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    1. Monkeypants 12 yrs ago

Status

Recent Statuses

8 yrs ago
I put the STD in STUD.. all I need is U
1 like
8 yrs ago
So moist
11 yrs ago
:dreamy
11 yrs ago
goldfish have a memory of at least 3 months as opposed to the 3 second myth.
11 yrs ago
Elephants are the only mammals that cannot jump.

Bio

Women average seven farts a day and men about 12, experts say.

Most Recent Posts

First order of business
Changing ANS to this.
Alliance of Nationalist unified States

;)
I'd like to reserve Germany if its not been taken already.

If it has, ill be the red menace. Where Putin extreme has taken over.

I honestly do not know enough about modern Japan to do it justice but being a blue water super power sounds so much fun.


Antioch, northern forests


In the middle of the forest, straddling the long river, walked Avery, tired and hungry from the long days walk. It had to be afternoon by now but the lack of any sundials. “It’s so hot.” Avery concluded, even after a long nude dip in the river. She had long passed the rapids and fish were quite abundant. However, her lack of knowledge in the field of fishing led to frustration at her failed attempts. Not long had passed before she decided to try and find a road, which reached fruition in the form of a dirt game path.

Her stomach growled and vision began to fade as the heat strained her already exhausted body. It persisted and eventually overcame her attempts to remain focused. She yawned, and yawned again until her vision faded and her body fell to its knees, and finally onto the ground.

    Leaves crumbling up ahead, three bodies marched through the woods, a sense of direction and purpose in each lively step. The faint chatter of a small woman could be heard, with the light grunts and small sounds of disinterest replying. Dog feet pattered behind, a soft pant slobbering.

    The group crunched on a few fallen twigs as they came to the light clearing of trees, where the vegetation was just sparse enough to be called a natural path alongside the river bank. Immediately the red eyes of Gwenyver caught sight of the hunched over figure settled in the forest shrubs and river grasses, pursing her lips she seemed intent on continuing, unsure if her companion had seen.

    Amyntas certainly had seen the fallen figure and had promptly continued walking, intent on ignoring it. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on who was asked, Ludda also noticed. “Oh what’s that? Is that a woman?” She asked. “Is she napping? What a terrible place to nap!”

    “Hush!” Gwenyver hissed, her eyes darting cautiously around, “it could be a trick, we should just keep moving, our destination is further still.”

    “Oh! You mean that place with the bunch of.. Eeer- Heffers?” Ludda asked.

    “Heathens.” Amyntas quietly corrected. She had clearly been working on masking her accent. With each word spoken it seemed that she was closer to perfectly imitating an Ascainian accent. Even so she clearly wasn’t there yet.

    As the group drew nearer, Avery’s senses seemed to kick in, bringing her slightly from her dreary state. Her head slowly turned towards the group, “Help.” she said calmly. “Food.” She tried to gather the strength to pull herself upright but her body didn’t have the energy. She simply laid there, frustrated. “Please. Help.”

    “AAAAAAH! It’s a zombie!” Ludda screamed.

    “Shush” Amyntas whispered. She brought a hand up to her hood and ensured it hid her face from view. She turned her gaze to Gwenyver, a question in her expression as she tilted her head towards the woman.

    “This ploy would be too weak for a Bannik,” Gwenyver simply stated after seeing the look Amyntas gave her. After a second of silence she added, “throw her food if you want, but I don’t have a good feeling about this, every second spent wondering is a second taken from our journey.”
   
    “You are so meer… me… dramatic!” Ludda said.

    “Melodramatic” Amyntas corrected as she reached into her cloak. After a moment she pulled out a piece of jerky and tossed it to the unidentified woman.

    “Oh! Oh! Can we keep her?” Ludda asked.

    “No.” Amyntas shot her an icy glare.

    “Please! I promise to feed her! And bath her!”

    “You can’t have humans for pets.” Was all Amyntas said in response.

    “Well I mean,” was all Gwenyver added idly, “no, this is getting a little dark.”

    Avery’s eyes opened wide as the jerky landed at her. It was like a feral animal as she quickly dove for the food. Her bites were vicious and the look she gave the group was that of an angry mother protecting her child. After the jerky was devoured, Avery leaned back.

    “Would you want that for a pet anyways?” Amyntas asked as she gestured at the woman. “I suspect it’d bite your hand off every time you tried to feed it. Simply dreadful.” Amyntas shook her head.

    Avery stood up and dusted herself off though she was still sweating from the heat. She slowly walked towards the group and spoke softly, “Thank you for your generosity.” She seemed to examine the three before speaking once more, “Praise to Aketa?” as if testing their faith.
   
