It's nice to see interest in being a Jovian admiral to try to keep order in the system.
However, I recommend that you treat your history and biography like writing a story instead of using bullet points. For instance I don't have much idea on what the Battle of Themisto war like.
The only reason I used bullet points in the OP was to summarize, hence why in the second post I have more detailed information on the major factions.
And on the lore standpoint, each of the major solar powers all rival each other, this includes the Jovian Federation and the Unified Martian Protectorate. Having a Jovian admiral who studied at a martian university is equivalent to a american general going to a soviet university. I put myself to blame as I neglected to state that in the OP's lore section, but i've fixed that now.
All in all, while this may try to be a harder sci-fi than most, I still want things to have story to them.
I should note I haven't looked deeply at the military part of your app yet.
<app>
Not so sure on some of the tech you describe, especially the idea of having a habitation ring round Io. One space elevator, fine, 18 space elevators that connect to a ring around all of Io that can make spaceships? Perhaps too much for this setting.
All in all, I recommend refining your app some more since Io is my favorite of the moons.
oh god why would i even app this what am i doing with my life
ALICE
Type: Organization
Location: Earth
Headquarters:"Wonderland"Synopsis: Despite their influence and size, little is known about ALICE's motives or structure, except that they hold nearly complete control over the vast Terran Underground, and worship an untouchable, enigmatic figure of the same name. They are a secretive and troublesome group, whose widespread followers on Earth have caused quite a few headaches for those attempting to create successful colonies on its surface.
Some call them a religious cult, while others call them terrorists or anarchists, but they have only ever vaguely referred to themselves as being the "Seeds of the New World."
They rarely act out in the open, and instead prefer to stick to the shadows and serve Alice's purposes in secrecy. It isn't uncommon for members of ALICE to integrate themselves into colonist society, working towards the organization's goals from within the various factions on the surface. Its immense influence in the shadows of Earth have allowed it to have some influence in the surrounding Terran space, including the Moon and whatever large orbital implementations are present.
Relevant Data
Still considered by many to be uninhabitable (or even nonexistent), there exists a sprawling network of underground colonies beneath the surface of earth, all of which have seemingly fallen into complete disuse. In some places, the facilities and implementations once designed to sustain life have somehow managed to remain intact, just waiting to be found by future colonists.
At some, unknown point in time, the organization known vaguely as ALICE came to inhabit these deep, dark spaces, far from the watchful eyes of the surface dwellers. As of recently, they hold almost complete control over this unused space, and have preempted the colonist's attempts to harness it by strategically preventing any advances into their territory.
Supposedly, ALICE has managed to repair the thought long-lost infrastructure of inter-continental railways, located far beneath the surface. This would explain their long-reaching influence, despite Earth's massive size. Unconfirmed, and generally not widely known.
A fabled super-drug said to have been circulated in the past through members of ALICE, which causes hallucinations of a strength and realism far surpassing Virtual Reality. Its origins and composition are unclear, and the drug itself has never been documented in any of the Terran colonies to date. Due to this, and its certain "Fantastical" qualities, it has been dubbed non-existent.
A land said to exist far beneath the surface of the Earth, where Alice and her closest subordinates operate from. It is the centre of all of ALICE's operations, and yet somehow manages to escape watchful eyes through clever camouflage and well-guarded secrecy. Thought to be located in the remnants of one of Earth's abandoned underground colonies, sometimes told to have been found in perfect condition prior to the colonization rush.
A radio broadcast that can be picked up at certain, seemingly random intervals for a period of time ranging from four seconds to nearly fifty-five minutes, which details various strange, unidentified noises, and very rarely, strings of words. It is not known exactly what the purpose of the broadcast is, but it is thought most likely to be a method used by ALICE to communicate with its various operatives. Is the subject of much speculation and interest from the general public, and many an individual has been known to attempt to tune in from time to time, just to hear what's up. There are even some groups, unassociated with ALICE, that routinely monitor for signs of The Broadcast out of peculiar curiosity.
The source of The Broadcast has been traced in the past, but it seems to be perpetually in motion, preventing any attempt to locate the "Broadcasting station". Some who reject the ALICE theory suggest that it is a somehow-intact program from Old Earth, although that would not explain how the broadcasting location seems to be in motion even to today.
Those who have listened to The Broadcast share a general consensus that it is a "Mysterious, and oddly terrifying program." There are several reoccurring sounds and patterns from The Broadcast, which serve to even further increase the mystery factor of the enigmatic phenomenon.
What's more, there have been many reported cases of unexplained noises similar to those heard in The Broadcast occurring in seemingly random locations around the world. While they most often seem to emanate from the ground or walls, they have been known to appear in other locations and contexts, and have even somehow made their way into video broadcasts, sound recordings, intercom system and other public sources.
