Raxacoricofallapatorius — Roleplayer Guild

Sciurus Rowan

All of Baelzarus VI's spaceports were hazardously questionable at best, but the oldest operational one, commonly called "the Heap" was far below any fantasy standard the locals pretended to have. The Heap was little more than a junkyard that captains and pilots happened to mistake for a good place to dock. The west side of the field consisted of a collapsed hanger and scrappy remains of a couple broken-down vessels from about a hundred years ago. It was the kind of place mothers warned their children not to play, and when the children disobeyed their bodies usually turned up a few days later, or not at all. In spite of it's ruinous state though, the Heap was always bustling with activity. Shipping regulations and customs were all but nonexistent, and it was a hotspot for smugglers and drug traffickers. Every few years there would be a military raid, but those were so infrequent and ineffective that very little business was lost. It was an ideal place to put in if you didn't want anybody to ask questions.

Rowan's presence caused no disturbance whatsoever in the port. The shuttle bearing him from the neighboring world of Osca where his last job had been arrived early in the day, giving him a few hours to kill before Horrigan was supposed to meet him and whoever else had signed on for this questionable mission. To pass the time he started a game of dice with one of the local dealers. By the time late afternoon rolled around he'd won a pair of industrial goggles, a gold pendant necklace, two rings, and 1,000 credits. He'd swapped the dealer's dice for his own loaded pair early on, of course, and was about to roll for double-or-nothing when a commotion broke out on the landing field. Gathering up his prizes, Rowan tossed the original dice back to the dealer and wished him a good day. He put the rings on the thumb and middle finger of his left hand, tucked the necklace into a pocket, and pulled the goggles on over his head. They might have been old but they had a telescopic effect similar to the targeting feature built into the headgear of his own suit. 

Looking toward the disturbance, Rowan saw a military-grade shuttle coming into land. As soon as she touched down a dozen or so soldiers jumped out to create a perimeter around the vessel. Rowan burst out laughing. "These new kids think they're really something, eh?" he said to a local bystander, who was also looking in the direction of the new arrivals. The other man just stared at him with an alarmed expression. Judging by his sunken eyes and pallid complexion, the druggie was pretty far gone. "No worries, egg-face." Rowan gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder, "It's not a raid, you can continue on with your pathetic existence without interruption." 

Egg-face seemed to contemplate whether or not he should react to the insult, and in the end just shrugged before shuffling away. "I suppose this means the Cap'n will be arriving anytime now," he mused to himself, taking up a position not far from the main street running through the port to watch for the rest of the crew. It wasn't long before two more shuttles joined the first. Shouldn't Captain Horrible or whatever-his-name-was be there already? Maybe he was running late. Or maybe he'd gotten knocked off by some gang. Initially, Rowan had attempted to locate him upon his arrival, but it seemed that he didn't want to be located and there was no record of his stay in any tavern or motel, at least on this side of the city. Given a day or so the assassin could have found him, probably, seeing as it was his job to find people who didn't want to be found. Well, dicking around was just easier at this point, he might as well save his energy for whatever task lay ahead. 

Stealing another look at the shuttles and the passengers disembarking, he thought he recognized one of the scurrying figures. At first he almost missed it, a smallish person who seemed to fade into the background, easy to overlook. The person seemed familiar somehow, but couldn't quite place it. Well, he'd find out soon enough. As soon as Captain Horrible showed up anyway.

She's ovulating so hard that maybe she'd prefer some young buck to split her in half instead.

I mean "what?"

That's inappropriate.@Awson

There's this old video game called "The Colonel's Bequest" in which you play young detective Laura Bow and try to solve a murder mystery. 

But in this game there are 3 million ways to die.

In the front hall of the house there's a rusty suit of armor. Somewhere along the way you find an oil can. So what do you do? Oil the suit of armor, cuz it's rusty. Know what happens? The arm holding the giant-ass battle axe falls off and slices your character in two pieces from head to toe.

So what I'm saying is I'm not looking for a young buck I'm looking for a knight in armor with a battle axe.

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god of shenanigans

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