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I'm fucking howling, I can't breathe from laughing so hard


:D :D :D
"Yes, why don't you go ahead and tell your story?" said Ailee, walking behind the bar and lifting herself up into the air on a nexus of spectacular arcane energy - so she could grab a couple of bottles off the top shelf. Commentary that a regular sized person wouldn't need such assistance to reach that shelf would be unappreciated and unwise. She settles back onto the ground and starts pouring glasses.

If there's one saving grace for Ailee in situations like this it's that she doesn't consider work to be beneath her.

"I mean, I'm operating under the assumption that you're a washout who got half a degree in potions from Mudbank College and then moved down into the lowest IQ town you could find so that nobody would realize that you couldn't hack doing real magic - but maybe I'm wrong! Maybe you do know something interesting. Go on, tell us these mysteries - whatever they are, they are nothing I can't handle."
+Princess Hornet you need to come with me -+ Princess Adila is thinking when she abruptly stops. This is so hard! The transitions happen because of thought and memory, which means that she can't shift without getting lost in the moment. She also has no idea how this works - is it a vision, a memory, or is she actually here? Aaah! She should just drag Hornet back to the -

She stops and takes a deep breath. Come on Adila. You need to be better than this.

+Well... it's complicated,+ said Adila. +My, ah... kingdom was disbanded. It wasn't perfect, and I wasn't much of a princess... there is so much to being a good princess that I'm only just starting to figure out, even now it's too late.+

Adila sits down and puts Hornet down next to her. +I was thinking about being a Captain instead! But my boat, ah, crashed, so maybe I'm not cut out for that either. I'm still figuring it out. It's hard.+

She's quiet for a moment, then looks up at the Organizer, crashing away in the distance. She decides - impulsively, defiantly - that this is not her problem today. +So, Princess Hornet, I never actually asked... what is that thing meant to do?+
And the moment passes.

Comstar!

This is it! This is your moment. All of this belongs to you. You have worked hard and now it's time for success, babes, and above everything: views.

"And now at last you see that there is nothing you possess that I cannot take away!" Comstar announces in her most television voice. "Behold, my ultimate heist! I shall steal the married hands of these two maidens, transforming my greatest rivals into my domestic servants! And such shall be the fate of all who dare to defy me - tune in to Bridal Suite, my upcoming new reality television show where I add new brides to my harem and you can watch them compete with each other for my affections! WAH HA HA HA HA!"

DeathGun69 pulls down one of the curtains to reveal Comstar's masterpiece device - an enormous, stationary energy cannon aimed directly at the audience. "And to ensure compliance, behold - The Honeymoonizer! If you defy me I will fire my doomsday weapon, sending audience members in randomly determined couples to random destinations across the multiverse! Camera drones will be sent with all such couples and highlights from their adventures will also be available on my channel - the best subscription on the internet! Either way I win! So what do you say, lovebirds? Will you make me the happiest supervillain to conquer the earth?"

Somewhere in the distance there is the sound of a motorcycle getting closer.
My current headcanon is that animal people are common topside, and that the Chimerae of the Heart are notable because a) they mutate and mix attributes from lots of different creatures and things and b) they have a distinct tendency to grow horns.


I will endorse this being promoted to Actual Canon.
Adila!

It’s... not what you expected. As you fast-forward, you see flashes of Hyperborea from above. You see devil-fortresses, and the first sun and moon. You see the Shadow War, as Eupheria’s nightmare army spreads whimsy and misrule across the land. You see Ouroboros wrapping herself around the world, seizing her tail in her mouth, shoring it up against the black and endless sea beyond. You see rainbows and the growth of mountains and fireworks and...

You see a cold and desolate wasteland, Argossa split down its trunk with black rot, its limbs drooping and broken. The sun and moon are gone. The stars shine unnaturally bright over the frozen desolation that once was a sea.

And then you’re in Hornet’s arms, and she’s holding you like she never intends to let you go. You’re on the edge of the wedding preparations, which are being made (slowly and clumsily) by Garthim on sorcerous autopilot. As long as you are very, very careful... you won’t activate their deep predatory instincts.

But Hornet’s just standing in plain sight, not moving a muscle, squeezing you tighter and tighter as one of them lumbers past, trailing white lilies from a large bag in its claws.


Princess Adila feels very small.

The enormity, the weight, the meaning of Argossa... everything it's seen, everything it means. She's known that the mysterious little island that she visited a [thousand years/months] ago had a connection to its roots, but this is the first time she's really gotten a glimpse as to what that means. This is the axis around which the world turns, already ancient when the devil-grandmothers first beat the concept of time into the scales of the young earth. She couldn't bring it down if she gnawed upon its roots for the rest of time, but Oberon might do it within the week...

+Hornet?+ she murmurs, as small as she feels, wrapped up like a wyrmling in Hornet's arms. +Princess Hornet?+

There's no response. Oh no.

She screwed it up. She'd done exactly what she'd told Hornet not to do - she'd gotten distracted by the visions of the cosmos and had let go. She'd let the fate of the world distract her from her friend (surely the scale justifies -)

She doesn't let herself finish the thought before diving right back the way she came, closing her mind against the visions of midnight futures.
Adila!

You wrap time around yourself and Hornet. Around you, the darkness leeches away into the water, leaving the debris bobbing on the waves, washing up against the roots. Garthim drop into the water, going limp, letting the waves bob them up and down as they become inactive. You give Hornet the gift of time enough to come to terms with your presence. To let her know that you aren't going to leave.

Finally, she looks up at you through her goggles. "What do you want me to do?" She asks, still guarded, but... but listening. For once, she's listening to you, fully intent.


