ThePirapora Member
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Sorry for the disappearance folks. College and writer's block have been hitting me hard, but now I've finally finished the semester, so expect a new post either today or early tomorrow
GreivousKhan said
Gods be damned, the size of those armies. I guess this RP is going to go more into the realm of ridiculous sized "The Million-Man March" armies.
If it's a problem I can always reduce the size of my army. Just tell me what would be an acceptable size
-Realm name: The Grand Duchy of Kalkani
-Flag/Banner:
HEROIC DRAMATIS PERSONAE
-Insert hero characters here
CULTURAL
-History
-List of Historical Grievances
-Relations
-Cultural Notes
This is just a WIP. I'm just posting to mark a place on the map. Will edit the rest out in several hours
-Flag/Banner:
HEROIC DRAMATIS PERSONAE
-Insert hero characters here
CULTURAL
-History
-List of Historical Grievances
-Relations
-Cultural Notes
This is just a WIP. I'm just posting to mark a place on the map. Will edit the rest out in several hours
Hmmm.... this seems like an interesting concept. I will get a sheet ready tomorrow, either something Mughal or Scythian inspired
Dinh AaronMk said
It's a fine start. Though a broad concern would be the lack of narrative to establish the setting. Descriptions of the gardens, the buildings, weather, and sounds of the party. As the post stands it is kind of bland. The only real description I can call up is that of clothing. But we had no real physical descriptions. Though that itself can be difficult to do without rattling off every single physical point in one long list, and apart from broader features you'll have to pay attention to details as they go along; like how so-and-so's nose flairs when they're upset or if it's long how it might be dotted with wine if he too excitedly drinks from his goblet, among other things. Or leave that behind in a sort of in-perspective monologue about someone's appearance or a character's thoughts on his own outward appearance if he goes to look in a mirror as an example.Minor things I might point out would be that you probably couldn't have noted the gender of the priestess, even with the foreign title. It could have been done organically if a phrase like, "she added" was tossed in at the end of her dialog and we can piece it together there. And if you're going to begin a paragraph with "half hour later" then a bolded "thirty minutes later" subtitle is pretty necessary.Otherwise, you seem to be on the right track. As I like to approach any NRP I get into and if possible I tackle it as I would a standard RP. Just with more available characters under more strict personal control than any other NPC. And you seem to have shown you're aware that often characters - even in the same nation - have agendas of their own and will openly play that out.
Thanks for the input, I really appreciate it
Alright, first post is up. Feedback is appreciated as I'm not really used to this kind of Nation RPs. The ones that I played usually consisted more of posts about the general state of the nation during a set period of time (Culture, economy, military and etc. from 1200 to 1210)
The Royal Palace of Elamin-i-Farshiv
The Royal Gardens were filled with people. The cream of the Shahdom's nobility had been invited to Shah's Danush 69th birthday party, and the elderly ruler had spared no expense for this party. Food and drinks from every corner of the nation and beyond along with the best musicians, dancers, acrobats and other entertainers had been bought to the Royal Palace to attend to the guests. The Shah was of course at the center of everything, never straying too far from the massive golden throne erected in the center of the gardens and followed closely by five bodyguards covered from head to toe in lamellar armor worn over a chain mail.
Farther from the center of the party stood Farroukhan Bavandid, the Shah's Chief Minister and closest friend had disentangled himself from the throng of nobles and courtesans seeking his favor for a mission of utmost important, at least in his opinion. For Vidarna Jaisalghamid, the young son of Noor Lakshmid, the Shah's daughter and regent of Cheromassia, had arrived in the capital without the company of his mother. For Farroukhan this was a golden opportunity to talk to the boy alone, far from the influence of his mother and access the personality of the future Satrap of Cheromassia. Hopefully the boy would prove to be an ally to the Prosperity Faction in their political struggle against the Expansionists, though considering the opinions of his mother that was more likely wishful thinking.
Vidarna was accompanied by two bodyguards while he spoke with a couple of members of the Mazdakaite Church in a isolated corner of the gardens. The two bodyguards were tall and broad shouldered, wearing scale cuirass along with shoulder and leg guards over chain mail and plumed helmets that also covered their faces, their hands never straying too far from their belts. The future Satrap wore a gilded red tunic and pants decorated with geometric patterns. The priests as usual wore red jackets over long yellow and white robes, the woman wore a golden sun-shaped tiaras while the man wore silver moon-shaped crowns.
Farroukhan approached the group casually, calmly drinking from his wine goblet. One of the bodyguards was the first to see him, the soldier promptly placed himself between him and Vidarna, as if the old Chief Minister could actually be any threat to the young Satrap-to-be. Vidarna soon noticed the impasse and dismissed the bodyguard with a short command in the Sakae idiom.
"Farroukhan Keyghobazadeh Bavandid. It's a honor to finally meet such esteemed statesman face to face." He said while enacting a short bow.
"There's no need for such formality." Farroukhan replied amicably while extending his hand. "We're all equal here." Vidarna extended his own and they shook hands
"You arrived just in time for a very interesting discussion then. I had just started to talk with these Mobads about the religious practices of the Sakae tribes of Cheromassia." The young man spoke to Farroukhan
"Nothing more than heresies my Lord, I assure you." A elderly mobedyar (female priest), interjected." Their worship of spirits and use of unlawful herbs is a grave heresy against the Divine Couple."
"Their heretical customs are the cause of their backwardness." The male Mobad, with a braided beard, added. Farroukhan simply nodded, he had no interest in getting into a religious debate right now. He needed to talk to Vidarna, preferably alone.
"Now that's where you are mistaken Khosraw." Vidarna replied, visibly excited. "You all here in Dakistan have gotten a wrong image about the Sakae, they are not mindless and filthy savages. And I can speak with the knowledge of someone who knows their customs and ways from personal experience. They're excellent craftsmen, warriors and herders, their culture is surprisingly fascinating once you manage to understand it. If you want proof just look at my two bodyguards." Vidarna continued, pointing to the two armored men." Their armors and weapons were made by Sakae artificers. My mother herself sought that blacksmith in particular for he's known as the best metalworker in the entire Satrapy. I can confidently say that their culture can be just as great as our own."
"You dare to compare us to those nomads? You say that they are advanced, but what temples have they built to honor Nooran and Boran? What epics have they written that are known across the land? What great poets have come from that arid lands that have captivated the crowds? You speak of their weapons, but any barbarian can create good weapons. A real culture is more than blades and pots. The Sakae that you seen so enamored to don't even have a written language" The mobedyar replied in an admonishing tone.
"But Mehraz." Vidarna started to retort."They have a written language, and though its quite rudimentary when compared to our own, I'm accompanying the work of a group of learned men and women from several different tribes that are working to standardize and expand their alphabet, my mother has gone as far as to give them an official stipend to incentive their efforts." With that he paused for breath."Furthermore, you speak about their lack of poets and epics when you haven't even bothered to look for them, they're simply unknown here because the Sakae tribes do not come this far south. And to adress your other point, what use do the Sakae have for opulent temples? They live in the steppe, following their herds. For them mobility is more important than opulence and a tent that can be dismounted in a hour is much more useful than a colossal stone temple. It's just a question of different priorities."
Farroukhan was starting to get frustrated, this discussion would get nowhere and he wanted to have a talk with the boy before the Shah or one of the many boot-licking nobles came looking for him. Yet, he had lost the chance to catch Vidarna's attention. Now there was no point in waiting around and being ignored while the trio discussed the finer points of religion and culture . The Chief Minister decided to keep roaming around the party waiting for a chance to talk with the young Satrap.
30 Minutes later
Half hour had passed and Farroukhan had lost sight of the Satrap and his two bodyguards. The conversation between Vidarna and the Mobads had lasted only 10 minutes but before the Chief Minister could use the chance to finally get to talk with Vidarna, a flustered servant had approached him to complain about several young couples fooling around in the more isolated areas of the Royal Gardens. As if a man such as Farroukhan had the luxury of bothering with such minor issues, this was the task of minor palace officials. Not the bloody Chief Minister, and he told the servant that much.
Unfortunately, that short interruption was enough for him to lose sight of the boy. After 20 more minutes of searching Farroukhan decided to give up. After all, why was he so interested in talking to the boy anyway? It's not like he was ever going to turn Vidarna into a political ally with just one short conversation. His mother was Noor Lakshmid for crying out loud. What was he thinking? The Shah's daughter still resented him for his role in arranging her marriage. No doubt she had already poisoned her son's mind against Farroukhan and his grandfather. Plus, it was no secret that Noor was unashamedly supportive of the Expansionists and no doubt her boy shared the same ideas. In hindsight the whole plan was a wine-fueled mess. Not that he would give up on the boy, 17 year-olds were usually fickle with their ideals. He just had to gradually talk to the boy and lower his expectations, maybe get one of his other allies to do the talking if Vidarna proved to be hostile to him. Though admittedly, fighting the mother's influence would be an uphill battle. But the prospect of having one more Satrap on his side working against the Expansionists was too good to pass up.
Unfortunately, the Chief Minister's musings were cut off when the two large Sakae bodyguards emerged from a nearby path leading to further into the gardens. One of them carried the bodies of two men dressed completely in black while the other bloodied form of Satrap Vidarna, his once dusky skin now pale and chest completely covered by blood from a deep cut into his neck.
The Royal Gardens were filled with people. The cream of the Shahdom's nobility had been invited to Shah's Danush 69th birthday party, and the elderly ruler had spared no expense for this party. Food and drinks from every corner of the nation and beyond along with the best musicians, dancers, acrobats and other entertainers had been bought to the Royal Palace to attend to the guests. The Shah was of course at the center of everything, never straying too far from the massive golden throne erected in the center of the gardens and followed closely by five bodyguards covered from head to toe in lamellar armor worn over a chain mail.
Farther from the center of the party stood Farroukhan Bavandid, the Shah's Chief Minister and closest friend had disentangled himself from the throng of nobles and courtesans seeking his favor for a mission of utmost important, at least in his opinion. For Vidarna Jaisalghamid, the young son of Noor Lakshmid, the Shah's daughter and regent of Cheromassia, had arrived in the capital without the company of his mother. For Farroukhan this was a golden opportunity to talk to the boy alone, far from the influence of his mother and access the personality of the future Satrap of Cheromassia. Hopefully the boy would prove to be an ally to the Prosperity Faction in their political struggle against the Expansionists, though considering the opinions of his mother that was more likely wishful thinking.
Vidarna was accompanied by two bodyguards while he spoke with a couple of members of the Mazdakaite Church in a isolated corner of the gardens. The two bodyguards were tall and broad shouldered, wearing scale cuirass along with shoulder and leg guards over chain mail and plumed helmets that also covered their faces, their hands never straying too far from their belts. The future Satrap wore a gilded red tunic and pants decorated with geometric patterns. The priests as usual wore red jackets over long yellow and white robes, the woman wore a golden sun-shaped tiaras while the man wore silver moon-shaped crowns.
Farroukhan approached the group casually, calmly drinking from his wine goblet. One of the bodyguards was the first to see him, the soldier promptly placed himself between him and Vidarna, as if the old Chief Minister could actually be any threat to the young Satrap-to-be. Vidarna soon noticed the impasse and dismissed the bodyguard with a short command in the Sakae idiom.
"Farroukhan Keyghobazadeh Bavandid. It's a honor to finally meet such esteemed statesman face to face." He said while enacting a short bow.
"There's no need for such formality." Farroukhan replied amicably while extending his hand. "We're all equal here." Vidarna extended his own and they shook hands
"You arrived just in time for a very interesting discussion then. I had just started to talk with these Mobads about the religious practices of the Sakae tribes of Cheromassia." The young man spoke to Farroukhan
"Nothing more than heresies my Lord, I assure you." A elderly mobedyar (female priest), interjected." Their worship of spirits and use of unlawful herbs is a grave heresy against the Divine Couple."
"Their heretical customs are the cause of their backwardness." The male Mobad, with a braided beard, added. Farroukhan simply nodded, he had no interest in getting into a religious debate right now. He needed to talk to Vidarna, preferably alone.
"Now that's where you are mistaken Khosraw." Vidarna replied, visibly excited. "You all here in Dakistan have gotten a wrong image about the Sakae, they are not mindless and filthy savages. And I can speak with the knowledge of someone who knows their customs and ways from personal experience. They're excellent craftsmen, warriors and herders, their culture is surprisingly fascinating once you manage to understand it. If you want proof just look at my two bodyguards." Vidarna continued, pointing to the two armored men." Their armors and weapons were made by Sakae artificers. My mother herself sought that blacksmith in particular for he's known as the best metalworker in the entire Satrapy. I can confidently say that their culture can be just as great as our own."
"You dare to compare us to those nomads? You say that they are advanced, but what temples have they built to honor Nooran and Boran? What epics have they written that are known across the land? What great poets have come from that arid lands that have captivated the crowds? You speak of their weapons, but any barbarian can create good weapons. A real culture is more than blades and pots. The Sakae that you seen so enamored to don't even have a written language" The mobedyar replied in an admonishing tone.
"But Mehraz." Vidarna started to retort."They have a written language, and though its quite rudimentary when compared to our own, I'm accompanying the work of a group of learned men and women from several different tribes that are working to standardize and expand their alphabet, my mother has gone as far as to give them an official stipend to incentive their efforts." With that he paused for breath."Furthermore, you speak about their lack of poets and epics when you haven't even bothered to look for them, they're simply unknown here because the Sakae tribes do not come this far south. And to adress your other point, what use do the Sakae have for opulent temples? They live in the steppe, following their herds. For them mobility is more important than opulence and a tent that can be dismounted in a hour is much more useful than a colossal stone temple. It's just a question of different priorities."
Farroukhan was starting to get frustrated, this discussion would get nowhere and he wanted to have a talk with the boy before the Shah or one of the many boot-licking nobles came looking for him. Yet, he had lost the chance to catch Vidarna's attention. Now there was no point in waiting around and being ignored while the trio discussed the finer points of religion and culture . The Chief Minister decided to keep roaming around the party waiting for a chance to talk with the young Satrap.
30 Minutes later
Half hour had passed and Farroukhan had lost sight of the Satrap and his two bodyguards. The conversation between Vidarna and the Mobads had lasted only 10 minutes but before the Chief Minister could use the chance to finally get to talk with Vidarna, a flustered servant had approached him to complain about several young couples fooling around in the more isolated areas of the Royal Gardens. As if a man such as Farroukhan had the luxury of bothering with such minor issues, this was the task of minor palace officials. Not the bloody Chief Minister, and he told the servant that much.
Unfortunately, that short interruption was enough for him to lose sight of the boy. After 20 more minutes of searching Farroukhan decided to give up. After all, why was he so interested in talking to the boy anyway? It's not like he was ever going to turn Vidarna into a political ally with just one short conversation. His mother was Noor Lakshmid for crying out loud. What was he thinking? The Shah's daughter still resented him for his role in arranging her marriage. No doubt she had already poisoned her son's mind against Farroukhan and his grandfather. Plus, it was no secret that Noor was unashamedly supportive of the Expansionists and no doubt her boy shared the same ideas. In hindsight the whole plan was a wine-fueled mess. Not that he would give up on the boy, 17 year-olds were usually fickle with their ideals. He just had to gradually talk to the boy and lower his expectations, maybe get one of his other allies to do the talking if Vidarna proved to be hostile to him. Though admittedly, fighting the mother's influence would be an uphill battle. But the prospect of having one more Satrap on his side working against the Expansionists was too good to pass up.
Unfortunately, the Chief Minister's musings were cut off when the two large Sakae bodyguards emerged from a nearby path leading to further into the gardens. One of them carried the bodies of two men dressed completely in black while the other bloodied form of Satrap Vidarna, his once dusky skin now pale and chest completely covered by blood from a deep cut into his neck.
Just fyi guys, I'm working on my first post now. It took so long because I had to attend to a pretty winded event at college during these last days.
Peace Keeper said
Calm down guys. There's no need to be 100 % original, or even 1 %, as long as we have fun, then it's a-ok. (should be)
Well, I've already changed it anyway. If it still looks like I'm ripping off some ancient religion too blatantly then it was completely unintentional
TheSovereignGrave said
I don't think it was so much that he had an issue with Pirapora's choice of inspiration, but rather that some of it seemed less like inspiration and more like just taking the real thing and slapping a new name on it.
Well, if it bothers people I could always change more things
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