Avatar of El Taco Taco
  • Last Seen: 26 days ago
  • Old Guild Username: El Taco Taco
  • Joined: 12 yrs ago
  • Posts: 1221 (0.27 / day)
  • VMs: 2
  • Username history
    1. El Taco Taco 12 yrs ago
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Status

Recent Statuses

8 yrs ago
Current 'I know the Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider can't fly because if it could, it would have a different name entirely. We would call it "sir" because it would be the dominant species on the planet.'
7 likes
8 yrs ago
'There is no word in the English language for the feeling someone gets when they suddenly realize they're standing next to an unholy monster impersonating a human. Monstralization, maybe?'
2 likes
8 yrs ago
'If Zoey Ashe had known she was being stalked by a man who intended to kill her and then slowly eat her bones, she would've worried more about that and less about getting her cat off the roof.'
1 like
9 yrs ago
"And watch out for Molly. See if she does anything unusual. There’s something I don’t trust about the way she exploded and then came back from the dead like that."
7 likes
9 yrs ago
"We're talking about a tentacled flying lamp fucker, Dave. What are you prepared to call unlikely?"
2 likes

Bio


"OK, I've just about had my FILL of riddle-asking, quest-assigning, insult-throwing, pun-hurling, hostage-taking, iron-mongering, smart-arsed fools, freaks, and felons that continually test my will, mettle, strength, intelligence, and most of all, patience! If you've got a straight answer ANYWHERE in that bent little head of yours, I want to hear it pretty damn quick or I'm going to take a large blunt object roughly the size of Elminster AND his hat, and stuff it lengthwise into a crevice of your being so seldom seen that even the denizens of the nine hells themselves wouldn't touch it with a twenty-foot rusty halberd! Have I MADE myself perfectly CLEAR?!" - CHARNAME, Baldur's Gate


Most Recent Posts

In Please Stay 11 yrs ago Forum: 1x1 Roleplay
Yaayy! :D Sounds fantabulous.

It was! We were in the Navy together back on the East Coast and we were the best of bros. It's bittersweet, but now he gets to be a civilian and grow a beard and live closer to his kickass family, so I'm happy for the guy.

Yeah, me too! I figure if I pack up everything but the essentials in a room per week, we should be set. We have some massive house projects to do as well (re-do the deck, the kitchen and master bathroom floors, tame the small jungle that are the yards, oh god kill me now).

Working on an Olly post! You can throw things at me if I don't have it up by tomorrow.
Yeah, same here. Moved all over as a kid, then the whole Navy thing had me moving errwhere. We've lived in this area for, god, four years now?? Longest I've ever lived in the same city.

We're not moving far, which is nice. We are going up to Whidbey Island, about 2.5 hours North. I'm trying to get us a place in Anacortes. There's a Shell refinery next door apparently, so at least I might have a shot at a job???

If we get this place (the only affordable place on the goddamn island it looks like), my getting a job becomes less vital for the time being. I've been doing some volunteering with a local library doing STEM outreach, so if I can keep doing things like that I'd be happy. Husbandito has until 2018 on his contract, so when he's out we can move wherever I find work.
In Please Stay 11 yrs ago Forum: 1x1 Roleplay
How'd your engagement photos go?

I've been a bit swamped! My bestie and I just spent 2 weeks broing out, hiking and exploring the state before he moved back home to Wisconsin /sob sob sob

Husbandito got orders, so we're trying to fix up the house and get ready for the move. We have a couple months, but we're trying not to procrastinate like jerks P:
Let's bump this again.
A, very, belated post appears!

Thank you so much <3 It feels so good to be done! Husbandito just got orders, so we're getting ready for the move this fall. Woosh!
He refused her offer of bandages. For a moment, Chamera thought she ought to press the issue. She was no Healer, but she didn’t think that his tunic would do much to encourage his welts to heal. Before she could protest, he had tugged the cloth down over his back and slipped away. He was surprisingly light on his feet, considering the extent of his wounds. He had a rogue’s build, certainly. Undoubtedly he had a rather easier time of slipping into shadows than most folk.

Her thighs protested as she rose to her feet. Those long hours of running and stumbling had sapped the strength from her body. She pushed herself onwards with sheer force of will, tossing mahogany hair out of her face. She longed for nothing more than the warmth of her bedroll and the blessed world of dreams.

