Fixed it
Lord Santa Member
Body of a man, heart of a Chupacabra
STATUS: Opening a jar of honey didn't go so well. Washed most of it off, but my wrists are still sticky for some reason. 11 yrs ago
- Last Seen: 9 yrs ago
- Joined: 12 yrs ago
- Posts: 1336 (0.31 / day)
- VMs: 2
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Username history
- Lord Santa 12 yrs ago
Status
Recent Statuses
11 yrs ago
Current
Opening a jar of honey didn't go so well. Washed most of it off, but my wrists are still sticky for some reason.
11 yrs ago
Summer is sooooo sheeeeeeeeeeeet
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11 yrs ago
Finally have decent internet. Got connected to the National Broadband Network, see. With this speed, I can finally rule the world.
11 yrs ago
You know that rabbit I mentioned? Turns out there's 3 of them.
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11 yrs ago
So, there's this rabbit outside my house, and I'm not sure what to do with it. It sits there sometimes, eating grass and staring into space. It isn't mine, though, so it runs off when we approach.
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Bio
Most Recent Posts
Finished my first post, though I thought I may as well post it again so I did.
"Why do people keep trying to message me? They know I'm busy." Food-kun mumbled.
As usual, he had a slew of messages from other players, most along the lines of challenges and complaints. Food-kun was the legendary master chef, immortal cooking legend. A post envied by pretty much everyone, but no one knew how much grief it brought him.
Fame cost him more than most people knew. Lots of people who knew his name meant lots of people who messaged him every single day.
He began typing out a letter he'd typed out a million times before.
He did this for every message in his inbox. It may have taken longer than people would appreciate, but in the end, he was a teacher. He appreciated some formality and he was very business-like when dealing with people. Even though he had a series of messages from people on his friends list as well, he automatically typed the same message.
“To Datze. Due to my current workload…” Food-kun muttered as he typed out the message.
He sent the reply without any second thoughts. After all of the messages were gone from the inbox, he stretched. It was time for him to work.
“Hmm…” Food-kun said, checking his inventory. “My shipments are missing.”
He then recalled a message he’d replied to earlier, about how his shipment got stolen by some guild looking for him. The message was from the guild itself, commanding that he join their guild and cook for them in order for his shipments to be returned. It happened quite often, really. His cooking gave incredible stat bonuses, and everyone wanted his meals.
Some would say that it was a waste of his cooking skills to not share it, but he didn’t care. He didn’t want to be the best chef in the world, he just wanted to eat tasty food.
“Looks like it’s time to collect.” Food-kun said, getting up.
-------------------------------------------------
“Where is that bastard…” The guild leader said.
His guild was the black wolves, one of the strongest guilds in the game. A proud and ruthless bunch, they were based in a massive stone fortress, cultivated by the hard work of the guild members. But they always wanted to be stronger, and they happened on a shipment of spices headed over to the legendary chef.
“He’ll have no choice but to join us now…” Guild leader said.
Suddenly, massive explosion was heard outside. The guild leader rushed out onto the terrace and saw smoke coming out of the fortress’s front gate. Made of cast iron, none of the guild could imagine it being destroyed, but there was a massive hole in the gate.
“Hello, all.” Food-kun said, emerging from the dust. “I’m here to collect my spices.”
“He’s here! Kill him! Kill him!” The guild members said, panicking.
The archers shot their arrows and the mages shot their spells, kicking up a dust cloud.
“Stop, stop, stop!” The guild leader called down.
He didn’t want to kill him; he just wanted him to join their guild. The guild members waited anxiously for the dust to settle, to see the result of their work. Suddenly, a cleaver came out of nowhere, smashing into the guild leader’s face, instantly killing the high-level tank.
“It’s you, isn’t it? Hurry up and gimme my spices.” Food-kun said calmly, walking out of the dust.
“Hekilled the leader!” One of the mages cried “Kill him!”
