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5 days ago
Current who me?
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5 days ago
I wanna play too
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28 days ago
just rewatched hart vs austin at mania 13 last night, it will always be a classic
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28 days ago
AUSTIN 3:16 SAYS I JUST WHOOPED YOUR ASS
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2 mos ago
Story. Finished.
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Bio









black clover shit incoming

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three to go







Location: Valhalla → Seattle
Mentions: Anubis, Persephone
Interactions: Odin @KZOMBI3


Then.


The ranch was called Valhalla. It was huge, encompassing hundreds of acres of property, including a river, and a pair of mountains and all the vast wilderness inbetween. In Váli’s opinion, it was practically a paradise. It was almost fully self-sustaining, with a massive garden, solar power, and plenty of livestock that Váli and a few of his boys were adept at butchering. Once upon a time, Valhalla had simply been Váli’s private paradise, and in recent years he’d opened its gates by becoming a foster parent.

Even though it was long ago, Váli had vivid memories of growing up with his brothers. There was something to be said about having that brotherhood while growing up, and though it wasn’t always a good time with his siblings, Váli had to believe that they would support each other when they needed it. After all, he only existed to avenge one of his fallen brothers. Baldr, a man he’d never met.

Of course, Váli intended to be a better father figure than Odin ever was. When he was ‘younger’ (it was tough for him to think of a time when he was younger, since he’d grown to adult age in less than a day), Odin hadn’t been the best. In recent times, though, he was doing his best — it of course helped that he was willing to pay for Váli’s home life.

Today was a relaxation day for Váli and his boys; all of them were at a swimming hole together. For the older boys, it was something of a celebration; Dad was leaving for two weeks for his yearly trip to Seattle. Without his supervision, Váli wasn’t sure what they got up to, but he certainly trusted them. As long as they didn’t burn the place down, it would be fine.

For the newest member of the family, an eight year old boy named Eric who’d been removed from an abusive, neglectful family to Valhalla. The adjustment portion was always difficult, but Váli had been through it more than a few times. Though once upon a time, he was a mighty warrior who felled foes without remorse or regret, Váli’s calling these days was helping these boys conquer their fears.

Together, he and the boy were standing on top of the waterfall that filled the swimming hole they’d gathered at. The intention was to jump off of it and into the water below, but Eric was having trouble building up the courage to do so. Váli knelt in front of him. “You’re afraid.” He was the spirit of vengeance, not the spirit of subtlety. Eric stared at him and then gave a small nod, and Váli put a massive hand on the boy’s shoulder. “That’s alright. You are very small, and you’ve been through a lot. Too much, I would say, for someone so small.”

Of course, there was more than just fear. Though he wasn’t sure if the boy even truly knew how he felt, Váli could practically taste the anger and drive for vengeance against those who had treated him poorly in the air. There were healthy ways to deal with feelings like that, and though it had taken Váli a millennia to learn that himself, he wanted to teach it to the boys he brought into his home.

Eric grimaced a bit, and Váli could tell he was somewhat unsure. “But, now is the time to be brave. A start to freeing yourself from those feelings.” Váli rose and stepped backwards, toward the edge of the cliff as he kept his eyes on the boy. “I brought you here because I believe you can do anything and everything. Valhalla is home to men. I won’t come up until you come down.” He gave a two finger salute to the young boy, and took one more step backwards, plunging himself off the cliff and down the waterfall toward the waiting swimming spot at the bottom.

“Hey, wait no!”

Váli could hear the protests of the child as he fell, and the last thing he saw before he hit the water was the boy staring down at him. Was it tough love? Maybe, but Váli didn’t want him to be afraid forever. Jumping off a cliff and into a pool of water was certainly a start, a bit dramatic even, but dramatic was in his blood. He got it from his father, he reckoned.

As the water surrounded him, Váli let himself sink to the bottom of the water, and sat upright on the floor. Once upon a time, Váli would have found the quietness of being underwater unnerving, but these days there was a calming peacefulness to it. He had to partially thank his therapist for the peacefulness he’d found, Váli only learned to let things go because of his sessions with Anubis.

He closed his eyes and thought about how far he’d come. His journey had been a long and arduous one, and it was from the ‘hero’s journey’ he’d read about in the books mortals had written. Nonetheless, Váli was proud of how he was able to keep himself under control.