Gwenyver slowly kept moving, hoping the others would follow her, a grave stare peeking out from her dark robes. Walking almost as if tied to the others by an invisible rope, it was clear she wasn’t going to leave without the others, despite a clear and intense desire to continue her quest.

Amyntas grunted and turned to leave as well, but let out a long sigh when Ludda jumped out from under her hood. “Yay! Not a heathen!” She exclaimed as she pointed at the woman. She paused before adding “Right?”

    “Perhaps” Was all Amyntas said as she turned an icy glare on Ludda. Ludda was oblivious to the look, however.

    Avery yelped as the faery made itself known. She jumped back and pointed, “What is that!” she said. Her fear slowly faded as she examined Ludda, “Wait.” she paused and took a deep breath and knowing she had no reason to hide anything, spoke softly, “I’m searching for Ethea.”

    Ludda opened her mouth but was cut off when Amyntas said “Good luck.” Ludda glanced back at Amyntas and, seeing something in the woman’s expression, decided it’d be best for her to take cover on Gwenyver’s shoulder.

    “I think she’s mad” Ludda whispered after setting down on Gwenyver’s shoulder.

    “We have a task to do, the woman is fine, and we are not needed here any longer,” Gwenyver looked at Ludda, her eyes scanning the small figure, “I understand your compassion, and I respect it, but I can’t spare my attention away from our task. Our destination is a ways away, and we need every moment of daylight to get there.”

    Avery huffed and looked around, “Well, Unless you’re Eleutheran, the direction you’re heading isn’t very forgiving.  She looked into the sky, seeing where the sun was and then pointed north. “You’ll want to go that way, especially due to the new ‘inquisition’ that antioch is doing.”

    Gwenyver tilted her head towards the mystery woman, “And what do you know of Antioch?”

    “Well, where should I start.” Avery said grinning. “It’s my home.”

    “Fascinating” Amyntas dryly commented.

    “We are a long way from home too!” Ludda exclaimed. “Oh! Oh! What kind of food do they have in Antioch?”

    “That depends on where in the nation you go.” Avery replied plainly. “The most common is bread and deer meat. And ‘kingsbrew’ Ale which is always cheap.”

    “I love ale!” Ludda exclaimed. Amyntas actually groaned, implying there was a story to be told at a later date.

    “Bring us to your capital,” Gwenyver stated simply, “walk in front.” Her eyes peered out with dominance, and a sense of persuasive command leaked from her words. The words echoed and bounced around the forest, as if the trees were in agreement with her demands.

    “Well, that’s going to be a bit of a problem. That’s where the inquisition against Ilinucists sort of began.” She sighed, “They are good at what they do.” She sighed again, “But if that’s what you want, I’ll lead you to the capitol.”

    “Walk in front,” Gwenyver’s words were adamant, yet very convincing.

    “What makes you think we’ll have an issue with the inquisition?” Amyntas asked. She held her hand out towards Gwenyver, palm up. After a moment Ludda jumped off Gwenyver’s shoulder and landed on the palm. Without saying anything else she put the little faery back under the folds of her hood.

    Avery shook her head, “I suppose you’re right. Well. Let's go.” she said, turning around and walking.
@Sigma

If there was a thumbs down, it'd totally be pressed.

Anyways, sad to see you go. :(
Lol.

I'll get my ns up at some point.

It's going to be human remnants. Figure the core is still on fire so that'll be fun to work around.
Re reading the religion stuff, I suppose It was a little quick. There was a short ritual where she was gathering power for the spell. And by rushing her spell, she paid the price by not having control of her spawn.

But overall ill make sure it takes longer next time, done with more detail.

My bad :(


And Ewoks must be Asian if they're willing to eat that shit.

huzzah! post #4 Is out!
Antioch

Nilus, Former Capital of Ithnil.


Near the southern most wall, a cottage stood silently against the night. It's straw roof faintly illuminated by the moons light that was obscured by grey clouds. The front door of this tiny abode slowly opened to reveal a hastily dressed figure, quickly escaping the structure. The door had been left open in the figures haste as it swiftly made its way off the property. Almost as if hit by an unseen wall, the figure turned and rushed back towards the building with balled fists. Cursing softly as it disappeared inside the cottage.

A few moments later, the figure emerged again, calm this time and slowly shutting the door. The figure began meddling with the doors dead bolt when a gust of wind washed over it. Above, lightning began skirting the clouds. Haste returned to the figure as it gave up on the door. Bright flashes of light revealed a second shadowing figure, more predatory in posture, slowly tailing the hasty figure. 