Food-kun dashed close to the falling leader’s body. His hand gained a metallic sheen and it darted into the leader’s chest before coming out covered in blood. In his hands was the leader’s heart. He began chewing on it as he was showered in arrows and spells.
“Hm. Chewy.” Food-kun said.
The leader’s heart wasn’t too bad, but it wasn’t exactly great. He’d had better hearts, of course, but it wasn’t bad.
As he ate with one hand, he took the cleaver in the other and started swinging away. With every swing, he’d take another life. He ignored the items they dropped as it would be rude to take them.
He soon began killing every member that was attacking him, but he chose to ignore those who ran away. Food-kun continued into the stone fortress, breaking the walls in his way.
------------------------------------------
“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck…” The second in command said.
The second in command, a powerful mage, regretted his decision to try recruiting Food-kun, the immortal iron chef. Food-kun was out there butchering everyone in sight, and the second in command could be next.
Second in command was grabbing everything he could from the storage house, before the wall burst open. Sunlight streamed in and Food-kun was revealed in all of his bloody glory.
Second in command shrunk away from his fearsome form, but Food-kun ignored him. He began rummaging through the storage stuff, looking for his spices.
“Ah.” Food-kun said.
He’d found his spices!
Pocketing his entire shipment of spices, he swiftly walked out of the hole in the wall he’d made, leaving a perplexed second in command in his wake.
--------------------------------------------
“All spices accounted for.” Food-kun said, taking inventory.
He walked slowly through the wrecked compound, through holes he’d dug himself.
“Guess I should do that quest that was found the other day.” Food-kun said.
He walked away slowly from the smoking, destroyed fortress of the once proud black wolves guild.
As usual, he had a slew of messages from other players, most along the lines of challenges and complaints. Food-kun was the legendary master chef, immortal cooking legend. A post envied by pretty much everyone, but no one knew how much grief it brought him.
Fame cost him more than most people knew. Lots of people who knew his name meant lots of people who messaged him every single day.
To: Donttouchmyfood
Subject: Challenge!
I am the true iron chef! Fight me in a cooking battle!
To: Donttouchmyfood
Subject: Commission
I require the services of the best chef in the world. I want you to make a meal for me. I will give you 1 million gold for it.
To: Donttouchmyfood
Subject: ****
U **** SCRUB U STOL MY KIL
U WOT M8
1V1 ME RITE NAOW U **** **** ****
He began typing out a letter he'd typed out a million times before.
To: Whoever
I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but due to my current workload, I am currently unable to accept any requests. If it is an urgent matter, please see me personally. If I am not in my kitchen in the fairy forest, I may be in the Hydra pit, Dragon cave, Hell, Chimera den, or some other yet undiscovered hunting ground.
May this letter find you in good health.
Also, to any repeat recipients, please stop sending me messages.
He did this for every message in his inbox. It may have taken longer than people would appreciate, but in the end, he was a teacher. He appreciated some formality and he was very business-like when dealing with people. Even though he had a series of messages from people on his friends list as well, he automatically typed the same message.
To: Don’ttouchmyfood
Subject: Got a good quest
I've got a good quest that may or may not involve some interesting cooking, come to the castle if you're interested.
“To Datze. Due to my current workload…” Food-kun muttered as he typed out the message.
He sent the reply without any second thoughts. After all of the messages were gone from the inbox, he stretched. It was time for him to work.
“Hmm…” Food-kun said, checking his inventory. “My shipments are missing.”
He then recalled a message he’d replied to earlier, about how his shipment got stolen by some guild looking for him. The message was from the guild itself, commanding that he join their guild and cook for them in order for his shipments to be returned. It happened quite often, really. His cooking gave incredible stat bonuses, and everyone wanted his meals.
Some would say that it was a waste of his cooking skills to not share it, but he didn’t care. He didn’t want to be the best chef in the world, he just wanted to eat tasty food.
“Looks like it’s time to collect.” Food-kun said, getting up.
-------------------------------------------------
“Where is that bastard…” The guild leader said.
