Rystelle

What Is Left -- The Walking Dead

Shawn's embrace, his kisses, his passion. It was overpowering. Overwhelming. Olivia felt like she was going to drown in him if it went on for too long, but such a sweet death was not so terrible. She clung to Shawn, the man that was now her love and her life-line in this crazy, messed-up world. She dug her nails into his back, mewling and sighing with pleasure at every kiss even as her legs shook from the combined force of their passion. Their emotions were raw and unbound, set loose like a raging hurricane. Olivia almost felt like there should be a wild wind whipping through the cabin, but the only thing that moved was the two of them. Hearing Shawn say that he would stay made Olivia happier than she could ever possibly express. She hadn't wanted to be alone before, but now she thought she might go mad if she were to be left by herself for the night.

Suddenly she felt Shawn lift her up even as he continued to kiss her fiercely, then she felt the table beneath her. Shawn's lips parted from hers at last. Olivia almost let out a small whimper of disappointment, but she managed to contain it. Instead, with wide eyes she looked up at Shawn as he stood in front of her, not close enough to touch but close enough for her to feel his body heat. Shawn's want--his need, his desire--was evident in his eyes and in his body language. Despite Olivia's unbidden need to have Shawn's arms around her, to taste his kisses, there were some things she simply wasn't ready for. The memory of that black night flashed through her mind and a tremor ran through her body. Olivia might have been strong, but there were still things that scared her and this was one of them. Shawn had said he would take it as slow as she liked and to let him know when she was uncomfortable.

Olivia would test that now. She wanted to give Shawn a fair chance to see if he would be true to his word. She placed her hands on his chest, gently but still with a firmness to her touch to help remind him that if she wanted to she could easily make him stop by force if he denied her request. But despite the fact that Olivia knew she could take Shawn if she needed to, she couldn't completely keep the fear out of her eyes or the tremor out of her voice as she quietly spoke, telling him, "Shawn, I love you, but there are some things I'm not ready for. Not yet. Just, please, stay with me. Hold me, kiss me, tell me you love me, watch the sunrise with me. I can do all that for you. But anything further... I can't do that right now. I'm still scared. I..." Olivia couldn't help the tears that sprung from her eyes, now shining with a dull, sorrowful light. The tears raced down her cheeks and dripped down onto her dress, creating wet spots in the yarn. Although she was strong mentally and physically, Olivia was not indestructible. She tried to wipe away her tears but her voice cracked as she explained, "I-I can still see that night. Still feel it. An' it hurts. It hurts my heart, and it hurts my body. It scares me, Shawn. It scares me an' it won't stop scarin' me. I can't, right now. I just can't... But please, don't go. I don't want you to leave."

What Is Left -- The Walking Dead

Olivia let out a quiet sigh of contentment even as she felt herself burning up under Shawn's touch. She never wanted this to end, never wanted him to let her go. When he went for her neck she gladly tilted her head to the side, allowing him to easily do what he wanted. She bit down hard on her bottom lip, but that didn't stop a small whimper of pleasure from escaping her throat as Shawn whispered in her ear, kissed on her neck. Once more Olivia wound her arms around Shawn's neck. She pressed herself against him even as he held her close. Olivia lifted her dusty gray eyes to meet Shawn's sky blue, the love and burning desire she felt for him more than obvious. There was simply no helping it: that sweet, ruggedly handsome country boy from Tennessee had her under a powerful spell. There was no way to break it, not that Olivia ever wanted it broken anyway. She kept her eyes on his as she said, "I love you, Shawn. Please, please don't leave." There was a look of desperation in her eyes, a pleading note in her voice as she begged him not to go. If he left now Olivia wasn't sure she could stand it. She'd probably fly out onto the dock chasing after him. She pleaded, "Stay. Please stay and watch the sunrise with me, Shawn. Just don't go. I love you so much it hurts." Finally she pulled Shawn's face toward hers and she pressed her lips against his in a passionate kiss as she clung to him like her life depended on it.

What Is Left -- The Walking Dead

Olivia listened intently, understanding what Shawn meant when he talked about only surviving but not living. She had observed cases of that far too often. People lived day-to-day with no hope for the future, not knowing how to take joy in the small things. Not Olivia though. She looked for things to be happy about--a beautiful flower, bird song, seeing the glorious colors of the sunset--and she did what she wanted to. She traveled and saw sights no one else had likely seen before and made memories she would cherish forever. Now she had Shawn to make memories with, and that would make them all the more precious. Olivia stood up and walked around to the other side of the table and came to a stop behind Shawn. She draped her arms over his shoulders and across his chest, giving him a hug as she leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. "I promise you, Shawn, we won't be like that," she told him, her voice soft but sure. "Surviving without living. Even with everything going on we'll make our lives worth something." She was rubbing his chest gently, the feel of their bodies touching simply intoxicating. Olivia lay her head on Shawn's shoulder, closing her eyes as she buried her face in his neck. He smelled nice, like soap and sea and a bit of something else. It was a comforting smell. As Olivia drank in everything she could from Shawn's scent to his heart beating in his chest and his slow and steady breaths, she began to feel a sense of peace come over her. "I'm so glad I have you now, Shawn," Olivia mumbled sleepily into his neck.

