Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by vietmyke
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@OneEyedChurro I like Dal's personality, very down to earth. Not much else to be said about that.

Background was likewise very detailed, and I like the idea of 'Cribbich' being a enjoyed passtime by Edessan youth. While I have never heard of boxing rinks in taverns, nor do I believe boxing was truly around during such a time- maybe sparring due to lack of padded gloves, but I'll let them slide as they provide good reason, motivation, and skills. Don't forget to include in your backstory that he is being sent away from his family and home on a caravan to the north- not just moved into the city.

Skills seem well balanced. Huh, and speaking of, I forgot to put down shield use for my own character. Stalwart is more of a trait than it is a skill, and isn't as necessary to put down, as it should be implied through your posts as well as his general background and skills.

Equipment seems fine to me. Where did he obtain his saber though? It doesn't sound like something a farmhand would have easy access to. Was it his fathers/family, or did he buy it? And was his uncle really okay with him taking his armor when they moved out?
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by vietmyke
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Also, I'll be wrapping up applications for this RP in about 24ish hours, so if you haven't gotten a character application up, please do so!
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by OneEyedChurro
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Equipment seems fine to me. Where did he obtain his saber though? It doesn't sound like something a farmhand would have easy access to. Was it his fathers/family, or did he buy it? And was his uncle really okay with him taking his armor when they moved out?


Think I thought of a little story behind the saber- when Dal and his family moved towards the capital, he found an old friend from Blue Lake, a friend from a very wealthy family, and won it in a friendly bet over Cribbich? His friend bet the sword, which had been given to him from his father, who is a retired knight? That sound good?

As for the armor, perhaps it could've been given to him by his uncle personally when he traveled north into the capital, passing by their farm, all whilst helping refugees from the Welds? Or possibly running from the refugees, whom he feared would steal from/harm him? If not either of those, he could've just gotten/made a better set and didn't want the old one to go to waste.

Any of that sound cool?

Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by XSilentWingsX
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I'll have my CS up tomorrow (I'll keep an eye on the 24 hour deadline). Just wanted to pop in and say I'm still interested, just trying to think a few things for my proposed character through a bit.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 5 yrs ago Post by McHaggis
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Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by vietmyke
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I'll have my CS up tomorrow (I'll keep an eye on the 24 hour deadline). Just wanted to pop in and say I'm still interested, just trying to think a few things for my proposed character through a bit.


Sorry, by deadline, I meant deadline to claim interest. While I'd still like a character sheet soonish, since you claimed interest before the cut off time, you're good to go.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Adorabadass
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Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by vietmyke
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@Adorabadass I know you're still working on this, but I'm letting you know now, if your character is too old to be a teen on a caravan, but is of adult/fighting age, he's going to be assigned to a frontline position.

Older, more experienced characters are expected to have a proper balance- a physical balance. If your character is going to be a caravan guard, he's likely going to be either crippled, past his prime, or both.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Adorabadass
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@vietmyke

I figured Thorn would kind of skirt the line. He's technically a guard, but he's not exactly much older than the youths he's guarding. He isn't any better in a fight than them either, as he himself is still an apprentice as far as his order goes.

But yeah, I expected a front line position.

Edit: Added some info on his skills.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 5 yrs ago Post by McHaggis
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Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by vietmyke
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@Adorabadass, Honestly, all of our 18-19 year olds are already skirting the lines between caravan-able and military age- the original idea was for most characters to be in the 16-17 year range. At the 20+ year mark, he'd definitely be sent off to war.

First things first: "Wears a helmet with a retractible face mask. No one has yet seen his face and head in the caravan."
Why is this a thing? So many heroes and villians try to use a perpetual mask trope to appear mysterious and cool- but the vast majority are not very successful. Oh, also, is Thorn human?

Your character's personality, is somwhat sociopathic, extremely aggressive yet compassionate- with what appears to be little capacity to work in groups- which as a group RP will probably be a regular thing. Conflict and turmoil is good for the development of RP characters, but I don't necessarily want a wild-card doing whatever the hell he feels like doing on a given day.

I find it interesting that your character's sister went from the daughter of a playwright to a demon hunter. When did the children of artisans gain the physical capacity to join and survive the grueling life of a demon hunter? The experiments performed on him seems so randomly thrown in, and is never mentioned again, but coincidentally gives him a lot of magical powers. Also, your background- Thorn has lost not one, but two sets of parental figureheads.

Regarding your skills and abilities.. Thats a really big list. Also with extensive weapons skills and the capacity to perform potent magic. My section on skills state: "Magic is a rare talent and is difficult to master. If you intend on making your character a user of many weapons- chances are s/he won't be a master of magic.", nevermind the other multitude of performance and gathering skills Thorn is handy in. The "experiments" performed on him is frankly a poor explanation for why he suddenly has powerful magics.