His guild was the black wolves, one of the strongest guilds in the game. A proud and ruthless bunch, they were based in a massive stone fortress, cultivated by the hard work of the guild members. But they always wanted to be stronger, and they happened on a shipment of spices headed over to the legendary chef.
“He’ll have no choice but to join us now…” Guild leader said.
Suddenly, massive explosion was heard outside. The guild leader rushed out onto the terrace and saw smoke coming out of the fortress’s front gate. Made of cast iron, none of the guild could imagine it being destroyed, but there was a massive hole in the gate.
“Hello, all.” Food-kun said, emerging from the dust. “I’m here to collect my spices.”
“He’s here! Kill him! Kill him!” The guild members said, panicking.
The archers shot their arrows and the mages shot their spells, kicking up a dust cloud.
“Stop, stop, stop!” The guild leader called down.
He didn’t want to kill him; he just wanted him to join their guild. The guild members waited anxiously for the dust to settle, to see the result of their work. Suddenly, a cleaver came out of nowhere, smashing into the guild leader’s face, instantly killing the high-level tank.
“It’s you, isn’t it? Hurry up and gimme my spices.” Food-kun said calmly, walking out of the dust.
“Hekilled the leader!” One of the mages cried “Kill him!”
Food-kun dashed close to the falling leader’s body. His hand gained a metallic sheen and it darted into the leader’s chest before coming out covered in blood. In his hands was the leader’s heart. He began chewing on it as he was showered in arrows and spells.
For eating the heart of a vicious warrior, your stats have improved.
Maximum health increased by 100,000
100% of health has been restored.
+20 to Strength, Dexterity and Vitality.
+50 to endurance.
Effects last for a day.
“Hm. Chewy.” Food-kun said.
The leader’s heart wasn’t too bad, but it wasn’t exactly great. He’d had better hearts, of course, but it wasn’t bad.
As he ate with one hand, he took the cleaver in the other and started swinging away. With every swing, he’d take another life. He ignored the items they dropped as it would be rude to take them.
He soon began killing every member that was attacking him, but he chose to ignore those who ran away. Food-kun continued into the stone fortress, breaking the walls in his way.
------------------------------------------
“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck…” The second in command said.
The second in command, a powerful mage, regretted his decision to try recruiting Food-kun, the immortal iron chef. Food-kun was out there butchering everyone in sight, and the second in command could be next.
Second in command was grabbing everything he could from the storage house, before the wall burst open. Sunlight streamed in and Food-kun was revealed in all of his bloody glory.
Second in command shrunk away from his fearsome form, but Food-kun ignored him. He began rummaging through the storage stuff, looking for his spices.
“Ah.” Food-kun said.
He’d found his spices!
Pocketing his entire shipment of spices, he swiftly walked out of the hole in the wall he’d made, leaving a perplexed second in command in his wake.
--------------------------------------------
“All spices accounted for.” Food-kun said, taking inventory.
He walked slowly through the wrecked compound, through holes he’d dug himself.
“Guess I should do that quest that was found the other day.” Food-kun said.
He walked away slowly from the smoking, destroyed fortress of the once proud black wolves guild.
"Believe it or not, we're in hell." Victor said.
His expression remained even and he continued watching the death matches, but he continued explaining.
"Far as I know, we're all dead. I'm assuming we are, anyway." Victor said. "I don't know how you got here, but I got stabbed and died."
He shrugged at that. The event was a minor annoyance compared to what was going on right now, and he still resented the girl who did it, despite the advantages of being dead. As bodies flew and blood flowed, Victor sighed. He couldn't really think that they brought them here just to kill each other, because that was rather dumb. Why bother saving 30 teenagers from hell just so half of them could kill the other half?
In Victor's mind, it didn't make much sense. But there was another thing that might make it seem sane: they were in hell. Hell was a place of eternal torment, normally. Eternal meant eternal, meaning they got no breaks which meant that they wouldn't die. So, assuming they were still in hell, they wouldn't die completely, contrary to everything he was currently seeing.