So, basically, I made some spooky earthlings who like making a hard time for everybody on Earth. Enjoy(?).
So essentially a terran organization that has come to make use of the underground networks left over from the old order as a base for their operations?
I like, not sure if app is complete or not currently, but it is good enough for IC.
On the tech, the wonderland drug giving a more real than virtual reality sensation makes sense by likely being a mind altering substance [not too unlike LSD, which lewis caroll himself is said to have taken], whereas virtual reality isn't mind altering. I wonder if it induces 'wonderland syndrome' to those who take it.
As for the underground network, when you say rebuild to you mean simply get it back running or do you mean rebuilding from scratch?
I see there has apps posted. I'll check them now.
<Snipped quote by TRF>
It's nice to see interest in being a Jovian admiral to try to keep order in the system.
However, I recommend that you treat your history and biography like writing a story instead of using bullet points. For instance I don't have much idea on what the Battle of Themisto war like.
The only reason I used bullet points in the OP was to summarize, hence why in the second post I have more detailed information on the major factions.
And on the lore standpoint, each of the major solar powers all rival each other, this includes the Jovian Federation and the Unified Martian Protectorate. Having a Jovian admiral who studied at a martian university is equivalent to a american general going to a soviet university. I put myself to blame as I neglected to state that in the OP's lore section, but i've fixed that now.
All in all, while this may try to be a harder sci-fi than most, I still want things to have story to them.
I should note I haven't looked deeply at the military part of your app yet.
To conclude then, my app totally failed. Here are my responses to your criticisms:
Why would a Jovian Admiral be attending a university on Mars when the factions are rivals?
I imagined that as this war has spanned centuries, there would have been times where the factions made diplomatic efforts towards each other. Perhaps in the form of educational exchanges, and other half-hearted good will gestures. It seems I was wrong in assuming this. A simple spam of the delete key will solve that however.
Write your history like a story, rather than summarising it with bullet points
Experience has taught me that long winded bios are not always read by the player base, and are often a waste of time as a result. I use bullet points to make my characters accessible, so that people can look at my sheets and say "Oh okay, so that's what this guy is about". Not to mention, when I write stories, I can assure you my characters don't have a thousand word history attached to them before I've even put pen to paper.
I understand your argument, but I feel in this case it's more of a culture clash than anything else.
With regards to the Battle of Themisto, or the Siege of Europa, I just don't know if you want to read through a 10,000 word app describing these things that ultimately have zero impact on the story going forwards, or any of the other characters.
All in all, while this may try to be a harder sci-fi than most, I still want things to have story to them.
My fleet and Admiral do, just in bullet point form. Sure it's not a wall of text, which I think is what you're asking for, but it tells people all they need to know.
Battle Group Omega was the Jovian fourth fleet, became kinda famous after the Battle of Themisto against the Venusians, and then got destroyed a few decades later at the Siege of Europa. Then a few more decades later, it got reactivated as a peace keeping fleet.
I don't understand how making the above into an essay will help the RP?
... so in conclusion, I do not think I'm the player this RP needs. I respectfully withdraw my app, and wish you all the best in doing so.
Thanks for the writing exercise, I quite enjoyed designing Battle Group Omega. I think I'll store it away for a rainy day, maybe adapt it to another RP in the future.
Take care !
I'm sorry that your methods of application writing have come off as incompatible with this roleplay.
Hope you find a role play your find better suited towards your tastes.
To everyone else,
The roleplay OOC is up!
<Snipped quote by Tatsua Aiisen>
So essentially a terran organization that has come to make use of the underground networks left over from the old order as a base for their operations?
I like, not sure if app is complete or not currently, but it is good enough for IC.
On the tech, the wonderland drug giving a more real than virtual reality sensation makes sense by likely being a mind altering substance [not too unlike LSD, which Lewis Caroll himself is said to have taken], whereas virtual reality isn't mind altering. I wonder if it induces 'wonderland syndrome' to those who take it.
As for the underground network, when you say rebuild to you mean simply get it back running or do you mean rebuilding from scratch?
-(Underground) Yes, that is pretty much exactly what it is.
-(Completion) Thank you! And, while I wouldn't say it's complete, with plenty more things that I may wish to add on in the future as it's developed more, it is certainly in a state where it is fit to be judged.
-(Drug) Yup, that's what I was going for.
-(Rebuilding) They repaired it, as I said in my sheet. In places where the infrastructure was irreparably damaged, they either worked around it, or very rarely preformed some basic reconstruction to make the space at least usable. This is working on the basis that a lot of these places were abandoned, at around the time of the Collapse (or earlier).
If there's anything I failed to address, or any further issues or comments you have regarding my sheet, feel free to ask~!
