GAME: Crush A Wish

[Darth Squidius]

Granted. You and the rest of the population of Earth now live in a world that is covered in ketchup. Terrific. There are some funny stories I'm sure. A load of humorous encounters with the ketchup. Very funny stuff. Everyone eventually dies.

I wish I had Batman in my basement.

[Vesuvius00]

Granted. Here you go!


I wish I could breathe underwater

[TwelveOf8]

Granted, you decide to go live under the sea. To be amongst crestures that understand you the most. One day you get eaten by a shark.

I wish I put more effort into the posts I make in this thread.

[IntPenDespSword]

Granted, you are, upon entering this thread with the intention of replying to it, showered with inspiration, creative word use and legalese. You spend hour upon hour crafting the perfect response to the above post, only to find, once you post it, that someone else posted a low-effort "haha but everyone died"-post.

I wish for things to go well.

[TwelveOf8]

Granted, everything goes well. Your career, your love life, anything under the sun. Unfortunately that includes accidents. Your accidents go so well that you die a horrible death. A death that's so freakish, so unbelievable, so unlikely, that it would go down in history.

I wish that the next post would contain something profoundly smart, but expressed in a bafflingly dumb way.

[stardust]

Granted. Drinking alcohol too fast makes it not last as long.

I wish for this reply to be on page 60 of this thread.

[Timemaster]

Granted but is will only do so if you close of your eyes and use your imagination.

I wish that nobody wore cloths anymore and everyone walked naked on the street.

[IntPenDespSword]

Granted. Not a lot of people wear cloths in the first place, and the second clause only includes streets, but people are still largely too ashamed to go outside, leading to the somewhat hastened crumbling of civilizations.

I wish for both death and birth to cease.

[Darth Squidius]

Granted. Well now you've done it. Paradox loop. You have retroactively undone your birth, as well as everybody else's, causing you to have never made this wish. So now we're just Schrodingering around the place. Hope you're happy.

I wish for the next guy to not get a wish. I'm fickle like that.

[Lady Selune]

Granted, but fuck you I want my wish. What the hell did you do to my marshmallow you bastard?!

I wish for silkier skills and danker memes.

[Timemaster]

Granted but due to being "too danker", the internet decided it cannot hold memes anymore and it banned them forever.

I wish that every wish, that won't affect me(my family or people I like) in a bad way, to come true.

[stardust]

Granted; the world suddenly stops spinning and everyone is flung into outer space. But as you and your family were indoors at the time, you are all okay.

I wish I wasn't on fire.

[Timemaster]

Granted, now you are drowning in the ocean.

I wish that zombies existed and I was the only one immune to the virus and that I couldn't be killed by zombies or other humans.

[IntPenDespSword]

Granted, your genes make you somehow immune to the virus, but to make you unkillable by both humans and zombies, you are given 30 feet thick steel armor, rendering you immobile. You have no breathing holes, as this would allow humans to pour poison in there. You choke.

I wish for a zombiefying parasite that only attacks dogs, but makes them, in turn, attack humans.

[Timemaster]

Granted, soon the humanity exterminates dogs and they go extinct.

I wish that I could wish for something to happen exactly how I wanted it to be and that nobody could interfere with my wish.

[stardust]

Granted! Congratulations! You have broken the thread! Now us spammers have nothing to occupy our time with. We hunt you down and kill you in a most objectionable manner.

I wish for an incorruptible wish. Which I guess is kinda the same thing as what Timemaster wished for.

[Timemaster]

Granted. Your incorruptible wish was your wish that you used to wish your incorruptible wish ! Great job !

I wish that I could talk/write/read in all languages that exist in the universe without having my mind broke because of that much knowledge.

[stardust]

Granted; you now know all earthly languages... from five thousand years ago, none of which are spoken today. As a result, nobody can understand you and you are promptly placed in a padded cell.

I wish for change.

[TwelveOf8]

Granted, a random passerby places 35c worth of change into your food, thus ruining your meal. Their "charity" was purely for the sake of a self-indulgent, ego stroking, YouTube video. You have no claim to any of the profits.

I wish that the next post would contain something baffling dumb, yet expressed in a deceptively intelligent way.

[Timemaster]

Granted. I'll say one word : Life.

I wish that I could be sleeping right now.