Upon reaching a solitary road, crowded by tall buildings not even ten paces apart, the figure stopped and turned. In front was the predatory figure, stopped nearly twenty paces away. The two stood facing each other for a few moments before one spoke broke the silence. A smooth, feminine voice sounded down the road, "They say at night, you can still hear their screams. The screams of the fallen in that fire years ago that left blackened rocks to this very day."

The other figure slowly started walking towards the predator, heavy in steps and seemingly gripping a metal hilt with its left hand. The predator made no motion to defend itself but merely stood there, quietly. Over head, lighting shot fourth once more, rattling windows with loud thunder. Various lamps lit in the windows, visible shadows reaching to close shutters before the lamps light fading away. The figure, still heavy with its foot steps, spoke out in a gravely, deep feminine tone. "You're playing a dangerous game."

"Why?" The shadowy predator replied, seemingly amused.

As the figure opened her mouth to speak again, a rush of wind blew the hood off of the predator, revealing long black hair and a sadistic smirk. "Avery!" the figure shouted before dropping the metal object, revealed to be a change purse of sorts. There was a momentary pause before the figure rushed off, disappearing into the night. Avery slowly walked to the purse and knelt down. Her head cocked as she examined the purse. On its side was a faint symbol of her own faith, Ilinucism, etched onto the side. Avery head footsteps ahead and quickly snatched the purse.

"I swear! I swear I was attacked!", Avery heard in the distance. "Bitch." Avery muttered as she hid behind a wall. Faint orange lights began illuminating the area as Avery slowly leaned her head over, being careful not to be seen. Four guards stood around the other woman, listening to her story which began growing wildly out of proportion. "There had to have been seven at least! and and." She was silenced by a tall male guard, who had pressed his index finger on her lips. "Go home." he said before turning around, staring directly at Avery.

Her eyes widened in fear and turned away, only to see the hilt of a sword approaching her face. 

Hours passed before her eyes opened again. She could hear heavy rain outside and still thunder crashed, rattling the glass that let morning light into the room. "Where." Avery said, still hazy from the guards blow. 

A old man in long black robes entered her vision, "Ah, you're awake!" He smiled with an upbeat tone, "I am curious as to why you were out so late?" He continued, gripping something in his hand.

"I couldn't sleep, I figured-" Avery said, clearly lying but was cut off.

"You do realize relations between two females is blasphemous, right?" He said in that upbeat tone.

"What?" Avery said, "A girl can't even go for a walk?" 

The man shook his head, "Lets say you aren't guilty of that. Care to admit to anything else?"

"Admit to what." Avery said plainly. Her vision had returned to normal and she gazed about the room, seeing a draped flag with the symbol of the Inquisition proudly stitched in. She began breathing heavily and her heart began to race before she caught sight of that purse. "I swear it isn't mine."

"Of course it isn't. You found it. Right?" He replied.

Avery lowered her head, knowing he wouldn't accept any story she told him, true or false. The Man smiled and turned towards the door. "Bring them in.". The door opened revealing a man and woman, held in ropes and chains, forced in by two armed guards. Avery stared, shocked at the sight as he sat the two in front of her. "You know these two. Yes?" he said calmly. "Yes, My brother and sister."

The man circled the man and woman slowly before walking towards Avery, "I read that your parents were war criminals. Using dark powers against the crusades. I had hoped that orphans would have learned from examples like theirs and stop. Stop using blasphemous 'magic' and embrace truth."

"What is truth though! My truth is your lie!" the brother said defiantly. 

"No, Your 'god' is created by your lust of magic, your 'god' is a perverse excuse to justify abusing the world around you." He spat in the brothers face and dropped the upbeat tone. "You and your Ilinucist friends are the darkest example of twisted and lost humanity."

The sister spoke up, "Twisted and lost? My people did nothing to you!" 

"Oh didn't they? was it not your kind that persecuted Eleutherans during the Yusamir incident?" He replied with clear arrogance in his eyes. 

"What is Yusamir?" She replied, honestly confused. 

The Inquisitor frowned, "All you people do is deny. Deny deny deny." He walked out of Avery's view. She struggled to see what he was doing but all she heard was the rustling of wooden drawers. "Oh where is it." he said. "Ah!" he proclaimed before stepping back into her view. Upon his hand was a gauntlet with clawed fingertips. He placed his hand upon the Sister's right shoulder. "I'll give you this chance. Pray to the true god."

Her voice swelled with pride, "Aketa, Mother of us-"

The man wasn't pleased and dug his fingers into her shoulder. Her sleeve began to turn red as he dug his fingers in deeper. "Last opportunity. Pray to God."

She laughed, "I just did."