Váli wasn’t sure how long he sat on the floor of the pool before he could feel the water shift above him as Eric finally landed. His eyes opened and he smiled as he swam upward, catching the child on the way up. When he broke through the water, Eric was held high upon his shoulders. Váli looked up at him and smiled, “And now you’re the king of the moment,” he said as he watched Eric looking at the other boys who were gathered in and around the pool. Some were clapping, some were cheering. Eric had a small, somewhat shy smile on his face, as Váli presented a question to him. “As the king of the moment… you get to decide what we eat tonight. So, what will it be? A feast of steak, or perhaps a lobster dinner?”

Eric was quiet for a few seconds as he considered his options. He wasn’t used to being in the spotlight like this, where everyone was looking at him and cheering him on. There was really only one thing he could think of that he wanted… “Uhm… Mc..Mcdonald’s?” He said. More cheers erupted. The boys were excited for their meal to come.

“Very well. Summon the riders! Let us feast.” Váli bellowed, looking out at the Valhalla residents. It was hard to kick old habits, but by now most of them knew what Váli was saying: DoorDash would be on its way. It had taken some time, effort, and a couple of checks with a lot of zeroes, but there were finally DoorDashers brave enough to come to the gates of Valhalla.

Now.


As the plane came into its descent to the airport, Váli’s mind was elsewhere. He couldn’t stop thinking about the simple question the eldest of the boys had left him with when he’d walked out the door. “You’re going to bring her home this time, right?” The bastard. Váli had mentioned having a crush before, but he’d never thought he’d be so… called out on it.

The plane’s wheels hit the ground, and he bounced out his mind and back to reality as it came to a stop.

Váli stepped off the plane and rushed through the Seattle airport. It was one of his least favorite places to be, there were too many people and as a result it was too loud. He had purposefully chose a flight that landed a bit later - avoiding Hera was a difficult task, but Váli was nearly an expert in it by now. He’d been close to Hera only a few times since the return of Zeus. The godly lust for vengeance and their divine rage is more potent than any mortal could have ever hoped, and standing even in the same room as Hera had made Váli feel a primal, undeniable urge to behead the King of Olympus.

So, Váli had listened to Anubis’s suggestion of simply avoiding whatever get-togethers Hera planned, and instead intentionally arrived early. It would be easy enough to get the fruit from Persephone personally, and Persephone had never had those feelings. With her, Váli felt almost… safe.

There were very few deities Váli was comfortable around.

Once he escaped the clutches of the airport, and slid into the rental car that was far too small for a man of his stature, Váli pulled out his phone and sent a text message.

To: Pops

I am here. Surely nothing interesting has happened already, right?





Location: His home → The Bruncheon
Mentions: Deimos @Danvers
Interactions: Tochi @Fabricant451, Hati @KZOMBI3


The call of an alarm wasn’t really necessary to pull him out of his slumber. Years of service in the military had given Hermes an internal clock that brought him up at five A.M., music or no. Some of his fellow deities thought he was weak for going to bed at 1130 sharp every night, but Hermes didn’t care. Truth was, Hermes didn’t care about a lot - he lived his life the way he wanted, and that was perfect for him.

He rolled out of the bed and caught himself as he caught the ground, beginning a wake-up workout. By the time the song finished, Hermes had finished his one hundred push ups and hopped up to his feet, and paused in the hallway. He looked to the left, where the garage and his home gym were, and then turned his head toward the right, where the television and his PlayStation 5 awaited. Once upon a time, Hermes had heard a saying from one of the most profound mortal philosophers of all time.

“I understand there’s a guy inside me who wants to lay in bed, smoke weed all day, and watch cartoons and old movies. My whole life is a series of stratagems to avoid, and outwit, that guy.”
Anthony Bourdain


Hermes was finding it hard to win the battle against that guy today, and after a few minutes of quiet contemplation, he hung a right and flopped on his couch and picked up the controller. He checked his watch, and nodded. “Yeah… yeah, I got time. What’s Hera gonna do if I’m late to her brunch? Tell Perse to not give me a fuckin’ apple?” He asked no one in particular as he fired up the console and the game.