"The thing is, I don't think they brought us all the way over here to just die." Victor said finally. "That's just stupid. Since we're all already dead, why should we die a second time? I figure there's something else."
His expression remained even and he continued watching the death matches, but he continued explaining.
"Far as I know, we're all dead. I'm assuming we are, anyway." Victor said. "I don't know how you got here, but I got stabbed and died."
He shrugged at that. The event was a minor annoyance compared to what was going on right now, and he still resented the girl who did it, despite the advantages of being dead. As bodies flew and blood flowed, Victor sighed. He couldn't really think that they brought them here just to kill each other, because that was rather dumb. Why bother saving 30 teenagers from hell just so half of them could kill the other half?
In Victor's mind, it didn't make much sense. But there was another thing that might make it seem sane: they were in hell. Hell was a place of eternal torment, normally. Eternal meant eternal, meaning they got no breaks which meant that they wouldn't die. So, assuming they were still in hell, they wouldn't die completely, contrary to everything he was currently seeing.
"The thing is, I don't think they brought us all the way over here to just die." Victor said finally. "That's just stupid. Since we're all already dead, why should we die a second time? I figure there's something else."
I don't want anyone to know Bandage-sensei's identity
This post has been moved down somewhere.
@metagros Sorry for not making this clear, but Aron bit the shark. Cause he has metal teeth. Sorry for not clearing that up :P
A very faint, almost undetectable puff of smoke whisked through the air outside. If one were to study it, they would find it odd. Where would smoke come from in a city as damp as the city of Ebb? The small puff of smoke floated into the mayor's house, through the gaps in the door. Down the hall and into the parlour. It wound through the room, almost undetectable. It wound its way to the shadows by the window. Unseen, it collected with small embers and more smoke. The smoke collected into the shape of a man. The smoke solidified, and he appeared. Ash appeared in the shadows, smelling of smoke.
Ash stayed in the shadows. He'd studied his soon-to-be colleagues for a time, and he'd tried to find out as much information as he could. There were some of which he was skeptical about. Ash wasn't sure he'd appreciate working with them, and he wasn't sure they would even work with him in the first place. Regardless, there were things he could only make sure of if he met them in person.
That was why he agreed, of course. Besides the usual lucrative payment, and he couldn't miss the chance for information. There were some people he'd heard of taking part in the expedition, some he didn't. But he couldn't miss a chance to work with the daughter of a noble snow elf family, if only to gauge her political impact, and there were other points of interest.
Ash had known his 'colleagues' would arrive early, but he didn't speak up. He stood back in the shadows, out of sight, watching. His role in the expedition was mainly information, so he didn't feel the need to make his presence known. He thought of it as a little test. He could gauge his colleagues' perceptional skills by finding out whether they saw him or not.
Ash was certain that the dire wolf could sense him, but its behaviour had signified that it was devoted to protecting its master, and Ash had done nothing to suggest he wished harm on her. There would be no reason for the dire wolf to move against Ash, as Ash had no reason to move against its master.
Ash leaned back on the wall quietly, waiting for the rest of the group to show up.
---------------------------------
"Ach!"
A loud curse echoed from a nearby sewer drain, scaring several passers-by. They looked to the drain in confusion, wondering what made the noise. The bars on the sewer gate burst forth and a bearded man emerged from the drain, giving off a bad smell.
"Hurgh, I'm late!" Aron cried in a heavily accented voice.
He jumped up from where he lay. He reached into the drain and pulled out his boots. He then began hopping on one foot, struggling to put his boots on.
"Hogh, a tight fit. Need a new pair..." Aron said, despairing.
This meant he had to buy or find some boots bigger than the current pair. Certainly, he could find one boot by fishing, but a good pair without holes was rare. He finally struggled the boots onto his feet and looked around. The onlookers were being repelled by his bad smell. Aron sniffed his armpits but immediately regretted his decision. It smelled incredbly bad.