Avery violently tried to escape her shackles as the Inquisitor placed his hands around her sisters neck. There was a final gasp for air as his hand squeezed. Blood began escaping through the punctures, as well as a whistling sound as her body began convulsing. He stood there, just watching with no expression as her sisters head finally slumped over. The Inquisitor didn't bother asking him questions, but rather grasped his neck and after a moment, walked away from his now dead body. "They were caught actively practicing fiendish rituals." His words were light, almost as if he were explaining his actions to a friend.

"How could you." Avery said, trying to see the Inquisitor through heavy tears. "People just want to survive." She said, now staring at the growing pool of blood beneath her sister's feet. The inquisitor placed his hands behind his back and paced a few times before turning to her. "I'm giving you a warning. Do not follow your family's example. Keep praying to the proper god and report those who betray." He turned away from her, motioning for two men to come in.

After being untied and escorted out of the room, Avery noticed the woman who had dropped her purse earlier in another room. "I swear it wasn't mine!" she shouted at another Inquisitor who rose his hand as if to strike her, but Avery lost view.

Later that week, 

Avery sat alone in the corner of a tavern. It was dusk and the sound of the days stories had filled the place. A central fire kept a pigs body warm as it rotated on a spit. The sound of laughter used to bring Avery some sense of joy in their oppressed nation but now, now all she could do was clinch her hair and stare blankly at her table. Until a young male approached.

"M'lady, May I have this dance?" he said.

Avery just turned to him with a disappointed look, "There's not even music playing. Idiot."

"Perhaps I desired to dance discreetly in a rented room." he replied with a toothy grin.

"Go away." Avery replied simply. She watched as he rose up and turned around, facing a group of men who seemed to have put him up to this. He then turned back towards her and reached for her chest. Avery shot fourth like lightning, griping his arm with her left hand and bending it downward, straining the forearm. She then gripped his genitals in her right hand. "If you so much as breathe in a way I do not like, I will break it off."

The young man cried in pain but did his best to obey Avery's demand. "Ok ok ok." he said, wincing in pain. She stared into his eyes for a moment before letting go. 

Weeks later,

"I wonder if they will have the bread burnt again." Avery thought as she entered the tavern. All around were men and women, laughing and drinking. It was another day, just like the day before, and the day before. 

As she took her seat, a young voluptuous bar maid walked up, "You're new around here, aren't you." Avery asked. 

"Why yes I am." The maid replied. She then placed a paper on the table in front of Avery. "Kingsland Ale is still only two Cidi."

Avery smiled, "Hmm.. sounds good, I'll take a pint of Ale. How much for a pint of you?"

The maid blushed and placed her hand over her mouth, "I'm off work in a few hours." she said, surprisingly interested. She giggled and gave Avery her house number before going to retrieve Avery's drink.

Mid day couldn't come soon enough...

Avery made her way down the streets to the maids house and knocked upon the door. "Come in!" the maid yelled. Avery complied quickly, shutting the door gently behind her. 

"Oh Is that my friend from the Tavern I hear? why don't you come out here?" Avery said while slowly loosening her belt. 

"I hope you're ready." The maid said before slowly walking out from a darkened doorway. The maid walked right in front of Avery, proudly flying a 'flag' as proud as one could.

"Nope." Avery said plainly as she hastily walked for the door.

The walk back home was long for Avery, Images of a member. "The thing was looking me in the eyes." she thought. 

The next morning, Avery awoke, ready for another typical day. She prepared a cup of tea and rustled through cupboards for biscuits of any kind. The fruitless search ended with Avery leaning lazily against her kitchens wall, staring out a large window. A strange sight piqued her interest, people running from the tavern. As Avery quickly cleaned and dressed herself, she could hear commotion, "They're coming!" from outside. She ran out of the door to see the unthinkable.

The Inquisition was doing a thorough sweep. Three people were already in chains and two others were summarily executed on the spot. Avery's eyes widened as she saw a familiar face, the man who killed her brother and sister. Their eyes locked for a few seconds before he shouted to guards, pointing directly at Avery. 

She was quick to flee, jumping over obstacles and sprinting as often as her body would allow but it wasn't enough. Everywhere she turned, Crusaders approached and this time, she knew her life would end. "Aketa please grant me the strength." Avery said before reaching high into the air. The ground began to rumble, catching the crusaders off guard. Avery closed her eyes hard as she kept her hands in the air. All around, swirling winds picked up speed, pushing the crusaders back. 

"A petty wind trick! do not let this 'magic' stop you. You have gods divine blessing!" the Inquisitor said, who was now walking towards her. 

The Crusaders began to form up and by twos, used their shields to deflect as much wind as possible. But they didn't know this wasn't a 'wind trick' by any means and when the first Crusader screamed in pain and then the second, it became clear that she was no simple Ilinucist believer.