The game in question? Fortnite. Hermes fancied himself as something of an ‘epic gamer.’ He learned the term from Huixtocihuatl, though he was pretty sure she used it as a derogatory term. He thought it sounded pretty dope though, so he referred to himself as it to annoy her often. It was part of the fun of their relationship.

He loaded into the game with his random teammates, and adjusted his head headset slightly. Clearing his throat, Hermes pressed the push-to-talk button. “Mic check?”

“What the fuck, dude? This guy sounds like he’s a fuckin’ grandpa. Where do you wanna drop, gramps? The retirement home?”

It was always something with the kids he played games with. And it was always kids! What was the deal with that shit, no matter what time or what day he got on to play, there were always fucking kids on his team. And he hated dealing with the children, listening to them talk grated on his ears. They were squeakers, and it was sooo annoying.

“Drop tilted, you little shit.” Hermes said, rolling his eyes. He watched the screen as they fell down to the drop zone he’d asked for. At least the kid listened well. Hermes was focused on the game for the next twenty or so minutes. It wasn’t until the end of the game that they started talking again, with Hermes trying to direct the traffic.

“Left, dude. DUDE. HE’S LEFT. HE’S GOING TO KILL YOU.” Hermes screamed into his microphone, and the kid didn’t seem to pay attention to his words at all, and Hermes was forced to watch as an angry looking John Cena burst through his teammates walls and shot him in the face with a shotgun. “Kid, I fuckin’ told you that they were coming for you, what the hell?”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP, OLD MAN. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. DON’T TELL ME HOW TO PLAY.”

The screaming kid distracted Hermes from the business at hand, and a purple saxophone playing banana burst onto the scene and shoved an uzi up his ass. It was, at this point, that Hermes became heated. There had already been about thirty goddamn minutes of this crap, and it wasn’t like this kid was ever going to see him again. Stuck in the spectator mode, Hermes listened to the kid continue.

“I didn’t know they let the geriatrics have wifi, dude. Jesus fucking christ, people like you ruin this fucking game. Fucking boomers can’t even play and they can’t do anything but try and run other people’s lives -”

“By fucking Zeus’s beard, kid. I swear on my life I will wireshark your IP and I will send my psycho fuckbuddy to your house and she will stab you with a fork.” He growled into the mic, and to his surprise, the very legitimate threat was met with… laughter.

“Bullshit dude, you’re probably a forty year old virgin, up at five AM playing competitive Fortnite.”

There was a pause, as Hermes couldn't figure out how to reply to that comment. And then, a new, third voice joined the fray. “Hey guys! Sorry, I couldn’t get my mic to work until now. We did pretty good! Fourth place isn’t too bad.”

Hermes sighed, and just shut his PS5 off. That’s the last time I play Fortnite at five A.M… Hermes told himself for the fourth time that week, then stood up and stretched his arms over his head. Yeah… yeah, I got time. He decided, and then he stumbled into the garage to get his morning workout in.

Before much longer, Hermes was dressed, and on his bike. He flew through the streets of Seattle with his music blasting from the speakers on the bike. Hermes wasn’t a savage - he wasn’t stupid enough to ride the bike with earbuds in. He was just stupid enough to ride the bike without a helmet. Once he arrived at the location, he dropped gears and brought the bike to a stop, tossed the keys to the valet.

Once he was inside, Hermes found himself two glasses of champagne off of the plate of a passing waiter. He slammed one and put the empty glass down as he looked around. He was searching for his favorite Aztec goddess, the goddess of salt. She had to be around here somewhere, surely. Looking around, he found the group of people in the center of the building and headed that way. If he had to guess, Tochi was probably in there.

"Some party, right? Better than last year."


There she was. His target sighted, Hermes easily stepped through the crowd to her voice, and when he saw her, he scooped her up and over his shoulder, like a sack of potatoes. He knew she wouldn’t like it, but he had a feeling he’d like what she was holding up to her behind his back: a glass of champagne. “I heard you running your mouth on your stream, you know —”

Hermes stopped before he could even address the claim that he finished fast, as he realized what the people were congregating around: the bodies of his friends. “What the fuck…” Was all he could say. Keeping Tochi slung over his shoulder, he pulled out his phone.

To: Brother Wolf

Dude… what is going on?


If anyone would know, Hati would.

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