Phantomlink959 — Roleplayer Guild

@Eschatologist
Okay, a few things.

There is a lot of excess wording and misplaced information - try be as concise as possible when describing your character and only put in relevant information. Likes and dislikes are there mainly to broaden the feel of the character; we don't need a comprehensive list as there is always going to be something more to add to it. Just a couple of likes and dislikes is enough, and only what is actually relevant to a combat-orientated school universe. Any  unused lines such as additional weapon forms and passive semblance  ability can be cleared out to minimise the size of the character sheet  and make it a bit more streamlined.

With this in mind, food allergies are nice things to consider, but not necessary for the roleplay. Reading ability should only be mentioned if she is the type to carry a book as an essential part of her field kit. Checkers and games are unlikely to actually come up in roleplay. Also, this kind of information should have been put in the notes section, not the relationships section.

The personality and background themselves feel very generic, with nothing to make her stand out form a crowd. The lazy, torpid, talkative and entertaining slacker (by the way, talkative and entertaining do not mesh with lazy and torpid slacker) personality switching to the perfectionist, methodical, rude and serious hard-worker feels a bit schizophrenic, and honestly would give someone whiplash. Her own physique doesn't makes much sense either - a military brat who could only just afford to go to combat school would not have the build of a dancer. They would be a runner, or a boxer.

On the combat side of things

Class is used to denote what kind of class they would have in a RPG setting; ie Scout, Rogue, Fighter, Lancer. Judging by her character build so far, she would be a Scout or Ranger.

The actual caliber of the firearms is preferrable as it helps to visualise the characteristics of the projectile. Can you explain what 'Has a recoil-spreading  function  which limits firerate but allows for firing from the shoulder  without  damaging aura in the process' means? All rifles are fired from the shoulder, as firing them from elsewhere results in a fair amount of bruising and possible broken bones. It also reduces the accuracy of said weapon if you don't fire from the shoulder. Only rifles that are held incorrectly would damage the shoulder and aura, and as a military child who attended combat school, she would know how to hold one correctly.

The weapon is also extraodinarily basic and utilitarian, especially for something that she has supposedly modified extremely. Telescoping and compact forms are the norm in the RWBY world - the only character without a weapon that copmpact to miniture form has a shield that becomes his sword sheath. The extras such as scope, muzzle breaks and a detachable bayonette are factory standard objects, capable of being attached to any weapon and therefore not something that makes Selous unique. As it is now, the rifle is factory standard.

Also, spears are one of the easiest weapons to learn to use, which is why in medieval times the armies were mostly made up of spearman who are all simple farmers anyway. Spears and the term 'difficult to learn' do not go together. The spear form would be form two if it actually changes shape - if it doesn't transform into an actual spear, then it is even less modified than before.

The semblance is too vague as it is now, with no defined boundaries. Semblances are small powers that have clear limits based on the personality of the user, unique to each individual, and the different uses are discovered by thinking outside of the box. Time limits and lmited uses per day are common limits to add to a semblance. Also, the perception of time is subjective to the individual viewing it and wouldn't speed up her physical reactions or slow down the world around her. This is why time flies when we're not thinking about it and why it drags when we do. It is one thing to be able to see it happening, and another to be able to do something about it.

There is slight feel of a lack of knowledge about the RWBY world that comes through your character, and We're sorry to say she isn't really a good fit for this roleplay.

As a side note, I saw you dropped another roleplay yesterday due to lack of time, and I feel like you would just end up abandoning this one partway through, which I'd rather avoid happening if at all possible.
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