What Is Left -- The Walking Dead

Olivia listened to Shawn's tale as attentively as he had listened to hers. They had both been through a lot in the past three years. She was just glad they had both come out okay in the end. Olivia also couldn't really say she was surprised that Shawn had thought her weak. Several people throughout the last three years had underestimated her, and more before that in one thing or another. But the ones in recent years who had thought her weak and unable to defend herself... Some had paid very dearly for it, like those men she had left as Walker chow so they'd never lay their hands on another woman again. Of course she had made sure their brains were damaged so they wouldn't come back. Others who had underestimated her who had been proven wrong were simply impressed by her skills. Those Olivia had made friends with, and they had shared meals and laughter, traded supplies and survival tips before going their separate ways. Not everyone was bad, but as time went on more people had naturally become wary of outsiders because while not everyone was bad not everyone was good either.

Shawn was. He was an absolute sweetheart, and as Olivia slipped her hands into his as he held them open to her, she smiled at him again. She couldn't help but feel happy that she could be a source of hope for Shawn, and she felt even happier knowing that he wanted her by his side. After their meeting Olivia wasn't sure she could go back to being alone again anyways. Least probably not without developing a deep loneliness that was likely to eat away at her in Shawn's absence. Her expression was soft, her voice gentle as she expressed her thoughts to Shawn. "I would be happy to stay by your side, Shawn. Wherever you might want to go, I'll go with you be it by sea or land, or even by air if you think you can breed a bird large enough to carry a human." Olivia let out a small laugh and added, "I was kidding about that last bit. I am serious, though, Shawn. I'll stay by your side no matter what. I'd by lying if I said I'm not uncontrollably drawn to you, and I don't think I could stand to be on my own anymore after meeting you."

What Is Left -- The Walking Dead

A blush covered Olivia's cheeks and her eyes shown with a happy light under Shawn's praise. She still couldn't quite get over the fact that a guy like Shawn liked her. "Thank you," she said, giving him a smile. There wasn't much left to do with supper, but since Shawn wanted to help she let him. When Shawn pulled out the solar panel and radios Olivia felt a rush of excitement and affection. "Aw, thank you, Shawn," she chirruped happily. "That would be really nice, being able to keep in touch over the radio and going on a run together. I'd say maybe the day after tomorrow we could go? You worried yourself to death over me the past two days so you should at least get tomorrow to rest." They fixed their bowls and sat down at Olivia's small table. Overall there wasn't much room in her boat. It was apparent that it had been made more for a day trip than an overnight trip. Olivia felt she might have to find something a bit bigger so she could have more room whenever Shawn came over. That and maybe have a better sleeping space and more storage space for food and supplies. At this very moment though, Olivia tried not to worry too much about the lack of space and instead focused on Shawn. He was smiling at her and she couldn't help but smile back. His grin was simply contagious. Olivia had done well living on her own for three years, but she honestly had to say she felt happiest now being here with Shawn.

She was glad he enjoyed the stew. Olivia herself was glad he had brought the tea over since she had little to drink. She sipped it slowly, savoring its sweet flavor, both hands holding to cup to warm them up with its heat. When he asked how he should treat her she smiled into her cup before setting it down. Shawn really was a sweetheart--bringing her gifts, making sure she didn't feel uncomfortable and telling her to take her time. Setting her cup down Olivia reached across the table and took one of Shawn's hands in both her own. She gently rubbed her thumbs in circles over his skin as she looked at him with a warmth in her eyes, an unbounded appreciation in her heart. "I think you've treated this girl just fine so far," she told him gently. "You're just as sweet as all get-out, Shawn. I don't think I could ever ask for more. I'd like to know more about you as well, and I also want you to tell me if you're ever uncomfortable with something. I don't think I could stand to upset you and make you worry again like I did these past few days."

