Sombrero

TNT - The Nameless Tavern. (Always Open)

Ignacio saw through the eyes of a party animal who had downed his drink a little too quickly. As such, he was perfectly alright with what was going on... Until he realized that he really did see blood in and around her mouth... It felt like a perfectly inconspicuous kiss on the neck, but there was the brief senstion of sharp points being inside of it, under the skin. Is this what those pheasants felt like? He uttered a profound "Eugh..." as his muscles tensed up.

@tigerchuffs

Testers Needed for a New RP Tool - LoreBooks

That's pretty awesome. I sent in my response, I think.

You are sitting in the back of a cop car with the avatar above... (Game)

Hey, Crown-lady! Are you with the Cool Hat Society?... Where's that voice coming from!?

Labyrinth (an improbable spam game)

I suddenly realize that's crazy talk. The whole point of my existence was to get out of this labyrinth!

I bang on all the walls.

TNT - The Nameless Tavern. (Always Open)

Ignacio noted that the Bartender was enjoying himself far too much to be concerned with the job questions of some rich newcomer... Especially not regarding adventuring... What was Ignacio thinking? A grown man, an educated man such as himself, going to a tavern in hopes of a quest!? What answer was he even hoping for?

He downed his drink, without bothering to compose himself, and put his coins on the bar, before sighing heavily. He was not accustomed to this level of introspection.

He had to step outside, get some fresh air or something...

@Tigerchuffs

Hiya

Welcome, duck! Thank goodness you're not a goose!

TNT - The Nameless Tavern. (Always Open)

@Tigerchuffs What happens when Paisley bites someone/something? Is there any kind of blood she can't drink? (Like in some stories, reptiles/nonmammals make vampires sick.) I think having Ignacio step out for a second could get really interesting, but I wouldn't want to be dying within the first 4 posts.

*ahem* h...h-hi.

Welcome to RPGuild! There's a party-exclusive coffee machine around here somewhere, but you sound a bit more like you need a cold medicine machine...

Dungeon Punks

"Well that's just fuggin' great," Thought Dogface, "The first time in forever that the whole queendom -nay, the very world- has been revelling simultaneously, the one day that the world's most diverse selection of booze is available in one convenient place, and I forgot where I buried all my fucking money!"

He sniffed in the air uselessly, hoping desperately to pick up the metallic smell of gold... Then swiftly realizing he'd only find everyone else's money before he found his. There was clearly only two solutions to this problem, and both of them were immoral. He decided to take the easier route first, aiming to snatch coins from a few of the wealthier, more inebriated festival-goers without them noticing...

~~~

"This is all very nice," Thought Ferris, "The first time in forever that almost the whole queendom is smiling!"

He recognized that it was likely due to his life as a service machine that caused him to find joy in other people's happiness, but that statement didn't feel quite right. After all, the other creatures seemed to like it when others were happy... Perhaps it was natural, to enjoy happiness. What a strange, self-replicating, and enduring emotion. He casually waved to new passers by as he clomped heavily through the streets of the market.

Dungeon Punks

Rogue/Hunter/Demoman to diversify our combat portfolio

Name: Dogface
Age: Unknown?
Gender: Male
Species: Forest Trickster

Physical Description:

Dogface appears to most as a normal badger… Until you brush his fur the wrong way, in which case you will notice he has many painful spines on his back like a porcupine. There’s also the fact that he can double up on himself or elongate much more than your average badger. At his full length, he appears to be a few inches longer in body than your average badger.

Skillset:

Dogface is very quick in body and wit, a master of lies and deception, trapmaking, explosives, poisons, (Mostly of the hallucinogenic/paralyzing sort) potions, hiding, and climbing. He has a liver of steel, is an expert at pickpocketting, playing poker both fair and dirty, and can teleport short distances, if he’s feeling particularly magical. He can usually summon up some small means of bomb/potionmaking ingredients on the fly if he desperately needs them. Bigger contraptions require more things, of course, and Dogface needs to spend long periods concentrating in order to conjure any amount bigger than a pawfull. If he doesn’t accidentally burn/blow something up in the process… He’s skilled in drunken-style martial arts, and, contrary to real life, the more alcohol he has in his system, the better he gets… But he’d never be able take more than one man and a toddler child on his own. He’s much better suited to forcing his enemies to make mistakes, peppering the battlefield with nuisances and hazards, and letting his enemies destroy themselves. If they happen to be big and scary, he’d rather smell them ahead of time with his keen badger nose and find another way around.

History:

Trickster animals come in many forms, and are mysterious and infuriating creatures. There is one thing that the utmost experts on the matter can confirm about them for sure, though. The vast majority of them are not born, rather they are manifestations of magical energies, namely when an animal gets ahold of (and usually eats) something covered in the magical residue left behind by forest spirits, druids, gnomes, wise hermits, and other people that go to the woods to fool around with the rules of the universe. The result is the most infuriating and cheeky of all of nature’s inventions, the Forest Trickster, talking animals that lead people to their doom. Or just screws around with said man until they leave and/or try to kill them. Occasionally, Forest Tricksters hitch rides on horses and vehicles and go to live in the cities and towns. Dogface is one such badger. He’s been hanging out in various taverns, making lewd comments and practical jokes ever since his arrival.

Psychological Profile:

Dogface is an uncouth, egotistical, hedonistic lech who exudes all the absurdity of the mixed spells that created him. He fancies himself some combination of Sun Tzu and Harald Hardrada, and he’d have you know that he once fought an entire canoe full of alligators and won, or something to similar effect. Like the time when he grabbed a mountain lion by the tail and tied it to a tree. He is motivated by money, compliments, and booze, and nothing will stand in his way between himself and those things… If it does, then he’d rather just walk around it and make that obstacle feel like a real moron.

Goals/Fears

If there’s something more to life than having your back (and ego) massaged by a beautiful handmaiden, singing drunkenly in the taverns, and laughing at the guy covered in the flour he left on the doorsill, Dogface doesn’t seem quite interested in finding it. While he’d like to keep up the appearance that he isn’t afraid of anything, he is afraid of quite a few things, actually. Like huge men with axes, groups of aggressive people, fast, deep rivers, and other things that could cause death in all sapient badgers named Dogface. Secretly, he wishes he were big enough to play sports with humans... Come to think of it, there's a lot of human things he wishes he could do...

Equipment:

• A badger-sized hammer-hatchet
• A bowl
• A simple woodcarving knife
• A small bag of smoke pellets
• A bottle of potent hallucinogenics
• Three porcelain blackpowder grenades
• Caltrops
• A small box of nails (although his spines could also be used for the same thing in a pinch)
• Two decks of 52