his boyfriend, it was a little embarrassing. He ended up just smiling a little crookedly at River, not bringing it up directly and trying to move on from what appeared to be an actual human emotion other than his usual order of some variation of 'irritated.' "Thank you, by the way," he said, more quietly, holding River's gaze carefully. "For taking me with you. Though I guess you probably didn't have a choice." He smirked again at the idea of River's mom badgering him just before he walked out the door, which had probably been the case to a T. "In case you couldn't tell, I don't go out much."

don’t come bitchin’ to me || b&r

Unsurprisingly, Brendon did not seem at all pleased with the fact that Ryan found all of this more than a little amusing, after his initial disbelief and irritation. He supposed, even if smiling was harmless, that it meant something completely different to Brendon. Brendon, who had taken maybe a handful of hours apart from Ryan to heart, as if he'd been completely deserted on purpose. Of course Brendon would think his amusement was entirely disrespectful laughter at his expense - and it kind of was, technically, but not in a bad way, necessarily. As much as he'd tried to convince himself before not to let the adoring thoughts take over, he naturally thought Brendon's half-assed arguments and weak excuses were so basic that it was almost... he wasn't sure. Cute? Apparently anything Brendon did could be twisted that way. Maybe if Brendon could just read his thoughts, then, he'd never have any worries about a lack of attention.

On any other day, Ryan's ingrained 'control freak' nature and self-righteousness might have taken hold already and he'd have already scared Brendon off; or he'd be in the position he was now, without any of the considerations he only recently began taking in. Like, maybe he should be giving Brendon some leeway, since he couldn't help blowing things out of proportion sometimes. Ryan should understand, considering he did it constantly, just in radically different situations (and perhaps that's why he didn't connect their likeness at first). What was funny to him was easily something that could ruin the entire tour for Brendon. Ryan was no good at apologies, so he may as well stop what was happening in its tracks before it got worse. It was already pretty awful, though, because Brendon was quiet and flat as ever compared to his usual self once Ryan had started cracking up at the situation.

He asked outright - and kind of condescendingly, whoops - what exactly he should do to reverse the circumstances. Brendon didn't take well to that either. I don’t know, fuck off? Ryan's countenace turned slightly exasperated despite his resolve to himself to practice more patience with his characteristically fiery husband. He opened his mouth as if to respond to that, sharply or otherwise, and instead moved on to further questions. A new roommate. He was serious. Ryan followed him closely when he moved away, worry growing on him. He would be glad to let Brendon have some kind of space or another resolve to cool down, but if it could even possibly lead to him permanently leaving until they went to their next show, he'd do whatever he could to stop it. Knowing he'd upset Brendon that much would probably ruin his mood for, like, a week. And rooming up with the others always sucked in comparison - he ended up thinking about who could be in the bed next to him (or stuffed into the twin-sized bed with him) every time without fail. Even so, every time he opened his mouth he made the situation worse, so he clamped it shut, just watching Brendon continue for the time being.

I can tell you think this is funny, and whatever. Maybe I am selfish- childish- arrogant- whatever you think of me. No, it definitely wasn't funny anymore, because the way Brendon sounded literally pained him. Having lost his amused expression a long time ago, Ryan's eyebrows knotted together, genuine concern crossing his face instead. But you hurt my feelings today and you don’t care. So fuck you. "Brendon," he protested quickly, but he was already moving away towards their connected bathroom. Shit. Ryan followed after him again, figuring he'd probably just get pushed away if he tried to grab his arm or something - not that Brendon was really strong enough, but it's not like Ryan was going to physically force him with a vice grip to stay in the room. He was a little ridiculous sometimes but Ryan respected his free will, and right now he had to fix the resolve Brendon had made to just change rooms so that he didn't have to watch helplessly as it happened.