"And a shower." Aron said, adding it to his list of things he needed.
WHile that and a pair of new boots was on his list, there was one thing that was always higher than the rest, and that was money! And speaking of money, he had to get to the mayor's house!
Aron broke into a sprint down the road, looking for the highest point in town.
"Money, money, money, money..." He chanted as he ran.
Soon, he found an old tower. Jumping up, he grabbed onto a handhold and quickly scrabbled up the derelict building. He was always skilled at climbing, and he'd climbed this particular tower a lot. Scrambling to the top of the tower, he looked out like he did in his childhood. Scouring the landscape, Aron found what he wanted quickly.
"Haha!" Aron said in triumph. "The lake! And the Mayor's house!"
Aron scrambled down and landed on the ground with a thump. He quickly started sprinting towards the lake (well, the sea really). It was a good thing that it wasn't far, but what he was about to do would be considered insane by most people.
As Aron reached the waterfront, he jumped straight in. Many pedestrians ran to the water front in horror, believing he was commiting suicide. However, Aron resurfaced a dozen meters away and began swiftly swimming towards the mayor's house. Now the pedestrians didn't think he was suicidal; they just thought he was crazy.
The advantage of swimming to the mayor's house was that it was faster. The land route curved around the bay, and one would have to twist through the cluttered streets and bridges to get there. If one swam, however, it was a straight line towards the mayor's house. The reason no one did it, though, was because it was dangerous. You had to swim all the way to the mayor's house in a straight line without stopping, and that wasn't even mentioning the fish in the bay. Most were relatively docile, but some...
A shark circled the oblivious Aron. There were sharks in the water. Sharks ignored boats, of course, but a single swimmer was easy prey. The second reason why no one wanted to swim in the lake. However, Aron wasn't no one, he was someone. Someone special.
As the shark went in for the kill, Aron kept swimming. The shark lunged for Aron, but he twisted quickly, turning to face the shark in the water. He twisted out of the way and grabbed onto the shark. It thrashed in his hands, but Aron was too strong. He'd taken manual labour jobs when he was young, and he realized he had to be strong. With his powerful legs, Aron kicked the water and burst out in a shower of glory. Shark and man flew through the air as water flew around them. He drew in close to the shark and then opened his mouth.
Chomp.
Aron bit the shark. Blood blossomed from the fresh wound Aron had inflicted, before Aron let go. The shark ran away, bleeding from the wound he received from Aron, next to the other few holes it had. Aron floated in the water, chewing the shark meat before swallowing it and grinning.
"3 for me, 1 for you!" He yelled at the shark.
They had a kind of rivalry, you see. Or, Aron did, anyway. The shark bit him once, but he'd escaped and gotten revenge. Now they just traded attacks, but Aron won most of the time. Aron floated a bit before continuing his swim.
A bath and free breakfast. Aron thought. Lucky me.
He continued swimming down bay. He was almost at the mayor's house, his next source of money.
Ash stayed in the shadows. He'd studied his soon-to-be colleagues for a time, and he'd tried to find out as much information as he could. There were some of which he was skeptical about. Ash wasn't sure he'd appreciate working with them, and he wasn't sure they would even work with him in the first place. Regardless, there were things he could only make sure of if he met them in person.
That was why he agreed, of course. Besides the usual lucrative payment, and he couldn't miss the chance for information. There were some people he'd heard of taking part in the expedition, some he didn't. But he couldn't miss a chance to work with the daughter of a noble snow elf family, if only to gauge her political impact, and there were other points of interest.
Ash had known his 'colleagues' would arrive early, but he didn't speak up. He stood back in the shadows, out of sight, watching. His role in the expedition was mainly information, so he didn't feel the need to make his presence known. He thought of it as a little test. He could gauge his colleagues' perceptional skills by finding out whether they saw him or not.
Ash was certain that the dire wolf could sense him, but its behaviour had signified that it was devoted to protecting its master, and Ash had done nothing to suggest he wished harm on her. There would be no reason for the dire wolf to move against Ash, as Ash had no reason to move against its master.