Taking a deep breath Olivia started, "Before the infection is was just normal life: Me going to school, my mom working hard to support the two of us, Mr. Byrd looking after me when she was busy. After I lost them I was simply on my own. For a long time I heeded Mr. Byrd's words--avoiding people 'n keeping to myself. He knew. He knew what people are capable of. What they can become in the worst disasters. I knew too kinda. After Hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf Coast it was crazy all over. You saw who had it in them to still be kind and give of themselves to others even when they had nothing. You saw the rest of the country coming together to aid us--people from thousands of miles away driving down there to bring food and clothes, rebuild houses and businesses, help clean the rubble and console those who had lost so much. I remember a lot of it. One guy in our neighborhood using his generator to give all of us water, FEMA and Red Cross trucks coming through our neighborhood to bring food, when the stop lights weren't working and everyone was being really careful and courteous. But there was bad stuff too, bad people. 'N I remember that too. Looting, people getting shot just for a bag of ice, rape..." Her voice was quiet, subdued, the light in her eyes dull. "It was really bad in New Orleans. But none of it compared to some of the things that happened after the infection. Mr. Byrd had a better idea of what was going to happen. He was a Navy veteran who had served in two wars. He saw hell with his own eyes, and he knew it was hell that was coming. That's why he told me to keep to myself, to trust my gut and only approach others when I was absolutely positive it was safe to do so."

"There was one time, early on, when I had approached a group to trade. They had some extra gas and I had fresh meat--none of 'em were good at hunting so they were in dire need of it. Most of 'em were nice, but there were a few... Not so much. They weren't good at tracking deer, but they weren't bad at tracking people. They found me, and let's just say that what their intents were as they approached me were less than pleasant. Too bad for them I knew how ta fight better." She had stopped rubbing her thumbs over Shawn's skin. Instead Olivia stared at her hands, a hard look in her eyes as she recalled what she had had to do with those hands on that dark, moonless night ages ago. Then her expression cleared and she looked back up at her sweet country boy whom she knew would never purposefully harm her. She might have to worry about others, but never about Shawn. Managing to give him a smile once more she continued, "Anyway, I continued my travels and wound up here with you. Gotta say that the first night you 'bout damn near made me jump out of my skin when you approached. I was worried I might have to fight you, or else run. After you left I still considered running, but decided against it. If I think about it I guess it mighta been the way you talked that kept me from disappearin' that first night. Not many people nowadays try to be kind or polite to each other--they seem to think it's unnecessary or maybe that it makes 'em weak or something--but you were still nice as could be. It's gotta be that manners are just a way of life for the South. Anyway, what about you, cowboy? What's your story if you don't mind sharing?"

What Is Left -- The Walking Dead

Shawn's touch was like a fire on Olivia's skin. It warmed her up, spread from wherever he touched, and ran straight into her heart. When he squeezed her hands she did the same in return. Shawn's hands were rough and large, enveloping her hands completely, but she liked that. There was a sense of security there, knowing that those hands that toiled every day to fight for survival now held hers in a gentle, protective embrace. His words made her smile a bright, dazzling smile. In fact, Olivia was trying her best not to grin like a happy idiot as she felt the warmth in her heart blossoming into its own fire.

"I'll be waiting for you," Olivia chirruped happily, placing a gentle kiss on Shawn's back before she let him go. She watched him leave, and when he stopped and smiled at her she returned it in kind with another dazzling smile. It was only after Shawn had gone inside that Olivia finally went in herself. The cooler was set to the side and she quickly stripped out of her dirty clothes. These were put into a separate bag that was hidden away. They would be washed later when she had the time for them. For now Olivia washed thoroughly and groomed herself carefully like she had two days ago. This time, however, she did not hesitate to put on the dress and tights after she had cleaned them up a bit. After that she quickly worked to tidy her little cabin, all the while humming happily.

Mr. Byrd had once told her to take heed of her heart but follow her gut. Sometimes they would be in unison. As Olivia thought of the man she was quickly coming to love and adore, this was one of those times. Maybe it was quick, but in these days the ability to make a split second decision meant life or death. And you never knew what would happen tomorrow. Olivia still wanted to take things with Shawn kind of slow--the whole romance thing was new to her as she had never had a boyfriend before the infection--but it just felt wholly right to be with him. Olivia wasn't going to let him go. Shawn was good looking, but more importantly he was sweet and kind. He had searched for her frantically for two days after having only known her for two prior. You really didn't get that kind of kindness anywhere, but maybe part of it was because Shawn was a good Southern guy through and through. Still, Olivia couldn't help herself. Oh, was he handsome. Just thinking about his muscular build, those rough hands, those sharp blue eyes, that sweet smile... The beard too. Olivia really loved a guy with a good beard. And she didn't know how much older Shawn was--she reminded herself to ask later--but she also liked older guys. Really, it actually came down to personality for Olivia, but Shawn had it all. She felt like a giddy school girl just thinking of him.