+I'm going to do...+ Adila flailed about looking for an expeditious explanation of the true nature of time. +... something really dangerous. I've never done it deliberately before, or with another person, and there's a lot that can go wrong. But it's the only way we can catch up with the others without...+

She swallows. She's nervous. She's really nervous. She doesn't like any of this.

+You might see visions of the past. Or the future. I might see them too, and I'm sorry if I see anything private. But no matter what you see I need you to hold on tightly to me, okay?+ she resists as best she can the urge to over-emphasize that last point. She doesn't know how to talk to Princess Hornet at all but... she's smart, yeah? If nothing else she's smart. She shouldn't treat her like a child.
"DO YOU THINK I NEED EYES TO KILL YOU!? DO YOU THINK I'M SOME ASSHOLE HACK WHO HAS TO AIM THEIR MAGIC? BY THE TIME I'M DONE THERE WON'T BE ENOUGH LEFT OF THIS TOWN TO FIT IN THIS CLOSET -"

First thing's first, if his hands are unbound he's going to remove the hood.

Party's over.

Talk Sense: [(5, 5)+2 = 12]

"Listen! Things just got made simple for us. It's a lot easier talking sense into a mage than a mob. They didn't lock us in with the bloody dog-thing, did they? Let's see if we can't ask why they're all scared of rats in the first place..."

Pause. Think.

Door will open outwards. Easier to break open, means we can't hide Ailee behind it when it's opened, means that the 'jam a chair under it' trick would work against us. This is a wagon, so there's also down through the wooden floor? It'd be too dark to see under there. I'd have to trust Ailee not to just run while I'm distracting them, though... I'll take those odds.

"I've got plans. The folk are mad, but they still want to talk. Absolute last resort, I think we could fight our way out of here, but I don't know how we'd get much further than the door. Do you want to do this the honest way, or chance some parlour magic?"


Ailee abruptly started when the hood was taken off her head. "This is the worst kidnapping ever," she seethed. "Fine. We'll do things your way, let's see if we can come out of this with enough of the bar intact to forget this entire fucking experience."
The Child of the Sun waits for judgement to be passed upon her.

It is not all with grace. She keeps her head down, not daring to search for the lighthouse's eyes. As the silence continues her breath becomes shorter, more fearful. She squeezes her eyes shut. Every minute that passes with her sins unaddressed compounds the seriousness of her crime. The offense she has given is so dire, the pain she has inflicted is so serious that she is being left kneeling and unaddressed upon the doorstop. There are unpracticed tears, and unpracticed attempts to control them. There are ears and instincts shrieking at every sound of bird and hound in the distance that cannot be addressed, for distraction would show insincerity in her quest for penance. There is a secret wish for a mother as gentle and kind as she's trying to be, who would use a smile and a miracle to explain everything and make everything better.

The stone is so cold beneath her fingers. She's never felt anything like it. Her hand begins to tremble, and then with a sound of anguish, she throws her arms around the lighthouse as best as she is able and she cries and cries and says that she's sorry and that she's lost and that she didn't mean it. And as she does, she tries with all her wishing heart to bring as much warmth to this cold stone as she can.

And all about Fortitude, what was already a very hot day turns into a scorcher. Within twenty minutes the town erupts in groans as the ramshackle old power grid overloads under the strain of trying to keep everything cool in the face of the Sun's apology.
Adila!

You have a plan. It is a terrible plan, but it is a plan that has more of a chance of succeeding than most of the other plans. You need to get up this massive, achingly huge tree without being detected. Dragons are big and tend to be easily detected, but you are the TIME DRAGON, which is crucial for the success of this plan.

Step one: become kitten-sized, hop into Hornet's arms.
Step two: fast-forward to the part where you're standing on the top of Argossa with Hornet.
Step three: immediately find a place to hide and begin reconnaissance.
Step four: identify mission targets (Ourania, fellow princesses, Oberon) and proceed from there.

There is only one problem: you need Hornet to trust you enough to hold on and not let go while you propel both of you forwards through time. It's going to be disorienting and confusing, and if she drops you she risks being lost in the time vortex. You could leave her behind, but you might as well toss her directly to the Garthim to save time if you do that.

This is complicated by the fact that Hornet has gone completely non-verbal, and is huddled with her arms around her knees and her head hidden behind them. What do you say to her, Adila?


She needs to go. She can't risk carrying Hornet with her. She can't risk talking when she might be overheard. She looks up at the branches of Argossa. Even though the pages in her mind are silent now she's still aware of all her predecessor's secret plans for storming this place, defenses and shadowed alcoves, a plan centuries in the making ready and waiting for that moment when she'd need to overthrow the ruler of the world. All she needs to do is make the same decision Adila I would have made and leave Hornet behind. She can save her friends, save everyone -

She closes her eyes.

Despite everything she knows, despite seeing Adila I herself break down in weeping and renounce her own harsh practicality, it's still the thoughts she's accustomed to thinking in. Duty! Mission! Sacrifice! Loneliness! As though she could do this alone! But just as she starts to push back against the thoughts her little light fickers and grows dim against her breast and she realizes with a sick start why it's so easy to think that way.

Because the alternative is fear.

If she steps off the prepared path, if she makes her own decisions, she'll have to confront things like - like, like her friends being captured, like Dandy being captured, like the feel of fingers around her heart, like the knowledge she's weak and can't do this alone. Being a princess means being vulnerable and afraid and heartbroken. And with all of those emotions looming, doesn't it make sense to look for alternatives?

She doesn't give into it, of course. There's no way she could, not after all she's seen, all she's learned, all the strength and support she's been given. All of Argossa's branches are weighing down on her but better that than abandoning a f-friend in need.

She folds her wings. Turns away from the tree, back towards Hornet, and gently nuzzles her shoulder for the first time. +Princess Hornet? It's okay. I'm here. It's okay. Take as long as you need. I'm here.+
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