Instead, she began to search her bag, withdrawing a small pair of cloth bundles from its considerable depths. The fire was crackling away as she began to prep a cast iron skillet, constructing its suspension with the ease of familiarity. Crumbling the hard tack and sliced cured pork into the pan, she used a small dagger to scoop a small measure of fat out from a little jar. It sizzled with a satisfying enthusiasm. It would not be nearly as satisfying as rabbit or—Gods, how she yearned for it—a home cooked meal. But it would be filling and did not necessitate further exertion. It would do.

Chamera’s scarred hand worked at a knot in her neck, trying in vain to ease the ache. She had been on the road for so long. It was time, she decided, to return to a city for a spell. Perhaps they could reach Suzail alive; not only was there a massive temple to her Lady of Luck, but she could send a message to the Harpers, to old friends, and find a way to fix her mistake.

She glanced about for Jeron, a hand resting on her blade out of habit. There—near Pan. She relaxed, jerking her head towards the fire.

“Come, eat,” she offered, before returning her attention to her bag to find her bowl and a spare little pot, scrounging up a pair of crude forks to serve the humble meal.
The sun was warm on her cheek, like a lover’s kiss. Samaire stirred, gently pushing herself up from the little patch of grass she had been dozing in. Emerald eyes turned upwards, watching the clouds drift across the sky for many moments as the fog of sleep drifted away. It was the dead of summer, and her shade had moved. She eased to her feet, dusting black soil off her shirt and breeches.

Someone was singing in the woods. Samaire perked in interest, following the sweet voices. A voice in the back of her head warned her that she needed to get back home. Uncle Jonas would be apocalyptically cross that she had skipped out on archery to explore the groves. Judging by the sun, she’d been gone for at least three hours. He was an expert tracker, but Samaire had long since surpassed his ability to find her.

She ducked beneath a weeping branch, pushing loose blonde hair off of her face. The bubbling river was a fine sight, and she approached its edge. The singing was coming from the north. After a quick stop to drink her fill and cool her face, she resumed following it.

It took nearly a quarter of an hour to find it—but spirits, it had been worth it. The woman perched on the rocks was unlike any other woman Samaire had seen. Her own mother was beautiful, pale eyes and white blonde hair, but this woman… her skin was like water, with hair like turquoise that shimmered in the scattered sunlight. She was so tall and lithe, and Samaire knew she would dwarf even her father. She was focused on braiding long willow branches, eyes as black as midnight tracing her work.

Samaire lingered by a tree, watching from shadows. After a long moment, the woman looked upwards, capturing her eyes. Her lips split into a wide smile. Her razor sharp teeth should have frightened Samaire, but she couldn’t muster anything but wonder.

“Well, well,” she whispered. Somehow, even speaking sounded like the sweetest song, “What have we here?”

--

A sharp chill worked through her blanket to slice into her bones. Something crashed through brush, cried out, and went silent. Samaire’s eyes opened to darkness. The world was still, like the moment halfway through a breath. Long fingers tightened on the blade beneath her pillow.

The man-thing was gone. Samaire pushed upwards silently, crouching close to the earth, blade drawn. A noise, high pitched, not unlike a child—she looked upwards, catching sight of eyes reflecting moonlight. On the branch of his tree, his silhouette radiating tension.

The air was stale. She slowly reached her feet, turning her gaze behind her to the impenetrable stillness. Jaw clenched tight, Samaire readied herself. Nothing was rushing her, no footsteps prowled towards her, but this quiet was unnatural. Unnatural and familiar.

She took silent footsteps forward, picking across the forrest floor as though she were a shadow. She crept forward ever so slowly.

Barely fifteen paces in, she found the corpse of a doe, its ribs cracked open wide. Its lungs had deflated like empty water skeins. Her own heart beat like the Thunder Maiden’s drum as the doe’s did not. Carved away. Missing.

A chill stole down her spine as she skirted around the beast. No footsteps. No disrupted vegetation but for the doe’s trail. No flesh stripped for food.

Samaire nearly sprinted back to her camp, muscles quieted by fear.

“<We’re leaving>,” she gasped to the man-thing, already rolling up her bed, dagger close at hand. “<Now.>”
Oh, just killed the one there. Had Zayra throw down a gravitic ring to slow demons and mages for delicious CC, then a little Fist of the Maker to smash one of the mages. P:
For a long, horrible moment, Zayra thought he would not unchain her. It wouldn’t have surprised her. She’d been chained since she had first come to the Templars. It was a miracle that the Knight Corporal unbound her hands, tossing the heavy steel aside as though it were weightless. Feeling rushed back into numb fingers, pins and needles stinging every inch of her hands. She rubbed them together vigorously, relishing the bite of air on her skin once more.