The door closed right in front of his face and Ryan paused, hesitant, before tentatively placing his fingertips on the doorhandle. Talking through the door would just make it easier for Brendon to ignore him, probably. Ryan considered his options for a moment longer before finally stepping through, blinking at the new lighting and facing away from the oversized reflective mirror so it didn't distract his periphery as much. Thank god Brendon didn't lock him out (or just didn't get the chance to). "Brendon, baby, listen," he said more delicately, navigating the suite until he could get in front of Brendon and press a hand to his chest as if to stop him in his tracks. "I'm sorry. You're not selfish, you're not childish, you're not arrogant, none of that. It's mostly funny that... I had to keep convincing myself to stay upset. You're -" 'Cute when you're yelling at me for not kissing you in a timely manner'? That probably wouldn't go over well. "...you're hard to stay mad at, basically."

He took his hand away, curled it back into his own and wrung them together at his waist a little sheepishly. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt your feelings or seem like I was ignoring you, earlier." He wasn't sure that he actually meant to apologise for the apparent attention deprivation that Brendon initially had a grievance about, but what he really did want to apologise for - not acknowledging and taking seriously the fact that Brendon's brain made everything 10x more emotionally jarring - seemed kind of mean to bring up when Brendon hadn't done it first himself. So he let it be. "You're not really getting a new roommate, are you? I thought I might eventually make up for my distractedness today and that'll be hard if you're shacking up with someone else."

don’t come bitchin’ to me || b&r

Ryan thought maybe Brendon would sympathize with his situation if he knew he was just worried, not trying to be a demanding jerk or anything, but it seemed like he didn't really care (most likely 'cause even if Ryan worried about his safety, he never could summon the energy to mind; Ryan knew he wasn't being malicious). The sulking was kind of familiar. He got it when he spent too long in his office, or he'd been out all day for too long without texting him enough, or any scenario where he was naturally busy and otherwise preoccupied. Usually he could laugh it off eventually - at Brendon's expense, which didn't help matters, but at least Ryan lost the tension he felt - but in this case Brendon had put himself in the line of danger seemingly on purpose, and. Still. Poor Dallon. He figured the imposing amount of high notes and vocal acrobatics Brendon was doing in the beginning was to achieve the same thing, Ryan's attention, and when it didn't work he moved onto worse schemes. If only he'd looked up that first time.

It was weird, because Brendon wasn't really hypocritical necessarily - after all, Ryan didn't have the same dissatisfied need for someone to praise him verbally or otherwise, so their situations were worlds apart - but he sometimes did similar things. When Ryan came too close while he wasn't feeling it (probably overheating) and shrugged him off, or when Ryan woke up and realized they'd either separated by a few feet in bed or Brendon had just gone to the couch altogether. That sort of thing Ryan was nearly as dramatic about as Brendon was now, probably, even though he knew there was a fair reason behind it other than 'my husband doesn't want to he near me' or something. But in their case, Ryan had reasons for not following him around like a lovesick puppy all day, too, and Brendon not picking it up was immensely frustrating.

When Ryan voiced his worries, Brendon appeared to brush it off without giving thought to it. Whatever you say. I don’t need you breathing down my neck all the time. Ryan blinked at him, dumbfounded, half because he was offended by how flippant he was being, and half confused because Ryan 'breathing down his neck all the time' should realistically qualify as a sort of attention, no? Evidently Brendon had specific tastes, though. He didn't bother questioning it, just reminded Brendon of who encouraged him to be more attentive to his job. I didn’t think you’d actually do it. He looked a little bit remorseful now, like he hadn't wanted this, and Ryan wondered what he thought would happen. That he'd come to the hotel and Ryan would forget everything in favor of showering him with affection? Surely he didn't intentionally provoke an argument. Considering it looked like he was kind of over his own manufactured disagreement, though, Ryan supposed Brendon was kind of crazy enough to do that.

You can’t act above all that now. You didn’t seem to have a problem with that until- this tour. You’re perfectly capable of playing and- Ryan stared expectantly for a good few seconds until he came to terms with the fact that Brendon had found a fundamental flaw in his own side of the argument. He didn't look smug, or anything; in fact a little more tired, shaking his head somewhat. If Brendon looked sick of all this a few moments ago and was now unable to make excuses for himself, maybe it was time to cut this short; forgive and forget. But that was what he usually did. Ryan wasn't sure that just letting go of it would keep it from happening again, but... that was so much easier than trying to 'fix' Brendon. This was just a quirk that they had to deal with sometimes.

