If you don't know what an RA is, a lot of people consider RAs
narks, and I won't toss that aside. I've met some legitimate
narks. They are the ones that don't usually get rehired by my university. A good RA doesn't actively look out for those that break policy. We tend to assert the most obvious ones, like loud music. Because you can't hide loud music. It just so happens that sometimes, we end up smelling the alcohol or the weed in the room after you (a resident) answers the door. And whenever that happens my night is boned because of the paperwork and red tape that ensues for me.
More importantly though, the Resident Assistant position isn't primarily policy enforcement. Yes, it's a part of the job so I will do what I'm paid to do, but I think that too many people forget about the actual title that I have. And by people, I obviously mean the residents. They forget that I'm actually there to help them. It's them forgetting that one key detail (hey, I applied for the job to actually help others) about me that makes my job so much harder. This usually ends up being the foundation of a lot of roommate conflicts, considering residents won't report that "Dickweed never paid me back for eating my Doritos" or that "Scrotumwart moved my things without asking me first." All they have to do is tell the RA when little things happen, and the RA should (I always do) address the situation when they can. I prefer to facilitate a meeting with residents involved so all the skeletons can be dragged out of the closet in one sitting, rather than have it all fester since that normally leads to some messed up crap. Physical altercations, drug abuse, suicidal thoughts, homicidal thoughts; think middle school angst but with a legitimate dedication to carry out whatever is thought, written and/or said. I try to get my residents that are in a roommate conflict to talk it out, set some ground rules for their living space, and live up to those rules they agree to set. I get them talking because I'm the one that can actually get them to talk. And it's not just roommate meditations I handle. I leave my door open for anyone with a concern. I have some residents that always come to my door asking if they can hang out in my room, since it's a judgement free zone and they really just want to either vent, cry or watch a show with me in a private setting.
But that's all I can do. That's all any Resident Assistant can do in those situations; they just communicate. Obviously there's more to it than just simple communication, but for me that's all it feels like. I know I'm doing more than simple talk with those involved in a situation that calls for me to step in and mediate. I actually find that when they (those involved with the mediation) cannot express how they feel regarding their situation, I can find a way to verbalize their emotional burdens, concerns and distresses. I help them voice their feelings so that I can actually facilitate the mediation smoothly, and that's not always the easiest thing in the world to do. That's entirely dependent on how much information the residents decide to give to me in regards to the details of the situation, and if whether or not I receive at the least an attempt of the residents explaining how they felt/feel or think they felt/feel. Just think of how easy it is for me when they lie to my face, and I then figure out I've been trying to mediate their now intangible concerns with their roommates. I can't help someone when they lie to my face because I then am not sure if anything else they've told me was a lie.
At the moment I have a very difficult roommate mediation occurring with some of my residents. This mediation has processing for three weeks as of today, and it's only gotten worse after each day that's passed. I've done absolutely everything I could do for this situation. I've been actively trying to get all of the residents to sit down and communicate with one another but only two of these residents are willing to do so. The resident unwilling is always prioritizing their 24/7 guests over actually fixing their roommate conflict, which is caused by the guests in the first place. But I was finally to at least be able to meet with that resident in the hallway today, and get their concerns then. I was so fucking grateful to just finally get their input on their situation, because it felt like I was able to do something about their problem for once. And it felt even better after I was able to meet with the other two again so I can get the input they've been unwilling to disclose to me for a while. That's when I learned that the resident I spoke to prior to this meeting lied to me right in my face. Why would you feel the need to lie to me? After I learned that, I really wanted to just relocate that resident to a different residence hall. It's honestly the only thing that'll solve the situation at this point anyways since one member of the involved party is unwilling to meet a middle ground. I don't have that authority though, hell, my boss doesn't even have that authority.
I've also been lingering on the fact that a parent of one of those involved with the situation asked me if I could disclose detailed information regarding the situation. I had to turn her down, because I could lose my job due to violating FERPA (for the sake of the post, I've worded this roommate conflict in the most anonymous way possible while leaving out tons and tons of details just because I'm paranoid about FERPA) by disclosing information to them regarding their on kid. Having to tell them that made me feel as though I was letting down everyone involved in the situation. I fully understood why the parent wanted the information because I'm the same exact way with my younger siblings. It's not even as though they rudely or angrily requested the information from me. Hell, it was worded in the politest way I'll ever see. So it's not as though I could have felt better on denying them since they were by no means rude. This situation stresses me out so much that my boss caught me writing up the report on the what happened with the residents tonight. She asked me if I was okay I just broke down because I can't actually do anything but write a report and try to continue communicating with the residents about their ordeal. I still absolutely love my job. I'm really grateful that I managed to be selected for the position. It's just these fucking limitations that make me feel like I can't help them when I really want to.