She very nearly missed that Knight Corporal’s sympathies—her mind had already turned to the library. Zayra almost thought she had imagined it. She studied the man warily, uncertain what to make of his prayers. Perhaps his prayers would reach the Maker. Maybe the Maker listened to humans, to Templars. Maybe they were worthy of His grace. Zayra had been so sure, once, that the Maker and His Bride loved her. That truth no longer seemed so certain.

Zayra was all too aware of the Templars and their blades. She kept her footsteps light, taking stairs two at a time. Unburdened by armor, she was able to slip ahead, bare toes picking her way across the stone floors. The second floor was still for but a moment – a massive thud filled the air, rattling her teeth. It was not an explosion, but something solid and heavy—such as a shelf, loaded with thousands of ancient tomes—and screams reached her sensitive ears.

She ran. She had never run so fast in all her life, black hair and robes whipping behind her. All that mattered was reaching the library, was finding her children and keeping them safe. Little Atlen, who had begged her not to go to the Templars, who had distrusted them, who had known they would not let her go… Zayra’s heart bucked like a herd of unbroken horses. Maker, let her little Atty be safe. Joslyn would keep him safe, she would—

The instant Zayra could touch her magic again, a broken sob spilled out of her throat. It was like she was alive again, like the world could make sense. She needed to get to the library—but the cries of battle met her ears. She had slipped past other mages, had not drawn their ire in the face of Templars—she could keep going, could leave them to their fate—her children needed her now—But she could not fight a horde of demons and abominations on her own. Not without her staff to focus her spells, not without lyrium. She needed their swords. Zayra grit her teeth.

Turning away from the library was the single most excruciating experience of her life. Maker, let Uriah and Joslyn and the others hold out just a little longer. She prayed, even as she doubted that those prayers would be answered, and set back towards the Templars she had abandoned.

The sight was troubling. Three mages—one twisted into an abomination, one an apprentice (Westley, she remembered), and Enchanter Haryk, who had come from her old Alienage—and demons. Two rage, one of despair, and a handful of wraiths. She at least had an edge of surprise, silent at their backs.

It had been many years since she had cast without her faithful staff, but there was something wondrous in channeling her magic through her hands. Something primal and raw about grasping the threads of the Fade with her hands, shaping reality to her whims. Zayra raised her arms, a grim smile touching her lips before she slammed her fists down.

The effect was immediate. Even distanced from her spell, she could feel how heavy the world had gotten, miring the demons and mages under their own weight. The wraiths fluttered freely—but they would be easy enough to pick off—she stepped backwards, tossing her hair out of her face, breathing hard. It hurt to cast when she was this depleted, without a staff to better channel her power. Her blood felt like it was molten, burning her out from the inside.

Haryk slowly turned his head towards her, burdened by her gravitic ring, his teeth clenched against the exhertion. His eyes were wide with madness, crimson staining his arms. Blood magic, then. Zayra’s lip curled, her temper flared, and her hands began the dance again. Magic surged through her, an exquisite agony that threatened to consume her before it caved to her will. Haryk had barely turned his body around when she pulled the world into her grasp once more. Haryk’s mouth formed a little ‘O’ of surprise when his body was lifted into the air. For one instant, their eyes met, and Zayra almost pitied her fellow elf.

And then she slammed his body into the stone floor, his head exploding in a spray of flesh and bone.
Haha, we tend to play games at our parties. Pathfinder, Betrayal at House on the Hill, Pandemic... we're total nerds, but omg so much fun. <3 We played a Harry Potter drinking board game a few weeks ago that was hysterical.

Haha! Sort of? It's the intermountain west-- so west of Texas and such, in the Rocky Mountains. It does get pretty hot, woo desert, but it also has a million months of winter because of the elevation (Salt Lake is at ~5000 feet above sea level).

I'm so relieved! SLEEP! I CAN SLEEP! AND BREATHE. AND DO MY CHORES WITH PLENTY OF TIME TO ALSO ENJOY HOBBIES -flails wildly-

It's a bowl, but ahjksjas. So gorg.

I don't judge! <3
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