His disbelief about Brendon acting out like this over wanting a kiss (metaphorically standing in for all kinds of affection, of course, but Ryan made it out to be far more unreasonable this way) was kind of funny after a few seconds of initially being mad about it. He tried not to laugh or anything too stupid, though, figuring Brendon would either take it to heart or it'd seem like he wasn't serious about any of this. Why, is that too much to ask? Ryan smiled for a few moments, amused, and then remembered he was supposed to be pissed off. Mostly he was thinking more about how wonderfully weird his husband was, and then Brendon answered. Yeah, pretty much. It’s better than me not caring, Ryan- it’s not like I was asking for the fucking earth. He wasn't sure that it was better, but anyway he was still sort of smirking at the prospect of Brendon's tantrum coming from a provocation like that, so he didn't directly argue. "No, you're right," he said easily, figuring being agreeable even clearly without meaning it would probably throw him off. "This is a reasonable reaction to, uh... me not kissing you, whenever I was supposed to." He shrugged - he actually genuinely had no idea what his cue for that was meant to be, he'd busied himself so much.

However, at Ryan's suggestion he just be virtually entirely subservient to Brendon, he turned more arrogant - Ryan had given him ammunition for it, anyway. Yeah, I mean, you should be flattered. He crossed his arms over his chest to try to distract from the fact that he was still dangerously close to cracking up. He knew Brendon was dead serious, but. It was all so... trivial, it almost sounded like he was joking. It’s not like there’s a shortage of people who would be willing. He couldn't even get offended by that like he usually would. "I'm very flattered," he replied, sarcasm as low as possible in his voice, but even if it was undetectable the constantly suppressed grin on his face probably give him away. His body language was maybe even worse than any response he could give Brendon.

Throwing 'I love you' into the fighting ring while you weren't engaged in very friendly conversation was never a good idea, but it felt like he needed to assure Brendon of it for whatever reason. Yeah, sure you do. Ryan studied him closely for a moment, feeling his chest sink and the side-smile on his face fade minutely. He knew he wasn't serious - nothing he'd said thus far was. It just sucked to hear. "Yeah, I do. And you know it, so don't act like that," he said after the pause, unfolding his arms and regaining his surety. He decided he'd humor Brendon, just 'cause it was all still clearly kind of funny to him. "Okay, so what am I supposed to do now? I'll make up for it, just tell me what you want." Waiting for the punchline, Ryan stepped closer, working the scant centimeters he had over Brendon just so he could bow his head and look at him quizzically. He figured he couldn't lose with this approach - either he'd not come up with anything at all or it'd be something equally as amusing as this entire situation had become.

don’t come bitchin’ to me || b&r

Ryan had been kind of hoping they just wouldn’t talk to each other for a while - then he was less likely to be visibly upset about it all. The annoyance was still fresh, though, and behind it he was somewhat concerned/hurt/withdrawn, all things he was ignoring in favor of looking as irritated as ever. That seemed to communicate a lot more than words. Even so, Brendon was still just as excitable as usual while on the bus, enthusiastic with the others until it seemed like they were a little uncertain how to feel about it all, and even that didn’t kill his mood. A lot of the time, Ryan would be angry with Brendon and then conveniently forget what he was even initially mad about when Brendon did something endearing or was just so much like himself that it charmed Ryan. This didn’t really feel like one of those times, but then it had been Brendon being very self-expressive that set him off originally, so. Maybe he was immune to it for once.