Why does Thorn's armor resist dark magic in particular? and why can it detect the difference between his dark magic and someone elses?

This character is frankly, in my opinion, quite overpowered and bordering on mary/gary-sue territory.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Adorabadass
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They were recruited from a young age to the demon hunters, so they've had years of training. They didn't start off as being capable. His sister only rescued him months after they were attacked, and with the help of others who were genuinely skilled.

Most of his skills are useless in combat and are only really for entertaining people, which wouldn't come up for a while because his personality means he won't be very quick to go all artsy on everyone. Also, for his magic, it's explicitly the result of the experimentation, and he doesn't have very good use of it yet. It's not really powerful, and he has poor control of it. I planned on it mostly being a way to bolster his weapon use.

Am I underestimating how good a novice would be at things? I assumed a novice medic would be somewhere along the lines of, "knows how to usr basic field medical supplies, like a bandage." I explicitly stated he wasn't very good at practical applications of his skills, but I figured having a decent knowledge of those skills would bump it up to "novice". I can make them untrained if you want?

Am I also underestimating journeyman? I once again stated specifically he was by no means archmage material. I can change that to novice or even untrained if you want. He's not supposed to be an ultimate deathknight or anything. More of a scared kid conscripted into military service.

The mask is because of how the experiments warped him. He's gray and has horns. I'm assuming that, since the populace is mostly human, that that would make him appear monstrous to most folk. He hides his appearance for that reason.

He was born human.

His personality is sort of an exaggeration of the jerk with a heart of gold trope, with some nerdiness thrown in. He's not a crazy sociopath, he won't just run off during a fight on impulse. However, he makes bad decisions and tactical errors under pressure, and is kind of an asshole. So he could ignore the order to retreat for a few moments and get himself or someone else hurt, or say something stupid at the wrong time and land himself or others in hot water, but he's not going to straight up fuck everyone over intentionally.

And the armor resistance was because he was a demon hunter. I figured it made sense for them to ward themselves against their main foes. I didn't want it to weaken Thorn's magic because then if the armor were removed he'd be more powerful magically. I didn't want to think of a way to give him two different power levels, and it's a weak enchantment anyways, so I figured it wouldn't affact his own magic.

The second loss of family was more to bring him into his current situation than to add more woobiness. I didn't really plan on him angsting a lot truth be told, I planned for his interactions to be more lighthearted than anything.

All good critiques and valid concerns. Mary-sue is definitely inaccurate though. This character isn't perfect at all. His weapon skills and magic are counterbalanced by poor teamwork and an overly aggressive fighting style. He's not pretty, he's not very smart, he's not powerful.

That said, I'll edit him and see if I can bring him to the standards of this roleplay.

Edit: Oh, and remember Thorn has a severe weakness to magic. His resistance to dark magic would have made him very useful as a demon slayer, and against datk magic he's definitely op to the max.

Against an apprentice mage a single weak fireball will ignite him. I honestly meant for that to be a pretty crippling weakness.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by OneEyedChurro
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@vietmyke

Edited up my CS to include Dal being put on the caravan headed north, as well as explanations for the armor and saber.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Marx
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@vietmyke
If you'd like, along with the ritualist thing, I can also scale back Askeladden's age to 17. Seeing as most PCs in the app pool seem to be around 18-20.

Edit: Fixed a typo
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by vietmyke
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They were recruited from a young age to the demon hunters, so they've had years of training. They didn't start off as being capable. His sister only rescued him months after they were attacked, and with the help of others who were genuinely skilled.

Most of his skills are useless in combat and are only really for entertaining people, which wouldn't come up for a while because his personality means he won't be very quick to go all artsy on everyone. Also, for his magic, it's explicitly the result of the experimentation, and he doesn't have very good use of it yet. It's not really powerful, and he has poor control of it. I planned on it mostly being a way to bolster his weapon use.


indeed, however, most of these skills are either superflous or can be condensed. All the performance related skills for instace, can just be condensed into 'Performing', this would be playwriting, acting, singing. Reading and Writing don't need an experience level, its assumed characters are literate, unless stated otherwise in their background or such. 'Untrained Blacksmith', would be an example of a superflous skill. And the main issue I have with this is that his Dark Magic how much power it provides him- If it was support, or bolstering magic, I'd accept it if these were passive abilities, or purely acrobatic abilities, but giving him damaging bursts, as well as a shield, on top of martial skills is a no for this early in the game.

And again, I dont believe that being breifly experimented on is reason to give Thorn magical abilities without practice and experience.