Olivia had had the stew going for a while, the rest of the deer meat put away for later, when there came a knock on her door. She almost let out an excited squeal, but managed to keep her composure. Until she opened the door and saw Shawn standing there in a shirt that was a little too small but only helped to show off his broad chest. With her hand holding the doorknob she dug her newly cleaned and filed nails into her palm to keep from grinning like a maniac. Instead she smiled and said, "Well you clean up pretty nicely, cowboy, if I do say so myself. Please come in." She stood aside for Shawn to come in, closing the door behind him to keep out the cold. "I know my space is a lot smaller, but make yourself at home. Supper is almost ready." Now that Shawn was actually here Olivia was beginning to feel a bit nervous. She hoped she looked decent. She hoped the stew would be good considering she had had to use canned vegetables and bullion cubes for the broth. She really, really hoped she didn't make a fool of herself because knowing Shawn liked her made her lightheated and happy beyond all reason. Knowing that a guy like Shawn liked a girl like her was more than she could have ever asked for.

What Is Left -- The Walking Dead

I coulda swore I threw that away, Olivia thought to herself as she saw the outfit Shawn was holding. Musta missed the trash can.

Then Olivia realized what Shawn was saying. He had spent two days looking for her, scared that he had hurt her feelings and that maybe she was in trouble. Olivia felt ashamed for making him worry like that. At the same time his next words made her feel like she could scream for joy. He liked her. Shawn had worried over her and missed her, and he liked her. And he was hoping she liked him. Olivia was utterly blown away. She didn't know what to say or how to say it. She blushed at Shawn's compliment, but when he kissed her cheek her entire face turned a deep shade of red.

Shawn started to walk away and Olivia realized that if he took one more step she might miss her opportunity. "Wait!" She cried, stepping toward him quickly. Olivia wrapped her arms around Shawn's middle to keep him from leaving. Looking up at him, her face still red, she explained, embarrassed, "I'm sorry about making you worry, Shawn. The other night I thought maybe you didn't like the dress, or you thought I was being too forward or somethin'. I just kept thinking about it, and thinking about it. I got really nervous and self-conscious. It didn't help that wearing the dress felt strange--s'been three years since I've worn one. I went back to my cabin but couldn't cool my head so I went into the city to walk. I thought the dress was terrible so I threw it away. Anyway, I just walked and walked the city. Next thing I knew it was evening, so I came back here and passed out. I didn't wake up until the next day. My fish had gone bad and I was hungry so I thought I'd go to Central Park and do some hunting. I managed to catch a deer and I stopped to clean it, but it took me so long 'cause those damn Walkers kept scaring off my quarry."

Olivia had to take a big gulp of air. She had rushed her words out so quickly she had hardly stopped to breathe. Now, however, she took it a little slower. She still had her arms wrapped around Shawn and her body was pressed close against his, her face still red as she shyly asked, "Maybe you'd like to stay for dinner and we can talk more about this notion of what a sweet, good looking guy like you might want with a little country girl like me?" Olivia felt absolutely elated because Shawn liked her and she definitely liked him. She really, REALLY hoped that he would stay for dinner so they could openly talk and discuss what they wanted their relationship to be.

What Is Left -- The Walking Dead

After sleeping through evening, into the night, and through part of the next day Olivia finally woke up. Her stomach ached, her throat was parched, her head was pounding. She was hungry and dehydrated. Stumbling over to the sink, Olivia drank from it until she was fit to burst. Then she sorted through her belongings and pulled out a couple of granola bars and devoured them. It wasn't enough though. She needed something filling, something fresh. The fish wasn't going to cut it--it had already gone bad so she tossed it in the chum bucket outside on the deck.

The dock was quiet and there was no sign of Shawn. Maybe he was in his cabin, or maybe he was scavenging the city. Whatever it was Olivia didn't want to stick around to find out. She was still too embarrassed to want to face him. Besides, she was hungry and really wanted meat. Not fish though. Deer, or pig, or whatever game she could find. It was time to go hunting in Central Park.

Olivia took what supplies she needed and headed out for her hunting trip. Her path never crossed with Shawn's and she was none-the-wiser to him desperately scouring the city to find her. On her way to Central Park she had had to kill some Walkers thawed out by the sun. Fortunately they were slow and sluggish. Still, it made Olivia wish that deep winter would set in so the Walkers would freeze hard until spring.