He definitely was, ‘cause Brendon’s reply was behind an easy smile and all it did was frustrate Ryan more. Damn, that isn’t the image we’re going for, babe. He stared at him in disbelief for a second before continuing, voicing genuine concerns that were answered with Brendon rolling his eyes, not even subtly. He was pretty sure Brendon really didn’t mean any of it, and in fact would probably regret it sometime in the near future when he was no longer feeling the need to lash out, but. Ryan couldn’t really muster up any patience to wait it out until he came to reason by his own means. It’s called having a little fun, Ryan, look it up. Ryan watched him move past but didn’t turn around right away, instead scrubbing his hands over his eyes tiredly. For half a second he considered that maybe he was the one taking it all too personally - it happened so often he had to take a step back and question himself - but he pushed it away, deciding this fell under the category of him being charmed by Brendon again.

Ryan turned around after a moment, his vision still spotty from shoving the heel of his palms against his eyes so roughly, but behind it all he saw Brendon losing more layers and tossing them behind him. Ryan kind of considered that part of the charm thing, too, and when Brendon turned again he pursed his lips, losing his will to be truly vindictive anymore. He stayed on course anyway. And I ignored you, because you seem determined to ruin my fun. Anyway, it’s not about what you want- I’m performing for the fans, not for you, not that you’d care much if I was. Ryan was speechless for a second. ”I’m not-“ Wait. Ryan replayed that in his head, heard the subtext behind ‘not that you’d care much if I was’ and realised why Brendon was acting out. His reflex reaction was to get more pissed about it, because Brendon being this childish over not getting enough attention was beyond frustrating, but it was Brendon. If he really felt neglected, he felt it to his core. Just after Ryan cut himself off in the middle of objecting to ‘ruining his fun,’ his expression lost half of its annoyance, his demeanor softening by a fraction. ”No, Brendon,” he said carefully, a little more patient. ”I just don’t want you getting hurt because I care about you.” He sensed a comeback already, ‘well you don’t show it much,’ and, well. What can you do. He figured he could just apologise and get it over with, easily.

But, really, he didn’t want Brendon to think he was in the right for acting like that, and brushing everything off just so they didn’t have to fight wouldn’t fix anything. Clearly his husband was beside himself, and it was hard to reverse that certainty, but Ryan knew he’d just do the same in the future at minor provocations if not. Brendon levelled with him, and he stayed where he was, resisting the urge to step back in counterpoint. Why not? You wouldn’t even look at me the entire show, I had to entertain myself somehow. Brendon, apparently uninterested in the conversation at hand, looked unfocused, his thoughts elsewhere. ”You told me I should focus during the shows. I can’t play and - do whatever you want me to do, I don’t even know. Am I supposed to stare at you the whole time?” Well. It’s not like that wasn’t how things used to be. He knew during all the earlier shows he tended to just look at Brendon half the time rather than the crowd, not so much for comfort as he claimed but ‘cause, y’know. Maybe he’d given Brendon some unrealistic expectations of how well he could play and watch him at the same time.

Nevertheless, after all of this, it still seemed like Brendon was pleased with himself, holding back his amusement probably for the sake of Ryan not jumping him but it really wasn’t helping much. He maintained the tiny amount of patience he’d developed a minute ago, though, trying not to snap at him and rather be firm. Whatever. He was even more into it than I was. That certainly didn’t make matters easier - and he had received a few fearful glances from Dallon that said otherwise, like he was afraid to feel Ryan’s wrath. Which he didn’t even have the energy to summon up, apparently, because he just stared blankly at Brendon, wondering how far he would push it before getting tired. Anyway, someone’s gotta kiss me. You wouldn’t. Ryan sucked in a weighted breath, closing his eyes for a long moment before tilting his head at Brendon. ”You want me to kiss you?” The hint of laughter behind his voice was definitely not from any humor, just genuinely taken aback. ”You threw yourself off a stage, pissed off security, and dragged in an innocent bystander ‘cause you wanted me to kiss you. Is that right?” He backtracked. ”Actually, I forgot - you also expect me to watch you the entire show rather than play my part. I assume I should also stay at your beck and call before the show.”

Ryan backed off, sighing, and gazed at the floor briefly before looking back up at Brendon. ”I love you, but I’m not just here- at your disposal, or whatever.” He supposed he was kind of giving in to Brendon’s apparent desperate need for attention, but maybe he was getting through anyway.