Ash leaned back on the wall quietly, waiting for the rest of the group to show up.
---------------------------------
"Ach!"
A loud curse echoed from a nearby sewer drain, scaring several passers-by. They looked to the drain in confusion, wondering what made the noise. The bars on the sewer gate burst forth and a bearded man emerged from the drain, giving off a bad smell.
"Hurgh, I'm late!" Aron cried in a heavily accented voice.
He jumped up from where he lay. He reached into the drain and pulled out his boots. He then began hopping on one foot, struggling to put his boots on.
"Hogh, a tight fit. Need a new pair..." Aron said, despairing.
This meant he had to buy or find some boots bigger than the current pair. Certainly, he could find one boot by fishing, but a good pair without holes was rare. He finally struggled the boots onto his feet and looked around. The onlookers were being repelled by his bad smell. Aron sniffed his armpits but immediately regretted his decision. It smelled incredbly bad.
"And a shower." Aron said, adding it to his list of things he needed.
WHile that and a pair of new boots was on his list, there was one thing that was always higher than the rest, and that was money! And speaking of money, he had to get to the mayor's house!
Aron broke into a sprint down the road, looking for the highest point in town.
"Money, money, money, money..." He chanted as he ran.
Soon, he found an old tower. Jumping up, he grabbed onto a handhold and quickly scrabbled up the derelict building. He was always skilled at climbing, and he'd climbed this particular tower a lot. Scrambling to the top of the tower, he looked out like he did in his childhood. Scouring the landscape, Aron found what he wanted quickly.
"Haha!" Aron said in triumph. "The lake! And the Mayor's house!"
Aron scrambled down and landed on the ground with a thump. He quickly started sprinting towards the lake (well, the sea really). It was a good thing that it wasn't far, but what he was about to do would be considered insane by most people.
As Aron reached the waterfront, he jumped straight in. Many pedestrians ran to the water front in horror, believing he was commiting suicide. However, Aron resurfaced a dozen meters away and began swiftly swimming towards the mayor's house. Now the pedestrians didn't think he was suicidal; they just thought he was crazy.
The advantage of swimming to the mayor's house was that it was faster. The land route curved around the bay, and one would have to twist through the cluttered streets and bridges to get there. If one swam, however, it was a straight line towards the mayor's house. The reason no one did it, though, was because it was dangerous. You had to swim all the way to the mayor's house in a straight line without stopping, and that wasn't even mentioning the fish in the bay. Most were relatively docile, but some...
A shark circled the oblivious Aron. There were sharks in the water. Sharks ignored boats, of course, but a single swimmer was easy prey. The second reason why no one wanted to swim in the lake. However, Aron wasn't no one, he was someone. Someone special.
As the shark went in for the kill, Aron kept swimming. The shark lunged for Aron, but he twisted quickly, turning to face the shark in the water. He twisted out of the way and grabbed onto the shark. It thrashed in his hands, but Aron was too strong. He'd taken manual labour jobs when he was young, and he realized he had to be strong. With his powerful legs, Aron kicked the water and burst out in a shower of glory. Shark and man flew through the air as water flew around them. He drew in close to the shark and then opened his mouth.
Chomp.
Aron bit the shark. Blood blossomed from the fresh wound Aron had inflicted, before Aron let go. The shark ran away, bleeding from the wound he received from Aron, next to the other few holes it had. Aron floated in the water, chewing the shark meat before swallowing it and grinning.
"3 for me, 1 for you!" He yelled at the shark.
They had a kind of rivalry, you see. Or, Aron did, anyway. The shark bit him once, but he'd escaped and gotten revenge. Now they just traded attacks, but Aron won most of the time. Aron floated a bit before continuing his swim.
A bath and free breakfast. Aron thought. Lucky me.
He continued swimming down bay. He was almost at the mayor's house, his next source of money.
Is RP kill?
So, what should we be posting, exactly?
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