"Defend yourselves!" the Inquisitor shouted as he saw the lumbering creatures approaching from all directions. Beings made of bone with faint glowing joints. Their bones draped with blackened, rotting skin and eyes burning as the sun. They rushed the Crusaders into close combat. The clang of metal against bone was in favor of the Crusaders at first but the undead were persistent and vicious. They felt no pain and sadly, had no master. Avery found that out the hard way when she shouted to two of the undead to attack the inquisitor. Instead, she yelped as they rushed her instead.

Once again she sprinted towards the front gates, hearing screams in the background from her summoned creatures. Avery hid in the shadows as town guards mobilized and formed up on the corner of the city affected. At first it wasn't a good sign to have that many guards around but after they passed, it was a clear shot out of the gates.

Running from her past did her no good as by some means, the Inquisitor was blocking the main gates with his sword drawn. "I told you to behave." He said angrily. His cheek bleeding from a skeletons scratch. "I don't have time for this." Avery said before clinching her fists. Time was running out for her as in the distance she could hear the sound of battle dying down and soon they guards would be all over her.

"Your god is a terrible figment of your imagination." Avery shouted before making whirling motions with her hands. 

"You think your magic can overwhelm gods will?" he said, pointing his sword at her. 

Avery smiled and thrust her hands forward, spouting forth an array of fire at the Inquisitor. She could hear his screams but it wasn't of pain, "oh no." She said before letting up. He was standing there holding his sword still, which was glowing blue. "A rune blade. Aren't you people against magic!?" she shouted.

He didn't answer but simply rushed her. It wasn't common for Eleutherians to wield magic weapons, or 'blessed' as they called them. But he was an Inquisitor and she shook her head, knowing she should've counted on this. "Damn." she said before diving backwards, right as he swung at her head. 

She flipped backwards once before falling on her behind. He thrust forward, forcing her to roll to the side before jumping to her feet. "Just surrender to his will." The Inquisitor said calmly. She was already panting and he hadn't broke a sweat. 

He rushed again, narrowly missing her throat by inches as she dove to the ground once more. She quickly looked to her left to see a small group of stones, which she quickly grasped. He turned to strike again but was hit firmly in the chest by a stone. "What is this!" he said, looking up at her. She recovered and tossed another at him, which he deflected with the sword. 

"Oh come on!" she shouted before throwing another, which failed to hit him.  Avery stomped her foot, "Come on!" she shouted in anger as in the distance, guards were rushing to help the Inquisitor. Avery snuck a small knife from her belt and began pacing in front of him. 

"You are unarmed, just surrender now." He said confidently, lowering his sword.

Avery's eyes opened wide and she pointed behind him, "Oh no!" prompting him to turn. As he saw nothing, his attention turned back to Avery who was already thrusting towards him with her dagger. With no time to prepare, he watched helplessly as the knife pierced the center of his right hand. capitalizing on her surprise, she ripped the sword from his hands before pushing him to the ground. She snarled at him then started rushing to the door. "I will find you!" he shouted.

"No you wont!" Avery yelled back as she ran for the main gates. It didn't bother her one bit that the gates were still opened and she didn't bother figuring out why. She quickly made her way into the forest before diving behind a bush to catch her breath. "Damn." she said, looking to the gates as Sabretooth riding Order knights exited the main gates, followed by a furious Inquisitor holding what appeared to be a pitchfork.

Avery began running again through the brush, getting cut with sharp branches the entire way through before reaching a ditch with a fast flowing river at its base. She turned around to see the Order knights almost upon her, "no!" she said, drawing the inquisitors sword but quickly lost balance and began falling down the hill. Dirt and leaves rustled into the air as she slid down the hill and into the river, while the Order knights watched silently from above. 

"Get her!" the inquisitor shouted but the Order knights stood firm. "The river will kill her." they said smugly before turning away. "I will find you!" the Inquisitor shouted as Avery was washed down the river.

the next day,

Avery awoke with the sun gently shining on her face. As she gazed up, a serene view of birds circling and a gentle breeze eased her nerves but it all came crashing down when one of the birds landed a lucky shot onto her hand. "Seriously." she said before walking to the river. Avery rubbed her hands together slowly, taking her time before an object on the other side of the river caught her eye.

As she swam across the now calm river, she tried to figure out where she was or how far she had been washed away but to no avail. Her mind turned to survival, how was a city dweller to eat. Fortune did somewhat shine upon her though as when she came ashore, the Inquisitors sword lay casually at her feet.

She gripped the sword and swung it gently around. "Hunting can't be that hard."
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