Her hunting trip took a lot longer than Olivia thought it would. At times a Walker would come through and chase off her quarry, then she'd have to track down another. It took hours upon hours of walking and waiting and Olivia certainly had her patience tested. One good thing about all this though was she had to focus on her task and thus didn't have to recall her embarrassment or imagine what Shawn might have thought of her. That wasn't entirely true though. Sometimes Olivia's thoughts drifted to Shawn. She wondered if he knew she was missing or even cared. Wondered if he might like deer meat stew or deer steak. Then Olivia would shake her head and get back to the task at hand.

Finally Olivia managed to bag a deer, a nice sized one at that. It took her a while, but she managed to clean it and strip it of all its meat. She fit the meat in her cooler and made her way back to the docks. Along the way Olivia started noticing writing on walls and windows. 'Olivia, I'm sorry.' The first time Olivia read that she had shrugged it off as a coincidence. After all, she hadn't been the only Olivia before, surely she wasn't now. But when she saw the same message over and over she started to worry. Was Shawn leaving those messages? Was he ok?

Now feeling a bit worried, Olivia quickened her pace, the cooler of deer meat feeling heavier than ever. Finally the docks were in sight and Olivia saw a familiar figure sitting slumped forward on the deck of her boat. From Shawn's posture she could tell he seemed weary, but she couldn't see his face to tell what be might be thinking. Had he noticed her absence? Did he miss her? Or was he sick and needed some help? One way or the other Olivia started to worry even more. All of a sudden he stood up and loudly shouted how he should have kissed her, shocking her.

Stopping in front of her boat and setting the cooler down, Olivia put her hands on her hips and looked at Shawn with her brow furrowed, a look of confusion on her face. "The heck are you talking about, cowboy?" Olivia asked him. "'N what were all those messages about?" Olivia looked quite a sight after her hunting trip. She had her jacket tied around her waist revealing the blood stains from the deer on her shirt and more on her pants. There was a smear of blood on her right cheek--again deer blood--and a slight scratch across her left from where a small branch had got her. Her hair was up in a messy bun and was sporting bits of twigs and leaves from when she had been hiding in bushes. She was dirty, sweaty, tired, hungry, and now confused as to what in the world was going on with Shawn.

What Is Left -- The Walking Dead

"You're welcome," Olivia said with a slight smile. She sipped her tea, tried to focus on anything other than the ball of nerves she felt winding in her stomach. Setting down her cup she managed to tell Shawn, "I had a pretty good day. The water was fairly calm and I got a few fish," before he asked if she was comfortable or needed more tea, adding a polite, "I'm find, and no thank you." She still had plenty left and was taking her time and savoring it. It had been so long since she had had tea. Yet another thing today brought her memories of her childhood and the days before the Walkers.

Olivia could tell she was putting Shawn off somehow. Maybe he was nervous like she was because of how she was dressed--was the outfit too revealing?--or maybe it looked terrible and he didn't know how to tell her. Maybe she was coming off as forward and he was simply trying to be polite. Between worrying what Shawn might be thinking and slowly but surely starting to feel more and more awkward overall in the dress, Olivia felt maybe it was time to go.

An hour at most had passed since Olivia had come aboard Shawn's boat. During that time they hadn't played any games, instead whiling the hour away with tense silence and awkward small talk. Finally Olivia couldn't take it anymore. Standing up while unconsciously tugging down her dress and trying to hide her nervousness she announced, "I think I'm going to have to call it a night, Shawn. Thank you for having me over, and thanks for the tea. I'll leave the cookies with you too. Goodnight."

Olivia tried not to seem like she was hurrying off, but the moment her feet hit the dock she was doing a fast walk toward her own boat. She disappeared inside her cabin, all but slamming the door. She felt angry and disappointed and ashamed at herself.

"Stupid, stupid, I'm so stupid!" Olivia heatedly repeated to herself over and over. How could she have done that? Gone over to Shawn's all dolled up like some tart. She didn't even like wearing the dress. It made her feel awkward and weird. Quickly she stripped out of it and changed into her regular clothes--jeans, long sleeve shirt. She pulled on her thick jacket, boots, and gloves, grabbed her bow and quiver, ax, and was about to head out the door. Olivia stopped to look at the dress lying in a heap on the floor and felt another wave of anger and humility surge through her. She snatched them up and walked out the door and down the dock.

Olivia knew she needed to cool her head and so she decided to put plenty of space between herself and Shawn by heading into the city. At the end of the dock there was a trashcan. She threw the dress and tights at it, but she had not bothered to look when she threw them and so she didn't see them miss the trashcan and land on the ground. Olivia disappeared into the night in a maze of buildings. She did not return to her boat until late the next evening when she locked the cabin door, crawled onto the bench, threw a blanket over her head, and fell into an exhausted sleep.

What Is Left -- The Walking Dead

Olivia's "new" sweater dress: