Avatar of UrbanEvolution
  • Last Seen: 6 yrs ago
  • Joined: 9 yrs ago
  • Posts: 732 (0.22 / day)
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  • Username history
    1. UrbanEvolution 9 yrs ago

Status

Recent Statuses

8 yrs ago
I went and found the rest of my soul being guarded by a giant floating rock and punched it. My soul, I mean. Not the rock. I yelled at that.
1 like
8 yrs ago
How many unarmed, flaccid clones of yourself do you think it would it take to kill Harambe?
1 like
8 yrs ago
THIS ROCK IS MY WIFE. AND THIS IS MY SPAWN.
2 likes
8 yrs ago
MOONINITES. DUPLICATE. REUNITE. AND UNNIHILATE.
8 yrs ago
It is time to investigate the CASE OF THE PIZZA CRYPTID.
1 like

Bio

I've been told that my username sounds like a new brand of women's perfume, whatever the hell that means.



My main fuccbois:
@Dragonbud
@Spoopy Scary
@Maxx
@Mr Allen J
@He Who Walks Behind
@SepticGentleman

Most Recent Posts

@HalfOfLancelot, you're a lifesaver.
@UrbanEvolution Alrighty! I am going to close applications with you (barring other people who have already contacted one of the GMs which I think might number one or two others)!

And a ditto? I can't wait :D


Wow, my timing seems to be impeccable.

I sent you a PM with the character, and I'd like you to review it if you get the chance, just so that if there's any issues you'll be able to tell me so I can fix them before posting the sheet.
Assuming this is still accepting, I'm working on a character right now.

Here's a teaser.

I saw the new Star wars today. It was pretty good.


I rate it 6/10
@Empour

Lets go watch this motherfucker burn all the way down.


I read that as if your avatar had said it and cried
Theresa ot an Bol'hjar, Benedict Kaspin




"Shit's pretty fucked!" Ben shouted to Theresa, not daring to peek his head out to look at her.

"Can you see where it's coming from?"

"I... I think it's from that clocktower!"

"Any ideas?"

"I could try climbing but I'd be shot more than once. Not gonna risk it!"

"...I have an idea!"

"What?"

"Meet me inside!"

"Theresa I'm around the corner!"

"Ben you're about ten feet tall, just go through the wall!"

The resulting crash of splintering wood and stone told Theresa that it was her turn to move. The Pale Horse was right behind her, and she could... hopefully make a mad dash for the bar before the sniper could get a good shot. She turned, clutching Potato to her chest protectively, and dashed in a serpentine pattern towards the bar. Another shot rang out, and the bullet grazed off of her arm, cutting and burning her exposed upper arm in a straight line. She'd never had a scar like this before. She busted through the door, and Benedict was standing in the middle of the room a little panicked, a lot concerned, and entirely useless as of that moment.

"Are you okay?" Was his first question. Potato wriggled out of her grasp and ran up to the much larger draconic man seeking some form of comfort.

"I'm fine. I have a plan."

"What?" Ben said, picking up their latest and smallest companion, who clung to his cloak and shivered- utterly terrified. "What's the plan?"

"I need a sugary median... like caramel, saltpeter, and a stockpot."

"Saltpeter?"

"Sea salt, Ben."

"...You find that. Potato and I will find... everything else." Ben said. Theresa nodded and moved off, moving to the cabinets to search for the sea salt. Ben on the other hand set Potato dont on the ground and got as low as he could comfortably to instruct the cybernetic organism.

"Okay, Potato," Ben began. "I need you to find me a large metal... cylinder with handles and.... a lid." he instructed. Potato made a whirring sound and made some motion with his arms before running off into the back kitchen, hopefully to find an item similar to what Ben requested. The sound of crashing metal suggested that Potato was already at work finding such an object. Now it was Ben's turn- to find a... sugary median.

He looked up at the faded chalk menu and read it over. His eyes naturally led him to the drinks, and he noticed something he'd never seen before. Jack and Coke. Specifically, something referred to as Cola. Invented by... Nessa. That woman's corpse he had found earlier outside. He turned to the kitchen and followed directly after Potato, who had not only completed his task with perfect accuracy despite his generic description, but had exposed a few steel vats of brown liquid in the process.

"Good job, Potato." Ben said, grabbing the handle of the stockpot and pulled it up, lifting Potato with it and setting his small friend on his shoulder. Ben approached the vats and craned his neck over them to try an identify the liquid. He took a deep whiff, and was immediately hit with the smell that was not alcohol, but of sugar. Lots and LOTS of sugar.

"Theresa!" Ben called, summoning the red haired woman into the kitchen. She was all mussed up, but was clutching a whole bag of sea salt to her body with both arms- obviously struggling to carry it without spilling any. Ben's look must've been incredulous, because Theresa simply shrugged and set it down next to Ben.

"Says Tier I collected," she said, looking over to the brown vat of liquid Ben found and then up at him. "What'd you find?"

"I... have no idea. Smells really strongly of sugar." Ben said, using his strength to pull the large vat out of it's storage, and placing it on the floor.

"Boil it."

"What? Why? How?"

"We used to get sweet tea where I'm from. If you put too much sugar in it, we'd boil the water to get it all out. It's why rain tastes pure- water leaves everything behind as a gas." Theresa explained. She looked Ben up and down and took a deep breath in, puffing up her chest and letting it out. Ben glared at her mocking, but got the message.

"Stand back." Ben stated, taking a huge breath and releasing another stream of supa hot fiya directly at the bottom of the vat. Immediately the vat began bubbling and hissing loudly.

It didn't smell... all the way right, but it seemed to be working. Theresa and Potato cheered Ben on as he spewed fire onto the barrel for as long as he could without hurting himself. The result was... disgusting.

"It looks like semi-liquid poop." Theresa commented, peering over the lip of the vat to see the steaming and molten concentrate. Most of the water had evaporated out, and now it just looked like shit brown syrup.

Ben was haunched over, breathing in and out heavily, but otherwise okay. He gasped a few times before he finally had the breath to speak.

"Will... it work?"

"I think so." Theresa commented. She was already dumping all the salt she had into the vat, and she quickly ran out of the room dragging another bag, as well as a large wooden paddle. As Ben recovered she dumped and mixed away at the substance- being careful not to burn herself on the still incredibly hot metal exterior.

"Alright Ben, help me carry this." She said, pulling the paddle out of the mix and throwing it off to the side. Ben groaned, but did as he was told and heaved the cauldron sized vat onto his shoulder. Theresa led him and Potato to the entrance of The Pale Horse and had Ben set the vat down just in front of the door.

"Alright Ben. I need one more fireball from you. Think you can do it?"

Ben groaned and coughed up smoke. He hit his chest a few times and weak red built up in his throat- which resulted in him coughing up a weak napalm like fireball, which fall into the cauldron. Immediately the mixture began to fizz and smoke.

"Push it outside! As far as you can!" Theresa yelled, her voice so panicked that Ben threw open the door and just about shoved the vat outside. He ducked away from the wall, expecting there to be an explosion of some kind, but all that resulted was a continuous loud hiss.

Several shots rang out before it fell silent once again (besides the continuous, and strange hiss). Theresa ran to Ben and grabbed his hand, pulling him.

"We gotta go! We gotta go NOW."

Ben followed running outside despite his desire not to be shot and found that most of the road had been shrouded in a foul smelling smoke that was still spewing from the vat.

So that was Theresa's plan.

That cheeky bitch.
Theresa ot an Bol'hjar, Benedict Kaspin



"ITS SO CUTE." Ben just about shouted as Potato hugged his neck. Never before had he experienced this kind of thing. Hell, he couldn't remember if he'd EVERY had an emotion like this one before. It was really strange, but at the same time... he kind of liked it. Theresa laughed in response, and shook her head at her friend's antics.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just try not to alert anything else of our presence here."

The path they had walked down had led them down into the marketing district. It led them to a chilling scene. Unlike the areas they had previously been in, the marketing district was almost entirely monster. The place was littered with their bodies. The only human corpses around donned the armor of those they had seen before. Farming outfits, metal armor, pastors robes... Ben's relatively happy demeanor went to stone cold once again. Potato moved down his arm and jumped to Theresa's shoulder in response, not wanting to accidentally receive the brunt of Benedict's bad attitude. Ben knelt down next to a certain monster which had a stature that was very similar to Theresa's. It could've passed off as a human too if it wasn't for the huge skeletal wings that sprouted from it's back, the horns on it's head and the thin tail extending from it's pelvis. It's body was long gone, and it left only it's skeleton and clothes. Upon closer inspection the clothes gave away that the creature had been female. The name tag on the chest of her clothing confirmed this.

Her name had been Nessa. She worked at a place called The Pale Horse. Her ribcage had been destroyed by artillery.

Ben stood up from his crouched position to look around and... there it was, off to his left. The Pale Horse. It looked like it had been a tavern, or a bar of some kind.

She had been killed as soon as she left the building.

Morbid curiosity took over his being as to what was inside, and he left the corpse to investigate.

"Ben?" Theresa questioned, drawing her sword and following her friend inside. When she entered the building it was a sad sight before her. Ben had stopped and was standing in the center of the room, reviewing what was around them. Bodies were everywhere- the remains left behind in various positioned. One- a tall skeleton that was humanoid- had it's fingers caught in a door and was slumped on the ground. A huge mushroom man was dead in the corner, his corpse having spread out into a... no longer sentient fungus. In the rafters, a massive husk of what seemed to be a moth-man lay limp. It's exoskeleton still almost perfectly preserved. There were humans too, but in uniforms and other gear that was unlike what the corpses outside wore. They had 'I's and 'II's on their chests and seemed to have been interacting with the monsters. Playing cards or drinking when they died.

Ben's breath was labored now.

"Ben? You okay?"

"Never change, Theresa. Never change."
The patient hunter gets the prey.


The early worm gets the dirt.
Theresa ot an Bol'hjar, Benedict Kaspin




"Oh SHIT."

All things considered, Theresa would've been laughing if she had been in a position any different than the one she was currently in. Ben was clearly not the being's target, at least not yet. But despite that he had STILL been the one to react the most drastically. And it wasn't even in the good way either. The giant buffoon stepped backwards and tripped over his own tail. His body hitting the floorboard actually shook the building they were in.

Which was another thing, it more than likely saved her life.

When Ben hit the ground, whatever it was stumbled in it's lunge, giving Theresa just enough time to pull her sword halfway out of it's sheathe.

And fortunately for her, halfway was enough. The creature's body was horridly mangled from the elements and by those that had not survived an encounter with it. It's right hand had been quite nearly blown off halfway up the forearm. This resulted in sharp shrapnel, which caught her sword. It was long enough to kill her if it caught. But just short enough to not pierce her body with the sword in the way.

She yelled her battle cry, and began to fight back, putting her other hand on the flat of her blade to overpower her attacker. She was winning, when a shaky but metallic fist connected with her face. She lost her composure and fell onto her back, her sword still the only thing between her and the metallic spikes that were this being's arm. It was cackling a great deal and begin to win using it's body weight, only for her body to suddenly feel weightless. Her attacker and her sword were suddenly ripped away from her and lifted high in the air. Ben had recovered from his scared and based upon the light coming from between his scales he was mad.

"Ben! Dont!"

The room smelt like oil and other various flammable substances. If Ben ignited an explosion, even if he survived it, she surely would not.

Ben shut his jaws just as fire was about to explode from his maw. He shit his eyes hard as fire rocketed out from between his teeth like steam from a teacup. He threw the creature on the ground roughly and turned to stumble away, eyes clenched in pain and hands over his mouth.

When her attacker hit the ground her sword was dislocated from it's mangled arm, and she was on it in no time. With one fluid motion and picked the weapon up and drove it straight down into the creature's torso. It spasmed, seeming to die almost instantly. She turned to check on Ben, only for her ankle to be very forcefully grabbed. Her eyes shot down to see that this creature still had some fight left in it. She ripped her sword from its body and aimed at it's head, and made sure to finish the job.

After checking to make sure their attacked really was dead this time, she moved to Ben's aid. He seemed in pain, and he was pulling black, charcoal colored teeth out of his mouth.

"I'm sorry." Theresa said, placing a hand on his arm in an effort to comfort the gentle giant. "You okay?"

Ben rumbled in response, and pulled out one last tooth. He dropped them unceremoniously onto the ground and shook his head.

"It'll hurt more tomorrow. But I'll be fine."

Theresa eyed the burnt teeth on the ground and looked back up to him, taking her hand off of his arm. "Happen a lot to your species?"

Ben seemed to chuckle, only to wince once again.

"Oh yeah. We're built for it. Doesnt make it any more comfortable though..." he said, offering her a smile that, while pained, was so genuine that she could help but give him a small smile in return.
Hey, don't mind if I drop in.


YOU KEEP WHAT YOU KILL, AND WHAT YOU DONT KILL... WELL, LETS NOT BE FARCICAL.
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