Am I underestimating how good a novice would be at things? I assumed a novice medic would be somewhere along the lines of, "knows how to usr basic field medical supplies, like a bandage." I explicitly stated he wasn't very good at practical applications of his skills, but I figured having a decent knowledge of those skills would bump it up to "novice". I can make them untrained if you want?

Am I also underestimating journeyman? I once again stated specifically he was by no means archmage material. I can change that to novice or even untrained if you want. He's not supposed to be an ultimate deathknight or anything. More of a scared kid conscripted into military service.


No, you were correct in the general estimation of novice and journeyman, its just the extremely broad set of skills he has that makes me iffy.

His personality is sort of an exaggeration of the jerk with a heart of gold trope, with some nerdiness thrown in. He's not a crazy sociopath, he won't just run off during a fight on impulse. However, he makes bad decisions and tactical errors under pressure, and is kind of an asshole. So he could ignore the order to retreat for a few moments and get himself or someone else hurt, or say something stupid at the wrong time and land himself or others in hot water, but he's not going to straight up fuck everyone over intentionally.


Good, I will hold you to that.

And the armor resistance was because he was a demon hunter. I figured it made sense for them to ward themselves against their main foes. I didn't want it to weaken Thorn's magic because then if the armor were removed he'd be more powerful magically. I didn't want to think of a way to give him two different power levels, and it's a weak enchantment anyways, so I figured it wouldn't affact his own magic.


And what are the demon hunter's main foes? Demons, monsters, and the like, all of which have different strengths and weakensses. Demon hunters are more close to Monster Hunters. Only a ludicrously rich man would be able to afford magical armor that resists the strengths of the many demons out there. That being said, I will allow your character's slayer coven to specialize against dark-magic based monsters and be more hardy when it comes to resisting such magic, but I'm not going to allow magic items this early in the RP.

The second loss of family was more to bring him into his current situation than to add more woobiness. I didn't really plan on him angsting a lot truth be told, I planned for his interactions to be more lighthearted than anything.


I don't see the connection. Losing multiple families = lighthearted? Also, what is woobiness?

Also, you don't address why a warrior who has fought in the war is being sent to guard a caravan as opposed to returning to the front lines. and on whose orders is he following if his Order has been eradicated?

So in review, my main concerns are:

- How he obtains magic, as I don't believe 'random experiments' to be a proper reason.
- Why he's with the caravan instead of on the frontlines.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Elysium
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Honestly interested but this RP is looking to be more advanced than I can handle. :\
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Adorabadass
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I'll remove his magic then. Tbh I just liked the idea of a demon fighting berserker using a small portion of dark magic himself. And I assumed all demons used a form of dark magic. If that's not the case, and if enchantments however small are that expensive, I'll remove the mildly enchanted armor. It doesn't make sense for the Slayers to spring that much cash up for an apprentice to have a slight resistance to something he already has a resistance to. I was thinking of that enchantment as being, like, standard issue.

As for him being at the caravan, his order is not meant to be fighting wars, and after they were disbanded this leaves members like Thorn in a weird legal predicament where the military at large doesn't know whether they still count as soldiers or not. To solve this, Thorn is technically a civilian mercenary hired to protect a caravan. He never formally was Knighted as a Slayer anyways, being only a Knight-Apprentice.

Also sad backstory =/= constantly talking about it. Thorn is not going to be constantly thinking about the past. He'll probably be loudly complaining about the present and arguing with whatever he comes across.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by vietmyke
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@Adorabadass As a demon hunter, he can be able to more easily learn dark magic than someone else, but the point is that he'd have to learn it, not be given it through random experimentation by random baddies. Enchantments vary in price- one that reduces and nullifies the effects of potent magic will likely cost more than an enchantment to make a stick glow. and to cough up that sort of money for an apprentice is unwise.

However, to be honest, I'd still like characters to fall into one of two categories: Young with potential, but unexperienced in warfare, and older and experienced veterans with some sort of injury or lack of yout. Not some lucky combination of the two.

note to all,

I will be closing this RP off to further interest in about 4 hours, after which I'll allow people to finish up their characters and will pick the cast out of our pool sometime tomorrow night.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Inlaa
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I'd like to join. I'm not new to RPing; my account is just very new. I'm just expressing interest now, but I'm working on a character sheet as well.

Thinking about making a shepherd or thief... or both. Leaning toward a female character because the cast is largely male still.

Question: do half-orcs exist? You know, as a result of the atrocities of war. If they do, what would they look like / are they killed at birth because orc? (If killed at birth, then that'd make them unplayable, obviously, so adding that too.)
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by vietmyke
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For now, I'll rule it half-orc's dont exist. Orcs and Humans are two completely different species. It'd be like dog and cat. I'm still not sure how many(if any) of the other fantasy races I want to introduce to this world.
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